# The World Cup, translated into American **URL:** \ **Category:** The Game Room\ **Created:** [May 21, 2010, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-world-cup-translated-into-american/540209 "2010-05-21T02:07:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Lamar\_Mundane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@Lamar\_Mundane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamar_Mundane)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2010, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-world-cup-translated-into-american/540209/1 "2010-05-21T02:07:07Z")
> **[THE WORLD CUP, TRANSLATED INTO AMERICAN](http://theunlikelyfan.blogspot.com/2010/05/disclaimer-im-new-to-this-site-and-im.html)** > > (DISCLAIMER - I'm new to this site and I'm having a hard time getting the formatting to be consistent. Apologies for sudden changes in fon... This is actually really well done. It won’t add much to those who are already soccer fans, other than start a few arguments, but for those who aren’t fans but are curious about the WC, it is as good a place as any to start. Fans in soccer playing countries will not make heads or tails of it. ---
**Author:** ![penultima\_thule](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penultima_thule/32/3833_2.png) [@penultima\_thule](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/penultima_thule)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2010, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-world-cup-translated-into-american/540209/2 "2010-05-21T02:51:10Z")
You talking about a sport that other countries play? They do? Who’d thunk that? And they play the same sport against each other countries? And the winner calls themselves world champion? No, no, no … you can’t be World Champion unless you beat an American team. In fact the only way to be a true World Champion is if you only beat American teams. Nahh, it’ll never fly, wouldn’t even make Letterman’s top 10. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2010, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-world-cup-translated-into-american/540209/3 "2010-05-21T04:29:32Z")
Some of those make perfect sense - Greece as the Buccaneers, and Spain as the Red Sox, for example - but some are utterly mystifying, like Holland as the Blazers. ---
**Author:** ![straight\_man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/straight_man/32/3027_2.png) [@straight\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/straight_man)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2010, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-world-cup-translated-into-american/540209/4 "2010-05-21T06:39:19Z")
Oh dear, that’s hilarious. And wonderful. Thanks for the link. I loved France=Duke. ---
**Author:** ![ToeJam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dfb087/32.png) [@ToeJam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ToeJam)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2010, 7:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-world-cup-translated-into-american/540209/5 "2010-05-21T07:10:20Z")
This is awesome! Now I’m going to have to root for Cameroon just for the scrappy underdogs. And apparently I hate Portugal. I’m gonna have to go thru that list and try to see if I can make a playoff bracket and who I’d pick to win the whole thing 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Peremensoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2010, 8:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-world-cup-translated-into-american/540209/6 "2010-05-21T08:44:09Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Holland as the Blazers. Some people call [this](http://sobreholanda.com/wp-content/uploads/coffee-shop.jpg) “blazing.” ---
**Author:** ![EllisDee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellisdee/32/4531_2.png) [@EllisDee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EllisDee)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2010, 10:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-world-cup-translated-into-american/540209/7 "2010-05-21T10:15:15Z")
Ha, loved the Portugal=Chargers text. > [@](#): > > I’m not quite a journalist, I don’t have to be that impartial, so let me just confess that Portugal are probably my least favorite team in the world. Not just in soccer- in all of sports. I might hate them as much as I hate the Packers and Vikings combined. They are classless crybabies and divers, and have been so since at least Euro 2000. They prance and preen, but they’ve never won a damn thing, which is problematic since they are HORRIBLE losers. Their best player comes off as a Hall of Fame douchebag, despite his exemplary skills. Their coach is an outmatched drone. Despite all this, they are in the upper echelon right now, always a legitimate threat. But be sure: no one likes them. This one was easy. > > PORTUGAL = THE SAN DIEGO CHARGERS ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2010, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-world-cup-translated-into-american/540209/8 "2010-05-21T13:10:02Z")
It would have been a lot easier to do if it was based more on a team’s history than their current form. For example, England is clearly the Eagles, making it to the semifinals of every major tournament and inevitably losing to the Germans on penalties. ---
**Author:** ![ivan732](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/aeb1de/32.png) [@ivan732](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivan732)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2010, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-world-cup-translated-into-american/540209/9 "2010-05-21T14:06:44Z")
Well, I don’t know much about US sports, but that was a funny article and the characterisations are pretty accurate. The only real quibble would be France, which he calls “hard to root for”. In truth, in the 80s they earned something of a reputation for classy, stylish football that has stayed with them (the Thierry Henry incident notwithstanding), and have been something of a neutral’s favourite at tournaments. ---
**Author:** ![ToeJam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dfb087/32.png) [@ToeJam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ToeJam)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2010, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-world-cup-translated-into-american/540209/10 "2010-05-21T17:04:43Z")
That’s a pretty good summary of Duke- though one may say that Duke is known for having a STACKED college basketball team, one of the bests every year, and always a threat to go to the final 4 of the tournament, it’s just their fans can be pretentious assholes about how awesome everything Duke is. But whenever I fill out a tournament bracket, I have to put Duke in the final 4, it’s almost a given. They’re just too damn good not to respect, the problem is more the fans than the team. I believe he’s just mocking the french more with that description. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2010, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-world-cup-translated-into-american/540209/11 "2010-05-21T17:09:25Z")
