# The Worst Movie Critic in America **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 25, 2014, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-movie-critic-in-america/684527 "2014-03-25T15:47:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2014, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-movie-critic-in-america/684527/101 "2014-03-27T17:38:31Z")
If Cameron Diaz is playing Sarah in the movie, does that mean that there will be a scene of Sarah dancing around in her underwear? ---
**Author:** ![Equipoise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/equipoise/32/151_2.png) [@Equipoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Equipoise)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2014, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-movie-critic-in-america/684527/102 "2014-03-27T18:18:34Z")
> [@gaffa](#): > > **Equipoise** is far too busy watching movies to take the time to write about movies. No kidding, especially since I work full time. I’m in the middle of the month-long European Union Film Festival and by the time it’s over I’ll have seen around 70 movies in March. Who has time to write? Well, other than Twitter blurbs. Besides, I don’t think they’d be interested in reviews of films from places like Slovakia, Slovenia, Latvia or Austria, among others. I would like to see what Sarah would say about such movies. That would be entertaining. “My Dog Killer is about a guy with a dog. The dog is named Killer. The dog named Killer has been trained to kill. This guy who owns Killer has a shaved head and hangs around other guys with shaved heads. Boy they look weird. They don’t seem to like gypsies for some reason. The guy with the dog (the dog named Killer and what a funny name for a dog!) lets his dog chase and kill a gypsy kid! The dog eats the kids face! Yuck! It’s a downer movie and I can’t recommend it.” ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2014, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-movie-critic-in-america/684527/103 "2014-03-27T18:34:50Z")
> [@Equipoise](#): > > “My Dog Killer is about a guy with a dog. The dog is named Killer. The dog named Killer has been trained to kill. This guy who owns Killer has a shaved head and hangs around other guys with shaved heads. Boy they look weird. They don’t seem to like gypsies for some reason. The guy with the dog (the dog named Killer and what a funny name for a dog!) lets his dog chase and kill a gypsy kid! The dog eats the kids face! Yuck! It’s a downer movie and I can’t recommend it.” “Will Marek succeed in reconnecting with his family? Will he fail and succumb to nihilistic apathy? Will the question of the role of the individual in society be resolved? Will his dog eat another kid?” ---
**Author:** ![Equipoise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/equipoise/32/151_2.png) [@Equipoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Equipoise)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2014, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-movie-critic-in-america/684527/104 "2014-03-27T21:22:36Z")
That was poetry compared to “mine” (I wouldn’t want anyone to think that’s a real review). Did you see it? ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2014, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-movie-critic-in-america/684527/105 "2014-03-27T21:38:27Z")
> [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](#): > > If Cameron Diaz is playing Sarah in the movie, does that mean that there will be a scene of Sarah dancing around in her underwear? We can only hope. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2014, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-movie-critic-in-america/684527/106 "2014-04-02T17:06:47Z")
New review is up from Sarah! Bumpity bump bump! [http://www.chicagonow.com/sarah-takes-on-movies/2014/03/sabotage/](http://www.chicagonow.com/sarah-takes-on-movies/2014/03/sabotage/) ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2014, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-movie-critic-in-america/684527/107 "2014-04-02T18:21:59Z")
> [@Exapno\_Mapcase](#): > > In Sarah Takes On the Movies Sarah plays Sarah the Movie Critic. Shagnasty plays one of Sarah’s readers. Exapno plays another one of Sarah’s readers. Sarah is a blogger in Chicago. Her readers are not in Chicago. The movies are on the screen. The screen is in Chicago. Chicago is in Illinois. Illinois is in the United States of America. The United States of America is in North America. North America is on Earth. Wait, I sort of got lost there. Where’s Illinois again? ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_MB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steve_mb/32/5339_2.png) [@Steve\_MB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_MB)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2014, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-movie-critic-in-america/684527/108 "2014-04-02T18:28:13Z")
> [@Exapno\_Mapcase](#): > > Why would I mock poor Sarah, an idiot blogger in a world full of idiot bloggers? > > Because Sarah is the movie critic blogger for ChicagoNow, and ChicagoNow is the blogging arm of the Chicago Tribune, and the Chicago Tribune was once the home of movie critic Gene Siskel, an elegant and highly literate writer. Do they pay her to write this stuff? I mean, with money? ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_MB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steve_mb/32/5339_2.png) [@Steve\_MB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_MB)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2014, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-movie-critic-in-america/684527/109 "2014-04-02T18:33:50Z")
> [@Inner\_Stickler](#): > > Sorry, I haven’t gotten to the reviews yet. I haven’t gotten over being pissed about: > [INDENT][indent]Hey I’m Sarah. Born and > raised in Chicago. I love > watching the newest movies > before they officially come[/INDENT][/INDENT]out. > > What the hell, website? Who told you that’s acceptable formatting? Yeah – everybody knows it’s supposed to be five syllables, seven syllables, five syllables. ---
