# Then Santa Claus Showed Up With Chocolate Cake **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 17, 2004, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/then-santa-claus-showed-up-with-chocolate-cake/245576 "2004-05-17T12:07:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2004, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/then-santa-claus-showed-up-with-chocolate-cake/245576/81 "2004-05-20T17:45:49Z")
> [@susan\_foster](#): > > Anyway, time to get real furniture that will last a lifetime - I just have to convince myself to spend the money. It’s so nice to look at my bank account and see money there - I am so sad when I have to wave bye-bye to it, although it is nice to see the stuff that I wll get. > > Susan I’m the same way–even when I have specifically saved to be able to afford something, when it comes time to spend the money, I suddenly become frugal. This from the woman who will, on impulse, drop $60 bucks on books and will give kids raising money for a school trip a twenty without even taking a raffle ticket! However, getting furniture for a lifetime is worth it. My Dad sold furniture all his life, and when he died and left me some money, I thought it was fitting that I buy some good furniture with it. Yeah, the money could have gone to pay down my student loans, or to catch me up on the retirement money I should have been saving (or for a really great time in Reno–something else my Dad would have approved of) but I don’t regret spending it on some nice stuff for my home. For **swampy** : Every sperm is sacred. Every sperm is good. Every sperm is needed In your neighbourhood. Every sperm is sacred. Every sperm is great. If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite iraaaaaate! What? You expected maybe _The Lumberjack Song_? For a "stuck in my head"song, this one is much more fun. Especially if you start softly singing it under your breath around co-workers. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2004, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/then-santa-claus-showed-up-with-chocolate-cake/245576/82 "2004-05-20T18:09:53Z")
> [@Kallessa](#): > > For swampy: > > Every sperm is sacred. > Every sperm is good. > Every sperm is needed > In your neighbourhood. > Every sperm is sacred. > Every sperm is great. > If a sperm is wasted, > God gets quite iraaaaaate! :eek: God is irate with me! Draw your own conclusions as to why that is. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2004, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/then-santa-claus-showed-up-with-chocolate-cake/245576/83 "2004-05-20T18:15:40Z")
Could be worse, you could be a mime. Then you’d have me irate with you. Heck with God, it’s in everybody’s best interest to keep me happy. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2004, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/then-santa-claus-showed-up-with-chocolate-cake/245576/84 "2004-05-20T18:20:14Z")
> [@Exgineer](#): > > Could be worse, you could be a mime. Then you’d have me irate with you. > > Heck with God, it’s in everybody’s best interest to keep me happy. Or even worse a mime who wastes sperm. 😛 So, **Ex** just _would_ I have to do (besides not being a mime) to keep you happy? Perhaps a tank that floats around in the pool? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2004, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/then-santa-claus-showed-up-with-chocolate-cake/245576/85 "2004-05-20T18:22:56Z")
> [@](#): > > So, Ex just would I have to do (besides not being a mime) to keep you happy? Perhaps a tank that floats around in the pool? :smack: The English translation of this would be: So, **Ex** just _what_ would I have to do (besides not being a mime) to keep you happy? Perhaps a tank that floats around in the pool? ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2004, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/then-santa-claus-showed-up-with-chocolate-cake/245576/86 "2004-05-20T18:32:27Z")
When you get right down to it, a mime is a waste of sperm, so what he does with his own sperm is doubly irratating. And let me nominate _Mime Sperm_ as the band name of the week. ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2004, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/then-santa-claus-showed-up-with-chocolate-cake/245576/87 "2004-05-20T19:02:05Z")
While a floating tank would be hell for cool, I think keeping me happy is a lost cause right now. I’m pretty much angry at everything at the moment, and I decided to preserve my sanity by limiting myself to one thing per day to get pissed off at. Today’s feature is French Inventions That Really Irritate The Crap Out Of Me, and I started with Soft Cheeses, so you just know it’s a long list. By the time I got to Mimes by way of Sissy-Assed Berets I had a pretty good rage on. I think that’s sufficiently stupid for now. ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2004, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/then-santa-claus-showed-up-with-chocolate-cake/245576/88 "2004-05-20T19:19:14Z")
