# The world of dating for the mentally ill **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 20, 2010, 10:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-world-of-dating-for-the-mentally-ill/536729 "2010-04-20T10:08:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2010, 10:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-world-of-dating-for-the-mentally-ill/536729/1 "2010-04-20T10:08:47Z")
This is a continuation of the closed thread “Should I take my “5” girlfriend to “She’s Out Of My League”?” > **[Should I take my "5" girlfriend to "She's Out Of My League"?](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=559457)** > > I think I’m about a 5… apparently I’m good looking but I have personality problems (mental illness, etc). I think my girlfriend is about a 5 or 6 too… (ok looking but very responsible and good personality, very good in bed, etc) On IMDb girls give... I have a mental illness - bipolar disorder/social phobia. There are organisations and institutions where people with mental illnesses can socialise… and often they hook up/date. In my late 20’s I went on my first date and had my first girlfriend. I had opportunities in the past to date but I was too picky, etc. Anyway I know lots of people with mental illnesses and they keep in contact with lots of other people with mental illnesses and they have parties and can end up dating. BTW I know some mentally ill guys who currently have a sadder romantic life than I do… though they did have some sex in their younger years. There’s a guy that says I’m his best friend though I try to avoid him… I don’t want to hurt his feelings though. As far as my girlfriend goes - I think she is average-looking but she’s given me handjobs in the cinema three times… and she is good at sex… she’s quite experienced. She is a fairly devout but somewhat liberal Christian too though. She asked her Baptist minister once about whether having sex before marriage is ok and he said “it’s ok - we all do it”. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2010, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-world-of-dating-for-the-mentally-ill/536729/2 "2010-04-20T14:18:28Z")
Got a question? This just seems a statement, what were you hoping for with this thread? ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2010, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-world-of-dating-for-the-mentally-ill/536729/3 "2010-04-20T14:24:57Z")
Sounds like you’re doing OK! Is she good company & you like being with her? It’s nice to have someone you don’t have to hide the MH status from, and who has been there herself, isn’t it? ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2010, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-world-of-dating-for-the-mentally-ill/536729/4 "2010-04-20T15:13:10Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > As far as my girlfriend goes - I think she is average-looking but she’s given me handjobs in the cinema three times. Cool. Just keep the cell phone shut off, K? ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2010, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-world-of-dating-for-the-mentally-ill/536729/5 "2010-04-20T15:48:16Z")
Have you ever thought of getting a live journal, or starting a blog- you could call if “My Ramblings About My Ugly Girlfriend Who Is Good At Sex”, or some such thing. You’re really becoming a one-trick pony. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2010, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-world-of-dating-for-the-mentally-ill/536729/6 "2010-04-20T16:28:14Z")
My dream is for a joint JohnClay and Super Kapowzer thread…something along the lines of a: _Ask the mentally ill guy about how far he travelled for sex with his ugly girlfriend and shit_. ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2010, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-world-of-dating-for-the-mentally-ill/536729/7 "2010-04-20T16:38:48Z")
It sounds like you are really coming along in her capable hands. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2010, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-world-of-dating-for-the-mentally-ill/536729/8 "2010-04-20T20:38:17Z")
**JohnClay** , you’re probably not going to get many answers here that will be usefully adapted to someone with your particular condition. Many people will give you advice that assumes a level of commonly-held social skills and attitudes that you may not have, so that advice will be difficult for you to integrate into your life. Also, some people will tease you, and you may not realize that they’re making fun. You’re probably going to be better off discussing your relationships with counselors who are trained in your area than on this general message board. Romantic life is unpredictable, nuanced, and often frustrating even when one does not have a mental condition, so rest assured that you’re not alone in not having all the answers. My brief advice would be to focus less on the specific things you do together and more on the way you make each other feel. Are you relaxed together, and can you confide in one another? Do you want to be with each other? Do you each care about making the other happy (generally, and not just sexually)? ---
**Author:** ![nikonikosuru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5f8ce5/32.png) [@nikonikosuru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nikonikosuru)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2010, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-world-of-dating-for-the-mentally-ill/536729/9 "2010-04-20T21:29:37Z")
Is this the same girlfriend in your previous threads or a new one? ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2010, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-world-of-dating-for-the-mentally-ill/536729/10 "2010-04-20T21:59:57Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > Got a question? > This just seems a statement, what were you hoping for with this thread? Yeah I’m just sharing some (mundane pointless) stuff. I was hoping for some comments. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2010, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-world-of-dating-for-the-mentally-ill/536729/11 "2010-04-20T22:01:45Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > Have you ever thought of getting a live journal, or starting a blog- you could call if “My Ramblings About My Ugly Girlfriend Who Is Good At Sex”, or some such thing. Yeah I called it something like “29 and first possible relationship”. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2010, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-world-of-dating-for-the-mentally-ill/536729/12 "2010-04-20T22:02:53Z")
