# The ZPG Zealot handshake thread party extravaganza

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-zpg-zealot-handshake-thread-party-extravaganza/758713>\
**Category:** The BBQ Pit\
**Created:** [June 29, 2016, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-zpg-zealot-handshake-thread-party-extravaganza/758713 "2016-06-29T16:14:18Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 20\
**Page:** 24

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**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\
**Post date:** [May 1, 2018, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-zpg-zealot-handshake-thread-party-extravaganza/758713/461 "2018-05-01T20:54:06Z")

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Yay! I used it right, then.

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**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\
**Post date:** [May 1, 2018, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-zpg-zealot-handshake-thread-party-extravaganza/758713/462 "2018-05-01T20:55:39Z")

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> [@TheMysteryWriter](#):
>
> I actually do have really bad skin. Not on my hands, but I bet that could work.  
> Thanks! 🙂
> 
> I’ll have to try that. 🙂

Oh, and if someone asks about the skin condition, you can always say, “I’d rather not discuss it”. You don’t owe anyone details about your health. Well, your doctor, and maybe your spouse, but that’s it.

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**Author:** ![Anxious\_Squirrel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/anxious_squirrel/32/1083_2.png) [@Anxious\_Squirrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anxious_Squirrel)\
**Post date:** [May 1, 2018, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-zpg-zealot-handshake-thread-party-extravaganza/758713/463 "2018-05-01T21:10:27Z")

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> [@puzzlegal](#):
>
> Oh, and if someone asks about the skin condition, you can always say, “I’d rather not discuss it”. You don’t owe anyone details about your health. Well, your doctor, and maybe your spouse, but that’s it.

See, that sounds so much nicer than, “mind your own beeswax,” which is what I would prolly eventually sputter after several long seconds of awkwardness.

I am typing out your suggestions as notes on my ipod. My mind goes blank on me when I’m surprised by social interactions. As an Aspie I grew up inside my head so I didn’t learn all these social rules and how to converse politely. I’m sure I’ve heard quotes like this used in movies/tv/books, etc, but things like that don’t stick in my head.

I wonder if I’d benefit from reading an etiquette book or something. And then just really studying it to look for patterns and stuff. I learn a lot from this place, too. 🙂

Thanks again!

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**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\
**Post date:** [May 2, 2018, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-zpg-zealot-handshake-thread-party-extravaganza/758713/464 "2018-05-02T05:34:48Z")

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I would be careful about shaking a zombie’s hand too hard.

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**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\
**Post date:** [May 2, 2018, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-zpg-zealot-handshake-thread-party-extravaganza/758713/465 "2018-05-02T06:06:45Z")

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I thought **ZPG** had been cornfielded or committed during my most recent, er, _hiatus_. I just don’t hang out in the right threads. But she never bothered me and I’m glad she’s back/still here.

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**Author:** ![gnoitall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bb73d2/32.png) [@gnoitall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gnoitall)\
**Post date:** [May 2, 2018, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-zpg-zealot-handshake-thread-party-extravaganza/758713/466 "2018-05-02T17:00:58Z")

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> [@dropzone](#):
>
> I thought **ZPG** had been cornfielded or committed during my most recent, er, _hiatus_. I just don’t hang out in the right threads. But she never bothered me and I’m glad she’s back/still here.

Positive: she’s consistent.  
Negative: she’s consistently strident and doctrinaire in ways that’re like catnip to the chronic arguers in our midst. She probably doesn’t have the trolling intention, but her posts have the troll nature. Guaranteed hijack derailed into the swamp (after burning to the ground and falling over).

I’ve personally sigh and say “That’s ZPG\_Zealot” and move on. Too bad some [others can’t](https://xkcd.com/386/).

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**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\
**Post date:** [May 2, 2018, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-zpg-zealot-handshake-thread-party-extravaganza/758713/467 "2018-05-02T18:11:27Z")

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I think she once got on me for some of my character flaws, but many have and I’ve often deserved it so it’s hard to remember when or specifically why.

