# The worst sentences you've ever encountered in published books **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 6, 2013, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-sentences-youve-ever-encountered-in-published-books/668204 "2013-09-06T21:07:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2013, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-sentences-youve-ever-encountered-in-published-books/668204/61 "2013-09-10T00:29:42Z")
> [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](#): > > I’m confused. This keep. Is it unfinished or what? He really should make that clear. I’m not quite sure, but I think the builders started building it but stopped at some point in time. ---
**Author:** ![gonzoron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a6a055/32.png) [@gonzoron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gonzoron)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2013, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-sentences-youve-ever-encountered-in-published-books/668204/62 "2013-09-10T00:53:25Z")
> [@Ludovic](#): > > I’m not quite sure, but I think the builders started building it but stopped at some point in time. I’d say it’s about half-finished, or half-unfinished, depending on your point of view. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2013, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-sentences-youve-ever-encountered-in-published-books/668204/63 "2013-09-10T03:35:47Z")
An Engineer would say that construction had been suspended until additional funds could be found. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2013, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-sentences-youve-ever-encountered-in-published-books/668204/64 "2013-09-10T04:06:38Z")
> [@gonzoron](#): > > Ok, this one’s not a single sentence, but I thought it worthy of inclusion: > “A half-finished keep occupied the spot where the outpost once stood. The builders never competed the keep, and from the looks of things they had abandoned the place some time ago. The unfinished keep was little more than a ruin, empty of lords or knights, servants or tenants. The place felt unfinished.” > > - _The Mark of Nerath_, by Bill Slavicsek. > > Yes, I forced myself to read this whole book… long story… Here is a writer who plays the game of beating a dead horse … for keeps! I wonder if they ever finished that keep? ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2013, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-sentences-youve-ever-encountered-in-published-books/668204/65 "2013-09-10T15:01:12Z")
> [@Evil\_Captor](#): > > I dunno, what stopped me cold was “their bones were already starting to bleach.” Just how long have they been fighting? Several days. A lot of the bones were exposed because of vultures and other carrion-eaters. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2013, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-sentences-youve-ever-encountered-in-published-books/668204/66 "2013-09-10T15:28:49Z")
> [@bup](#): > > Several days. A lot of the bones were exposed because of vultures and other carrion-eaters. I thought vultures fed on dead animals, not crows. ---
**Author:** ![DirkGntly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d9b06d/32.png) [@DirkGntly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DirkGntly)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2013, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-sentences-youve-ever-encountered-in-published-books/668204/67 "2013-09-10T16:20:41Z")
> [@Ludovic](#): > > I thought vultures fed on dead animals, not crows. Ha! I saw what you did there… ---
**Author:** ![Saintly\_Loser](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saintly_loser/32/4045_2.png) [@Saintly\_Loser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saintly_Loser)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2013, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-sentences-youve-ever-encountered-in-published-books/668204/68 "2013-09-10T23:55:04Z")
> [@Savannah](#): > > I once read a Robin Cook novel. All the way through. Just to marvel at the awfulness piled upon awfulness. Dan Brown has a serious rival. Sadly, I cannot recall a sentence and I do not have the book any longer. This was over ten years ago, but I do, however, remember how much my eyes started to hurt after rolling them after every sentence. I thought “rolling your eyes” was a cliche. It’s not. It is a real reaction to shit. Yes, Robin Cook. I once read one of his/her (not sure) books. I think it was on an airplane or something. For a long time I was convinced that I knew who the worst writer ever published was. I think Cook is worse than Brown. Close call, I know, but I vote for Cook. I mean, not only the sentences, but just everything. Descriptions of things that were physically impossible. I have a vague memory of some guy in a parking lot hearing something that indicated that his female co-conspirator/girlfriend/whatever was about to be punched, and leaping from his car and running up three flights of stairs to save her, and getting there before the punch landed. ---
**Author:** ![LuckyBastid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecae2f/32.png) [@LuckyBastid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LuckyBastid)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2013, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-sentences-youve-ever-encountered-in-published-books/668204/69 "2013-09-11T15:56:47Z")
From Barbara Kinsolver’s _The Poisonwood Bible._ The daughters march behind her, four girls compressed in bodies as tight as bowstrings, each one tensed to fire off a woman’s heart on a different path to glory or damnation. [Sound of needle being dragged across record] ---
