# The word "fuck" is not against the rulrs **URL:** \ **Category:** About This Message Board\ **Created:** [May 17, 2010, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-word-fuck-is-not-against-the-rulrs/539707 "2010-05-17T01:51:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-word-fuck-is-not-against-the-rulrs/539707/21 "2010-05-17T14:28:47Z")
> [@crazyjoe](#): > > I’ve been warned before for talking like that in imho. It was a similar situation, where the words themselves were nto at issue, it was the way I addressed another poster. > > IMHO is for opinions and discourse, not addresing each other in the manner you did. That’s what the pit is for. There is no rule that states that, and this fake rule is violated all the flipping time. If I reported every post that had a “tone” I didn’t like, there would hardly be a thread left. You guys really have a problem with being rude. Heck, the only reason I am rude here is because you guys taught me to be that way. Before I was here, I was the Wikipedia-style “be civil to everyone.” It’s here I learned that one can actually express negative emotions. And yet, I got called on it. I bet if I didn’t use the word I mentioned above, I’d be fine. There’s nothing in that post that attacks anyone. I just expressed my anger. That’s it. And, as much as Czarcasm might hope, there’s no rule saying anger must go in the Pit. Heck, angry posts often get moved out of there. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-word-fuck-is-not-against-the-rulrs/539707/22 "2010-05-17T14:30:49Z")
> [@A Monkey With a Gun](#): > > **Czarcasm** , this is the type of thing that annoys posters in regards to your moderation. You warned **Big T** about his language, but here you agree that it had less to do with the language and more to do with the tone. If it was the tone, _then why didn’t you say that the first fucking time?_ This is simply wrong. **Czarcasm’s** did NOT warn **BigT** specifically about his language in the thread itself. This is the warning: [QUOTE=Czarcasm] [Moderator Warning]This is over the top for IMHO, and you know it. Infraction given.[/Moderator Warning] [/QUOTE] It didn’t mention the language specifically, but did indicate the general tone of the post was a problem. Also, the reasons given in the PM are not limited to the use of “fuck.” ## [QUOTE=Czarcasm] Reason: Use of inappropriate language Inappropriate posting in IMHO. [/QUOTE] This indicates that there was more of a problem than just the use of language; the second item indicates that the post itself was inappropriate. If you are going to nit-pick a warning, you should read what was actually posted. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-word-fuck-is-not-against-the-rulrs/539707/23 "2010-05-17T14:31:15Z")
> [@TubaDiva](#): > > Then go to bed already and stop making problems for yourself, please. > > If you know that you need a certain routine in your life for the best outcomes then you should try to stick to that routine whenever possible. Best thing for you and for everyone that interacts with you. > > So calm down. Take a deep breath. Take another deep breath. And go to bed. IF you’d actually read what I said, you’d note that I can’t go to bed because I am angry. I am angry because someone just treated me unfairly. You think I haven’t already tried to sleep? I can’t. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-word-fuck-is-not-against-the-rulrs/539707/24 "2010-05-17T14:35:33Z")
> [@Colibri](#): > > This is simply wrong. **Czarcasm’s** did NOT warn **BigT** specifically about his language in the thread itself. This is the warning: > > It didn’t mention the language specifically, but did indicate the general tone of the post was a problem. > > Also, the reasons given in the PM are not limited to the use of “fuck.” > > This indicates that there was more of a problem than just the use of language; the second item indicates that the post itself was inappropriate. > > If you are going to nit-pick a warning, you should read what was actually posted. Or maybe you should read. Why would you think I’d see the warning in the thread first? The one in the PM says he warned me because of “inapropriate language”. The only language I used that could possibly apply is “fucking.” I’m actually more upset by the justification in the thread itself. He said “I know you know better.” No I didn’t, as any review of my previous angry posts would tell you. The only difference is that I used the word fucking twice. Apparently I’m supposed to magically know some rule you have never enforced against me, and that isn’t in the rules sticky. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-word-fuck-is-not-against-the-rulrs/539707/25 "2010-05-17T14:39:09Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > You’d be wrong. I don’t post lies. I actually hold myself to a pretty high ethical standard. The fact that I did nothing wrong is precisely why I am mad about this. I broke no rules, other than one made up on the spot by our lovely mod that no one respects. And it is in fact my ethics, and not any respect for this moderator, that keeps me from retaliating. > > I honestly need to get to bed, but I’m too upset to sleep. I need my sleep schedule to be consistent, or I have problems. I meant “Probably not” in regard to you being angrier than you ever have been in your entire life. If you actually are that upset, I’d suggest you take a chill tablet. I agree that the warning was frivolous, but BFD. It’s a warning on a message board, not AIDS. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-word-fuck-is-not-against-the-rulrs/539707/26 "2010-05-17T14:45:31Z")
