# Then Santa Claus Showed Up With Chocolate Cake **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 17, 2004, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/then-santa-claus-showed-up-with-chocolate-cake/245576 "2004-05-17T12:07:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Rue\_DeDay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/41988e/32.png) [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2004, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/then-santa-claus-showed-up-with-chocolate-cake/245576/41 "2004-05-18T17:20:30Z")
Does your Cuisinart have a spinny blade set flush (almost) into aflat piece like the meat cutter in the butcher shop **Lissla**? If not and it just has the hopper with the spinny choppy, shreddy, cutty blades at the bottom it’ll all end in tears. You can cut a roast pretty danged thin with a sharp knife. It also helps if the meat is partially frozen. Just enough to stiffen it up, but not so frozen it goes _thunk_ when you drop it on the counter. I’m sure Ronco makes a product that would be _just_ what you need. But it takes 4 to 6 weeks for delivery which wouldn’t help you at all. ---
**Author:** ![congodwarf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e36b37/32.png) [@congodwarf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/congodwarf)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2004, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/then-santa-claus-showed-up-with-chocolate-cake/245576/42 "2004-05-18T18:17:14Z")
I had a yard sale on Saturday. The weather was wonderful. It was hot but not too hot. Sunny but not too sunny. Actually, it was too sunny. I got a sunburn. I am a redhead though so it could have been raining and I’d still have a sunburn. I only made $50 but I did get rid of all 3 pieces of exercise equipment. Someone stole a Harry Potter Lunchbox from my yard sale. HEATHENS!!! My fiance made me break up the yard sale an hour early because he insisted we would have a thunderstorm. I tried to tell him that thunder does not a thunderstorm make. He didn’t believe me. No, we didn’t have a storm. By the way, what the heck is a cicada? I had never heard of them until last week. Do they not live in Massachusetts? ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2004, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/then-santa-claus-showed-up-with-chocolate-cake/245576/43 "2004-05-18T18:27:12Z")
I was going to take to low road and ask **Lissla** how Mr. Lissar feels about her wanting to slice the meat real thin, but I’ve decided to take the high road instead. Aren’t you proud of me? 😃 I’m with **susan** –she eats well, and she reads. Really, what more is there to life than good books and chocolate? Add in the occasional roast beef, mashed potatoes, asparagus and wine (my planned dinner for tonight, if I get home early enough), and life become paradise. I mean, really, who needs a social life, a partner in life, kids, pets?–why you can have all that and more in any book. And the characters change with each new title. Tired of being in love with Aragorn? Pick up a Prachett and fall in love with Vimes. Revel in childhood with Ramona or the Five Little Peppers. Be rich, popular and beautiful by putting yourself in the biography of Grace Kelly or Cary Grant. And who needs a pet when _All things Bright and Beautiful_ is as close as the bedroom shelf? Really, real life is over-rated. A book, a blanket and chocolate, much better than bread, wine and thou. Really. If I say it often enough, I may even believe it someday. ---
**Author:** ![tanookie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/48db29/32.png) [@tanookie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tanookie)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2004, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/then-santa-claus-showed-up-with-chocolate-cake/245576/44 "2004-05-18T18:27:44Z")
> [@congodwarf](#): > > I had a yard sale on Saturday. The weather was wonderful. It was hot but not too hot. Sunny but not too sunny. Actually, it was too sunny. I got a sunburn. I am a redhead though so it could have been raining and I’d still have a sunburn. > I only made $50 but I did get rid of all 3 pieces of exercise equipment. Someone stole a Harry Potter Lunchbox from my yard sale. HEATHENS!!! > My fiance made me break up the yard sale an hour early because he insisted we would have a thunderstorm. I tried to tell him that thunder does not a thunderstorm make. He didn’t believe me. > No, we didn’t have a storm. > > By the way, what the heck is a cicada? I had never heard of them until last week. Do they not live in Massachusetts? Cicada’s ony show up in southeastern MA - they are rare even then for MA. I’m pretty happy we don’t have them though! Oh and Congodwarf - will you be coming to the [fest-a-que?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=248062) ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2004, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/then-santa-claus-showed-up-with-chocolate-cake/245576/45 "2004-05-18T18:37:37Z")
> [@Kallessa](#): > > And who needs a pet when _All things Bright and Beautiful_ is as close as the bedroom shelf? Ah, the memories… > [@](#): > > \*All things dull and ugly, All creatures short and squat, > All things rude and nasty, The Lord God made the lot; > Each little snake that poisons, Each little wasp that stings, > He made their brutish venom, He made their horrid wings. > All things sick and cancerous, All evil great and small, > All things foul and dangerous, The Lord God made them all. > Each nasty little hornet, Each beastly little squid. > Who made the spikey urchin? Who made the sharks? He did. > All things scabbed and ulcerous, All pox both great and small. > Putrid, foul and gangrenous, The Lord God made them all. > \*- Monty Python’s Flying Circus. ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2004, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/then-santa-claus-showed-up-with-chocolate-cake/245576/46 "2004-05-18T18:52:24Z")
