# The wittiest posts **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 12, 2007, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-posts/426188 "2007-11-12T22:43:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-posts/426188/21 "2007-11-15T19:57:56Z")
[QUOTE=justqwerty] Realized that the names of the candidates don’t help much because there are thousands of post by those guys. Will watch them in the future. [/QUOTE] You can modify your search to look for Threads Started by (User.) That may help you narrow things down a bit. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-posts/426188/22 "2007-11-15T20:03:55Z")
[QUOTE=justqwerty] I’ve deleted my previous message ( obviously not quick enough) :smack: reacting to ‘you are welcome’ as a bit sarcastic then I realized that there was probably no sarcasm Yes I have looked on those links : -The first one was ok -still work on the second one ( enjoyed _The rock in the box: I burning your dog._ thread - _Lord of the Ring_ thread is a bit heavy -The last one I read before even quoted it on another forum. Realized that the names of the candidates don’t help much because there are thousands of post by those guys. Will watch them in the future. [/QUOTE] So it sounds like you like the threads with crazy exchanges between posters. The Psuedo Ruber Ruber Tuber one and the I burning your dog one. That might help posters point you in a similar direction. I’ll probably come back with a few more tonight. Jim ---
**Author:** ![Waverly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/57b2e6/32.png) [@Waverly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waverly)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-posts/426188/23 "2007-11-15T20:05:15Z")
I don’t normally offer this type of online hand-job, but Cervaise rocks like The bloody Who on jet fuel. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-posts/426188/24 "2007-11-15T20:26:24Z")
Here’s one from Cervaise today. In my thread, [Does anyone here actually sleep with the sheets tucked in at the foot of the bed?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=444225), after a discussion about the pros and cons, he [answers](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=9179877&postcount=49): > [@](#): > > Not only do I tightly tuck the sheet at the end, I also stuff the end of the comforter down the end of the mattress and wedge it in place with pillows between the mattress and the footboard. > > Then I duct tape myself to the bed. > > It’s only civilized. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-posts/426188/25 "2007-11-15T20:30:59Z")
[QUOTE=Sophistry and Illusion] Someone will remember whose that was. Classic. [/QUOTE] If it wasn’t **Robot Arm** , it was in a thread where he was making some great posts. He doesn’t get enough for some of his very funny stuff, I think. ---
**Author:** ![brewha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@brewha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brewha)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-posts/426188/26 "2007-11-15T20:43:40Z")
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp] The “Funniest Things You’ve Heard Said During Sex” is still my favorite thread ever. It’s generally PG-13 rated, and just laugh-out-loud hilarious. So is **Bear\_Nenno** ’s “[Bear\_Napples Wedding](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=262978)” thread, about his trashy country cousins’ wedding. [/QUOTE] I’m sure the Bare Nipples thread would be great if I could see the pictures. **Bear\_Nenno** , any chance you could post them again? I’m intrigued! ---
**Author:** ![brewha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@brewha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brewha)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-posts/426188/27 "2007-11-15T21:06:32Z")
If you’re looking to be entertained, try looking through how [My Beyonce Died…](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=131082&highlight=BEYONCE) I accidently came across this little gem and thought it was hilarious. ---
**Author:** ![threnodyangelfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@threnodyangelfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/threnodyangelfire)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-posts/426188/28 "2007-11-15T21:42:19Z")
[QUOTE=Omegaman] I second this. He’s witty without being a tool about it. [/QUOTE] Thirded. I still laugh about the post where people were complaining about the way money is handed back my cashiers and Vinyl Turnip said: > [@](#): > > What if the cashier fills her mouth with change and smacks her inflated cheeks like John Belushi’s popped zit, festooning your face and forehead with sticky nickels? ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-posts/426188/29 "2007-11-15T22:02:37Z")
[QUOTE=Waverly] I don’t normally offer this type of online hand-job, but Cervaise rocks like The bloody Who on jet fuel. [/QUOTE] Online handjob. I like the cut of your jib, sir. Online handjob. Online handjob. Online handjob. It’s just so _perfect_ ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-posts/426188/30 "2007-11-15T23:09:49Z")