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**Author:** ![mikecurtis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mikecurtis/32/3284_2.png) [@mikecurtis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mikecurtis)\
**Post date:** [May 2, 2018, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-zpg-zealot-handshake-thread-party-extravaganza/758713/468 "2018-05-02T18:18:22Z")

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I grew up in a very touchy/huggy/kissy family. my communities have all been equally physical. Touching, to me, is a part of who I am.

That being said, there have been times when I’ve decided I did not want to shake someone’s hand - usually having to do with my personal feelings about that person. and there have been times when that person has continued to hold his (and it has always been a man in my experiences) hand out expecting me to relent and shake his hand. It definitely felt, in those moments, as if it was a demand of a hand shake and not a request. So, if I, as a person who is usually completely comfortable with physical contact of any kind, have felt uncomfortable with how someone has approached me, I think it’s perfectly reasonable for someone who is not comfortable with physical contact to actually feel threatened on occasion, or even often.

mc

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**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\
**Post date:** [May 2, 2018, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-zpg-zealot-handshake-thread-party-extravaganza/758713/469 "2018-05-02T18:41:24Z")

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> [@mikecurtis](#):
>
> I grew up in a very touchy/huggy/kissy family. my communities have all been equally physical. Touching, to me, is a part of who I am.
> 
> That being said, there have been times when I’ve decided I did not want to shake someone’s hand - usually having to do with my personal feelings about that person. and there have been times when that person has continued to hold his (and it has always been a man in my experiences) hand out expecting me to relent and shake his hand. It definitely felt, in those moments, as if it was a demand of a hand shake and not a request. So, if I, as a person who is usually completely comfortable with physical contact of any kind, have felt uncomfortable with how someone has approached me, I think it’s perfectly reasonable for someone who is not comfortable with physical contact to actually feel threatened on occasion, or even often.
> 
> mc

Do you feel like the guy raped you by continually holding his hand out for a shake?

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**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\
**Post date:** [May 2, 2018, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-zpg-zealot-handshake-thread-party-extravaganza/758713/470 "2018-05-02T19:08:29Z")

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> [@mikecurtis](#):
>
> So, if I, as a person who is usually completely comfortable with physical contact of any kind, have felt uncomfortable with how someone has approached me, I think it’s perfectly reasonable for someone who is not comfortable with physical contact to actually feel threatened on occasion, or even often.
> 
> mc

There is nothing at all in dispute about whether such a person is an asshole. Anyone who doesn’t take no for an answer, or who stands there with their hand out past the time of chance is being an asshole. No one has a right to touch your body. You don’t owe anyone your touch.

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**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\
**Post date:** [May 3, 2018, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-zpg-zealot-handshake-thread-party-extravaganza/758713/471 "2018-05-03T00:17:30Z")

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> [@iiandyiiii](#):
>
> I’ve noticed threads that get into handshakes at all sometimes seem to derail into discussions with **ZPG Zealot** about their appropriateness, so I thought I’d create a one-stop-ZPG Zealot-handshake-thread to move any such discussion to, so that threads on other topics can stop being derailed (I did this before with some transgender bathroom issues that seemed to have some success). Before I made this thread I googled to see if there was any such thread already made, and I found so many threads that seemed to be derailed into this issue away from their OP, and no one-stop-shop thread, that I decided it would be appropriate to create this one.
> 
> I’m also curious to further explore **ZPG Zealot** ’s views – learning about points of view that seem incredibly different and strange to me is one of the main reasons I come to the Dope. So if she’s interested, I hope she’ll respond to my last few points in a thread that was getting derailed:

When it comes to the topic of handshakes, she’s insane, a liar, and a hypocrite. I would be remiss for not calling attention to [this nifty gem](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=12094747&postcount=57). You’ll notice that she said she _grabbed_ the man’s hands without his permission and without his offering his hands to her (Of course he didn’t offer his hand for a shake; otherwise, she’d’ve gone into her usual loony spiel). Her response to my calling her out on her hypocrisy was a tad less than underwhelming.

