# The worst super hero to make love with **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 20, 2010, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-super-hero-to-make-love-with/543885 "2010-06-20T17:48:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2010, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-super-hero-to-make-love-with/543885/21 "2010-06-20T20:51:45Z")
Animal Man. Do I have to draw diagrams? ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2010, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-super-hero-to-make-love-with/543885/22 "2010-06-20T20:58:14Z")
[Scuzz of DP 7](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scuzz_%28comics%29), he chemically burns anything he touches including a woman who tried kissing him. > [@Omi\_no\_Kami](#): > > I can’t, for the life of me, remember his name, but one of the more recent members of the X-Men was essentially a big, extremely obese guy with no energy, severely limited intelligence, and almost no motivation. > > He was also completely and utterly invincible, but given that he has low energy and is extremely blase about pretty much everything, I can’t see it being fun for most partners. He’s not an X Man, but that sounds like [Butterball aka The Boulder](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boulder_%28comics%29), who has no interest in sex because his powers mean he can’t feel anything. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2010, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-super-hero-to-make-love-with/543885/23 "2010-06-20T21:24:19Z")
Ridged for your pleasure. By request, here’s the thread on Thing’s dick > **[The Thing's Dick (Fantastic Four)](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=416317)** > > Is it covered in rock like the rest of his skin? Does it work? I mean, he’s got to be able to pee at least, right? Would it tear a woman apart? Have they ever covered this in the comics? I recall he had a long-lasting love interest, Alicia Masters,... ---
**Author:** ![Omi\_no\_Kami](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a88e4f/32.png) [@Omi\_no\_Kami](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omi_no_Kami)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2010, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-super-hero-to-make-love-with/543885/24 "2010-06-20T22:02:37Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > [Scuzz of DP 7](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scuzz_%28comics%29), he chemically burns anything he touches including a woman who tried kissing him. > > He’s not an X Man, but that sounds like [Butterball aka The Boulder](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boulder_%28comics%29), who has no interest in sex because his powers mean he can’t feel anything. That’s the one, thanks! I somehow got Taskmaster and Wolverine mixed up, and when I put together organized group of heroes + Wolverine I got X Men. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![TheChileanBlob](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thechileanblob/32/435_2.png) [@TheChileanBlob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheChileanBlob)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2010, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-super-hero-to-make-love-with/543885/25 "2010-06-20T22:06:54Z")
> [@](#): > > I think doing anything with The Blob would suck, too. I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to disagree with this! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2010, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-super-hero-to-make-love-with/543885/26 "2010-06-20T22:37:19Z")
Mighty Mouse - no matter how mighty, well - it’s a mouse dick. ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2010, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-super-hero-to-make-love-with/543885/27 "2010-06-20T23:39:33Z")
> [@Wile\_E](#): > > The Thing. There was a hilarious thread here about The Thing’s thing a while back. That would be about getting his rocks off. ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2010, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-super-hero-to-make-love-with/543885/28 "2010-06-21T00:58:56Z")
I’m going with **G-Girl** from My Super Ex-Girlfriend, for the ‘more trouble than she’s worth’ angle. Or maybe **Swamp Thing** , for the whole ‘there’s not enough beer in the world’ angle. ---
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2010, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-super-hero-to-make-love-with/543885/29 "2010-06-21T02:12:15Z")
Hard to argue with the “Women of Kleenex” article. Superman can’t turn off his powers. I would also nominate Guy Gardner. Imagine what kind of freaky sex toys he would make. But then again, he could just make the ultimate sex doll himself, why bother with human females? Cobra Commander would be extremely annoying too. “Did you orgasm? Huh? Did you?” in that raspy, whiney voice would totally suck. ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2010, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-super-hero-to-make-love-with/543885/30 "2010-06-21T02:27:17Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > [Scuzz of DP 7](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scuzz_%28comics%29), he chemically burns anything he touches including a woman who tried kissing him. Also of DP7, Lenore’s life-sucking ability would make her…dangerous to sex up. Blur…the vibrations might be interesting, but he’d lack stamina. On the other hand, Stephanie would be great. No chance of STDs, the refractory period would be greatly reduced, and you’d have plenty of energy to take advantage of that. ---
**Author:** ![drastic\_quench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e36b37/32.png) [@drastic\_quench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drastic_quench)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2010, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-super-hero-to-make-love-with/543885/31 "2010-06-21T04:18:57Z")
> [@Superhal](#): > > Hard to argue with the “Women of Kleenex” article. Superman can’t turn off his powers. I disagree. It’s not that he can’t turn them off, but just by being able to function as Clark Kent, he demonstrates a degree of control that starts with human strength but goes to 11 for Kryptonian strength. For example, Clark can type. He doesn’t accidentally punch the spacebar through his desk. And as Superman, in the heat of battle, be can still punch humans soft enough to not obliterate them. There’s no reason to think that in the heat of passion he wouldn’t be able to stay within human range. I could buy this argument for lots of other characters with super strength, but it just doesn’t jive with any Superman canon I’ve encountered. He’s too perfect to be hamstrung by such obvious limitations. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2010, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-super-hero-to-make-love-with/543885/32 "2010-06-21T04:42:04Z")