( **Lissla** looks around at her collection of Ikea, Goodwill, and free furniture, and tries to figure out how to break the news to **swampy**.) I shouldn’t have just bought three pounds of cheddar if I’m trying to empty both freezers. We have a chest freezer (shut up!) as well as the teeny one on the fridge. I must go to work and collect boxes. **Ex** , I hope next week goes better. ---
**Author:** ![Tupug\_Anachi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@Tupug\_Anachi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tupug_Anachi)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2004, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/then-santa-claus-showed-up-with-chocolate-cake/245576/89 "2004-05-20T19:27:19Z")
Happy Birthday, **Taters**! 40 is a great age, ya know. It’s the new 30! Oo, oo, **Ashes** , sure hope it’s not your head gasket. Maybe the mechanic will take payments. **Swampy** , no more dull meetings for you! Your fingers forget all their training and you can’t type worth…heck. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Bumbazine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbazine/32/362_2.png) [@Bumbazine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbazine)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2004, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/then-santa-claus-showed-up-with-chocolate-cake/245576/90 "2004-05-20T19:34:59Z")
Egads! I just spent two hours rolling around on the floor in my computer’s innards and now I come in here for some R&R and find you discussing **Mime sperm?!?!?**. BTW, my computer’s all better now, thank you. I guess I’ll just have to go back to where I left off yesterday. hmmmmm… _riffle riffle_ Ahh… here’s a good place to start…\*\* HAAAAPPPPYYYY BIIIIRTHDAAAAY TOOOOOO YOUUUUUU!!! HAAAAPPPPYYYY BIIIIRTHDAAAAY TOOOOOO YOUUUUUU!!! HAAAAPPPPYYYY BIIIIRTHDAAAAY DEEEAAAARRRR TAAAATERRRRS!!! HAAAAPPPPYYYY BIIIIRTHDAAAAY TOOOOOO YOUUUUUU!!!\*\* Hey! Come back you guys! I’m done. BTW, I seem to have given you the wrong impression, **Ashes[sup]2[/sup]**, I’m not actually gonna plant the south forty. It’s just gonna be a little raised bed sorta deal, really. 3 or 4 tomato plants, 2 lemon cucumbers and a pepperoncini plant. So far. That doesn’t mean we won’t add other stuff as and when we find it. You know, targets of opportunity. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2004, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/then-santa-claus-showed-up-with-chocolate-cake/245576/91 "2004-05-20T19:42:25Z")
> [@Tupug Anachi](#): > > Swampy, no more dull meetings for you! Your fingers forget all their training and you can’t type worth…heck. Could you put that in the form of a note from my doctor so I can use it as a legitimate excuse? **Ex** while you ragin’ on “French Inventions That Really Irritate The Crap Out Of Me”, don’t forget escargot. That oughta be worth a couple hours of ragin’ itself. Oh and the fact that truffles which sell for a million dollars an ounce are rooted out by pigs. That’s a real French thing. **Lissla** dear, I’m sure your furniture is arranged oh so tastefully. Don’t worry. I actually like a lot of the Ikea stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2004, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/then-santa-claus-showed-up-with-chocolate-cake/245576/92 "2004-05-20T23:07:42Z")
So, it seems that “rage” garners more responses than “angst.” I’ll keep that in mind. I was gone for a week and a half and nobody cared. **Welby** is gone for about two weeks (I’m guessing here, I was gone for a week and a half) and everybody panics. You guys aren’t doing much for my self-esteem. Waitamnnit. I’m panicing. Where in hell is **welby**? Retarded minds want to know. Believe me, **Angel Pants** \*, I raged on the snails and the truffles. I figure the French stuff is good for two or three more days. Tomorrow’s feature is going to be Late 18th Century German Crap That Irritates Me. We’ll se how that goes. ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2004, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/then-santa-claus-showed-up-with-chocolate-cake/245576/93 "2004-05-20T23:10:44Z")
Forgot the footnote. \*Yeah, I’m living dangerously. Hey, that’s as good as anything else I ever post, quit complaining. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2004, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/then-santa-claus-showed-up-with-chocolate-cake/245576/94 "2004-05-20T23:47:53Z")
**Ex** called me **Angel Pants**. Y’all are my witnesses. So, what should I blackmail him for? A year’s supply of beer or a year’s supply of hand dipped chocolates. The “year’s supply” being my definition of a year’s supply. 😃 BTW, **Tupug** I’m still waiting on that doctor’s excuse. ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2004, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/then-santa-claus-showed-up-with-chocolate-cake/245576/95 "2004-05-21T00:56:30Z")
I’ll do it again: **Angel Pants!** I’m pretty safe, she’s in the bathroom talking to her sister on the phone (don’t ask). I _said_ I was living dangerously. Let’s get serious for a moment. What did you expect **Bumba**? As soon as I get into a thread the tone lowers significantly. That always happens. However, I’d like to point out that traffic increases when I’m here. Last week’s MMP barely made three pages without me (yes, I looked for it) but the previous on made _five_. It’s all about _ME_ baby, except when it isn’t. And for the record, I’m only responsible for the “mime” half of the “mime sperm” thing. I don’t like to talk about sperm. That can lead to babies. ---