> [@ToeJam](#): > > But whenever I fill out a tournament bracket, I have to put Duke in the final 4, it’s almost a given. They’re just too damn good not to respect, the problem is more the fans than the team. I believe he’s just mocking the french more with that description. Duke have made the Final Four only three times this decade, and in fact only made the Elite Eight three times. North Carolina made it to the Final Four four times this decade, and the Elite Eight five times. ---
**Author:** ![ToeJam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dfb087/32.png) [@ToeJam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ToeJam)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2010, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-world-cup-translated-into-american/540209/12 "2010-05-21T18:01:48Z")
And that’s why I never win my brackets. -\_- ---
**Author:** ![EllisDee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellisdee/32/4531_2.png) [@EllisDee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EllisDee)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2010, 8:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-world-cup-translated-into-american/540209/13 "2010-05-23T08:22:46Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > It would have been a lot easier to do if it was based more on a team’s history than their current form. For example, England is clearly the Eagles, making it to the semifinals of every major tournament and inevitably losing to the Germans on penalties. But England won it once, making them infinitely better than the Eagles. Hey-yo! (The Eagles won 3 championships before the Superbowl era, but cheap shots are fun.) ---
**Author:** ![ivan\_astikov](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@ivan\_astikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivan_astikov)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2010, 10:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-world-cup-translated-into-american/540209/14 "2010-05-23T10:38:57Z")
I’d have appreciated that link even more had I any inkling of who the American equivalents were. Some funny analysis there. ---
**Author:** ![Roland\_Orzabal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c2a13f/32.png) [@Roland\_Orzabal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roland_Orzabal)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2010, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-world-cup-translated-into-american/540209/15 "2010-05-23T22:21:50Z")
Entertaining write-up. Puts a good perspective on it for those who, like me, don’t know much about the world soccer scene. (It’d probably have been even more informative if I didn’t also hate basketball, but it helped anyway.) Only thing that threw me…everyone hates the Chargers? [Carson] I did not know that. [/Carson] One of the reasons I enjoy being a Charger fan in Virginia is that nobody else in a three-state radius really gives a living crap about them, meaning that A) I can wear my cap and jersey without taking flak at the bar, and B) I don’t have to be embarrassed by association with legions of “fellow fans” who are total douchebags. I know everyone thinks Philip Rivers is an egotistical ass, but it’s not like those are in short supply on any team. Fight my ignorance…why the hate? ---
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2010, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-world-cup-translated-into-american/540209/16 "2010-05-23T22:42:05Z")
I agree.I thought most of it was cool, but the San Diego thing is a personal bias of the author. Very few people, even divisional rivals, care enough about them to bother hating them. They are mocked a bit for their constant playoff chocking, but very little hate for the chargers. ---
**Author:** ![Raygun99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Raygun99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raygun99)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-world-cup-translated-into-american/540209/17 "2010-05-24T00:47:27Z")
> [@wolfman](#): > > I agree.I thought most of it was cool, but the San Diego thing is a personal bias of the author. Very few people, even divisional rivals, care enough about them to bother hating them. They are mocked a bit for their constant playoff chocking, but very little hate for the chargers. Phillip Rivers is in general regarded as a loudmouth malcontent, which is where the author was going with that comparison. ---
**Author:** ![ToeJam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dfb087/32.png) [@ToeJam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ToeJam)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2010, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-world-cup-translated-into-american/540209/18 "2010-05-24T01:11:08Z")
Well, I’m a VA guy, and I happen to love the Colts. Hate the Chargers for that reason, don’t really want to see my colts fall to them in the playoffs, because it’s such a waste. The Chargers are a choke team, great during the regular season and then they just fizzle out and basically just manage to eliminate my team from the playoffs before then going on to choke yet again. ---
**Author:** ![EllisDee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellisdee/32/4531_2.png) [@EllisDee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EllisDee)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2010, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-world-cup-translated-into-american/540209/19 "2010-05-25T12:34:24Z")
For years the PTI guys have characterized the Chargers as “mouthy whiners.” Rivers acts like a raging douchebag, which is highly unusual at the quarterback position. His on-field screaming at opposing quarterbacks (Jay Cutler in particular) is viewed as notable both for its dickishness and for the fact that as a rule quarterbacks never show anything but respect for their opponents. Especially division rivals. Many view Tomlinson as a major malcontent, so much so that I heard his nickname from the Chargers board is Complainian. His bitching and moaning (if not outright crying) that the Patriots were classless after that playoff game was particularly pathetic, since the Patriots weere mocking Merriman’s dance, which is itself classless. Kind of hard to respect a guy shedding tears of hypocrisy. As for their fans, didn’t some of their games get blacked out last season? That’s pretty damn embarassing for a good team. At least the Lions and Jags sucked, y’know? ---
**Author:** ![Candyman74](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Candyman74](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Candyman74)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2010, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-world-cup-translated-into-american/540209/20 "2010-05-25T13:33:17Z")
> [@penultima\_thule](#): > > ? > > No, no, no … you can’t be World Champion unless you beat an American team. In fact the only way to be a true World Champion is if you only beat American teams. America is in the World Cup. In fact England’s first game is against America. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-world-cup-translated-into-american/540209.md?page=2)