# The Women of the Straight Dope **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 5, 2000, 11:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-women-of-the-straight-dope/21428 "2000-06-05T11:01:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Ruffian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/71e660/32.png) [@Ruffian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruffian)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2000, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-women-of-the-straight-dope/21428/41 "2000-06-06T22:55:20Z")
Okay, y’all, _enough_ of this atrocious “I’ll lurn you good!” hillbilly vernacular mockery! The **real** hillbilly has arrived to spank you all! Naughty, naughty, naughty! (Strangely enough, this hillbilly is a grammarian. Yes, a grammarian from West Virginia. Oxymoron? Perhaps…) :::whips out her black soft-leather pillow and suede cat o’ nine tails::: BACK, y’all, BACK! :::pummels Vestal Blue, gets knocked over backwards from loss of balance in the heels::: WHA! Darn these things! :::stands up, regains composure, looks at self in mirror::: Damn, I look good in this thing. Why didn’t I buy one of these years ago? ::::And so our scene ends, with Ruffian ominously distracted…::: ---
**Author:** ![Vestal\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/5e9695/32.png) [@Vestal\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vestal_Blue)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2000, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-women-of-the-straight-dope/21428/42 "2000-06-06T23:01:36Z")
VB hauls himself dizzily to his feet. “Ummmmm…leather…suede whips…” \< Musically \> “Oh Ruffian, sweety, lookee here!” _ **THWACK!!!** _ ---
**Author:** ![red\_dragon60](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ce73a5/32.png) [@red\_dragon60](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/red_dragon60)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2000, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-women-of-the-straight-dope/21428/43 "2000-06-06T23:02:35Z")
With the honey searing his eyes, red\_dragon accidentally stumbles into ruffian. “Oww! Oww, oh geez, whatever that was or whoever you are, put that- Ow! Okay, let’s dance” red pulls out the dreaded pillow pike of Badaboopistan! Wham! He knocks down ruffian, but is still dizzy and falls down on top of her. “Hey, you single?” he says to her. ---
**Author:** ![purrplebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/90ced4/32.png) [@purrplebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purrplebear)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2000, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-women-of-the-straight-dope/21428/44 "2000-06-06T23:12:44Z")
Sneaking up quietly behind VB, purplebear pummels him right across the back of his knees, sending him crashing to the floor, where he almost rolls into red\_dragon and Ruffian. _ **THAT’S** _ for turning your back on me again! Giggling uncontrollably, she looks around for her next victim, though it’s getting harder to see with all of the honey dripping into her eyes and elsewhere… ---
**Author:** ![Vestal\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/5e9695/32.png) [@Vestal\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vestal_Blue)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2000, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-women-of-the-straight-dope/21428/45 "2000-06-06T23:25:09Z")
As PB turns to leave, VB makes a long arm, and grabbing her ankle, sends her base over apex, and thwacks her a good one! ---
**Author:** ![Ruffian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/71e660/32.png) [@Ruffian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruffian)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2000, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-women-of-the-straight-dope/21428/46 "2000-06-06T23:30:37Z")
Pulling red’s head down to her eye level, Ruffian says with a smirk, “Sorry, honey, I’m taken.” Ruff shoves him away with a yank and walks away, kicking off the infernal heels as she goes. “Damn things!” (Is it me, or is this sounding like an X-men comic? A girl in a black leather merrywidow battling a red dragon with a cat o’ nine tails?) “What the hell is with all this honey? Don’t y’all know how hard it is to clean leather?” ---
**Author:** ![red\_dragon60](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ce73a5/32.png) [@red\_dragon60](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/red_dragon60)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2000, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-women-of-the-straight-dope/21428/47 "2000-06-07T00:47:22Z")
Finding no fun in Ruffian, red\_dragon moves on. He sees the Amazingly Large Pillow! The ALP weighs nine metric tonnes, and he hefts it, overcoming the downy weight. With a swift throw, he lobs it onto VB. “That’s for picking on PB” ---
**Author:** ![soulsling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@soulsling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulsling)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2000, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-women-of-the-straight-dope/21428/48 "2000-06-07T01:27:33Z")
::sips his oj, licks some honey off his arm that spilled there a little while ago… admires the beauty of feathers, women, and honey… adjusts chair…:: ahhhh, this is so zen. 😃 ::smiles broadly:: ---
**Author:** ![purrplebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/90ced4/32.png) [@purrplebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purrplebear)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2000, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-women-of-the-straight-dope/21428/49 "2000-06-07T04:06:29Z")
Thanks, red\_dragon! Appreciate the help with VB, she says as she gets groggily to her feet, and tries to catch her breath again. Now…where’d my pillows go? Stop smirking, soulsling, or you’ll be _next_! And, I wasn’t talking about **those** pillows! 😛 purplebear once again makes a vain attempt to get her top into some semblence of decency, and walks off muttering to herself: now where did those pillows get to?.. ---
