# The WORST Movie Musicals **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 22, 2006, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-movie-musicals/353729 "2006-04-22T05:31:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2006, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-movie-musicals/353729/41 "2006-04-22T23:59:27Z")
> [@JThunder](#): > > That depends on who’s performing the lead role. Mein Fuhrer does not say “baby!” ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2006, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-movie-musicals/353729/42 "2006-04-23T01:00:37Z")
> [@DaddyTimesTwo](#): > > I’m guessing “The Pirate Movie” with Kristy MacNicol and Christopher Ames (I’m guessing, the guy from “Blue Lagoon”?) is awful although I haven’t seen it 20+ years. But I still want to see it again. It’s Atkins, not Ames (you may be thinking of Willie Aames, who appeared in the _Blue Lagoon_ clone _Paradise_). And while _The Pirate Movie_ has its clunkier bits, and while Atkins almost literally cannot act his way out of a paper bag, it’s overall not a bad movie. McNichol is charming in the lead role, every other performance besides Atkins’ is decent, Atkins serves as nice enough eye candy that his terrible acting doesn’t make one want to blind oneself, the music is fun. There are definitely many worse ways to spend 90 or so minutes. ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2006, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-movie-musicals/353729/43 "2006-04-23T01:08:33Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > Agreed, the movie version was awful. I love Lucille Ball, but the woman had the voice of a laryngitic frog. When Bea Arthur sounds like Jennifer Holliday next to you, you just can’t sing. Disagree. She did a credible job in _Wildcat_. No one else can carry “Hey, Look Me Over” the way she did. The show did not turn into a huge hit, I grant, but Ball was perfectly competent as Wildy. ---
**Author:** ![postcards](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8e8cbc/32.png) [@postcards](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/postcards)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2006, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-movie-musicals/353729/44 "2006-04-23T01:16:58Z")
> [@Lute Skywatcher](#): > > There’s that one the Village People did. _Can’t Stop the Music_, I think. Which, I need to point out, was directed by Nancy Walker, aka Ida Morgenstern, aka Rhoda’s mom. (I need to point this out because I thought for years that it was directed by Joan Rivers, but that was _Rabbit Test_, another incredibly bad movie.) ---
**Author:** ![Hometownboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/5e9695/32.png) [@Hometownboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hometownboy)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2006, 7:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-movie-musicals/353729/45 "2006-04-23T07:47:37Z")
There are some stinkers above, I grant you, but none, I say, none, can match the sheer train-wreck awfulness of SKIDOO From [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=148960) of 2000 comes the following account: Boy, howdy, that brings to mind Skidoo, a 1968 movie musical directed by Otto Preminger (!) and misusing a huge cast of characters: Jackie Gleason, Carol Channing, Frankie Avalon, Frank Gorshin, Peter Lawford, Burgess Meredith, George Raft, Cesar Romero, Mickey Rooney, Arnold Stang, Slim Pickens, even – fer chrissake – Harry Nilsson and Groucho Marx as God, in what, sadly, was his last film. I used to own the soundtrack album for this train wreck of a film and kept it for years just to hear Nilsson sing the closing credits – that’s right, every last best boy, key grip and copywright notice set to sort of a free-flowing song. Bizarre beyond belief. And, yes, I saw this in a theater way back then. There is next to no plot, and the actors look as confused as everyone else. One of the reviewers on the IMDB says that Preminger’s daughter controls the negative to protect her father’s memory and that it’s never been released on video. xxxxxxxxxxxxxx That was six years ago. Today I can add that among the other musical numbers are “Garbage Can Ballet,” featuring midgets and garbage cans, “Tony’s Trip,” about Jackie Gleason on LSD. The mind fairly boggles Oh, and it now appears that RCA reissued the n CD , catalog #8412, should you be inspired to see just how bad a musical can be. ---
