# Theme Weddings - Fun or Stupid? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 5, 2010, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theme-weddings-fun-or-stupid/556151 "2010-10-05T18:08:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maggie_the_Ocelot)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2010, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theme-weddings-fun-or-stupid/556151/1 "2010-10-05T18:08:48Z")
So, Husband and I have been invited to a theme wedding. The theme is “The Shire”, and we’re supposed to dress like hobbits, or else wear our Renaissance Faire costumes. :rolleyes: No, it’s not being held _at_ Faire. Bare feet are encouraged. Frankly, both of us are feeling pretty Grinch-y about this, and are considering coming in regular wear-to-a-wedding-type clothes. That said, has anyone here had a “theme” wedding, or been in one? Been to one as a guest? How much of a party-pooper would we be if we came in, you know, nice clothes instead of our dirty sweaty Faire costumes? We _like_ the groom (don’t know the bride that well) and want to join in the celebration. But hobbits. Ugh. ---
**Author:** ![Euphonious\_Polemic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/euphonious_polemic/32/3002_2.png) [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2010, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theme-weddings-fun-or-stupid/556151/2 "2010-10-05T18:11:52Z")
You could locate some orc costumes (really ugly ones) and go about being particularly nasty. My cousin married many people in his career, and he always said that the more “theme-like” the wedding, the bigger the chance of an early divorce. He said that these people were more in love with the idea of a fancy party than the idea of actually working at living and making a life together. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2010, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theme-weddings-fun-or-stupid/556151/3 "2010-10-05T18:31:09Z")
I haven’t been to a theme wedding yet, but I have been invited to one… My brother got ordained just to perform the ceremony for a coupla crazy kids that are going to get married in a cemetery on the 30th of this month, yes, the day before Halloween. We haven’t decided yet whether we’re going to go. ---
**Author:** ![Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maggie_the_Ocelot)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2010, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theme-weddings-fun-or-stupid/556151/4 "2010-10-05T18:34:03Z")
Yeah - that’s part of our issue with it - the whole “theme wedding” thing is something that seems more appropriate for youngsters. The bride’s in her thirties, the groom’s in his early forties - second wedding for both of them - just seems like a lot of foolishness from people who should know better by now. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2010, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theme-weddings-fun-or-stupid/556151/5 "2010-10-05T18:36:14Z")
I’d say either make an attempt to dress in theme or send your regrets. ---
**Author:** ![Giles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giles/32/60_2.png) [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2010, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theme-weddings-fun-or-stupid/556151/6 "2010-10-05T18:44:05Z")
Go as Gollum, saying, “My precious! We wants it!” as you try to steal the wedding ring. ---
**Author:** ![sugar\_and\_spice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e8c25b/32.png) [@sugar\_and\_spice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sugar_and_spice)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2010, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theme-weddings-fun-or-stupid/556151/7 "2010-10-05T18:46:31Z")
Never been to one but yeah, I think it would be somewhat party-pooper-ish to just show up in regular clothes, without at least asking first if that’s okay. You can just not go if you’re so down on the whole thing. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2010, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theme-weddings-fun-or-stupid/556151/8 "2010-10-05T19:06:51Z")
> [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](#): > > We _like_ the groom (don’t know the bride that well) Is this an arranged marriage? Why would two people that don’t know each other that well, have a themed wedding? Just kidding, but that’s how I read it the first time. Oh, and to answer the thread title: stupid! ---
**Author:** ![janis\_and\_c0](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/janis_and_c0/32/21_2.png) [@janis\_and\_c0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/janis_and_c0)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2010, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theme-weddings-fun-or-stupid/556151/9 "2010-10-05T19:10:24Z")
They should be so lucky to have a hobbit wedding. My fiance wants a tradition Betazed Wedding. At least you can go in clothes. ---
**Author:** ![Simplicio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c37758/32.png) [@Simplicio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simplicio)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2010, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theme-weddings-fun-or-stupid/556151/10 "2010-10-05T19:10:47Z")
Eh, I’m in my late 20’s, at an age where I get invited to at least a few weddings a year. After a while, its like going to the same party over and over again, so I like theme weddings just for the variety. That said, most themed weddings I’ve been to were about evenly split between people that embraced the theme and people who ignored it. I don’t think there was really any ill will towards people that just ignored it and showed up in normal dress clothes. ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Woodhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/838e76/32.png) [@Miss\_Woodhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Woodhouse)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2010, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theme-weddings-fun-or-stupid/556151/11 "2010-10-05T19:13:45Z")
I don’t like theme weddings. I believe getting married to be a pretty serious, important business. the biggest decision you will make in your whole life. Treating it like a birthday party for eight year olds just makes it seem like the couple isn’t taking this marriage decision all that seriously. If you want a Star Trek party, have one for your birthday. ---
**Author:** ![Simplicio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c37758/32.png) [@Simplicio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simplicio)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2010, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theme-weddings-fun-or-stupid/556151/12 "2010-10-05T19:16:58Z")
> [@Miss\_Woodhouse](#): > > I don’t like theme weddings. I believe getting married to be a pretty serious, important business. the biggest decision you will make in your whole life. Treating it like a birthday party for eight year olds just makes it seem like the couple isn’t taking this marriage decision all that seriously. > > If you want a Star Trek party, have one for your birthday. Even theme weddings usually have a formal ceremony where the serious important business is done, its just the reception thats a party, which is pretty much the case for non-theme weddings as well. ---
