# The wittiest posts **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 12, 2007, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-posts/426188 "2007-11-12T22:43:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![justqwerty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/59ef9b/32.png) [@justqwerty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/justqwerty)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2007, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-posts/426188/1 "2007-11-12T22:43:27Z")
Please recommend me (SDMP) posts that you find extremely witty . Who would you nominate for the title “The wittiest poster on SDMP” ? ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2007, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-posts/426188/2 "2007-11-12T22:50:01Z")
I thought **lieu** had already been granted permanent ownership of the title? Can’t think of any specific posts, the real coffee-through-the-nose ones come sorta random. And are very situational. Even someone you might think of as stodgy & serious has a good day sometimes and the next thing you know: coffee, nose. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2007, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-posts/426188/3 "2007-11-13T01:09:40Z")
\*\*Scylla’s \*\* [Horror of Blimps](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=160851) was sheer genius. Here is [a thread that might let you judge individual threads](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=332231). The classic [If the Lord of the Rings had been Written by someone else](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=138905) [Tool for extracting a broken light bulb?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=353356) Jim ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2007, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-posts/426188/4 "2007-11-13T02:43:08Z")
Time to go through the usual routine: - Open thread - Cntl-F - Type “Smeghead” - Feel mild disappointment - Express same with mild swearing - Close thread ---
**Author:** ![Staggerlee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/staggerlee/32/3134_2.png) [@Staggerlee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Staggerlee)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2007, 10:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-posts/426188/5 "2007-11-13T10:33:51Z")
I’d vote for **Vinyl Turnip**. ---
**Author:** ![Susie\_Derkins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47774/32.png) [@Susie\_Derkins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Susie_Derkins)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2007, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-posts/426188/6 "2007-11-13T15:22:00Z")
[QUOTE=Staggerlee] I’d vote for **Vinyl Turnip**. [/QUOTE] Ditto. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2007, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-posts/426188/7 "2007-11-13T15:24:16Z")
My vote goes to **Cervaise**. ---
**Author:** ![Sophistry\_and\_Illusion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@Sophistry\_and\_Illusion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sophistry_and_Illusion)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2007, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-posts/426188/8 "2007-11-13T15:28:10Z")
There was a thread a couple of weeks ago that quickly degenerated into oral sex jokes, and after a poster expresses surprise that you could get oral sex for a buck, someone unleashed this zinger: > [@](#): > > If you’re a pirate, you can get aural for a buck an ear. Someone will remember whose that was. Classic. ---
**Author:** ![justqwerty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/59ef9b/32.png) [@justqwerty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/justqwerty)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2007, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-posts/426188/9 "2007-11-13T17:26:45Z")
So far so good ,thanks 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Sitnam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Sitnam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sitnam)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2007, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-posts/426188/10 "2007-11-13T21:10:37Z")
Around here what passes for whit is puns. To me , **The Pit** is the true test of a wordsmith. Posting that someone is an ‘asshole’ is as lame as the Internet can get, but a few have that rare gift of burning insults that echo through the ages. I wish I could remember a few notable ones from days gone by, but a desire to see a poster get, ‘anally raped by a dozen syphilitic Haitian boat monkeys’ just sorta sticks with you. ---
**Author:** ![Sitnam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Sitnam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sitnam)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2007, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-posts/426188/11 "2007-11-13T21:10:47Z")
Around here what passes for wit is puns. To me , **The Pit** is the true test of a wordsmith. Posting that someone is an ‘asshole’ is as lame as the Internet can get, but a few have that rare gift of burning insults that echo through the ages. I wish I could remember a few notable ones from days gone by, but a desire to see a poster get, ‘anally raped by a dozen syphilitic Haitian boat monkeys’ just sorta sticks with you. ---
**Author:** ![Omegaman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e480ec/32.png) [@Omegaman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omegaman)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2007, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-posts/426188/12 "2007-11-13T21:39:27Z")
[QUOTE=Staggerlee] I’d vote for **Vinyl Turnip**. [/QUOTE] I second this. He’s witty without being a tool about it. ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2007, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-posts/426188/13 "2007-11-13T21:55:17Z")
[QUOTE=Anaamika] My vote goes to **Cervaise**. [/QUOTE] Seconded. I’ve probably cracked up at more of his posts than anyone elses. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2007, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-posts/426188/14 "2007-11-13T22:22:14Z")
In a thread about little Lakshmi, the girl with four legs and four arms, **Cal Meacham** said something like, “Well, we know she’s forewarned.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![George\_Kaplin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3e96dc/32.png) [@George\_Kaplin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/George_Kaplin)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2007, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-posts/426188/15 "2007-11-13T22:27:08Z")
**elucidator** (got ilk?) ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2007, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-posts/426188/16 "2007-11-13T22:56:38Z")
The “Funniest Things You’ve Heard Said During Sex” is still my favorite thread ever. It’s generally PG-13 rated, and just laugh-out-loud hilarious. So is **Bear\_Nenno** ’s “[Bear\_Napples Wedding](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=262978)” thread, about his trashy country cousins’ wedding. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2007, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-posts/426188/17 "2007-11-14T02:29:02Z")
Search for OPs by **Sampiro, Scylla, Cervaise, Sauron** , or **Master Wang-ka**. You are welcome. ---
**Author:** ![justqwerty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/59ef9b/32.png) [@justqwerty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/justqwerty)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-posts/426188/18 "2007-11-15T19:30:51Z")
… ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-posts/426188/19 "2007-11-15T19:32:55Z")
[QUOTE=justqwerty] (feeling sarcasm) instead of saying a simple \*thanks guys \* and risking of being accused of shameless bumping, I’ve chosen to keep quiet with implied appreciation. Was I wrong ? Besides the thread isn’t (hopefully) over yet. [/QUOTE] Have you looked at any of the recommended threads? Is this what you were looking for? What do you think so far? ---
**Author:** ![justqwerty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/59ef9b/32.png) [@justqwerty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/justqwerty)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-posts/426188/20 "2007-11-15T19:54:19Z")
[QUOTE=What Exit?] Have you looked at any of the recommended threads? Is this what you were looking for? What do you think so far? [/QUOTE] I’ve deleted my previous message ( obviously not quick enough) :smack: reacting to ‘you are welcome’ as a bit sarcastic then I realized that there was probably no sarcasm Yes I have looked on those links : -The first one was ok -still work on the second one ( enjoyed _The rock in the box: I burning your dog._ thread - _Lord of the Ring_ thread is a bit heavy -The last one I read before even quoted it on another forum. Realized that the names of the candidates don’t help much because there are thousands of post by those guys. Will watch them in the future. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-posts/426188.md?page=2)