> [@Rushgeekgirl](#): > > It’s odd that it seems so obvious to me why you were warned BigT. It wasn’t that you used the naughty F word, it’s how you talked to another poster in IMHO. > I say it all the time on this board in addition to various other naughty words, but it’s never aimed at anyone. I don’t even think I’ve done that in the Pit. It’s part of not being a jerk. > > So if your warning had fallen under the “don’t be a jerk” rule instead of the inappropriate language rule, you’d have been okay with it? Nope. because that is an overly broad rule that only works if one can trust the people using it not to abuse it. I have no such trust for Czarcasm. I’ve seen every other thread about him here. Funny how so many other mods never get threads here, because they actually know how to actually moderate a problem between posters, instead of slapping a warning on someone on a first offense on a rule they just made up. Ultimately, “Don’t be jerk” cannot be a rule, because there is no definition of what a jerk is. There’s nothing to protect us from a mod deciding to apply it to whatever they happen to feel is jerkish that day. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-word-fuck-is-not-against-the-rulrs/539707/27 "2010-05-17T14:48:22Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > I meant “Probably not” in regard to you being angrier than you ever have been in your entire life. If you actually are that upset, I’d suggest you take a chill tablet. I agree that the warning was frivolous, but BFD. It’s a warning on a message board, not AIDS. It’s a warning on a message board that has become my life. It’s my second warning. All I got to do is have one more mod take umbrage with something I write, and I can now be banned. And I can’t even know what the rules are not to get in trouble. And while I may have had more intense anger, I’ve always been able to somehow resolve the situation and thus extinguish the anger. This is the first time I’ve been this angry for this long. Because the guy who **hurt** me refuses to try to resolve the situation. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-word-fuck-is-not-against-the-rulrs/539707/28 "2010-05-17T14:58:08Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > Or maybe you should read. Why would you think I’d see the warning in the thread first? The one in the PM says he warned me because of “inapropriate language”. The only language I used that could possibly apply is “fucking.” Are you being intentionally obtuse? That’s not the only reason given in the PM. “Inappropriate posting in IMHO” absolutely covers throwing an over-the-top tantrum in IMHO, language or not. Calm down - you clearly need a break from the boards. ---
**Author:** ![TubaDiva](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tubadiva/32/507_2.png) [@TubaDiva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TubaDiva)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-word-fuck-is-not-against-the-rulrs/539707/29 "2010-05-17T15:17:04Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > It’s a warning on a message board that has become my life. It’s my second warning. All I got to do is have one more mod take umbrage with something I write, and I can now be banned. And I can’t even know what the rules are not to get in trouble. > > And while I may have had more intense anger, I’ve always been able to somehow resolve the situation and thus extinguish the anger. This is the first time I’ve been this angry for this long. Because the guy who **hurt** me refuses to try to resolve the situation. Now that is truly inappropriate – it’s just a message board. How can something like this “become your life?” People are trying to give you some good advice here. And you should consider taking it. Sometimes we put people on “posting sabbatical.” They can read the board but they cannot physically makes postings. I could do that for you if you need to police yourself for a bit. ---
**Author:** ![CannyDan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cannydan/32/548_2.png) [@CannyDan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CannyDan)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-word-fuck-is-not-against-the-rulrs/539707/30 "2010-05-17T15:24:52Z")
**BigT** , I have no desire to defend either the mods or you, but if it helps you to understand, I’ll note that language =/= word. The language you used that was inappropriate in IMHO was: > [@](#): > > Read the fucking posts and stop being so fucking judgmental. She likes the friend, and the friend’s kid. She normally avoids the husband. But, about once a year or so, the guy is still around. She’s following you’re poorly worded advice, and you are attacking her for it. > > I can’t believe you actually agreed with the comment that she is “asking for it.” Anyone with even the remotest bit of social intelligence knows that you are blaming the victim. Why the hell would you think that was acceptable behavior? > > There’s absolutely no way you completely avoid all the jerkish people in your life. None. The word “fucking” just makes the rest of the language more emphatic. Whether this actually deserved a formal warning, or might have been dealt with by a moderator request for less heat, is a judgement call. I’m not sure what I might have done in that instance, were I a mod. I guess it would depend on the rest of the thread, which I’m not going to bother to read. Either way though, there seems justification for some level of mod intervention. And “inappropriate language” does seem to me to be an accurate description of the problem. ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-word-fuck-is-not-against-the-rulrs/539707/31 "2010-05-17T15:27:37Z")
> [@Colibri](#): > > This is simply wrong. **Czarcasm’s** did NOT warn **BigT** specifically about his language in the thread itself. \<\\> > > If you are going to nit-pick a warning, you should read what was actually posted. My mistake. I misread the quote in the OP as being the warning in the thread and not a P.M. I honestly thought the warning consisted solely of “You have received a warning at Straight Dope Message Board. Reason: Use of inappropriate language. Inappropriate posting in IMHO.” Since I see that this is not the case, I apologize to **Czarcasm**. ---
