# The ZPG Zealot handshake thread party extravaganza **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 29, 2016, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-zpg-zealot-handshake-thread-party-extravaganza/758713 "2016-06-29T16:14:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 17
**Author:** ![raventhief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raventhief/32/4_2.png) [@raventhief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raventhief)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-zpg-zealot-handshake-thread-party-extravaganza/758713/321 "2016-07-03T02:27:31Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > …or take the high road and refuse to lower yourself to their level, apparently… :dubious: But that would be disrespectful to her rich cultural heritage of ceding bodily autonomy to her husband…after all he had a right to her body no one else dies. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-zpg-zealot-handshake-thread-party-extravaganza/758713/322 "2016-07-03T02:54:12Z")
Dudette has a bee in her bonnet about something. Accept it and move on. Sometimes it seems like none of us are crazy, but a lot of us are. Deal with it. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-zpg-zealot-handshake-thread-party-extravaganza/758713/323 "2016-07-03T03:25:38Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > We have a detailed policy against sexual harassment that forbids implied aggression or “guilting” someone into physical contact though it doesn’t get more explicit than that and such matters are usually decided on a case by case basis. It does state that repeated attempts at physical contact with another person who has already said no is a form harassment and grounds for termination. Ah, so I was right, you employer has no policy against offering to shake hands, unless someone is a dick about it, and doesn’t accept a polite “sorry, i don’t shake hands” in response to a proffered hand. Your employer’s policy sounds perfectly reasonable. ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_Hey\_Paula](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hey\_Hey\_Paula](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_Hey_Paula)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-zpg-zealot-handshake-thread-party-extravaganza/758713/324 "2016-07-03T03:33:21Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > I still want to know about a fist bump. Terroristic? inappropriately aggressive? Open assault? War Crime? And what about a high-five? I know a 65 year old lady who high-fives everyone in our group fitness class, male or female - is she an attempted rapist or merely a slut? ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-zpg-zealot-handshake-thread-party-extravaganza/758713/325 "2016-07-03T03:37:31Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > Ah, so I was right, you employer has no policy against offering to shake hands, unless someone is a dick about it, and doesn’t accept a polite “sorry, i don’t shake hands” in response to a proffered hand. > > Your employer’s policy sounds perfectly reasonable. I am constantly hearing _Bitch, you WILL shake my hand!!!_ in professional situations. I am glad to see someone’s policy forbids it. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-zpg-zealot-handshake-thread-party-extravaganza/758713/326 "2016-07-03T04:19:22Z")
Why are we wasting bandwidth on someone either mentally ill or a troll? > [@TokyoBayer](#): > > Provide a cite for this being “your culture” and not just you. > [@TokyoBayer](#): > > I believe you missed this, unless you are dodging the question. You won’t answer this will you, troll? > [@Morgenstern](#): > > Don’t be a bigger prick than you already are. Read the article. Then try to understand how she views it. And as a score of posters pointed out go you, no one is do fucking stupid to realize there are religionswhich prohibit touch beteen the genders. You serm to be the only one stupid enough to realize everyone else is talking about the offer of a handshake is attempted rape. Hey Johanna: Still waiting for a reply on why you needed to insult the group and thrn run away. Serms like s chickenshit move. > [@TokyoBayer](#): > > You haven’t addressed the question of her direct attacks on everyone here. Please do so before accusing us of being in-American. ---
**Author:** ![Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slow_moving_vehicle/32/291_2.png) [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slow_Moving_Vehicle)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-zpg-zealot-handshake-thread-party-extravaganza/758713/327 "2016-07-03T04:33:07Z")
> [@Ukulele\_Ike](#): > > Damn straight! The user is the arbiter of the true meaning of any word, and to hell with the semantic prejudices of the audience! > > I’m gonna go right down to the street and call the first dozen New York City women I run into “whores!” > > (Twelve hellacious thrashings later…) > [@Guinastasia](#): > > Well, did you ask them if they MINDED if you called them a whore first? They shook his hand; clearly they were asking for it, the trollops. ---
**Author:** ![Great\_Antibob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47c2d/32.png) [@Great\_Antibob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Great_Antibob)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-zpg-zealot-handshake-thread-party-extravaganza/758713/328 "2016-07-03T04:34:10Z")
> [@TokyoBayer](#): > > Why are we wasting bandwidth on someone either mentally ill or a troll? Absolutely. YOUR values and judgment are obviously the only correct ones, and everybody else is forcing you to participate in these threads and read their responses. It’s like they’re taking advantage of you, almost like a mental rape. Absolutely. ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-zpg-zealot-handshake-thread-party-extravaganza/758713/329 "2016-07-03T04:38:14Z")