**Author:** ![Baracus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/2bfe46/32.png) [@Baracus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baracus)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2010, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theme-weddings-fun-or-stupid/556151/13 "2010-10-05T19:25:26Z")
> [@Giles](#): > > Go as Gollum, saying, “My precious! We wants it!” as you try to steal the wedding ring. I like this, but biting either of their fingers off to get the ring would probably be going too far. ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2010, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theme-weddings-fun-or-stupid/556151/14 "2010-10-05T19:44:21Z")
For my niece’s wedding (which was Ren-themed, more or less), I made the broom, carried the sword, bore a ring, supplied the knife for the judge (who almost cut me handing it back), and coached the judge on the vows. Oh, and sang a few shanties on request at the reception. It made for a busy day, but definitely one of the better weddings I’ve attended in any capacity. Certainly better than some stuffy, long-winded nonsense in a church none of us attend anyway. No fuss was made over whether or not guests matched the theme–they were invited to come in costume if they wished, and dress ranged from typical wedding/reception wear to full Faire outfits. The family dentist went so far as to make a special dental plate to complete his snaggle-toothed pirate look. Niece and her hubby are still happily married and have no regrets over their wedding. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2010, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theme-weddings-fun-or-stupid/556151/15 "2010-10-05T19:51:39Z")
Go dressed in what’s comfy for you. What’s the worst that will happen? You’ll end up sitting with the Bride’s Grandma, making snarky comments about the tightness of various bodices. It’s entirely possible that the bride and groom were worried about their unemployed friends having to buy a new dress or tie for the wedding, and decided to make it easier for some subset of their friends to attend. I kind of like theme weddings, although it can be overdone. ---
**Author:** ![gwendee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/35a633/32.png) [@gwendee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gwendee)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2010, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theme-weddings-fun-or-stupid/556151/16 "2010-10-05T19:53:58Z")
> [@Miss\_Woodhouse](#): > > I don’t like theme weddings. I believe getting married to be a pretty serious, important business. the biggest decision you will make in your whole life. Treating it like a birthday party for eight year olds just makes it seem like the couple isn’t taking this marriage decision all that seriously. > > If you want a Star Trek party, have one for your birthday. I agree with this sentiment exactly. It has never been my fortune to attend a theme wedding. When I visited a college friend she shared photos of a different friend’s Little Mermaid themed wedding. Little Mermaid. Wedding. My estimation of her dropped considerably when I saw those. **Simplicio** makes a valid point, but from the photos I saw, the bridal party were all in costume for the ceremony. I suppose you could argue that having a beach wedding and asking everyone to wear Hawaiian shirts is a theme wedding. That would bother me less, somehow. Something about pretending to be someone or something else while you’re taking your vows takes away from the importance of the occasion, to me. ---
**Author:** ![kathmandu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kathmandu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kathmandu)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2010, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theme-weddings-fun-or-stupid/556151/17 "2010-10-05T19:54:59Z")
I think themed weddings are stupid and juvenile. If I was invited to one where I didn’t know the bride and/or groom well, I would send my regrets. If I knew them really well, I would ask if it was okay to wear regular clothes. I’m not renting or making a hobbit outfit to wear to a wedding. And bare feet? Ew. ---
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2010, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theme-weddings-fun-or-stupid/556151/18 "2010-10-05T19:56:28Z")
Well, I wouldn’t fancy it for my own wedding - if I was ever to do such a thing, I’d at least try and pick a theme which added a touch of glamour, like 20s or something - but at the end of the day: \> It’s their wedding and they can do whatever makes them happy \> It makes a nice change from the long litany of copycat weddings I’ve been to \> Just because it’s a legal ceremony doesn’t mean everyone has to dress like lawyers or undertakers to show they are taking it seriously \> It’s supposed to be a happy event, so injecting so fun can hardly cause harm \> The only person who looks stupid at a fancy dress do is the person who isn’t wearing fancy dress \> Nobody likes a party pooper \> If I’m ever invited to a wedding, I always make my best efforts to attend as weddings are expensive and invitations don’t grow on trees - most couple take a considerable time selecting the people they’d most like the celebrate the biggest day in their lives with, so the least I can do is actually go. So I think my answer is (1) go and (2) grin and bear it and dress up. ---
**Author:** ![Apollyon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/apollyon/32/4238_2.png) [@Apollyon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apollyon)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2010, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theme-weddings-fun-or-stupid/556151/19 "2010-10-05T22:00:16Z")
Well… as someone who _had_ a themed wedding, I’d find it rather hard to argue against them, no? 🙂 Wedding was held at (technically just before) an SCA event (where we bought 2/3rds of the tickets for our guests) and people were asked to make an attempt at something suitable (and told that loaner outfits or at least tabards would be available). Of the 80 guests only 2 very elderly and curmudgeonly relatives arrived in, and stayed in, street clothes. Several other elderly relatives made at least an attempt, and had fun. The bride’s dress, made by her, was a beautiful cream and gold affair drawn from the dresses painted by Cranach the Elder, and my outfit (also the result of the bride’s dressmaking skills) was a complementary German gentleman’s outfit of the 1530s in black, red, and gold. (I made my own shoes and sword-belt). 🙂 The minister – who is also the bride’s father – was dressed as a period-appropriate minister, and really enjoyed the whole event. As to the wedding the OP has been invited to attend – I’d argue that a 2nd wedding is an ideal time to go less formal and more frolicsome. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2010, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theme-weddings-fun-or-stupid/556151/20 "2010-10-05T22:40:00Z")
> [@Apollyon](#): > > Wedding was held at (technically just before) an SCA event (where we bought 2/3rds of the tickets for our guests) and people were asked to make an attempt at something suitable (and told that loaner outfits or at least tabards would be available). For the uninformed, what exactly is “SCA”? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theme-weddings-fun-or-stupid/556151.md?page=2)