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**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\
**Post date:** [May 3, 2018, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-zpg-zealot-handshake-thread-party-extravaganza/758713/472 "2018-05-03T03:02:17Z")

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> [@TheMysteryWriter](#):
>
> “People don’t have any claim to your body”, I like that.
> 
> I need to learn a funny line that I can always use. I haven’t been able to think of one yet.
> 
> I would be in so much trouble if people could read my mind. 😃  
> I would prefer it if I could send the message to them to not shake my hand without them having any reciprocal reading capabilities. That would be perfect. 😃

That’s an easy one. When someone offers his (or her) hand for a handshake, just start licking your own hand…

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**Author:** ![Anxious\_Squirrel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/anxious_squirrel/32/1083_2.png) [@Anxious\_Squirrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anxious_Squirrel)\
**Post date:** [May 3, 2018, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-zpg-zealot-handshake-thread-party-extravaganza/758713/473 "2018-05-03T03:04:35Z")

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> [@kaylasdad99](#):
>
> That’s an easy one. When someone offers his (or her) hand for a handshake, just start licking your own hand…

Hahahaha Why didn’t I think of that?

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**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\
**Post date:** [May 3, 2018, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-zpg-zealot-handshake-thread-party-extravaganza/758713/474 "2018-05-03T07:42:44Z")

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> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#):
>
> Beggars do what they do because discrimination prevents them from earning an honest living.

Does that include beggars whose stench comes exclusively from their clothing, who own a brand-new Vito and who can be seen in their store Mon-Sat? Because that’s the description of the female beggar who works the door at my mother’s parish on Sunday mornings.

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**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\
**Post date:** [May 3, 2018, 8:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-zpg-zealot-handshake-thread-party-extravaganza/758713/475 "2018-05-03T08:51:05Z")

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> [@kaylasdad99](#):
>
> That’s an easy one. When someone offers his (or her) hand for a handshake, just start licking your own hand…

I thought you were supposed to scratch your ass and then hold out your hand.

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\
**Post date:** [May 3, 2018, 12:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-zpg-zealot-handshake-thread-party-extravaganza/758713/476 "2018-05-03T12:01:57Z")

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> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#):
>
> A man homeless and begging for money is still powerful enough to physically rob plenty of women. This is not the case for a female beggar a difference which most people can obviously see.

this is bullshit. Most of the robbing of tourists in Paris is pick pocketing, and a woman is easily strong enough to do that.

Years ago i vacationed in Europe with the friends. One friend grabbed the hand of a strange woman in Paris while it was in his pocket. He may have physically hurt her hand, but I can guarantee you it wasn’t sexual on his part. And I’m pretty sure she was more interested in his wallet than his junk.

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**Author:** ![k9bfriender](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/k9bfriender/32/3283_2.png) [@k9bfriender](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/k9bfriender)\
**Post date:** [May 3, 2018, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-zpg-zealot-handshake-thread-party-extravaganza/758713/477 "2018-05-03T14:43:08Z")

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> [@kaylasdad99](#):
>
> That’s an easy one. When someone offers his (or her) hand for a handshake, just start licking your own hand…

What if they join in?

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\
**Post date:** [May 3, 2018, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-zpg-zealot-handshake-thread-party-extravaganza/758713/478 "2018-05-03T14:52:05Z")

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> [@k9bfriender](#):
>
> What if they join in?

Easy - ask them what they are doing later, and if you can join them.

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\
**Post date:** [May 3, 2018, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-zpg-zealot-handshake-thread-party-extravaganza/758713/479 "2018-05-03T15:36:07Z")

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> [@Monty](#):
>
> When it comes to the topic of handshakes, she’s insane, a liar, and a hypocrite.

With a propensity to make up shit on the fly by incorporating ideas from others’ posts into her insane narrative.

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\
**Post date:** [May 4, 2018, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-zpg-zealot-handshake-thread-party-extravaganza/758713/480 "2018-05-04T00:58:21Z")

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Not sure if I have this right - is **ZPG Zealot** the same poster who once said that in taxi rides she’ll keep a gun in her purse to brandish on anyone who’s foolish to shake her hand?  
Damn I wish I kept that post - I think I’m pretty close.

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