**Author:** ![Taters](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/taters/32/2845_2.png) [@Taters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taters)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2004, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/then-santa-claus-showed-up-with-chocolate-cake/245576/96 "2004-05-21T02:27:57Z")
Thanks for all the nice birthday songs! Hey, I can’t carry a tune in a bucket, so I truly appreciate the effort put forth just to sing to 'lil ol me. I don’t feel at all bad about turning 40. I think I’ve only improved with age, sort of like a fine wine. At any rate, I had a nice birthday and a nice dinner and got nice presents too! \*\*Swampy, \*\* I do believe you should tell him that you require a year supply of hand dipped chocolate, the best that can be had. You can get beer any ol’ time. I have kind of eclectic taste when it comes to furniture. I like a little of this and a little of that, and like our fabulous **Swampy** says, the furniture does not have to match exactly. Just pick up the colors and themes in all the pieces. By the way, I like red; but I don’t have any red furniture, or walls. Red can go a long way however, and is well used as an accent. Hah! Listen to me…you’d think I knew what I was talking about, or something. Now, all that being said, I have the worlds CRAPPIEST furniture right now. I want nice, lifetime furniture this time, so I am taking my time. I was looking pretty hard about a month or so ago, but I gave it break. My frugal mood has seized me and I just don’t want to put out the extra money right now. Since I received those two gift cards, I WILL be going to Pier 1. They’re just not for candles and stuff. You can find some pretty cool stuff there. I was thinking of a rattan chair and table for my front porch; you know, so I can make it inviting and prettified. Or…I need some storage baskets for the throws I have in the great room, it would be nice to have them hidden away. I also need a wine rack…or maybe a table for my entry way…or…jeeze, I don’t know, so many choices. I think my head is spinning. Well, it’s that time again…I must make dinner. ---
**Author:** ![Rue\_DeDay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/41988e/32.png) [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2004, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/then-santa-claus-showed-up-with-chocolate-cake/245576/97 "2004-05-21T11:51:15Z")
Yesterday, since I had the appointment, I went to the dentist and got my teeth cleaned. Now I have clean teeth. They also took that x-ray that goes all around your head. They didn’t find anything. ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2004, 12:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/then-santa-claus-showed-up-with-chocolate-cake/245576/98 "2004-05-21T12:01:22Z")
Nobody ever found anything useful in my head either. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2004, 12:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/then-santa-claus-showed-up-with-chocolate-cake/245576/99 "2004-05-21T12:03:59Z")
> [@Rue DeDay](#): > > Yesterday, since I had the appointment, I went to the dentist and got my teeth cleaned. Now I have clean teeth. They also took that x-ray that goes all around your head. They didn’t find anything. Heehee. The xray tech said: “Nope! Nuttin’ at all up there. Looks pretty dang hollow.” Heehee **Rue** since your teeth are all clean, you need to take some pictures of that bright, shiny smile and post em so we can see. **Taters** looks like I ain’t gonna be able to bribe **Ex**. He’s a man living on the edge and lovin’ it. Get the storage baskets. They are functional yet _faaaaaaaaa-bu-loussssss!!!_ Oh, and this is just for **Ex**. Sperm, it’s not just for making babies anymore. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Rue\_DeDay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/41988e/32.png) [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2004, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/then-santa-claus-showed-up-with-chocolate-cake/245576/100 "2004-05-21T13:42:31Z")
I said my teeth are clean **Swampy** , not bright. The dentist started talking about how they have this new whitening procedure that only takes an hour and my teeth would be super sparkly. When I got my crown (six months ago) they matched the color so no one would notice my second last molar wasn’t the same color as my other teeth and they had to go at least a third back, maybe halfway, on the tooth chart. At least I was closer to “Blindingly White” than I was to “How Much Exactly Do You Smoke?”. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/then-santa-claus-showed-up-with-chocolate-cake/245576.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/then-santa-claus-showed-up-with-chocolate-cake/245576.md?page=6)