> [@Captain\_Amazing](#): > > Yes? I can’t control what somebody else is offended by, and I can’t stop people from being offended by what they want. It doesn’t mean I’m necessarily going to stop doing the thing they think is offensive. But I’m not going to wear myself out being bothered that they’re offended by something I’m not. Why? Does that offend you? I don’t wear myself out either but I don’t really see a reason not to tell someone when a “belief” of theirs is completely silly, stupid or irrational either, if I feel the situation warrants it. I’m not even bothered by **ZPG Zealot** ’s lunacy (it impacts my life in a less-than-trivial way, after all), but your reply doesn’t at all back up what you first said and what I asked about. You NEVER tell someone that their finding offense is stupid or silly or irrational? NEVER? No matter what the situation or the offense? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Anxious\_Squirrel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/anxious_squirrel/32/1083_2.png) [@Anxious\_Squirrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anxious_Squirrel)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-zpg-zealot-handshake-thread-party-extravaganza/758713/330 "2016-07-03T05:15:03Z")
I have personally found this and the other handshaking threads to be quite helpful. I am on Autism Spectrum, and I have very low social intelligence. I hate shaking hands or being touched at all without permission. In fact, I don’t even like being smiled at or spoken to in a normal, conversational way, unless I am feeling extremely confident. For some reason, when I am feeling confident and in control of my life, my ability to socialize goes up, and I can do normal things, like smile at people, say hello, how are you, etc. And I can even stand hand shaking. If ZPG had said, “when someone tries to shake my hand I feel like they’re raping me,” I could actually, kind of understand. Logically, I realize it is irrational, but the messed up, part of my brain often registers normal social gestures like I am being personally assaulted. No one is actually hurting me, they’re just smiling, saying, hello, how are you? Trying to be friendly, but all I desperately want to do is run away and hide someplace where I am safe and no one can look at me or speak to me. It’s definitely not normal, but just the way my stupid brain interprets things sometimes. And many times, more than anything else, I want to just smile, and relax and talk to people, and the words simply refuse to leave my lips. It’s almost like being in locked in, temporarily, at least when it comes to speech. It’s very weird, but my reality for now. Anywho, I said all that to say, that if ZPG’s views on handshakes are just the way she feels then maybe she has ASD. When I’m in the midst of my feelings, I can think all sorts of irrational things about other people, and the way the world works. I have even had thought about people and the way they try and force themselves on you. They try and force you to touch them (in Hawaii, people love to hug, and will often initiate one before you’re really ready.) And they say hi, which is really them forcing me to talk to them. And in my head, I’m all righteous, and like, “yeah, fuck that. I won’t engage. Why are you so stupid that you don’t get that I don’t want to talk to you?” Which, when I’m feeling confident again, and more in my right mind, I see that behavior as being really bitchy and mean. Since no one ever actually hurt me or tried to hurt me in any way. But it’s amazing how my brain can twist things sometimes. I found reading about how normal people feel about hand shaking very enlightening and interesting. I was like, “oh, is that how I’m supposed to react? Interesting.” So maybe all these threads haven’t been totally in vain? ``` ZPG could still be a troll, I don't know. But I just thought it was weird, how I could relate to the way she maybe feels about touching people, and socializing. I don't connect with anything else she has said though, about murdering babies or adoption, or anything like that. That stuff's effed up. And I'm not a fortune teller or a librarian. Though I have spent lots of time in libraries. "giggles" ``` ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-zpg-zealot-handshake-thread-party-extravaganza/758713/331 "2016-07-03T05:37:55Z")
Thanks for your eloquent input **TheMysteryWriter**! And I’m sorry you have issues etc, but I think our ZPGZ is different in that she blames others for what is a problem that SHE has. You have at least enough self-awareness to understand that your issue with touch is your issue, and don’t resort to claims that it’s part of your ‘culture’ or that being touched is akin to being raped AND that if your husband/wife sees you shaking hands they’ll lose the plot and bash or kill you. THAT’S the part of the problem that most of the board has a problem with… but someone being uncomfortable being touched by or initiating touch with another human being…no dramas whatsoever. ---
**Author:** ![Anxious\_Squirrel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/anxious_squirrel/32/1083_2.png) [@Anxious\_Squirrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anxious_Squirrel)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-zpg-zealot-handshake-thread-party-extravaganza/758713/332 "2016-07-03T05:58:04Z")
> [@kambuckta](#): > > Thanks for your eloquent input **TheMysteryWriter**! And I’m sorry you have issues etc, but I think our ZPGZ is different in that she blames others for what is a problem that SHE has. You have at least enough self-awareness to understand that your issue with touch is your issue, and don’t resort to claims that it’s part of your ‘culture’ or that being touched is akin to being raped AND that if your husband/wife sees you shaking hands they’ll lose the plot and bash or kill you. > > THAT’S the part of the problem that most of the board has a problem with… but someone being uncomfortable being touched by or initiating touch with another human being…no dramas whatsoever. Thanks Kambuckta! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-zpg-zealot-handshake-thread-party-extravaganza/758713/333 "2016-07-03T06:00:01Z")