**Author:** ![spinky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/59ef9b/32.png) [@spinky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spinky)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-word-fuck-is-not-against-the-rulrs/539707/32 "2010-05-17T16:36:55Z")
> [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](#): > > Depending on the forum, there would have been moderator action for “You have no idea what you’re talking about.” That’s a personal insult that would not be permitted in many of the forums. Truly strange. If someone is making wild claims and acting like an authority on the topic at hand when they actually don’t know what they’re talking about, you’re not allowed to say so? This is genuinely news to me. In any forum. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-word-fuck-is-not-against-the-rulrs/539707/33 "2010-05-17T16:37:23Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > Or maybe you should read. Why would you think I’d see the warning in the thread first? The one in the PM says he warned me because of “inapropriate language”. The only language I used that could possibly apply is “fucking.” So you just posted this as soon as you saw the PM without even looking at the warning posted in the thread? It would have been better to read the actual warning before making the complaint. Also, as a general policy, it is always better to wait a bit and cool off before responding to a post that makes you angry rather than responding immediately. He didn’t warn you specifically for the use of “fucking.” As others have said, “inappropriate language” extends to the overall tone of the post, not merely to the words employed. > [@](#): > > I’m actually more upset by the justification in the thread itself. He said “I know you know better.” No I didn’t, as any review of my previous angry posts would tell you. The only difference is that I used the word fucking twice. Apparently I’m supposed to magically know some rule you have never enforced against me, and that isn’t in the rules sticky. Perhaps he should have said “you should know better.” From the Registration Agreement: > [@](#): > > You are free to express your views in a forceful manner provided you remain civil. … If we tell you to refrain from behavior that we regard as uncivil, do so or face revocation of your posting privileges. From the [FAQ](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=384745): > [@](#): > > Violations of good manners and common courtesy constitute jerkhood, and are a bannable offense. Now, what constitutes civil behavior is a judgement call, and varies from forum to forum and may even vary depending on the tone of a particular thread. But you can’t claim that your post was either civil or courteous. [QUOTE=BigT] It’s my second warning. All I got to do is have one more mod take umbrage with something I write, and I can now be banned. And I can’t even know what the rules are not to get in trouble. [/QUOTE] It doesn’t work that way. It’s not “three strikes and you’re out” here. There is no magical number of warnings that will get you suspended or banned. (And the first step would usually be a suspension rather than banning.) We generally have extensive discussion among the moderators before considering a suspension or a banning. If a poster appears to be making an effort to cooperate with the moderators, that is taken into account. It’s posters who show no effort to change their behavior who are the ones who end up getting banned. This said, if you find yourself becoming so angry over events on a messageboard that you feel you can’t control your responses, or if you genuinely don’t understand how to tone down your own posts to an appropriate level, perhaps a temporary voluntary sabbatical would be helpful. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-word-fuck-is-not-against-the-rulrs/539707/34 "2010-05-17T16:58:21Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > Funny thing is, if you’d actually asked me to calm down, I probably would have apologized. Funny how beating people with a stick makes them mad, but just asking them nicely can get your point across. The fact that you would have apologized implies that you did something wrong. You’re not going to get banned, man. I’m not going to tell you to relax because I know that pisses me off when people say it to me but this isn’t a serious deal. You’re going to be fine. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-word-fuck-is-not-against-the-rulrs/539707/35 "2010-05-17T17:07:42Z")
I don’t think I would have warned for that post, but I certainly would have told you to ease back on the throttle - it was inappropriate for IMHO. The rule of thumb for what usually flies is, “Attack the post, not the poster,” and you didn’t do that. Another rule of thumb that I try to use is to not post while angry. Yeah, this is just a message board, but things DO make you angry from time to time - we’re not robots posting here. Well, most of us aren’t. I hope you’re feeling better today, **BigT**. It sounds like you have some serious shit going on in your life from what you’ve told us. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-word-fuck-is-not-against-the-rulrs/539707/36 "2010-05-17T17:15:57Z")
