# The word "fuck" is not against the rulrs

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-word-fuck-is-not-against-the-rulrs/539707>\
**Category:** About This Message Board\
**Created:** [May 17, 2010, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-word-fuck-is-not-against-the-rulrs/539707 "2010-05-17T01:51:46Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 20\
**Page:** 4

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**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\
**Post date:** [May 18, 2010, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-word-fuck-is-not-against-the-rulrs/539707/61 "2010-05-18T00:19:22Z")

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> [@samclem](#):
>
> Man, I thought you died! \<snip\>

Nah, he always smells like that.

🙂

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**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\
**Post date:** [May 18, 2010, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-word-fuck-is-not-against-the-rulrs/539707/62 "2010-05-18T00:30:36Z")

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> [@samclem](#):
>
> I say that covers about 80% of the posters. 😃

That’s a lot of ass.

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**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\
**Post date:** [May 18, 2010, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-word-fuck-is-not-against-the-rulrs/539707/63 "2010-05-18T01:02:51Z")

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> [@AClockworkMelon](#):
>
> I say we stick to gender-neutral and be assholes.

_'Taint funny McGee!_

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**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\
**Post date:** [May 18, 2010, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-word-fuck-is-not-against-the-rulrs/539707/64 "2010-05-18T01:27:17Z")

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> [@lekatt](#):
>
> Since this board has female as well as male posters the word is totally inappropriate.

Oh noes, my delicate female sensitivities are destroyed!!! I have read the “eff-you-see-kay” word!!! _swoons_

:rolleyes:

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**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\
**Post date:** [May 18, 2010, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-word-fuck-is-not-against-the-rulrs/539707/65 "2010-05-18T02:24:21Z")

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> [@Covered\_In\_Bees](#):
>
> **BigT** you may leave whenever you want. In fact, I encourage it. We’ll all be happier when you decide to stop torturing yourself by staying here.
> 
> Or more simply, in the words of [the scout](http://tf2wiki.net/wiki/Scout) from Team Fortress, [“Yeah I dare ya ragequit, c’mon make us both happy.”](http://www.tf2wiki.net/w/images/d/d6/Scout_domination19.wav)

i.e. “Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.” Gotta love the hypocracy.

It’s funny. I’ve spent my entire posting career defending you guys from capricious warnings. I finally get one, and I can’t count on (hardly) any of you.

There is no good reason to give a warning as a first response. None. The only reason to do it is because you WANT to piss someone off.

And that is not the sign of a good moderator. A good moderator will try to diffuse the situation. It’s really crappy that, even while I’m still angry, I know precisely how to respond to someone who is angry:

"I’m sorry you’re upset. But I felt a warning was justified. You brought up the point that it is not against the rules to use the word ‘fucking.’ And that is correct. I warned you not because of the specific words, but because I believe it will be perceived as an attack on that particular poster. Maybe I should have given you the benefit of a doubt and given you a Mod Note first. But some action was definitely justified.

"I’m sorry, but I will not be removing the warning. It is not to hurt you. I’m just doing my job. I hope you can understand.

"Best wishes  
\<insert mod name here\>

Tada! A nice, non-inflamatory and professional email.

You guys don’t seem to get that I’m now more mad at him refusing to respond than getting the warning. I don’t think the warning was justified, but surely he could have explained why it was.

Part of his job as a moderator is to defend his actions. He refuses to do so, because “It never works.” If you can’t explain your actions, then you are acting purely on emotionalism. And emotions can’t be trusted.

And I find it very insulting that you guys are telling me to leave. If you’d read what I wrote: I CAN’T. This is my life because it’s the only thing I can do when I’m in extreme emotional distress. I can’t watch movies or TV or I’ll get sick. Even reading stories can tear me up. No other messageboard has nearly enough content.

Plus, I have to keep my habits pretty nearly the same, or I get anxious out the wazzoo. And that is counterproductive.

And, anyways, what kind of person would I be if I let myself be bullied into leaving? Yeah, not gonna happen. I’ve done nothing wrong here.

I dare you to prove that what I said was bad, rather than just use some arbitrary moral standard. Isn’t that what you atheists always say? Prove it, or it doesn’t exist?

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**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\
**Post date:** [May 18, 2010, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-word-fuck-is-not-against-the-rulrs/539707/66 "2010-05-18T02:30:31Z")

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> [@Angry Lurker](#):
>
> Think about it this way: The very fact that you are reacting this way to receiving a warning is a sign that you were acting reasonably per your own sense of morality. So you can give yourself a pat on the back.
> 
> This is nothing other than a difference of opinion, and no one is in the right or wrong. Relax, let it go, and decide how best to avoid getting one again while sticking to your principles. The best way may simply be to avoid, as much as possible, those with whom you have disagreements:)

That says a lot coming from you, since you were also warned in that thread for something that made no sense. You just said that, if a response had been a moderator response, you’d have seen it as a bad one. How in the world is that warnable.

