# The Wisdom of Eve **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 22, 2004, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wisdom-of-eve/241512 "2004-04-22T21:27:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![FisherQueen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58f4c7/32.png) [@FisherQueen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FisherQueen)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2004, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wisdom-of-eve/241512/1 "2004-04-22T21:27:29Z")
Inspired by **Governor Quinn** ’s post in [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=252215), I’m taking the bait and starting the “The Wisdom of **Eve** ” thread. > [@Eve](#): > > It’s hard to make a getaway in an ice-cream truck, 'cause it plays “Turkey in the Straw” really, really fast when you speed. > [@Eve](#): > > The only thing I hate more than Andy Kaufman is Jim Carrey’s acting—the only way they could have made that film more unpalatable to me would have been to add raisins. > [@Eve](#): > > Ukelele Ike has not been on the Boards in ages, and has not responded to any of my personal e-mails. Either he’s busy, on vacation, or finally went on that murder/suicide spree he’s been promising. > [@Eve](#): > > If you wear a hedgehog hat, you run the risk of being mistaken for William Shatner. ---
**Author:** ![LifeOnWry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/96bed5/32.png) [@LifeOnWry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LifeOnWry)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2004, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wisdom-of-eve/241512/2 "2004-04-22T22:01:36Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally Posted by Eve > The only thing I hate more than Andy Kaufman is Jim Carrey’s acting—the only way they could have made that film more unpalatable to me would have been to add raisins. Heh! I missed that one the first time around. **Eve,** have you perhaps considered a career in writing? ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2004, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wisdom-of-eve/241512/3 "2004-04-22T22:39:27Z")
(blushing prettily, digging at the dirt coyly with her toes) ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2004, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wisdom-of-eve/241512/4 "2004-04-22T22:46:50Z")
That Eve is one clever lady. I always open threads I see she has started or posted to. Eve, you’re part of what I like about this place. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2004, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wisdom-of-eve/241512/5 "2004-04-22T23:35:02Z")
**Eve** started a thread about a mythical little town called Cecilville, I think. Rather fun. ---
**Author:** ![Kuizelemartz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e19b73/32.png) [@Kuizelemartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kuizelemartz)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2004, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wisdom-of-eve/241512/6 "2004-04-22T23:36:42Z")
Yeah, I like **Eve** too. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2004, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wisdom-of-eve/241512/7 "2004-04-22T23:58:26Z")
Something clever said by **Eve** …nope, sorry, drawing a blank. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wisdom-of-eve/241512/8 "2004-04-23T00:01:51Z")
Sure, she’s smart and funny, but would she eat a chocolate Jesus? Inquiring minds want to know! ---
**Author:** ![Ilsa\_Lund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a6a055/32.png) [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wisdom-of-eve/241512/9 "2004-04-23T00:05:45Z")
**WWED?** ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wisdom-of-eve/241512/10 "2004-04-23T01:12:57Z")
This is going to be a very short thread unless anyone collected my old _Movieline_ columns–no matter how brilliant the bon mots I may have dropped here, y’can’t search “Eve.” ---
**Author:** ![chique](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4491bb/32.png) [@chique](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chique)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wisdom-of-eve/241512/11 "2004-04-23T01:24:48Z")
I am pro-Eve. I suppose that’d mean I’m anti-Adam. Fortunately, there are no Adams around here. ---
**Author:** ![koeeoaddi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/koeeoaddi/32/408_2.png) [@koeeoaddi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/koeeoaddi)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wisdom-of-eve/241512/12 "2004-04-23T01:26:12Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > This is going to be a very short thread unless anyone collected my old _Movieline_ columns–no matter how brilliant the bon mots I may have dropped here, y’can’t search “Eve.” But you can search “Oliver Stone.” I loved this one: > [@Eve](#): > > I’m proud to say I once pissed-off Oliver Stone. > > About ten years ago I reviewed a “baby video” for _Movieline_, and I viewed it with an actual baby of my acquaintance. I wrote, “Marisa reacted to this video the same way I do to Oliver Stone movies: she cried for awhile and then fell asleep.” > > We got a letter from Oliver Stone’s “people” saying he was not amused and to please lay off. _Hee!_ ---
**Author:** ![Martha\_Medea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/43a26b/32.png) [@Martha\_Medea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martha_Medea)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wisdom-of-eve/241512/13 "2004-04-23T01:49:02Z")
> [@](#): > > Looking at My “What Would Joan Crawford Do?” Bracelet I am a recent disciple here, but that is what got me converted. Words to live by. ---