Aside: I was at a party tonight and a woman introduced herself to me and extended her hand, and I hesitated, then started laughing as I shook it. Then I had to explain myself. “Oh, I’m on this message board, and there’s this member that thinks when you shake hands…you know what? Never mind, nice to meet you.” Damn you SDMB for interfering with my Meatspace! ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-zpg-zealot-handshake-thread-party-extravaganza/758713/334 "2016-07-03T06:17:45Z")
> [@Morbo](#): > > Aside: I was at a party tonight and a woman introduced herself to me and extended her hand, and I hesitated, then started laughing as I shook it. Then I had to explain myself. “Oh, I’m on this message board, and there’s this member that thinks when you shake hands…you know what? Never mind, nice to meet you.” > > Damn you SDMB for interfering with my Meatspace! Oh to have been a fly on THAT wall. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-zpg-zealot-handshake-thread-party-extravaganza/758713/335 "2016-07-03T06:31:34Z")
> [@Great\_Antibob](#): > > Absolutely. YOUR values and judgment are obviously the only correct ones, and everybody else is forcing you to participate in these threads and read their responses. It’s like they’re taking advantage of you, almost like a mental rape. Absolutely. Yeah, my values including not killing babies that are inconvenient and not calling woman who disagree with me whores. I feel so edgy. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-zpg-zealot-handshake-thread-party-extravaganza/758713/336 "2016-07-03T12:51:39Z")
> [@TokyoBayer](#): > > Why are we wasting bandwidth on someone either mentally ill or a troll?.. I think she is likely a troll. My guess is that the past about her not wanting touch unrelated men is true, and the rest is exaggeration for effect. But you know what, she’s an entertaining troll, as befits a professional fortune teller. > [@TheMysteryWriter](#): > > I have personally found this and the other handshaking threads to be quite helpful. I am on Autism Spectrum, and I have very low social intelligence. I hate shaking hands or being touched at all without permission. In fact, I don’t even like being smiled at or spoken to in a normal, conversational way, unless I am feeling extremely confident… Thank you for your extremely interesting contribution. I am curious, if you don’t mind saying more, when someone offers you a handshake, do you grit your teeth and accept it, or do you decline? You have a much harder-to-share reason for declining than ZPG-zealot has. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-zpg-zealot-handshake-thread-party-extravaganza/758713/337 "2016-07-03T14:40:53Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > I think she is likely a troll. My guess is that the past about her not wanting touch unrelated men is true, and the rest is exaggeration for effect. But you know what, she’s an entertaining troll, as befits a professional fortune teller. Do you find her entertaining? I just think it’s tiring. She’s now on my ignore list so I don’t even have to skip over the posts. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-zpg-zealot-handshake-thread-party-extravaganza/758713/338 "2016-07-03T15:49:29Z")
Pro-infanticide, manufactured ethnic identity practices, misogyny, misandry, delusional anti-social pathology, woo… **ZPG Zealot** enjoys being a champion of generally indefensible positions; She’s simply a professional keyboard martyr. ---
**Author:** ![Turek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/turek/32/18782_2.png) [@Turek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Turek)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-zpg-zealot-handshake-thread-party-extravaganza/758713/339 "2016-07-03T15:51:45Z")
> [@Ukulele\_Ike](#): > > I am constantly hearing _Bitch, you WILL shake my hand!!!_ in professional situations. I am glad to see someone’s policy forbids it. I heard that in Samuel L. Jackson’s voice: SLJ: Bitch, you WILL shame my hand!!! Random Person: W…what? SLJ: Shake my hand! RP: What? SLJ: My _hand_! Shake it! RP: What? SLJ: Say “what” again, motherfucker. ---
**Author:** ![Anxious\_Squirrel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/anxious_squirrel/32/1083_2.png) [@Anxious\_Squirrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anxious_Squirrel)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-zpg-zealot-handshake-thread-party-extravaganza/758713/340 "2016-07-03T17:01:01Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > Thank you for your extremely interesting contribution. I am curious, if you don’t mind saying more, when someone offers you a handshake, do you grit your teeth and accept it, or do you decline? You have a much harder-to-share reason for declining than ZPG-zealot has. It depends how strong I’m feeling, in the moment. Sometimes I just shake hands and it’s not that big a deal. Other times I do so, then rub my hands on something to erase the imaginary “touching germs”. Other times I’ll try, keeping my hands in my pockets, or behind my back, but if someone offers their hand anyway. I always feel like I have to shake it. I didn’t know until I read this thread that it was acceptable to just say , “I’m sorry. I don’t shake hands.” I wish I would have since it would have solved a lot of problems. it also depends on the situation and the person. If I feel safe around a person, then I’m okay with touch. But if I don’t feel safe, then I don’t even want them looking at me. I was fine in job interviews, back before my social anxiety got so much worse. I generally only encounter hand shaking in church now. Every single Sunday morning. Luckily, at our new church, after a few months, most people have figured out my hangup and don’t offer to shake hands, anymore. Which is really nice of them! I will shake hands with kids because they’re kids and safe. I didn’t use to be this bad, so I am trying really hard to overcome it. I don’t want to have to hide away for the rest of my life. Reading how normal people feel about it really did help. Sometimes, if I can keep words like that in my head, I can pretend the words are my own. 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-zpg-zealot-handshake-thread-party-extravaganza/758713.md?page=16) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-zpg-zealot-handshake-thread-party-extravaganza/758713.md?page=18)