# The worst and the best of bad commercials **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 2, 2004, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-and-the-best-of-bad-commercials/262757 "2004-09-02T12:49:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![jkirkman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ac8455/32.png) [@jkirkman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jkirkman)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2004, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-and-the-best-of-bad-commercials/262757/41 "2004-09-04T04:14:42Z")
> [@TubaDiva](#): > > This will make no sense to anyone that wasn’t watching late night TV in the greater Atlanta area in the 70s . . . or caught some TBS “Superstation” from the bad old days. > > They used to run an ad for Plaza Drugs, … Good Giggly Wiggly! I had _completely_ forgotten about those ancient Plaza Drugs ads on good ole WTCG (Channel 17 back when cable wasn’t cool). The venerable (and venerated) **T’Diva** speaketh the truth—that commercial must have been shot before I was born. Even in the ‘70’s, seeing it was………surreal. Thanks for the memory. Now you’re making me want drop by the Shane Company and buy some diamonds. “Now YOU have a friend in the diamond business.” Or I could go by Gallery Furniture and pick up a new couch. “And hey, ask for the Wolfman…” –jack ---
**Author:** ![BraheSilver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecccb3/32.png) [@BraheSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BraheSilver)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2004, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-and-the-best-of-bad-commercials/262757/42 "2004-09-04T04:36:39Z")
Whatever happened to Paul, “The King of Big Screen”? He had tv commercials, and now he’s relegated down to ads on AM radio. I hypothesize that he’s dead and all they have left is the clip of him saying “I _am_ the king!” For some reason that line made it into the movie _Face/Off_ when John Travolta says it with the exact same intonation. Did anyone outside L.A. understand it? Does it get played elsewhere? ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2004, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-and-the-best-of-bad-commercials/262757/43 "2004-09-04T04:50:18Z")
There is - or was…I haven’t seen the ads in a while, so I don’t know if they’re still in business - pawnshop/used jewelery store in Toronto, called Oliver’s Jewelery. The owner (Ron Oliver, I think his name was.) used to do the ads… Either he was on crack, or he drank waaay too much coffee. ‘Oh, YEEEAH!’ is a repeated phrase. … OK, maybe it’s Kool Aid, not crack or coffee. Then there’s latenight ads for one of those chatup phonelines - ‘Meet singles in your area’, that sort of thing - that had a cheesy guy in a cheap suit in a club, talking to the singles (and occasionally hitting on (and getting shot down by) the women)… They’re really embarrassing to watch. Interestingly, Matthew Sharp (the guy who played Gyrich in the X-Men movie) parodied both on History Bites. Frighteningly similar. ---
**Author:** ![edwino](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/35a633/32.png) [@edwino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwino)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2004, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-and-the-best-of-bad-commercials/262757/44 "2004-09-04T05:21:37Z")
> [@Mr. Miskatonic](#): > > [Micheal Pollack](http://watchingyou.com/pollack.html) > > Words fail me… Hmmm, don’t remember him at all, and that Colonial House apartment complex is like a mile north of me right now. I’m thinking of that intersection, and it really still is a POS just like the web site says. It is one of the true Houston experiences – a really crap area wedged between two very upscale, expensive ones. Pity, that commercial would have been a great one for scarring my 5th grade mind. I’ll email that link around and see if my friends from that time remember him. In the mid 1980s, there was a small chain of department stores coming, I think, from California, named Federated Electronics. They had terrible, terrible commercials featuring their spokesman, a blonde dude in a white suit, rapping a bad-1980s-white-guy rap. They were in Houston for a couple of years before closing up shop. For Houstonians, the branch I remember was a white building in a parking lot island of Sharpstown Mall. Anyone remember these commercials? I googled and I couldn’t find any record – what I am looking for is the words to that rap, it was mind numbingly bad. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2004, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-and-the-best-of-bad-commercials/262757/45 "2004-09-04T13:12:43Z")
> [@](#): > > In the mid 1980s, there was a small chain of department stores coming, I think, from California, named Federated Electronics. I _loved_ those commercials! The spokesman was “Fred R. Rated”, and his schtick was the fast-talking salesman who was so excited he couldn’t say enough. On one commercial he was running down the list of electronics you could buy, accompanied IIRC by a montage of the products, and then he’s on camera pointing left and right saying, “Hummina!Hummina!Hummina!Hummina!” (literally, that word). I thought his delivery was hilarious. The other commercial I remember was when he was dressed as a viking. He introduced himself, and then there was a shot of a blonde viking chick. (In a Norse accent): “I’m Fred R. Rated; and this is my wife Unda.” I still think of that one. Federated had among the best of the bad commercials! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![JayElle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/4bbf92/32.png) [@JayElle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JayElle)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2004, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-and-the-best-of-bad-commercials/262757/46 "2004-09-04T13:28:02Z")
