# The winner of the StDNUT contest is ...! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 7, 2004, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-winner-of-the-stdnut-contest-is/238682 "2004-04-07T03:39:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Ed\_Zotti](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/fbc32d/32.png) [@Ed\_Zotti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ed_Zotti)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2004, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-winner-of-the-stdnut-contest-is/238682/1 "2004-04-07T03:39:00Z")
We’ll get to that. First some _American Idol_-type folderol. This contest proved tougher than we thought. Titles applicable to a category tended to be predictable - puns, in-jokes, etc.; only “banned” seemed to inspire much above the ordinary. Suggestions for a new name for “charter member” unfortunately were competing in my mind with the tough-to-beat “Chosen One,” which Eutychus came up with a while back. User-specific titles were better, on the whole - those that tickled me, I found, had a random, deadpan quality. I’ve formatted the titles more or less as they would appear - the submitting party is given as the username, except where noted parenthetically below. In a few cases I’ve edited the original slightly: Honorable mention: lieu Blind Mammographer Futile Gesture Had $5 twickster Role Model Cartooniverse Educable ltfire Wiseass furryman Threadkiller DocCathode Hominid watsondog Not Yet Banned Third prize: Ranchoth Cad Banned User Sleeps with the Fishes (Submitted by **ZebraShaSha** ) Ed Zotti Mr. Big (Submitted by **Shirley Ujest** - not sure why I liked it, I just did) High Post Count User Needs Some Fresh Air (Submitted by **Monstre** ) nocturnal\_tick Like You But Better Second prize: DrFidelius Old Fart gouda Big Cheese (Can’t help it, just struck me as funny) EddyTeddyFreddy Old Enough to Know Better First prize: Lynn Bodoni Fist of Justice (Submitted by **GMRyujin** ) Grand prize: Banned User Dismembered (Submitted by **sturmhauke** ) Winners (third place and higher), please send your mailing addresses to [tubadiva@aol.com](mailto:tubadiva@aol.com) **immediately** - all prizes will be mailed Thursday. ---
**Author:** ![Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f475e1/32.png) [@Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jimmy_Chitwood)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2004, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-winner-of-the-stdnut-contest-is/238682/2 "2004-04-07T03:54:15Z")
So do all the winners really get those titles applied to themselves? Psssht. If “Fire on Pants” isn’t random and deadpan I don’t know what is… ---
**Author:** ![gouda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c77e96/32.png) [@gouda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gouda)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2004, 10:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-winner-of-the-stdnut-contest-is/238682/3 "2004-04-07T10:45:20Z")
OMIGAWD!! The grin is just not leaving my face! 2nd prize!! Woohoo!! ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2004, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-winner-of-the-stdnut-contest-is/238682/4 "2004-04-07T13:30:05Z")
Woo hoo! Honorable mention! Can (should?) I put this on my resume? ---
**Author:** ![TubaDiva](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tubadiva/32/507_2.png) [@TubaDiva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TubaDiva)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2004, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-winner-of-the-stdnut-contest-is/238682/5 "2004-04-07T13:52:56Z")
> [@Jimmy Chitwood](#): > > So do all the winners really get those titles applied to themselves? > > Psssht. If “Fire on Pants” isn’t random and deadpan I don’t know what is… Nope. your humble TubaDiva Administrator ---
**Author:** ![TubaDiva](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tubadiva/32/507_2.png) [@TubaDiva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TubaDiva)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2004, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-winner-of-the-stdnut-contest-is/238682/6 "2004-04-07T14:05:29Z")
The sooner the better, please. Like NOW. Please send me an email with your real-life name and address. [TubaDiva@aol.com](mailto:TubaDiva@aol.com). your humble TubaDiva Administrator ---
**Author:** ![gum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bbe5ce/32.png) [@gum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gum)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2004, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-winner-of-the-stdnut-contest-is/238682/7 "2004-04-07T14:33:59Z")
Congratulations, winners. I love your entries. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2004, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-winner-of-the-stdnut-contest-is/238682/8 "2004-04-07T16:07:39Z")
All you guys should be proud. Every one of those are hilarious! Educable? Bwhaa! ---
**Author:** ![SmackFu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/53a042/32.png) [@SmackFu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmackFu)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2004, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-winner-of-the-stdnut-contest-is/238682/9 "2004-04-07T16:20:13Z")
[The original contest thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=248263), in case anyone else was wondering what this was all about. I never even opened that thread… I already have all the SDMB books and wasn’t interested in an “SDMB book contest”. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2004, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-winner-of-the-stdnut-contest-is/238682/10 "2004-04-07T18:00:41Z")