**ShibbOleth** , will you marry me? ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2004, 7:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/then-santa-claus-showed-up-with-chocolate-cake/245576/47 "2004-05-19T07:14:11Z")
Apparently, I can kill a thread by asking someone to marry me. Great, another thing to add to my resume of social accomplishments. See, this is why I fall in love with book characters. If you’ll excuse me, I must renew my affair with Vlad Taltos. Or perhaps Captain John Carter (Mars, not ER). Or both. ---
**Author:** ![Rue\_DeDay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/41988e/32.png) [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2004, 11:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/then-santa-claus-showed-up-with-chocolate-cake/245576/48 "2004-05-19T11:31:07Z")
Last night it rained really hard. A gully-washer of a storm blew through. It was so bad it woke me up. Since I was awake and thinking about water, I remembered I didn’t turn the hose off at the house after the boys were done running through the sprinkler. It was 12:30 and I had to get up and put on my rubber boots and rainjacket (maybe I should have put on actual pants) to go and turn off the hose at the house. (The spigot is called a “bibcock”. _snerk_) Then I came in and went back to sleep. ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2004, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/then-santa-claus-showed-up-with-chocolate-cake/245576/49 "2004-05-19T12:08:04Z")
> [@Kallessa](#): > > Apparently, I can kill a thread by asking someone to marry me. Great, another thing to add to my resume of social accomplishments. Scared me off. ---
**Author:** ![Tupug\_Anachi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@Tupug\_Anachi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tupug_Anachi)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2004, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/then-santa-claus-showed-up-with-chocolate-cake/245576/50 "2004-05-19T12:56:55Z")
> [@Kallessa](#): > > Apparently, I can kill a thread by asking someone to marry me. Great, another thing to add to my resume of social accomplishments. > > See, this is why I fall in love with book characters. If you’ll excuse me, I must renew my affair with Vlad Taltos. Or perhaps Captain John Carter (Mars, not ER). > Or both. Aw, **Kallessa** , maybe the boy is just speechless with self-doubt. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2004, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/then-santa-claus-showed-up-with-chocolate-cake/245576/51 "2004-05-19T12:57:47Z")
I’ve got a spinny slicy blade, **Bumba** , and I used it. It worked pretty well, but next time I’m going to partially freeze the meat after I’ve cut it up (be quiet, **Kallessa** ). Thinner slices should result. I have the ingredients for peanut butter pie. I will make it when I’m back from work. We saw _Troy_ last night. There are many good-looking men in it. I agree with **Magickly’s** review, really. **We got the apartment**! We’re moving! It’s time to panic! Whee! ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2004, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/then-santa-claus-showed-up-with-chocolate-cake/245576/52 "2004-05-19T13:16:56Z")
> [@Kallessa](#): > > **ShibbOleth** , will you marry me? Okay, but only if my wife is open to it. Sorry for the delay in respone, I’ve been a bit busy lately. ---
**Author:** ![tanookie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/48db29/32.png) [@tanookie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tanookie)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2004, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/then-santa-claus-showed-up-with-chocolate-cake/245576/53 "2004-05-19T13:35:00Z")
[QUOTE=Kallessa] Apparently, I can kill a thread by asking someone to marry me. Great, another thing to add to my resume of social accomplishments./QUOTE] Be careful - you might get what you ask for and then end up like Lissa and have too many husbands! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![tanookie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/48db29/32.png) [@tanookie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tanookie)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2004, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/then-santa-claus-showed-up-with-chocolate-cake/245576/54 "2004-05-19T13:36:07Z")
I was all suave by snipping the quote and I killed the coding. Teach me to be lazy and not preview!!! ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2004, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/then-santa-claus-showed-up-with-chocolate-cake/245576/55 "2004-05-19T17:01:49Z")
> [@Exgineer](#): > > Scared me off. For the record, darlin’, you asked me. And I only accepted to toughen you up for your **Angel Pants** –'cuz if you can handle a dove gray morning suit, you can handle anything she throws at you! > [@tanookie](#): > > Be careful - you might get what you ask for and then end up like Lissa and have too many husbands! Based on **ShibbOleth’s** acceptance caveat, I seem to have a habit of ending up with too many wives! :smack: ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2004, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/then-santa-claus-showed-up-with-chocolate-cake/245576/56 "2004-05-19T19:24:25Z")