> [@drastic\_quench](#): > > I disagree. It’s not that he can’t turn them off, but just by being able to function as Clark Kent, he demonstrates a degree of control that starts with human strength but goes to 11 for Kryptonian strength. For example, Clark can type. He doesn’t accidentally punch the spacebar through his desk. And as Superman, in the heat of battle, be can still punch humans soft enough to not obliterate them. There’s no reason to think that in the heat of passion he wouldn’t be able to stay within human range. > > I could buy this argument for lots of other characters with super strength, but it just doesn’t jive with any Superman canon I’ve encountered. He’s too perfect to be hamstrung by such obvious limitations. Thing is, Niven’s article points out that he’s accidentally left fingerprints in steel. And that orgasm is at least partly involuntary; at the very least you’d have the problem of his semen blowing a hole through her. ---
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2010, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-super-hero-to-make-love-with/543885/33 "2010-06-21T04:56:24Z")
> [@drastic\_quench](#): > > I could buy this argument for lots of other characters with super strength, but it just doesn’t jive with any Superman canon I’ve encountered. He’s too perfect to be hamstrung by such obvious limitations. Have you read the article? Superman may be able to control his super-strength to a degree when interacting with humans. But, can he control his heart rate, blinking speed, hair growth, invulnerability, etc.? The Flash, for all intents and purposes, is still human. Superman, on the other hand, doesn’t have human sperm, and it’s highly unlikely he could convince them to take it easy on Lois Lane’s vagina either. In the article, it’s not that unlikely to imagine that Superman’s sperm could fly, be invulnerable, and mindlessly try to impregnate any round object it comes across. ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2010, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-super-hero-to-make-love-with/543885/34 "2010-06-21T05:07:36Z")
Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex is an interesting thought experiment about what a real entity with a power set like Superman’s might be like. But it’s _not_, in any way, shape, or form, about _Superman_. Superman and Lois explicitly have an active sex life. In the Silver Age, they were known to have kids in the future (a descendant of theirs was a member of the Legion of Superheroes from 1976 until 1988, when she was retconned into a Manhunter). ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2010, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-super-hero-to-make-love-with/543885/35 "2010-06-21T05:27:48Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > Thing is, Niven’s article points out that he’s accidentally left fingerprints in steel. And that orgasm is at least partly involuntary; at the very least you’d have the problem of his semen blowing a hole through her. W/e you say about Supe’s sperm, he can definitely know when to pull out; he does have super-control after all. And, with that super-control he can probably orgasm w/o ejaculating at all. ---
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2010, 8:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-super-hero-to-make-love-with/543885/36 "2010-06-21T08:44:32Z")
Maybe this counts, maybe it doesn’t. I’m not sure if it was from Tales from the Crypt. or maybe it was from the sister publication Haunt of Fear- but there was a female counterpart to the [Cryptkeeper](http://www.collider.com/uploads/imageGallery/Tales_From_The_Crypt/tales_from_the_crypt.jpg) and I believe she was called the “Old Crone”. Maybe I am misremebering, but man, she was creepy. Made the Hags with the Eye seem lukewarm… ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2010, 8:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-super-hero-to-make-love-with/543885/37 "2010-06-21T08:52:47Z")
> [@devilsknew](#): > > there was a female counterpart to the [Cryptkeeper](http://www.collider.com/uploads/imageGallery/Tales_From_The_Crypt/tales_from_the_crypt.jpg) and I believe she was called the “Old Crone”. The Old Witch who (primarily) hosted the Haunt of Fear. The Vault of Terror had the Vault-Keeper. All three of them hosted stories in the other books as well, but they were primary hosts of one book. ---
**Author:** ![MTCicero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a4c791/32.png) [@MTCicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MTCicero)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2010, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-super-hero-to-make-love-with/543885/38 "2010-06-21T16:38:23Z")
This is a cheat, as it’s a villain, but, ladies, could you imagine making love to [Modok](http://www.superherotimes.com/news/images/450-71185%20Modok.jpg)? ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Credible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a8b319/32.png) [@Justin\_Credible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Credible)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2010, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-super-hero-to-make-love-with/543885/39 "2010-06-21T19:04:34Z")
> [@MTCicero](#): > > This is a cheat, as it’s a villain, but, ladies, could you imagine making love to [Modok](http://www.superherotimes.com/news/images/450-71185%20Modok.jpg)? “…like a baby’s arm holding an apple.” 😃 I’m quite sure that somewhere, at some point in time, someone has used that Modok figure as a sex toy. ---
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2010, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-super-hero-to-make-love-with/543885/40 "2010-06-21T22:30:57Z")
> [@Tengu](#): > > Superman and Lois explicitly have an active sex life. In the Silver Age, they were known to have kids in the future (a descendant of theirs was a member of the Legion of Superheroes from 1976 until 1988, when she was retconned into a Manhunter). Two explanations: 1. I suspect he masturbated into Kryptonian Kleenex and then inserted it manually. 2. The writers for Silver Age Superman were idiots with no sense of humor. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-super-hero-to-make-love-with/543885.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-worst-super-hero-to-make-love-with/543885.md?page=3)