**Author:** ![RealTronic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9dc877/32.png) [@RealTronic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealTronic)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wisdom-of-eve/241512/14 "2004-04-23T01:52:16Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by **Eve** > _Drugs. I think I’ll take up drugs. Alcohol makes me throw up; I hate the smell of cigarettes, and the likelihood of my ever having sex again is nill. What drug shall I take up? I hear heroin is enjoyable. Maybe I could go down to the smoky hop joints in Chinatown and learn to kick the gong around._ and > [@](#): > > Originally posted by **Eve** > _My mother and I were discussing what kind of drugs I might take up. “What about the stuff you put on the mirror and sniff, dear?” she asked. Nope, that keeps you awake. I’m thinking heroin—but does it come in a pill? I hate needles._ How did those drugs work out for ya… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Rico](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rico/32/3582_2.png) [@Rico](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rico)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wisdom-of-eve/241512/15 "2004-04-23T02:02:29Z")
> [@](#): > > The girl (I can’t bring myself to call her a “woman”) who works in the cubicle next to the Infamous Pwincess Pwecious has started to talk like her. > > Now I have two ootsey-cutesy-baby-talkers right across the divider. Just today, they have discoursed on: > > • The lyrics to “The Gambler” > • The last episode of Sex and the City > • Their answering-machine messages > • How cute their respective coffee mugs are > • How cute Johnny Depp is > > I am this close to snapping and starting to throw things. It’s like working in a goddam helium factory with Betty Boop and Shirley Temple. Did I only think “Will you two shut the f\*\*k up before I come over there and rip your gddam heads off?!” or did I say it out loud . . . ? The adventures of Pwincess Pwecious always have me rolling on the floor. Eve, if I ever get to New York, or you ever get to Los Angeles, we’re doing lunch. On me. ---
**Author:** ![LifeOnWry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/96bed5/32.png) [@LifeOnWry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LifeOnWry)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wisdom-of-eve/241512/16 "2004-04-23T02:27:54Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > This is going to be a very short thread unless anyone collected my old _Movieline_ columns–no matter how brilliant the bon mots I may have dropped here, y’can’t search “Eve.” “I just went to my high school reunion and I discovered that the unpopular, oddball kids blossomed into worthwhile adults. The prom queens and BMOCS are all fat, dull and miserable. Fortunately, life is cruel like that.” "Ordinarily, I’m so hard-boiled you could roll me on the White House lawn, but confront me with tales of dying moms and distraught 12-year-olds and I fall apart like a pre-fab housing complex. " (Ok, I admit I didn’t collect 'em. I searched 'em out.) ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wisdom-of-eve/241512/17 "2004-04-23T02:33:40Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > So I am sitting here listening to one of my coworkers (no, not The Pwincess Pwecious) tell another coworker how to get back at her enemies. It had something to do with burning candles and writing their name in wax or blood or something while chanting. > > I could take exactly three minutes of this. > > I poked my head into her cubicle and said—with a a mysterious, witchy look on my face—“you know what’s a really good way to get even with people who annoy you?” > > Coworkers: “Ooooh, no, what?” > > Me: “Shoot them in the head.” Ah…if only we could… ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wisdom-of-eve/241512/18 "2004-04-23T02:51:04Z")
First, while it is true that we can’t search you by the regular method, we can search you by user name. Second, my (first) entry, from a personal e-mail: “The problem was, when he [Will Hays] came on screen, the audience shouted “Aiee, Nosferatu!!!”” ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Moto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de0a6/32.png) [@Mr.Moto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Moto)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wisdom-of-eve/241512/19 "2004-04-23T03:07:38Z")
**Eve** , have you ever read any Florence King? Your writing style puts me in mind of her. Believe me, that’s a compliment. (‘course, ol’ Florence was a misanthropic, reactionary lesbian who once got by by writing cheap pulp novels, but still.) 😃 ---
**Author:** ![tarragon918](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d26b3c/32.png) [@tarragon918](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tarragon918)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wisdom-of-eve/241512/20 "2004-04-23T12:28:13Z")
I am mostly a lurker (although I do post occasionally–even if my posts seem to be the “kiss of death” sometimes!), and I don’t have any specific Eve Quotes \, but I gotta chime in and fess up to being very Pro-Eve. 🙂 I can nearly always count on being entertained by nearly any thread Eve has started, so check them out, at the very least. She’s just one of those posters who has that magical quality-type style–even the posts to Cafe Society announcing some star’s demise. hehe, I shouldn’t laugh, but they’re great too! And now I want to know what your co-worker said in response to your “Shoot them in the head” comment, Eve. 😉 I’m betting on … a look of shocked fear! 😃 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wisdom-of-eve/241512.md?page=2)