**Author:** ![dpr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dpr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dpr)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2000, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-women-of-the-straight-dope/21428/50 "2000-06-07T04:13:44Z")
_pulls up a chair next to soulsling and enjoys the show after throwing a huge body-length pillow to PB_ ---
**Author:** ![purrplebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/90ced4/32.png) [@purrplebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purrplebear)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2000, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-women-of-the-straight-dope/21428/51 "2000-06-07T04:32:56Z")
Thanks, dpr! 😃 Very nice of you to help me out. purplebear starts walking away, apparently looking for other victims, and suddenly turns and _ **WHOMPS** _ both dpr and soulsling for just staring at her :o well, never you mind at what… 😃 Sorry, guys, I just couldn’t resist it! 'Sides, everyone else left the room, at least for now. Looking around at the almost empty room. Where’d everyone else go? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![dpr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dpr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dpr)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2000, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-women-of-the-straight-dope/21428/52 "2000-06-07T04:44:12Z")
_sigh_ Whomped by my own pillow. How terribly ironic… ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2000, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-women-of-the-straight-dope/21428/53 "2000-06-07T04:45:08Z")
Eh, they’re all asleep, purp. (Like me in a few minutes…just had to make one last post) _sneaks up behind VB and…_ **THWACK!!!** Shouldn’t turn your back on me either, hon. 😉 (And glad you liked the pictures… _blush_) ---
**Author:** ![purrplebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/90ced4/32.png) [@purrplebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purrplebear)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2000, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-women-of-the-straight-dope/21428/54 "2000-06-07T04:58:57Z")
\ Helping dpr up, purplebear accidentally drips honey,oil, and banana cream goo all over him. Oops! Sorry, dpr. 😉 Didn’t mean to knock you down. You were looking a little glazed there, I just wanted to wake you up. 🙂 Nite all! Heading out the door to take a shower and get into clean clothes again before the next round… ---
**Author:** ![dpr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dpr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dpr)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2000, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-women-of-the-straight-dope/21428/55 "2000-06-07T05:43:50Z")
_looks at the feathers from the pillows floating down_ I’ve heard of being tarred and feathered before, but honey, oil and banana cream gooed and feathered?!?!? I bet this never happens to Clark Kent… And how do you “accidentally” drip that much anyway? G’night anyway. Pleasant dreams (though after this and the water fight thread heaven knows what’s in store for you tonight) ---
**Author:** ![evilbeth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/evilbeth/32/2268_2.png) [@evilbeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/evilbeth)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2000, 6:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-women-of-the-straight-dope/21428/56 "2000-06-07T06:46:06Z")
Man! I _always_ miss out on all the fun! Damnit! ::walks away muttering about having to work overtime just to get in on the pillow fights:: ---
**Author:** ![DRY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a87d85/32.png) [@DRY](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DRY)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2000, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-women-of-the-straight-dope/21428/57 "2000-06-07T06:52:05Z")
:pokes head in door: “If this were played upon a stage now, I could conddemn it as an improbable fiction” –Twelfth Night, Act 3, scene iv :ducks quickly out of room: “Let us make an honourable retreat” –As You Like It, Act 3, scene ii ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2000, 11:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-women-of-the-straight-dope/21428/58 "2000-06-07T11:03:09Z")
_returns after a nice sleep and realizes she has honey on her and was knocked down then helped up_ Whoa you guys just kept right on going didn’tcha? Well lets see here. _while everyone else is asleep she runs around and puts shaving cream in the guys hands then tickles their noses with a feather so they get shaving cream all over their faces then giggling she twaps them all good with her pillow again_ ---
**Author:** ![Pandora](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/eada6e/32.png) [@Pandora](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pandora)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2000, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-women-of-the-straight-dope/21428/59 "2000-06-07T13:00:59Z")
\< Pandora wakes up and licks honey off her fingers… Then fumbles around for her pillow \> and TWAAAACK Good Moning Topaz 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2000, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-women-of-the-straight-dope/21428/60 "2000-06-07T13:04:16Z")
_grins at Pandora_ Good morning. Shall we get this show rolling again today? _takes her feather and tickles VB’s toes while he’s asleep_ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-women-of-the-straight-dope/21428.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-women-of-the-straight-dope/21428.md?page=4)