**Author:** ![Exapno\_Mapcase](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/exapno_mapcase/32/1051_2.png) [@Exapno\_Mapcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exapno_Mapcase)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2014, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-movie-critic-in-america/684527/110 "2014-04-02T18:52:21Z")
> [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](#): > > New review is up from Sarah! Bumpity bump bump! > [http://www.chicagonow.com/sarah-takes-on-movies/2014/03/sabotage/](http://www.chicagonow.com/sarah-takes-on-movies/2014/03/sabotage/) Sarah figured out the bad guy before the movie was over! Scriptwriters, if you can’t even fool Sarah… ---
**Author:** ![Sterling\_Archer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Sterling\_Archer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sterling_Archer)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2014, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-movie-critic-in-america/684527/111 "2014-04-02T19:00:13Z")
I guess usually she has to ask the people around her who the bad guy was after the credits roll. ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2014, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-movie-critic-in-america/684527/112 "2014-04-02T19:04:10Z")
I’d say that the movies are winning. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2014, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-movie-critic-in-america/684527/113 "2014-04-02T19:38:41Z")
> [@Exapno\_Mapcase](#): > > Sarah figured out the bad guy before the movie was over! > > Scriptwriters, if you can’t even fool Sarah… Sarah gives another killer review. She takes on the reputation of Arnold himself head-on. One thing that she didn’t tell us in this one however was whether Sabotage is a _thinking movie_ or not. I did did learn that there is no story but plenty of action and it is predictable so maybe she is going for subtlety but I like my reviewers to just tell each of these things straight in order and not skip over any. ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2014, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-movie-critic-in-america/684527/114 "2014-04-02T20:55:41Z")
[QUOTE=Sarah] I figured out the bad person before the movie was over. [/QUOTE] I take back my mockery. This is an insightful critique. We all know that the best movies are the ones where you figure out the bad person after the movie is over. What I love about the series’ title is that it leaves the door open for Sarah to take on a variety of other topics as well. ---
**Author:** ![Equipoise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/equipoise/32/151_2.png) [@Equipoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Equipoise)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2014, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-movie-critic-in-america/684527/115 "2014-04-02T22:30:43Z")
Her not leaving a space between the character name and the actor’s name drives me nuts. I don’t know why “Caroline(Olivia Williams)” bothers me so much but it makes me want to mangle cute puppies, and I ADORE cute puppies! ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2014, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-movie-critic-in-america/684527/116 "2014-04-02T22:41:11Z")
> [@Equipoise](#): > > Her not leaving a space between the character name and the actor’s name drives me nuts. I don’t know why “Caroline(Olivia Williams)” bothers me so much but it makes me want to mangle cute puppies, and I ADORE cute puppies! Some people didn’t appreciate Picasso in the beginning either. Sometimes a true genius like Sarah has to break the rules to evolve the artform. Her unconventional use of spacing, formatting, punctuation and deceptively simplistic sentence structure lead some casual readers to not perceive how the grand master is creating a work that is much greater than the sum of its pieces. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2014, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-movie-critic-in-america/684527/117 "2014-04-02T22:54:45Z")
> [@](#): > > I figured out the bad person before the movie was over. It was very predictable. > [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](#): > > I take back my mockery. This is an insightful critique. We all know that the best movies are the ones where you figure out the bad person after the movie is over. See, from a better writer, I would take from that quote that the villain was a female, because she had avoided saying “bad _guy_.” As it is, I take from that quote that the villain of the film possibly committed some wrong touching. ---
**Author:** ![kath94](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/67e7ee/32.png) [@kath94](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kath94)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-movie-critic-in-america/684527/118 "2014-04-03T18:03:38Z")
Sarah could benefit from some better use of grammar. Sarah could also benefit from better use of punctuation. Will Sarah succeed? Will she fail? ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-movie-critic-in-america/684527/119 "2014-04-03T18:38:32Z")
Sarah must be about 12 years old, or (as some have noted) use nothing but an iPhone to write her material. On a tight data plan. Those spaces add up. This has got to be some kind of extended April Fool’s joke. I mean, I’ve read plenty of bad writing on the net, but this is a not-insignificant venue and even free-paper editors have better writers lined up to write this stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2014, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-movie-critic-in-america/684527/120 "2014-04-03T19:29:03Z")
> [@Exapno\_Mapcase](#): > > Sarah figured out the bad guy before the movie was over! I had the same complaint about _Schindler’s List_. I figured out who the bad guys were half way through (spoiler: it’s the Nazis) and it ruined the rest of the movie for me. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-movie-critic-in-america/684527.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-movie-critic-in-america/684527.md?page=7)