The thing is, I’ve made plenty of posts that I worried I would be warned for. But this was absolutely not one of them. I didn’t say anything different than I have before.

I don’t understand people thinking they have the right to not be offended here. You guys offend me all the flipping time. But I’m not so insecure as to ask for warnings because of it.

If I had a nickel for every time someone here has insulted me or my God, I’d own this message board. And, if a mod can’t be polite, they wouldn’t be here.

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**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\
**Post date:** [May 18, 2010, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-word-fuck-is-not-against-the-rulrs/539707/67 "2010-05-18T02:35:41Z")

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Here’s my idea of the post without the inflammatory language. Let’s see if it meets the (arbitrary) sensibilities:

Pay attention. She likes the friend, and the friend’s kid. She normally avoids the husband. But, about once a year or so, the guy is still around. She’s following your advice, and I think it comes off as if you are attacking her for it.

I can’t believe you actually agreed with the comment that she is “asking for it.” Why would blaming the victim be acceptable behavior?

There’s absolutely no way you completely avoid all the jerkish people in your life. None.

I really don’t see a difference in the message other than the fact that I no longer convey how angry I am.

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**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\
**Post date:** [May 18, 2010, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-word-fuck-is-not-against-the-rulrs/539707/68 "2010-05-18T02:47:38Z")

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> [@BigT](#):
>
> I really don’t see a difference in the message other than the fact that I no longer convey how angry I am.

That, **BigT** , is _exactly_ the point. That last post, IMO, would have been fine. Your original post contained a level of hostility that was inappropriate for IMHO. (And the use of “fucking” was only part of what made that post hostile.)

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**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\
**Post date:** [May 18, 2010, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-word-fuck-is-not-against-the-rulrs/539707/69 "2010-05-18T03:05:16Z")

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> [@Colibri](#):
>
> That, **BigT** , is _exactly_ the point. That last post, IMO, would have been fine. Your original post contained a level of hostility that was inappropriate for IMHO. (And the use of “fucking” was only part of what made that post hostile.)

But that’s where I disagree. If that was hostile, then every other post in GD is hostile. Hostile doesn’t mean being angry. It means an implied threat.

I gave none of that. And I’ve posted angry posts before. Had I’d gotten a mod note on one of those, I’d be less upset.

I’m mostly upset that I was expected to know something that was not explicitly stated. As I’ve responded before, I think expectations that you do not express should not exist.

And, honestly, I had a premonition that nothing I said would change Czarcasm’s mind. So I admit I barely tried. I know that being mad doesn’t help things. But I also know that it makes you feel 100x better to express your anger. I just wish the person I was angry with would acknowledge that I had a reason to get angry, even if he ultimately thinks his action was justified.

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**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\
**Post date:** [May 18, 2010, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-word-fuck-is-not-against-the-rulrs/539707/70 "2010-05-18T06:00:39Z")

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I’ve now shut off my PM system, as every time I get a PM, I’m scared it’s going to be another warning. If you get two warnings in a short period of time when you haven’t changed your posting habits at all, you start getting worried.

So, once again, thank you for making this place worse for me.

I also want an addendum: I thank MOL for actually being a decent person and at least trying to defend something she didn’t see as right. I also extend a lesser thanks to those who at least argued that a warning was too much.

I give no thanks to anyone who tried to say that what I did was wrong, but did not bother to actually explain why. If you cannot explain what is wrong about something, then you might want to check why you uphold an arbitrary moral standard.

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**Author:** ![ToeJam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dfb087/32.png) [@ToeJam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ToeJam)\
**Post date:** [May 18, 2010, 7:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-word-fuck-is-not-against-the-rulrs/539707/71 "2010-05-18T07:39:20Z")

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> [@BigT](#):
>
> I’ve now shut off my PM system, as every time I get a PM, I’m scared it’s going to be another warning.

Probably not the most helpful advice, but I believe that won’t stop moderators from sending you a PM. So all you’re doing there is cutting yourself off from your fellow Dopers, and if you DO get a PM it’ll just be from a Moderator for sure.

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**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\
**Post date:** [May 18, 2010, 7:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-word-fuck-is-not-against-the-rulrs/539707/72 "2010-05-18T07:53:01Z")

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> [@ToeJam](#):
>
> Probably not the most helpful advice, but I believe that won’t stop moderators from sending you a PM. So all you’re doing there is cutting yourself off from your fellow Dopers, and if you DO get a PM it’ll just be from a Moderator for sure.