**Author:** ![Push\_You\_Down](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/push_you_down/32/9095_2.png) [@Push\_You\_Down](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Push_You_Down)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2006, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-movie-musicals/353729/46 "2006-04-23T14:52:23Z")
“The Fantastiks” movie adaptation starring Lil Joey from the New Kids on the Block… So terrible it was never released in theaters and had a very limited run on video tape. ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2006, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-movie-musicals/353729/47 "2006-04-23T17:10:12Z")
> [@RealityChuck](#): > > **The Broadway Melody** is also unimpressive. The best songs were put to much better effect in **Singin’ in the Rain**. I think it won Best Picture Oscar primarily because it was an early and successful musical. But it dates terribly, with none of the fun of the Warner Brothers musicals of a few years later. On a serious note, how many good musicals were there before 1932 or so? I’ve seen at least a half dozen musicals from the 1929-1931 period, and the only one that I recall as being any good was _Whoopee!_. ---
**Author:** ![Rube\_E.Tewesday](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f0a364/32.png) [@Rube\_E.Tewesday](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rube_E.Tewesday)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2006, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-movie-musicals/353729/48 "2006-04-23T19:23:41Z")
> [@Push You Down](#): > > “The Fantastiks” movie adaptation starring Lil Joey from the New Kids on the Block… So terrible it was never released in theaters and had a very limited run on video tape. IIRC, they actually chopped part out of “September Song” for that. Strange. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2006, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-movie-musicals/353729/49 "2006-04-23T19:45:34Z")
**Man of La Mancha** , with some of the most beautiful songs in Broadway history, sucked penguin ass as a movie (even with those singin’ fools Peter O’Toole and Sophia Loren cast in the leads). **Hello Dolly!** - a role first played on film by Shirley “Hazel” Booth and then on stage by Carol Channing, Pearl Bailey, Ethel Merman and others who are believable as aging widows (it’s vital that the character had a long and happy marriage with her first husband and that the wait staff at a restaurant would be overcome at her return even though they haven’t seen her in many years) is played by 27 year old Barbra Streisand (who evidently married her husband at 4 and was widowed at about 17) who is expected to have chemistry and major attraction for Walter Matthau. Then there is the most overchoreographed overdone over-everything mess for the next (it seems) 15 hours. Just horrible. And another vote for _Mame_. Lucille Ball was one of the richest women in Hollywood but simply would not go away and live with her riches and her dignity. Casting her in a Rosalind Russell/Angela Lansbury role would be like casting Adam Sandler as Lancelot in a new version of _Camelot_, which was actually worse than _Mame_ and as overdone as _Hello Dolly_ with all the singing talent of _Man of La Mancha_. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2006, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-movie-musicals/353729/50 "2006-04-23T20:20:01Z")
And speaking of [Camelot](http://imdb.com/title/tt0061439/) it broke the cardinal rule of movie musicals: it was utterly joyless. None of the lightness and humor (and it’s one of the lightest musical comedies in theater until the end) translated. In fairness to _Paint Your Wagon_, it doesn’t work on stage either. It’s just a misfire of a musical. The entire story was totally rewritten for the movie- they kept the songs and the old west setting and a few of the character’s names but the rest was totally new (i.e. there was no polygamous plotline in the play). Unfortunately it happens to contain Lerner & Leowe’s (imo) best song, _They Call the Wind Maria[h]_, and while Harve Presnell didn’t learn to act until he was an old man he could flat sure sing. I wouldn’t put _The Producers_ on the worst musicals list, but I will say that they made one of the stupidest song cuts in the history of musicals. Cutting the **King Of Broadway** number at the beginning would have been on par with cutting _The Rain in Spain_ from _My Fair Lady_. The television remake of [Annie](http://imdb.com/title/tt0207972/) was if not one of the worst (it was just overall extremely mediocre) then at least one of the most pointless remakes in history. The [original](http://imdb.com/title/tt0083564/) certainly had its flaws (mainly that it was too _too_- see Hello Dolly for overchoreographed, overpromoted, overdone all around) but it had some