> [@Tengu](#): > > Then there’s latenight ads for one of those chatup phonelines - ‘Meet singles in your area’, that sort of thing - that had a cheesy guy in a cheap suit in a club, talking to the singles (and occasionally hitting on (and getting shot down by) the women)… They’re really embarrassing to watch. Ooh, that reminds me of those commercials for Just for Men beard color. Graybeard gets shot down by woman in the bar until he colors his beard. Or the one where Graybeard has used the beard color and gets stopped by the cop. No, really officer, that’s me in the picture! And the officer asks, “Would it work for me?” ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2004, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-and-the-best-of-bad-commercials/262757/47 "2004-09-04T14:44:30Z")
Here in the UK we have our own style of commercials. Easily the worst starts with a pleasant woman at home with a scruffy carpet. Suddenly she throws a powder around, then vacuums while dancing (poorly) and singing (_slightly_ off key) ‘You do the Shake ’ n’ Vac, and put the freshness back’. While pretty nerve-wracking, this ad does (as Jman said) stick the product name into your memory. ---
**Author:** ![capacitor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e47774/32.png) [@capacitor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capacitor)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2004, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-and-the-best-of-bad-commercials/262757/48 "2004-09-04T22:07:01Z")
Those late night 1-900 on-air party phone ads are indeed so annoyingly lame, Especially when the same ads in the porn tapes does them so well, they are often better than the ‘feature’ film–so I hear others say. Walt Frazier and Keith Hernandez turn a Just for Men commercial into ‘Bizzaro Jerry’. It’s so bad it’s–trancendental. ---
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2004, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-and-the-best-of-bad-commercials/262757/49 "2004-09-05T03:15:07Z")
Federated rapped their slogan, too- The Federated Group! The Federated Group! Ugh. Paul is still around, and he is still the King of Big Screens. And I’m so ashamed, but I actually bought a mattress/box spring from Larry today… “You’re killing me, Larry” is the new favorite catch-phrase around here! Does anybody miss Joe Isuzu as much as I do? That slimey delivery- “Hiiiiiiiiii, I’m Joe Isuzu (he’s lying)…” That was David Leisure’s biggest acting gig of his career, IIRC. ---
**Author:** ![Greywolf73](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d9b06d/32.png) [@Greywolf73](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greywolf73)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2004, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-and-the-best-of-bad-commercials/262757/50 "2004-09-05T03:54:36Z")
We have a local commercial here for a bail bondsman company. Their jingle, apparently sung by every person that works for the company horribly-off key and out of sync, is: “Don’t pouuuuuut, we’ll get you ouuuuuuut! Call 1-800-blah, blah, blah…” There’s more to it but thankfully I’ve blocked most of it out. However, the phone number is forever stuck in my head and if by some chance I ever find myself in jail I know who to call. ---
**Author:** ![Briny\_Deep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/briny_deep/32/17188_2.png) [@Briny\_Deep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Briny_Deep)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2004, 10:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-and-the-best-of-bad-commercials/262757/51 "2004-09-05T10:48:01Z")
Follow the bouncing ball and sing along with the tuneless children: _Pete Ellis Dodge, Long Beach Freeway, Firestone Exit, Southgate, Pete Ellis Dodge, Long Beach Freeway, Firestone Exit, Southgate!_ But there you go; perfect power of advertising; not only do I remember the product decades later, I also remember exactly how to get there to buy it. ---
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2004, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-and-the-best-of-bad-commercials/262757/52 "2004-09-05T23:03:54Z")
> [@KGS](#): > > Anyone from the L.A. area will certainly have suffered through this one: _“We’ll beat anyone’s advertised price or your mattress is FREEEEE!!!”_ Oh, the horror. Be honest. Wouldn’t you just love to punch him right between the eyes? I sure would. That guys is really strumming on my last nerve. Cal Worthington was pretty bad too. Maybe it’s an urban legend (or wishful thinking), but didn’t the tiger or the bear almost get him? ---
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2004, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-and-the-best-of-bad-commercials/262757/53 "2004-09-05T23:09:44Z")
Two others - The grinning idiot in the Viagra commercial. Anyone that goofy looking may as well save his money, he isn’t getting any. No how, no way, not ever. The singing mutants Quiznos commercial. ---
**Author:** ![Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc29f/32.png) [@Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2004, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-and-the-best-of-bad-commercials/262757/54 "2004-09-06T02:41:01Z")
> [@Johnny L.A.](#): > > On the other hand, there were bad commercials I liked to watch. Crazy Gideon’s is an electonics store in downtown L.A. (If you haven’t been there, downtown is really seedy, with all sorts of cheap-ass stores.) “Gideon” is a wacky guy with a Middle Eastern accent who excitedly says things like, “We have SOny DVD player, only $299! You buy! It’s _cheap!_ Why so cheap? Because I’m _craaaaaazy!_” I think he’s a hoot. I think this is one of the “best of the bad”. (Later commercials before I left L.A. seemed to have been toned down a bit. Too bad.) Dude, I so remember that guy! His commercials were the -coolest-! I wish there were a Crazy Gideon in Utah. Instead we got Dell Schanze(sp?) with Totally Awesome Computers, an annoying squeaky-voiced salesbeast with a penchant for petulant whining at his competitors, his local government, and even the Better Business Bureau. ---