> [@Kallessa](#): > > For the record, darlin’, you asked me. And I only accepted to toughen you up for your **Angel Pants** –'cuz if you can handle a dove gray morning suit, you can handle anything she throws at you! > > Based on **ShibbOleth’s** acceptance caveat, I seem to have a habit of ending up with too many wives! :smack: Hey, she’s a pretty good wife to have for your first wife. And although she claims to be purely heterosexual she also admits to a peculiar fascination with large, um, tracks of land. She’s a bit of a nerd and like’s to read, so you two will probably get along just fine. And we have two very bright and cute children, so there you go, we can change all sorts of statuses in one fell swoop. Oh, and even better, we both always wanted to live in your neck of the woods. Now, as far as a ceremony we’ll probably have to go for that one little corner of Utah or maybe Massachusetts. ---
**Author:** ![tanookie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/48db29/32.png) [@tanookie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tanookie)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2004, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/then-santa-claus-showed-up-with-chocolate-cake/245576/57 "2004-05-19T19:43:27Z")
If you have the ceremony here in MA I can help with the planning 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Magickly\_Delicious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magickly\_Delicious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magickly_Delicious)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2004, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/then-santa-claus-showed-up-with-chocolate-cake/245576/58 "2004-05-19T20:15:51Z")
Woo! I am glad to see that my movie-reviewing skills are spot-on. I’ll keep working hard on my reviews, because Dopers deserve the _truth_ about new releases. In other news, I won’t be marrying anybody in this thread. Nope. Not gonna happen. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2004, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/then-santa-claus-showed-up-with-chocolate-cake/245576/59 "2004-05-19T21:05:41Z")
> [@ShibbOleth](#): > > Hey, she’s a pretty good wife to have for your first wife. And although she claims to be purely heterosexual she also admits to a peculiar fascination with large, um, tracks of land. She’s a bit of a nerd and like’s to read, so you two will probably get along just fine. And we have two very bright and cute children, so there you go, we can change all sorts of statuses in one fell swoop. Oh, and even better, we both always wanted to live in your neck of the woods. Now, as far as a ceremony we’ll probably have to go for that one little corner of Utah or maybe Massachusetts. I take it you’re willing to wear a dove gray morning suit? Kids young enough to be ringbearer/flower girl types or old enough to be Jr. bridesmaid/groomsman types? I wonder if Miss Manners knows where the first wife is supposed to stand? Let’s see, traditionally, my father or father substitute “gives” me away, perhaps your first wife should escort you in and “give” you away. And do the first wife’s friends sit on the groom’s side or the bride’s side? Would this mean half again as many guests? Is the mother of the first wife suppose to sit with the mother of the bride, or the mother of the groom? We have to invite them, they’re our in-laws–Egads! We’d each have two pairs of in-laws!! (more or less). At the reception, should there be a wife and bride dance, and if so, should it be before or after the bride and groom’s first dance? Would everyone come on the honeymoon? I mean, I’d like to bond with the kids and all–if we leave them behind, it could cause resentment of your new relationship, but it hardly seems fair to leave first wife home alone. And how would we word the invitations? I think we need to let Miss Manners and the rest of the etiquette crew catch up. I would hate for my wedding to be gauche or anything. Meanwhile **Shibb** darlin’, quote some more Monty Python at me, will ya? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Ashes\_Ashes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/db5fbb/32.png) [@Ashes\_Ashes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashes_Ashes)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2004, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/then-santa-claus-showed-up-with-chocolate-cake/245576/60 "2004-05-19T21:22:59Z")
Why, why, WHY? What did I do to annoy the universe? It seems there’s a chance I’ve turned my car’s engine into a paperweight. Driving home from San Diego yesterday, my check engine light came on, but did I notice? No, I did not. The sun was shining on my dash and I didn’t manage to see the idiot light come on (that’s right, I am so stoopid I can’t follow something for idiots). Who knows how long I drove with an overheating engine before I finally grew a clue. I was rescued by a crazy guy and then had my car towed. Now the mechanic says it’s more than he can handle, something about my head gasket, maybe, if I’m very lucky. So now it’s off to tow my car to the one mechanic in the entire area who’s ever seen a mazda. I so cannot afford this right now, I’m jest a poor teacher with three months of no paycheck coming up. I would marry anybody in this thread who’d have me, but I’m too much of a liability it seems. Wah, wah, poor me. Tomorrow’s going to be better right? They’re gonna say it’s just a matter of a bit of fixing, right? Lie to me if you have to. Oh yeah, it’s not like I neglect my car, it was given a tune up last month and I check the water and stuff every other week. I’m stupid but not evil. Just so you don’t get the wrong impression or anything. I’ll take my little cloud o’ doom and pity and go arrange for a tow truck, now. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/then-santa-claus-showed-up-with-chocolate-cake/245576.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/then-santa-claus-showed-up-with-chocolate-cake/245576.md?page=4)