real gems, particularly with Carol Burnett (who adds a touch of comic “crazy” to Miss Hannigan that give the films best moments) and her numbers with Tim Curry and Bernadette Peters are the best in the film. Albert Finney is a great Daddy Warbucks- you believe him as an oblivious self made billionaire who comes to like the plucky orphan. In the remake there’s NO chemistry between any two actors, they’ve tried to politically correct Miss Hannigan (she’s no longer a drunk and THE FIRST LINE THE MOVIE is that she would never beat the orphans [oh, she’ll murder them to get money, but she wouldn’t beat them]), they totally waste Audra MacDonald and Daddy Warbuck’s sudden turnaround from “get that kid away from me” to “I’ve gotta have you with me always, Annie” is downright creepy and on par with Natalie Portman’s fixation on the other prepubescant Annie in _Phantom Menace_. Total waste of money and film and even Alan Cumming and Kristen Chenoweth can’t make their scenes sparkle. (Of course no musical ever benefitted from having Crisco ads every 14 minutes.) There was an equally pointless remake of [The Music Man](http://imdb.com/title/tt0293437/) with Matthew Broderick and Chenoweth. Broderick is an okay actor in the right part, but Harold Hill isn’t it (and I know he played him on Broadway). The character of Harold Hill is a con-artist who knowingly sells people overpriced band instruments and uniforms they can’t afford and then scoots away without teaching them to play (not that he could if he wanted to) which means that a bunch of farmers with no spare money have just spent money they couldn’t afford for a totally useless trombone and epauletted costume. In a way Hill is the worst kind of con-man: he doesn’t prey on people’s greed or villainy but on their trust and he doesn’t particularly care if they can’t afford to get burned. Now, what this means is that the actor who plays him has to be so charming and or so charismatic that you can like him even though you know this.\* Robert Preston did this, Eric McCormack managed this, but Broderick is too flat to manage it. Plus, the worst thing about the remake: you didn’t get to hear Hermione Gingold say “Ballllllllllll-zac”. And _GIGI_- it had excellent production values and some good songs and even Hermione, but it was just flawed throughout. I couldn’t stand the character of Gaston (pompous self-pitying rich brat whining about how bored he is- gee, I’ll bet those people working 15 hour days scrubbing your house or begging on the streets have the same problem) who ultimately solves it by hiring the little girl he likes to be his Lolita like mistress but then decides to marry her instead. Yawn and yuck in some order. \*I was in a production of _The Music Man_ as Mayor Shinn and the actor who played Harold Hill came across as being as big of a talentless conceited ass onstage as he was offstage. It was almost impossible to play Shinn as a pompous villain when everything he’s saying is the truth: Hill _is_ a huckster, the folks _are_ gonna be sorry they bought the instruments and the people in town really are being fools. The director told me that I was coming across as a far more likeable & sympathetic character than Hill and needed to do something to make them dislike me, so I ultimately played the character less as a fat comic buffoon and more as D.D. Lewis’s Bill the Butcher in [looks](http://168.16.206.153/MusicManDress/pages/DSC_3929.html) and in mannerisms and even with a [derringer](http://168.16.206.153/MusicManDress/pages/DSC_3921.html) (my Shinn could have compared notes on body disposal with Deadwood’s Al Swearengen) and then put some humor back in during the Shipoopy dance number and some “recrafting” of his mispronunciations. The point is don’t do drugs. ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2006, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-movie-musicals/353729/51 "2006-04-24T05:43:01Z")
**A Chorus Line** As you may guess from the title, the story is about dancers. Richard Attenborough directed this mess and to show you some of his brilliant ideas, he shot the dance scenes in close ups - you saw a knee, and elbow, cut to a hip, then back to an arm…it was horrible. Plus, originally they were going to use new, non-name actors so that the story would ring true, but they decided to cast Michael Douglas as the choreographer. There were so many things wrong with this film - I think Attenborough should have been jailed, if not shot, for his criminal handling of this film. Really a shame as the Broadway show was really good, but anyone seeing this film would be hard pressed to believe it. ---
**Author:** ![jali](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecae2f/32.png) [@jali](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jali)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2006, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-movie-musicals/353729/52 "2006-04-24T14:04:47Z")
**The Wiz** was a wonderful and imaginative Broadway musical. The film \*\*The Wiz \*\* was pure crap! ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2006, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-movie-musicals/353729/53 "2006-04-24T14:08:25Z")
> [@jali](#): > > The film \*\*The Wiz \*\* was pure crap! And absolute proof that you can make a flop even if you stuff it full of Names. Diana Ross, Michael Jackson, Nipsey Russell, Lena Horne, Richard Pryor…what a waste. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2006, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-movie-musicals/353729/54 "2006-04-24T14:52:21Z")
Where to start? I second _Chorus Line_, _Annie_ (god, do I hate that whole show), _Wiz_ and _Camelot_. What about _All That Jazz_? I saw this in a continous loop as a teen when HBO first came out and needed to fill airtime. It was awful. And if _Sweeney Todd_ was every made into a film, I nominate that. I have walked out of 2 plays in my life–one was some new experimental crap at the Goodman years ago, and the other was a summer stock production of ST. That is a horrible musical. What was the name of the movie about Gilbert and Sullivan? Does that qualify? It was…odd, to say the least. ---
**Author:** ![Ceejaytee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ceejaytee/32/2956_2.png) [@Ceejaytee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ceejaytee)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2006, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-movie-musicals/353729/55 "2006-04-24T15:03:18Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > There was an equally pointless remake of [The Music Man](http://imdb.com/title/tt0293437/) with Matthew Broderick and Chenoweth. Broderick is an okay actor in the right part, but Harold Hill isn’t it (and I know he played him on Broadway). The character of Harold Hill is a con-artist who knowingly sells people overpriced band instruments and uniforms they can’t afford and then scoots away without teaching them to play (not that he could if he wanted to) which means that a bunch of farmers with no spare money have just spent money they couldn’t afford for a totally useless trombone and epauletted costume. In a way Hill is the worst kind of con-man: he doesn’t prey on people’s greed or villainy but on their trust and he doesn’t particularly care if they can’t afford to get burned. Now, what this means is that the actor who plays him has to be so charming and or so charismatic that you can like him even though you know this.\* Robert Preston did this, Eric McCormack managed this, but Broderick is too flat to manage it. Plus, the worst thing about the remake: you didn’t get to hear Hermione Gingold say “Ballllllllllll-zac”. Craig Bierko played Harold Hill on Broadway in the revival first. I was hesitant to see it because I **love** Robert Preston, but Bierko was actually excellent. They should have cast him in the movie. But he wasn’t a “name.” Speaking of “names”: As for Movie #1–I can’t watch it. Barbara Cook **was** Marian the Librarian. It pisses me off that they would cast Robert Preston and screw over Barbara Cook in favor of Shirley Jones. You might be able to tell that I worship Barbara Cook. ---
**Author:** ![snorlax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@snorlax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snorlax)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2006, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-movie-musicals/353729/56 "2006-04-24T15:24:04Z")
On the subject of Beatles musicals, does _Magical Mystery Tour_ count? This is hard to find and with good reason. There is very little resembling a plot and it would be charitable to describe the direction as “amateurish”. The real shame is that this was made by the Beatles when they were at the peak of their creativity and is such a waste of their talents. My only explanation is that they underestimated the work involved in making a watchable film because their egos were so inflated by the ongoing success of their music. I know they were drugged up to the eyeballs, but don’t accept this as an excuse as their musical output during the same period was much more disciplined. Probably the biggest missed opportunity is the video for “I Am the Walrus”. There are some interesting visualisations of the lyrics (such as policemen holding hands atop a concrete wall), but my overriding impression