Huzzah! Congrats to everyone! And Tuba, I sent you my address as soon as I saw, you should have mail. Now I can spin elaborate conspiracy theories about what you guys will do now that you know the real me. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2004, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-winner-of-the-stdnut-contest-is/238682/11 "2004-04-07T18:31:41Z")
So then, what will be the default title under your average paid up doper? “Chosen One”? or “Charter Member”? ---
**Author:** ![MonkeyMule](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc348/32.png) [@MonkeyMule](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MonkeyMule)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2004, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-winner-of-the-stdnut-contest-is/238682/12 "2004-04-07T18:51:44Z")
> [@GMRyujin](#): > > Huzzah! Congrats to everyone! > > And Tuba, I sent you my address as soon as I saw, you should have mail. Now I can spin elaborate conspiracy theories about what you guys will do now that you know the real me. :eek: The Reprogramers are en-route as we speek. DOn’t fight them, it just makes it harder on yourself. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2004, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-winner-of-the-stdnut-contest-is/238682/13 "2004-04-07T19:03:37Z")
I’m picturing Riff Raff as Mr. Hand in _Dark City_ coming to get me. _as he’s being dragged out the door_ You can’t _do_ this to me! I’m a Charter Member! A CHARTER MEMBER!! _flashing lights are seen, screaming is heard_ ---
**Author:** ![MonkeyMule](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc348/32.png) [@MonkeyMule](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MonkeyMule)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2004, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-winner-of-the-stdnut-contest-is/238682/14 "2004-04-07T19:29:26Z")
> [@GMRyujin](#): > > I’m picturing Riff Raff as Mr. Hand in _Dark City_ coming to get me. > > _as he’s being dragged out the door_ > > You can’t _do_ this to me! I’m a Charter Member! A CHARTER MEMBER!! > > _flashing lights are seen, screaming is heard_ And all this time you thought Zotti’s just made death-rays 😉 ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2004, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-winner-of-the-stdnut-contest-is/238682/15 "2004-04-07T21:53:24Z")
> [@GMRyujin](#): > > I’m picturing Riff Raff as Mr. Hand in _Dark City_ coming to get me. Yes, the SDMB will no longer be temporarily unavailable due to maintenance. They will have shut it down, to let the tuning commence. ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2004, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-winner-of-the-stdnut-contest-is/238682/16 "2004-04-07T23:35:18Z")
SDMB user sturmhauke suffers ironic fate _by Lynn Bodoni, Fist of Justice_ After winning the StDNUT contest, in which sturmhauke suggested the title “dismembered” for banned users, he began to exhibit increasingly bizzare and hostile behavior on the boards. He even went so far as to call all the mods, admins, and Cecil himself “a bunch of [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted]ing, [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted]ers, with [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted]s. You all [expletive deleted]!” Thus sturmhauke has now earned his own title. * * * I shall do my best not to earn my own title. My only problem now is where to put all my new books… ---
**Author:** ![ltfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@ltfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ltfire)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2004, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-winner-of-the-stdnut-contest-is/238682/17 "2004-04-07T23:41:31Z")
…so, I’m thinkin’ that HONORABLE MENTION gets a certificate, at least, yes? ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2004, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-winner-of-the-stdnut-contest-is/238682/18 "2004-04-08T03:27:45Z")
Yay! That’s all I gotta say right now! Yay! I don’t think I’ve won anything since that Sleeping Beauty Coloring book in Kindergarten. Oh, and $30 in bowling…annnnnnnd $500 on a scratch off lottery ticket and a bunch of retarded bridal shower/baby shower games, but \*\*\*THIS \*\*\* took talent and luck. Two things I am usually severly lacking. I mean, I was up against the best of the best…[cue theme to Top Gun] What this really means is the rest of you who entered really sucked. I mean that in a good way. [dons HAZMAT suit and flees the angry villagers carrying torches and bags of dog poo] ---
**Author:** ![MonkeyMule](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc348/32.png) [@MonkeyMule](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MonkeyMule)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2004, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-winner-of-the-stdnut-contest-is/238682/19 "2004-04-08T03:48:46Z")
> [@sturmhauke](#): > > My only problem now is where to put all my new books… No, your only problem is figgure out how to incoperate a 30 foot tall Brazen monkeymule statue into your front lawn. Also, the statue should be reading from the great book of Simian-Equines. Cash gift are also aceptible ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2004, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-winner-of-the-stdnut-contest-is/238682/20 "2004-04-08T04:10:20Z")
I accept paypal and chocolate. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-winner-of-the-stdnut-contest-is/238682.md?page=2)