I know. That’s why I did it. I’d rather be scared for a legitimate reason.

And it probably won’t be permanent. And if it is, I’ll change my email and turn off PM reminders going there, and will use that instead of PMs.

But, right now, I’m not too thrilled with my fellow Dopers either. I feel I got hung out to dry.

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**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\
**Post date:** [May 18, 2010, 7:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-word-fuck-is-not-against-the-rulrs/539707/73 "2010-05-18T07:59:51Z")

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Grr. Already edited too long:

And you remember my ethical standard says that people who do not fight injustice are themselves guilty of said injustice.

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**Author:** ![Lunchy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Lunchy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lunchy)\
**Post date:** [May 18, 2010, 8:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-word-fuck-is-not-against-the-rulrs/539707/74 "2010-05-18T08:08:30Z")

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If he replaced ‘fuck’ with ‘damn’ would there been a problem?

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**Author:** ![The\_Seventh\_Deadly\_Finn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6bbea6/32.png) [@The\_Seventh\_Deadly\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Seventh_Deadly_Finn)\
**Post date:** [May 18, 2010, 10:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-word-fuck-is-not-against-the-rulrs/539707/75 "2010-05-18T10:21:34Z")

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> [@BigT](#):
>
> It’s a warning on a message board that has become my life. It’s my second warning. All I got to do is have one more mod take umbrage with something I write, and I can now be banned. And I can’t even know what the rules are not to get in trouble.

Why don’t you just follow the spirit of the rules, which is to not be a jerk, rather than looking for some detailed rulebook that you can comb through to find ways to be a jerk without getting into trouble?

No offense, but I started this thread with an open mind, and now I really hope you _do_ get banned. You sure _seem_ like a troll who lives to start fights.

If you can’t calm down, go live in the Pit. I don’t know what you hope to gain by coming up here and seeing how many enemies you can make in an hour.

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**Author:** ![NineToTheSky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5a626/32.png) [@NineToTheSky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NineToTheSky)\
**Post date:** [May 18, 2010, 10:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-word-fuck-is-not-against-the-rulrs/539707/76 "2010-05-18T10:39:21Z")

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This isn’t how \*\*BigT \*\*normally is. In the time I’ve been reading his posts, he’s generally been calm and levelheaded. As he’s alluded to, at the moment he seems to be going through a bad patch, and his problems are everwhelming him. I think he should be given a bit of slack, in the hope that time will prove to be a healer, and that he will able to use a bit of perspective on this whole mess.

I’m rooting for you BigT!

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**Author:** ![xash](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/c6cbf5/32.png) [@xash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xash)\
**Post date:** [May 18, 2010, 11:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-word-fuck-is-not-against-the-rulrs/539707/77 "2010-05-18T11:36:44Z")

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> [@The\_Seventh\_Deadly\_Finn](#):
>
> You sure _seem_ like a troll who lives to start fights.

**The Seventh Deadly Finn** , insinuating that another poster is a troll is not permitted outside of the Pit. Please refrain.

- **xash**  
Administrator

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**Author:** ![Sparky812](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb9ed0/32.png) [@Sparky812](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sparky812)\
**Post date:** [May 18, 2010, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-word-fuck-is-not-against-the-rulrs/539707/78 "2010-05-18T11:49:06Z")

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Wow! This is the funniest thread I’ve read for a while.  
\*\* BigT\*\*, are you OK? How old are you? You really need to step away from the keyboard, take a deep breath, and relax.  
Regardless of whether you disagree with the reasoning behind the warning, you must admit that your post was over the top for IMHO Forum. Furthermore, barking up this tree does not endear you to the moderators and/or the SDMB, which as\*\* Colibri\*\* explained, could be a determining factor in future actions.  
Your response should have been “Oops! Point taken. I did not intend to insult anybody personally or act like a jerk”.  
Then you grow a thicker skin and move on.

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**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\
**Post date:** [May 18, 2010, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-word-fuck-is-not-against-the-rulrs/539707/79 "2010-05-18T11:51:18Z")

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> [@samclem](#):
>
> Man, I thought you died! Welcome back.

“The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated”

😛

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**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\
**Post date:** [May 18, 2010, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-word-fuck-is-not-against-the-rulrs/539707/80 "2010-05-18T12:13:59Z")

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> [@xash](#):
>
> **The Seventh Deadly Finn** , insinuating that another poster is a troll is not permitted outside of the Pit. Please refrain.
> 
> - **xash**  
> Administrator

Absolutely.

Whoa **Finn** , ease up a bit. **BigT** may be complaining a bit more than usual, but he is no troll.

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