**Author:** ![TubaDiva](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tubadiva/32/507_2.png) [@TubaDiva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TubaDiva)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2004, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-and-the-best-of-bad-commercials/262757/55 "2004-09-13T04:44:17Z")
> [@jkirkman](#): > > Good Giggly Wiggly! > > I had _completely_ forgotten about those ancient Plaza Drugs ads on good ole WTCG (Channel 17 back when cable wasn’t cool). The venerable (and venerated) **T’Diva** speaketh the truth—that commercial must have been shot before I was born. Even in the ‘70’s, seeing it was………surreal. > > Thanks for the memory. > > Now you’re making me want drop by the Shane Company and buy some diamonds. “Now YOU have a friend in the diamond business.” > > Or I could go by Gallery Furniture and pick up a new couch. “And hey, ask for the Wolfman…” > > –jack Sorry, I meant to get back to this sooner. It’s been a heck of a week. I’m also sorry to tell you the following things: 1. The Wolfman passed away a few months ago. (Donna still does the ads.) 2. Tom Shane is STILL in the diamond business. your humble TubaDiva PS For those of you who spent time in Atlanta when weatherman Guy Sharpe was on the job, I’m also sorry to tell you he passed away this weekend. He was a beloved local icon and a major part of the tv business here for many years. If Guy said it was gonna be sunny, I always carried an umbrella, but lord, people just loved to look at him and thought he was the greatest. ---
**Author:** ![NoPretentiousCodename](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/82dd89/32.png) [@NoPretentiousCodename](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NoPretentiousCodename)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2004, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-and-the-best-of-bad-commercials/262757/56 "2004-09-13T15:47:39Z")
## KFC’s got an all you can eat buffet! (What did you say?) KFC’s got an all you can eat buffet! (OK!) It’s exciting, inviting, “quick-as-a-wink” You’ll say. Lest there be any confusion, I HATED, HATED, HATED this ad. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2004, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-and-the-best-of-bad-commercials/262757/57 "2004-09-13T16:12:06Z")
I can’t remember where I saw it (probably some shopping channel in some waiting room somewhere), but it was an advert for a chopping board that folded up at the edges to assist with dropping the contents into a pan - not in itself a terrible idea, but the first shot was: (voiceover: How often does this happen?) Person approaches small saucepan with large chopping board, overloaded with chopped vegetables, attempts to scoop entire load into pan with a single rapid sweep of a large knife, vegetables are catapulted over entire cooker top, mostly missing the pan. And I think to myself, “How often does this happen?.. Hmmm… not very often at all, on account of me not being a total fuckwit” ---
**Author:** ![JerH](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/bb73d2/32.png) [@JerH](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JerH)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2004, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-and-the-best-of-bad-commercials/262757/58 "2004-09-13T16:18:10Z")
Sometime in the late 1970s, at Christmas a local company in Erie decided to do a radio commercial repeating their name, over and over, to the tune of “Carol of the Bells”. Then they aired the commercial constantly on every station throughout the month of December - or at least it seemed like it. To this day, whenever I hear that song, my mind is singing _Star Mobile Homes Star Mobile Homes Star Mobile Homes Star Mobile Homes…_ ---
**Author:** ![rjk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ed655f/32.png) [@rjk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjk)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2004, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-and-the-best-of-bad-commercials/262757/59 "2004-09-13T17:28:04Z")
My first thought was Cal Worthington and his dog Spot. I always liked him, no matter how bad the ads were. (Wasn’t Spot once a chimp on a bike?) My “favourite” As Seen On TV ads are for the weed-eater string replacement whips, where the bozo practically ties his hands together changing the spool, and for the special garden hose with a reel to wind it up on, where the bozo practically hangs himself (I keep hoping). Then there are the furniture stores. “No payments and no interest until EEETERNITYYY!” We also have some fat guy going on about his floor coverings at such low prices his wife is mad at him, and sometimes the singing-family ads. For what seem like national ads, I think the worst features a woman so haggard she might have come from a prison camp, with her daughter kept away by a glass wall until Mom finally finishes scrubbing the bathtub. But she could have used _this_product, whatever it is! ---
**Author:** ![vd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b19c9b/32.png) [@vd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vd)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2004, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-and-the-best-of-bad-commercials/262757/60 "2004-09-13T18:27:47Z")
> [@masonite](#): > > Follow the bouncing ball and sing along with the tuneless children: > > _Pete Ellis Dodge, Long Beach Freeway, Firestone Exit, Southgate, > Pete Ellis Dodge, Long Beach Freeway, Firestone Exit, Southgate!_ > > But there you go; perfect power of advertising; not only do I remember the product decades later, I also remember exactly how to get there to buy it. Or you could have gone to Pete Ellis Dodge\*, 1095 West El Camino Real, Sunnyvale or Pete Ellis Ford\*, Garnet Avenue, I-5 Exit, Mission Bay \*He had Ford and Dodge dealerships but I don’t recall which is which [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-and-the-best-of-bad-commercials/262757.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-and-the-best-of-bad-commercials/262757.md?page=4)