**BigT** , I can’t see how continuing to post on this topic is going to help you calm down so you can sleep. The warning in the PM also explicitly says “Inappropriate posting in IMHO.” That is actually 2 items listed, not a repetition of 1 item. If you are unclear as to why it is inappropriate, then you should seek clarification. **Czarcasm** , this is a perfect example of a previous comment of mine where the actual infraction is not clearly stated. It might have _seemed_ clear to you, but it is not. _What_ was inappropriate for IMHO? The use of “fucking”? The tone of address? The reference to jerkish people? The phrasing of your PM does sound like you are saying, “You have been warned for using inappropriate language (i.e. “fucking”) in IMHO. That language is inappropriate for IMHO. Stop using that language in IMHO.” If you meant something else, using a few more words to convey your actual meaning would probably go a long way toward communication. **BigT** said: > [@](#): > > Because the guy who **hurt** me refuses to try to resolve the situation. To be fair, you didn’t leave him much room to work with. You got spun up over your first take on the message, you didn’t seek clarification or actually read the warning in the thread itself, which should have helped identify what was inappropriate. Instead you came in to ATMB and started declaring that the mods are now out to get you and that you expect the warning to be rescinded, or it’s proof that they are out to get you. No room whatsoever for the wording of the warning to be unclear, for the meaning to be different than you understood, and a rather straight out assumption that once any mod gives you a warning, you are declared a “troublemaker” and suddenly anything goes. If I’m a mod, how am I supposed to respond to that? Politely say, “I think you misunderstood, I cited you for what **AClockworkMelon** said, and don’t have anything against you personally, and didn’t even check your warning history because you haven’t been on my radar.”? Is that really going to help you calm down? Is it really going to get you to reevaluate your assumption about how the mods work around here? It would just be taken as confirmation that your assumption was right, the mods are out to get you. Your almost certainly not going to get, “Oh, gee, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you would get angry and think I was being unfair, I guess I’ll rescind my warning. Nevermind. You’re free to go.” Even if the mod does something questionable, screaming your head off at him is not going to get him to reevaluate his position, and not likely to get other mods to reevaluate your case. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-word-fuck-is-not-against-the-rulrs/539707/37 "2010-05-17T17:20:24Z")
My first thought was that by “language” he meant inappropriate use of “you’re.” OK, seriously, I don’t think you deserved a warning but it’s clear to me that your use of the f-bomb had little to do with it. I think that **Czarcasm** is a little quick on the trigger a lot of the time but he is fairly consistent and something like what you wrote is well within the range of what others, me included, have earned warnings from him in the past. Good Day. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-word-fuck-is-not-against-the-rulrs/539707/38 "2010-05-17T17:52:35Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > It’s a warning on a message board that has become my life. It’s my second warning. All I got to do is have one more mod take umbrage with something I write, and I can now be banned. And I can’t even know what the rules are not to get in trouble. > > And while I may have had more intense anger, I’ve always been able to somehow resolve the situation and thus extinguish the anger. This is the first time I’ve been this angry for this long. Because the guy who **hurt** me refuses to try to resolve the situation. I wouldn’t worry about it too much. This sort of warning doesn’t count as much. It’s only when you keep racking these up, and most importantly, won’t respond to moderation. You’re not going to get banned unless you keep doing the exact same thing in Look dude, you’re got a couple of problems here. One, you have a hard time seeing how your posts come across. Two, you have disproportionate emotional responses to how other people talk. Third, you blame other people for your emotional state. Fourth, if you’re a consistent pain in the ass to the moderators, you’re going to get banned eventually. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-word-fuck-is-not-against-the-rulrs/539707/39 "2010-05-17T18:08:15Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > It’s a warning on a message board that has become my life. You have _ **got** _ to be yanking our chains here. ---
**Author:** ![Corner\_Case](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/corner_case/32/234_2.png) [@Corner\_Case](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corner_Case)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-word-fuck-is-not-against-the-rulrs/539707/40 "2010-05-17T18:38:34Z")
You were playing on the SDMB playground, and yelled at a kid, and got called on the carpet by a teacher. A very scary experience. You’re fighting back because you don’t want to be sent to study hall where you can’t play and can’t talk to anyone. And it’s not embarrassing to admit that. We’ve all felt that way. I got a warning once and I was annoyed for a few seconds until I realized I _was_ trying to poke someone and I _was_ being a jerk. Have some milk, a piece of pie, and watch some TV. Then come back and play. We want you to express yourself. You care and have feelings. A good thing. We just don’t want you to be too - judgmental. 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-word-fuck-is-not-against-the-rulrs/539707.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-word-fuck-is-not-against-the-rulrs/539707.md?page=3)