was that they got bored in the editing suite and ended up randomly throwing together some clips, including what looks like an outtake of them pointing at a plane flying overhead. There are lots of other bits that start off promisingly and peter out. There are a few scenes with the Fab Four as magicians, which could have linked to the plot somehow but doesn’t. The “Your Mother Should Know” sequence which finishes the film begins with them descending a staircase in white tuxedos. This is probably the most entertaining bit of the film and the point where I was hoping it would fulfill any of my now diminished expectations. The camera then pulls back for the big finish but instead the stage gets swarmed by hundreds of people and it’s all over. In his excellent book _Revolution in the Head_ Ian MacDonald comes to the film’s defense as an artefact of the psychedelic and random mood of the time and makes a case for it paving the way for road trip films like _Easy Rider_. This may be the case but it’s an unwatchable mess. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2006, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-movie-musicals/353729/57 "2006-04-24T15:25:24Z")
Actually, Xanadu is so bad it’s good. It gets a little tedious in spots, but then you have Olivia Newton-John on roller skates! The music of ELO! The cartoon part! Give in to the suckage and you will be rewarded. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2006, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-movie-musicals/353729/58 "2006-04-24T15:32:40Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > What was the name of the movie about Gilbert and Sullivan? Does that qualify? It was…odd, to say the least. Are you thinking of [Topsy-Turvy](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0151568/)? Odd, yes, but I liked it at the time. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2006, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-movie-musicals/353729/59 "2006-04-24T15:42:30Z")
All my favorites have been named – **Lost Horizon** (which I’ve seen all the way through, and even shown at one one my Bad Film Festivals) **Man of La Mancha** – Dammit, the original Broadway stars were available. Why use bigger names not noted fotr their singing (even if you get a voice double for Peter 'Toole)? This was just _awful_ I haven’t seen **At Long Last Love** , but I’ve heard enough about it. Peter Bogdanovich _can_ handle singing in movies – look at Barbtra Steisand’s “You must remember This” in **What’s Up, Doc?** , so why did he screw up so badly here? I’d like to suggest Bruce Kimmel’s _ouevres_, **The First Nudie Musical** and **The Creature that Wasn’t Nice/Spaceship/Naked Space** (a musical version – I swear – of **Alien** , starring Cindy Williams, Leslie Nielsen, and Patrick MacNee!). They’re entertainingly bad. I can’t put my finger on exactly why even the best numbers in TFNM are bad – even the ones that aren’t intended to be outrageous put-ons – but they somehow manage to fall short. Everything in TCTWN is a put-on, but there’s too much dead space where nothing happens and any jokes fall flat. I love Kimmel for what he is and what he’s done, but I can’t pretend that it’s really good. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2006, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-movie-musicals/353729/60 "2006-04-24T15:50:01Z")
All my favorites have been named – **Lost Horizon** (which I’ve seen all the way through, and even shown at one one my Bad Film Festivals) **Man of La Mancha** – Dammit, the original Broadway stars were available. Why use bigger names not noted fotr their singing (even if you get a voice double for Peter 'Toole)? This was just _awful_ I haven’t seen **At Long Last Love** , but I’ve heard enough about it. Peter Bogdanovich _can_ handle singing in movies – look at Barbtra Steisand’s “You must remember This” in **What’s Up, Doc?** , so why did he screw up so badly here? I’d like to suggest Bruce Kimmel’s _ouevres_, **The First Nudie Musical** and **The Creature that Wasn’t Nice/Spaceship/Naked Space** (a musical version – I swear – of **Alien** , starring Cindy Williams, Leslie Nielsen, and Patrick MacNee!). They’re entertainingly bad. I can’t put my finger on exactly why even the best numbers in TFNM are bad – even the ones that aren’t intended to be outrageous put-ons – but they somehow manage to fall short. Everything in TCTWN is a put-on, but there’s too much dead space where nothing happens and any jokes fall flat. I love Kimmel for what he is and what he’s done, but I can’t pretend that it’s really good. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-movie-musicals/353729.md?page=2)