**Author:** ![Finagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@Finagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finagle)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2013, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-sentences-youve-ever-encountered-in-published-books/668204/70 "2013-09-11T17:40:52Z")
> [@bup](#): > > I come to defend James Fennimore Cooper. Yes, it would take him ~80 words to say “the dog died,” but he was also capable of breathtaking imagery. > > Here’s his description of a field after battle: > > > [@](#): > > > > Long before the night had turned, they who lay in the bosom of the ruined work, seemed to slumber as heavily as the unconscious multitude whose bones were already beginning to bleach on the surrounding plain. > > Stops you cold, doesn’t it? Actually, that’s rather awful. I guess it’s \* technically\* accurate to say that the dead are unconscious, but it would be a stronger sentence if you omitted the word. If fact, even if cliched, “slept like the dead” would be even more powerful. And, while I’m not a forensic pathologist, there probably wouldn’t be much bone bleaching going on until a few days later after the vultures and random predators had had their fill. So if you want a morbid image – use that one. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2013, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-sentences-youve-ever-encountered-in-published-books/668204/71 "2013-09-11T19:04:46Z")
> [@LuckyBastid](#): > > From Barbara Kinsolver’s _The Poisonwood Bible._ > > The daughters march behind her, four girls compressed in bodies as tight as bowstrings, each one tensed to fire off a woman’s heart on a different path to glory or damnation. > > [Sound of needle being dragged across record] Not seeing what’s wrong with that. ---
**Author:** ![LuckyBastid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecae2f/32.png) [@LuckyBastid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LuckyBastid)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2013, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-sentences-youve-ever-encountered-in-published-books/668204/72 "2013-09-11T21:47:52Z")
Juxtaposing compression and bowstrings. It’s an awkward simile at a critical moment in the book. The image of hearts being fired like projectiles. Melville could pull it off because it was buried in a book that was buried in a book that was grandiose. Kingsolver doesn’t have the chops for it. Mostly, though, I suppose it’s that she’s trying so hard. I think that well written books should feel effortless. The next sentence should feel inevitable, like it was the only sentence that could be there or was always there. That isn’t the feel that I get from this at all. Or Hell, maybe I just don’t like her writing… ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2013, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-sentences-youve-ever-encountered-in-published-books/668204/73 "2013-09-11T21:55:14Z")
See, if I had to pick at it, I’d pick at the idea of the bodies as bowstrings firing off the heart. It’s giving me a small identity crisis: are the girls the bodies or the hearts? ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2013, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-sentences-youve-ever-encountered-in-published-books/668204/74 "2013-09-11T22:35:14Z")
Compressed and drawn (like a bowstring) aren’t quite in accord, but the sentence didn’t scream FAIL like some of the others in the thread. ---
**Author:** ![teela\_brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d9b06d/32.png) [@teela\_brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teela_brown)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2013, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-sentences-youve-ever-encountered-in-published-books/668204/75 "2013-09-11T23:08:50Z")
From _War of the Worlds_: His landlady came to the door, loosely wrapped in dressing gown and shawl; her husband followed ejaculating. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2013, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-sentences-youve-ever-encountered-in-published-books/668204/76 "2013-09-11T23:12:54Z")
> [@teela\_brown](#): > > From _War of the Worlds_: > > His landlady came to the door, loosely wrapped in dressing gown and shawl; her husband followed ejaculating. That’s bad _timing_, not bad writing. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Flywheel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Flywheel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flywheel)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2013, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-sentences-youve-ever-encountered-in-published-books/668204/77 "2013-09-12T00:29:27Z")
> [@teela\_brown](#): > > From _War of the Worlds_: > > His landlady came to the door, loosely wrapped in dressing gown and shawl; her husband followed ejaculating. And sometimes even good writing falls victim to poorly placed punctuation: > [@](#): > > “They sank as a matter of course,” replied the captain, “and that like a shot. They will soon rise again, however - but not till the salt melts.” > > **“The salt!” I ejaculated.** - Edgar Allan Poe, “The Oblong Box” (1850) ---
**Author:** ![Finagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@Finagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finagle)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2013, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-sentences-youve-ever-encountered-in-published-books/668204/78 "2013-09-12T01:41:38Z")
> [@AuntiePam](#): > > Did you lose a bet? Because that’s pretty bad. He felt he had to keep going. ---
**Author:** ![MacSpon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@MacSpon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacSpon)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2013, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-sentences-youve-ever-encountered-in-published-books/668204/79 "2013-09-12T04:11:04Z")
> [@amarinth](#): > > From “The School of Essential Ingredients” by Erica Bauermeister: > > “She hadn’t expected the wine bubbles to reach her nose the way they did, like small, giggling children” Now that may be a totally ludicrous simile. And yet, somehow, I find it quite delightful at the same time… ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2013, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-sentences-youve-ever-encountered-in-published-books/668204/80 "2013-09-12T12:20:26Z")
> [@](#): > > The restaurant had a window. I think I’d have to read that one in context to pass judgment. It could be that’s the only thing we need to know about it! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-sentences-youve-ever-encountered-in-published-books/668204.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-sentences-youve-ever-encountered-in-published-books/668204.md?page=5)