# The wit and wisdom of Grampa Simpson **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 28, 2002, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wit-and-wisdom-of-grampa-simpson/111178 "2002-05-28T13:43:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![kingpengvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9dc877/32.png) [@kingpengvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kingpengvin)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2002, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wit-and-wisdom-of-grampa-simpson/111178/41 "2002-05-29T12:56:15Z")
BART: You could always get back together with Grandpa EVERONE LAUGHS ABE: ha ha ha ha ha ha… ohhhh my life’s a joke. ---
**Author:** ![andrew\_dupont](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ea666f/32.png) [@andrew\_dupont](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andrew_dupont)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2002, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wit-and-wisdom-of-grampa-simpson/111178/42 "2002-05-29T14:55:47Z")
**Abe:** Welcome home, son. I broke two lamps and lost all your mail. What’s wrong with your wife? **Homer:** Never mind, you wouldn’t understand. **Abe:** Flu? **Homer:** No. **Abe:** Protein deficiency? **Homer:** No. **Abe:** Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis? **Homer:** No. **Abe:** Unsatisfying sex life? **Homer:** N – yes. But please, don’t you say that word! **Abe:** What, _seeex_? What’s so unappealing about hearing your elderly father talk about _sex_? I had _seeeeex_. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2002, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wit-and-wisdom-of-grampa-simpson/111178/43 "2002-05-29T15:24:20Z")
The lamp’s running away! ---
**Author:** ![smiling\_bandit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@smiling\_bandit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smiling_bandit)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2002, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wit-and-wisdom-of-grampa-simpson/111178/44 "2002-05-29T15:40:35Z")
Vegas Wives episode: “Wanna give Honest Abe another turn in the oval office?” “NO!” “Thank God! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz…” ---
**Author:** ![ElwoodCuse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/edb3f5/32.png) [@ElwoodCuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElwoodCuse)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2002, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wit-and-wisdom-of-grampa-simpson/111178/45 "2002-05-29T16:20:30Z")
“Homer, you’re dumb as a mule and twice as ugly. If a strange man offers you a ride, I say take it.” ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2002, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wit-and-wisdom-of-grampa-simpson/111178/46 "2002-05-29T16:33:51Z")
MAAAAATTTTTTTLLLLLLLOOOOOOCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK! ---
**Author:** ![Manduck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manduck/32/256_2.png) [@Manduck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Manduck)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2002, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wit-and-wisdom-of-grampa-simpson/111178/47 "2002-05-29T17:28:53Z")
M. Burns: Simpson! Can’t you maintain your dignity for 5 seconds?? Grampa: [pants fall down] How long was that? ---
**Author:** ![Banger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8491ac/32.png) [@Banger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Banger)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2002, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wit-and-wisdom-of-grampa-simpson/111178/48 "2002-05-29T17:34:50Z")
“All right, I admit it: I am the Lindbergh baby. Waah! Waah! Goo goo. I miss my fly-fly dada.” “Are you trying to stall us, or are you just senile?” “A little from column A, a little from column B.” ---
**Author:** ![Protesilaus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Protesilaus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Protesilaus)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2002, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wit-and-wisdom-of-grampa-simpson/111178/49 "2002-05-29T17:45:25Z")
Abe: All right, I admit it: I am the Lindbergh baby. Waah! Waah! Goo goo. I miss my fly-fly dada. Friday: Are you trying to stall us, or are you just senile? Abe: A little from column A, a little from column B. ---
**Author:** ![Katisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bcef8e/32.png) [@Katisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katisha)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2002, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wit-and-wisdom-of-grampa-simpson/111178/50 "2002-05-29T17:45:36Z")
Grampa: All right! I admit it! I’m the Lindbergh baby! Goo goo ga ga! I miss my fly-fly da-da! Police Officer: Are you covering for these people, or just senile? Grampa: A little from column A, a little from column B! ---
**Author:** ![Katisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bcef8e/32.png) [@Katisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katisha)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2002, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wit-and-wisdom-of-grampa-simpson/111178/51 "2002-05-29T17:47:39Z")
Whoa. That was odd… ---
**Author:** ![Fern\_Forest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/71c47a/32.png) [@Fern\_Forest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fern_Forest)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2002, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wit-and-wisdom-of-grampa-simpson/111178/52 "2002-05-29T17:54:12Z")
That’s an understatement! ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Miskatonic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mr.miskatonic/32/310_2.png) [@Mr.Miskatonic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Miskatonic)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2002, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wit-and-wisdom-of-grampa-simpson/111178/53 "2002-05-29T18:25:03Z")
Now that was unnatural. I’ve never seen a triple simulpost before… “Three posts, identical, laid neatly in a row, evidence of a…conspiracy!” ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2002, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wit-and-wisdom-of-grampa-simpson/111178/54 "2002-05-29T18:58:37Z")
There’s another triple simul-post further up in the thread (even though two of the posts came from the same person). ---
**Author:** ![Ferrous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Ferrous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferrous)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2002, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wit-and-wisdom-of-grampa-simpson/111178/55 "2002-05-29T19:11:45Z")
Yikes! “There’s a doin’s a-transpirin’!” (I know, not Grampa, but in the same spirit…) ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2002, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wit-and-wisdom-of-grampa-simpson/111178/56 "2002-05-29T23:47:51Z")
“Hehehehe…we are so old” ---
**Author:** ![Ripple](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b2d939/32.png) [@Ripple](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ripple)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2002, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wit-and-wisdom-of-grampa-simpson/111178/57 "2002-05-29T23:57:36Z")
Abe: [triumphant] Well, well, well! Before I was just too old, and no one wanted my help. Suddenly, look who comes to old Grampa – wait! Where are you going? [meek] Come back, I’ll tell you. ---
**Author:** ![Great\_Dave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/46a35a/32.png) [@Great\_Dave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Great_Dave)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2002, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wit-and-wisdom-of-grampa-simpson/111178/58 "2002-05-30T00:07:07Z")
Lisa: Grampa, how’d you get your underwear off without taking your pants off? Grampa: I don’t know. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2002, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wit-and-wisdom-of-grampa-simpson/111178/59 "2002-05-30T07:06:09Z")
“Back then, I was known as Sgt. Simpson, and I commanded the Flying Hellfish, the fightingest squad in the fightingest company in the third-fightingest battalion in the army.” ---
**Author:** ![MaxTheVool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MaxTheVool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaxTheVool)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2002, 7:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wit-and-wisdom-of-grampa-simpson/111178/60 "2002-05-30T07:49:26Z")
Homer: If you don’t start making sense we’ll put you in a home Grampa: You already put me in a home Homer: Then we’ll put you in that crooked home we saw on 60 minutes Grampa: I’ll be good (anyone recognize the context of this one?) Oh, bitch bitch bitch [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wit-and-wisdom-of-grampa-simpson/111178.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wit-and-wisdom-of-grampa-simpson/111178.md?page=4)