# The wittiest spur of the moment retort you've ever used

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-spur-of-the-moment-retort-youve-ever-used/549421>\
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Created:** [August 6, 2010, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-spur-of-the-moment-retort-youve-ever-used/549421 "2010-08-06T17:13:15Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 6\
**Page:** 4

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**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\
**Post date:** [August 9, 2010, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-spur-of-the-moment-retort-youve-ever-used/549421/61 "2010-08-09T22:18:47Z")

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Not the wittiest, but the most recent.

A friend (age, late 50s) who likes to drink too much and I were talking. I happened to mention that thing where, when you turn 21, on the day of your birthday if you show your driver’s license to the bartender, you can get a free drink, and lather rinse repeat at various bars until unconsciousness.

She apparently had never heard of this and got very excited.

Until I said, “Ann–it’s too late!”

Cracked her up.

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**Author:** ![Satchmo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/satchmo/32/4223_2.png) [@Satchmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satchmo)\
**Post date:** [August 9, 2010, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-spur-of-the-moment-retort-youve-ever-used/549421/62 "2010-08-09T23:10:07Z")

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I had a woman co-worker at a former job that was an inch or two taller than I was. She would always refer to me as ‘shorty’. Didn’t bother me a whole lot, but it was day in and day out. Finally, when she called me that in front of 4 or 5 other workers, I said “You’re only calling me that because I have clothes on.” She turned beet red and never called me shorty again.

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**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\
**Post date:** [August 9, 2010, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-spur-of-the-moment-retort-youve-ever-used/549421/63 "2010-08-09T23:27:25Z")

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I’ve told this one before, but I like it, so shut up. 😃

We were at Fleet Farm (farm & building supply place) and Mr. S was selecting a piece of trim wood for some project from the bins. He’s pretty particular, so it was taking him a while, and I wandered off to go look at something more interesting.

Finally he caught up to me, wood in hand. “Found one!” he told me proudly.

“Yes, I know. I saw the puff of white smoke.”

He cracked right up. Later he said stuff like that is why he’s with me. 😃

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**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\
**Post date:** [August 10, 2010, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-spur-of-the-moment-retort-youve-ever-used/549421/64 "2010-08-10T00:20:59Z")

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> [@pohjonen](#):
>
> I have to admit I stole this one:
> 
> Cashier: “Did you notice the price on this?”
> 
> Me: “Thick, Thick, Thin, Thin, Thin, Thick, Thin, Thick.”
> 
> If I have to explain it, it won’t be funny.

Well it certainly ain’t funny _without_ an explanation, so help me out.  
mmm

Edit: Nevermind, I get it. 🙂

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**Author:** ![BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed)\
**Post date:** [August 10, 2010, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-spur-of-the-moment-retort-youve-ever-used/549421/65 "2010-08-10T01:20:03Z")

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> [@pohjonen](#):
>
> I have to admit I stole this one:

So **that’s** why the cashier was asking if you’d noticed the price.

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**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\
**Post date:** [August 10, 2010, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wittiest-spur-of-the-moment-retort-youve-ever-used/549421/66 "2010-08-10T01:50:01Z")

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[This one is classic.](http://www.quux.org:70/Humor%20and%20Fun/Microsoft_KSH.txt%7C/MBOX-MESSAGE/1)

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