> [@nikonikosuru](#): > > Is this the same girlfriend in your previous threads or a new one? I have only had the one girlfriend. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2010, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-world-of-dating-for-the-mentally-ill/536729/13 "2010-04-20T22:03:21Z")
> [@Tom\_Tildrum](#): > > **JohnClay** , you’re probably not going to get many answers here… 😕 What questions did the OP ask? ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2010, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-world-of-dating-for-the-mentally-ill/536729/14 "2010-04-20T22:05:41Z")
> [@AHunter3](#): > > Sounds like you’re doing OK! Is she good company & you like being with her? Yeah though I don’t have that much to talk about so I only see her once or twice a week. > [@](#): > > It’s nice to have someone you don’t have to hide the MH status from, and who has been there herself, isn’t it? Yeah and I was told that if I was in a normal relationship, I should keep it a secret for a few months. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2010, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-world-of-dating-for-the-mentally-ill/536729/15 "2010-04-20T22:13:29Z")
Tom Tildrum: I wanted to share with people a hidden world they may not be aware of… the world of dating within mentally ill circles. In a way it’s like how some ethnic groups mostly date within their ethnic group… I just thought it was interesting. Some of the people are really messed up… e.g. there was one girl with a boyfriend who was going out with a guy next door and ended up chopping the heads off of his walking fish. Yeah I know it makes no sense but it is interesting gossip. ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2010, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-world-of-dating-for-the-mentally-ill/536729/16 "2010-04-20T23:59:26Z")
As somebody who’s been diagnosed with a few things, I’ve had some trouble dating. It can be difficult to tell somebody that you are “mentally divergent”. There is an upside. “No, honey, I’m not going to kill myself . . . as long as you give me a blow job to show you really love me. You do love me, don’t you?” ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-world-of-dating-for-the-mentally-ill/536729/17 "2010-04-21T00:47:36Z")
I’m still not understanding what sort of ‘comments’ you were hoping for. You mostly seem to want to share that she is average looking, and you’re having sex. So, I guess, I’ll comment that looks aren’t everything, I assure you no one else is judging her the way you are, knock it off. And congrats on the sex thing, I guess. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-world-of-dating-for-the-mentally-ill/536729/18 "2010-04-21T01:07:26Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > …looks aren’t everything, I assure you no one else is judging her the way you are, knock it off. And congrats on the sex thing, I guess. About my only problem with her looks is that I sometimes have trouble honestly reciprocating her compliments on my looks. Sometimes she says I’m gorgeous. Recently I said “you’re not so bad yourself” and she seemed to accept that. Since looks aren’t everything I guess that means I can say that I love her despite not completely loving her appearance… (BTW when I said I loved her a few days ago and she said “thanks”) ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-world-of-dating-for-the-mentally-ill/536729/19 "2010-04-21T01:10:42Z")
Why do you keep starting threads about it? If you’re so conflicted about dating an ugly girl that you can’t write about anything else, maybe you shouldn’t be with her. Or maybe you’re bragging? Maybe you should consider discussing your obsession with your girlfriend’s looks with your therapist/psychiatrist. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-world-of-dating-for-the-mentally-ill/536729/20 "2010-04-21T01:31:03Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > Why do you keep starting threads about it? The threads have a different context - e.g. it might be also concerning “Beauty and the Geek”, etc. Also I started another thread in MPSIMS because the moderator who closed the previous suggested that I could. > [@](#): > > If you’re so conflicted about dating an ugly girl I consider “gorgeous” to mean about the best possible looking person. Just because I don’t want to call her that and think she’s average-looking doesn’t mean she’s “ugly”. > [@](#): > > that you can’t write about anything else, maybe you shouldn’t be with her. In this thread I also wrote about other people. And in the movie thread I wrote about the plot of the movie, etc. > [@](#): > > Or maybe you’re bragging? Yeah I am about some of her attributes. > [@](#): > > Maybe you should consider discussing your obsession with your girlfriend’s looks with your therapist/psychiatrist. I have quite a few different support workers/doctors. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-world-of-dating-for-the-mentally-ill/536729.md?page=2)