Rue De Day’s childrens fables thread was insanely witty and slightly bizarre. He gets my nomination. ---
**Author:** ![Bear\_Nenno](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bear_nenno/32/3358_2.png) [@Bear\_Nenno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bear_Nenno)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-posts/426188/31 "2007-11-15T23:34:13Z")
[QUOTE=brewha] I’m sure the Bare Nipples thread would be great if I could see the pictures. **Bear\_Nenno** , any chance you could post them again? I’m intrigued! [/QUOTE] Sadly, I have no idea where those pictures are. You can tell from the thread I had trouble uploading them to begin with. That was before I knew about imageshack and before I owned any digital camera. It seems like so long ago. I can’t believe it was only 3.5 years ago. Wow. If I ever stumble upon that CD with the pictures on it, I will recreate that thread. Promise. ---
**Author:** ![Bear\_Nenno](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bear_nenno/32/3358_2.png) [@Bear\_Nenno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bear_Nenno)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-posts/426188/32 "2007-11-15T23:43:46Z")
Btw, the prequel is always a good read. No pictures necessary. > **[Backwoods Wedding Invitations](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=258139)** > > I got some dem weddin invites in da mail! Everyone has those family members that no one really talks about, right? Please don’t tell me it’s just me! My cousin sent out wedding invitations, and we all got a pretty good laugh out of it. But it was a... ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-posts/426188/33 "2007-11-16T00:33:39Z")
Witty/humorous/funny are all subjective and as such, it’s up to you to find those posts which appeal to you. Sometimes the unconsciously witty are more enjoyable than the deliberately so. ---
**Author:** ![InLucemEdita](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7ab992/32.png) [@InLucemEdita](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InLucemEdita)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-posts/426188/34 "2007-11-16T00:43:24Z")
Vinyl Turnip came immediately to mind. I’ll be paying more attention to Cervaise after this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Waverly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/57b2e6/32.png) [@Waverly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waverly)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-posts/426188/35 "2007-11-16T00:57:11Z")
[QUOTE=Shirley Ujest] I like the cut of your jib, sir. [/QUOTE] Thanks. It was just a regular doctor; I’m not Jewish or anything. ---
**Author:** ![gallows\_fodder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8c91f0/32.png) [@gallows\_fodder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gallows_fodder)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-posts/426188/36 "2007-11-16T01:06:57Z")
I often find myself skimming through a thread, seeing something that makes me laugh, scrolling up to see who this delightful person is, and seeing the name **Terrifel**. So he gets my vote. **Eve** (wherever did she go?) was great, too. My favorite post of hers was in a thread asking what we wore on casual days at work, and she answered, “My _faux_ pearls.” Love her. ---
**Author:** ![lobstermobster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobstermobster/32/10033_2.png) [@lobstermobster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobstermobster)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-posts/426188/37 "2007-11-16T02:12:11Z")
[QUOTE=Shirley Ujest] Online handjob. I like the cut of your jib, sir. Online handjob. Online handjob. Online handjob. It’s just so _perfect_ [/QUOTE] a handjob is still a job ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-posts/426188/38 "2007-11-16T02:16:46Z")
\*\*Eve \*\*had the famous Gotcha Ya? which always cracks me up. \*\*rigs \*\*is right, though. I like one liners, so naturally I like **Cervaise** , who’s the master at it. I like stories and such but not as much - my favorite kind of wit is fast and furious (what my SO has!) Another from \*\*Cervaise \*\*- from memory. A Doper: (story about the doctor’s scale being broken, and registering him as HUGELY overweight :eek:) Some Doper: How tall are you? First Doper: 5’11" in the morning. **Cervaise** : In the morning? What’s the woody got to do with it? Cracks me up, he does. ---
**Author:** ![Bearflag70](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Bearflag70](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bearflag70)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-posts/426188/39 "2007-11-16T03:31:36Z")
Thread: “Where did blacksmiths of yore get new iron?” > [@Blake](#): > > Nope, iron was mined and smelted at specific sites and then shipped around the country or the world > [@Thudlow Boink](#): > > So, whoever smelted, dealt it? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-posts/426188/40 "2007-11-16T04:13:35Z")
the horror…the horror… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-posts/426188.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-posts/426188.md?page=3)