# Therapist discouraging rape report? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 9, 2011, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/therapist-discouraging-rape-report/602386 "2011-11-09T13:48:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2011, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/therapist-discouraging-rape-report/602386/21 "2011-11-09T23:55:15Z")
According to this [2007 study](http://search.proquest.com.proxyau.wrlc.org/docview/61657799?accountid=8285), “evidence of resistance” and “past sexual history” are taken into consideration during South Korean rape trials. > [@](#): > > However, this Act still puts great emphasis on the elements of the “physical evidence of penetration,” “the level of resistance of the victim,” and “victim’s sexual history” as evidence to prove that a rape occurred (Han 1994; Chang et al. 2003). Societal emphasis on the sexual components of rape may trivialize the impact of rape and shift the blame from the assailant to the victim under certain circumstances, such as when rape occurs during a date. In addition, since the victim is required to demonstrate having put up utmost resistance in order to be able to bring a charge against the perpetrator, when a victim is intoxicated or when rape occurs in either the victim’s or the perpetrator’s house, charges are often dismissed as the cases of Hwa Kan, Korean word for consent sex with someone that they are not married to, rather than the cases of Kang Kan, Korean word for rape (Chang et al. 2003). > > Under such societal perception, victims of date rape become often revictimized by the legal and judicial process. For example, in 2004, five teenage girls in South Korea were raped repeatedly by a group of teenage boys living in the same province. After the victims reported the incidents to the police, they were blamed for “embarrassing the hometown” by the police officer and were threatened by the boys’ families (Lee and Lee 2004). The society viewed the case as an episode that resulted from “bad” behaviors by some teenage girls dating boys rather than a perpetration of rape. While the South Korean judicial system takes rape cases seriously, culturally the focus is on rape as a violation of a woman’s chastity or purity, and less so on the violation of the woman herself. Rape is seen as grievous because it robs a woman of her purity (and, by extension, marriageability), not so much because it’s physically and psychologically painful to the woman. Rape is some cultures (including our own until not that long ago) can be seen as a property crime. What this means is that the defense is going to do everything they can to cast doubt on the purity of the woman in question. Not only are you going to have every sexual encounter they can find torn apart and put on display at the trial (which can be extremely hurtful to a woman in a sexually conservative culture- what is your family going to think? Who is going to marry you after everything you’ve ever done has been paraded in front of everyone?) but they will replay that evening over and over, rewriting each and every bit to make it look like you were begging for it. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2011, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/therapist-discouraging-rape-report/602386/22 "2011-11-10T00:16:40Z")
> [@Grey\_area](#): > > Even if she is telling the truth I have trouble believing that she would reveal this information to a half-stranger without some ulterior motive. She says all her friends and family already know, so between them and the shrink, what help does she expect from me? Perhaps she was trying to tell you before any of them could? Or, if she does feel that she ‘ruined,’ she meant it as a warning to you? When I thought this had occurred in the US, I thought it sounded more like a case where a therapist tells her or his patient what might happen should she report her rape (not to prevent her from doing it, but as a caution) and she takes this as advice not to. This happens with counselors, too. They’ve got a responsibility to tell victims what could conceivably happen during a rape investigation, so they can brace themselves for invasive inspections and questions, even if they want them to go to the police. ---
**Author:** ![Grey\_area](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Grey\_area](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grey_area)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2011, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/therapist-discouraging-rape-report/602386/23 "2011-11-10T04:49:38Z")
Thanks for the insights everyone. Though I’m even more confused now, more information is always good. > [@even\_sven](#): > > I guess I’d like to see a bit more of your frustration and dismay directed at rapists, crappy legal systems and shady therapists, rather than being upset at this young woman for ruining your dinner date plans by being still a bit screwed up by this horrible thing that (probably) happened to her. Where are you getting this from? My dinner date plans? Huh? Why are you so hellbent on depicting me as some sort of monster? Is it because I’m an Asian male? Because we all beat our wives and treat women like shit, you know. I was initially very distraught and angry at the therapist and the shithole neighborhood where the rape allegedly took place and obviously the rapist. But it dawned on me that she could be lying, which made me feel like an idiot because I _was_ in fact very upset about the whole incident, and no one likes being made the fool. It should be also be noted that my initial decision to not be friends was before she told me about the rape. What I knew at that point was that she wasn’t over her ex, and I didn’t want to be one of those tools (yes _tools_) that listen to women bitch about other men and then bitch about being a “nice guy”, when in fact you’re just a doormat. Look, if she comes to me for support for whatever inexpicable reason, I’ll offer what can but I would be doing so at my own risk because she could be just toying with me and I’m a pretty gullible fellow. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2011, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/therapist-discouraging-rape-report/602386/24 "2011-11-10T13:38:12Z")
Her interpretation is from the fact that you said you “do not believe in male-female friendships.” Thus you are a priori saying you cannot be friends with someone due only to their sex. This is sexism, just as saying that you can’t be friends with a black person is racism. And it’s also a rather bad pickup technique: having female friends is a great way to have them set up dates for you, and it gives you social proof. (Based on his language, I’m pretty sure the guy understands PUA terminology.) ---
**Author:** ![Grey\_area](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Grey\_area](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grey_area)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2011, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/therapist-discouraging-rape-report/602386/25 "2011-11-10T14:54:51Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > Her interpretation is from the fact that you said you “do not believe in male-female friendships.” Thus you are a priori saying you cannot be friends with someone due only to their sex. This is sexism, just as saying that you can’t be friends with a black person is racism. > > And it’s also a rather bad pickup technique: having female friends is a great way to have them set up dates for you, and it gives you social proof. > > (Based on his language, I’m pretty sure the guy understands PUA terminology.) Heh, I had to look that up, PUA. I’m a pick-up artist now? I really have no clue how you were able to decipher that from my language, but thanks for the advice bro, I’ll be keepin my game tight wid dat social proof, yo. Oh and sex and race are not analogous by any stretch of the imagination. So according to you, if I was racist as much as I was sexist, I would only have sex with Black people, but not want to be their friend right? But I get that you’re trying to say I’m sexist, so I’ll start with that. I guess this stems from the whole male/female friendship comment which was not supposed to be the focal point of this thread. To clarify, it seems to me that the majority of male/female friendships I see tend to be lopsided with either the girl wanting something more with the guy, or the guy with the girl, the latter being more common. Both parties are often aware of this unspoken dynamic to some degree. With opposite sex friends, platonic affection, admiration, love etc and romantic affection etc. often get blurred which is more of a headache than it’s worth in my opinion. So no, it’s not that I think that women are without value other than as sex objects. I’m sure there many fun, intelligent, fascinating, wonderful women out there worth their weight in salt (hell I’ve known quite a few as acquaintances), but due to human nature, can there truly be a platonic opposite sex friendship? Maybe so, but I’m skeptical. (Oh and I enjoyed your little aside in the parantheses **BigT** , because the OP can’t read what’s in between parantheses. Thanks for leveling with me in PUA terms I could understand) ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2011, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/therapist-discouraging-rape-report/602386/26 "2011-11-10T15:29:46Z")
> [@Grey\_area](#): > > I met a young woman today who says she was sexually assaulted by a stranger after being drugged just last week(!), and is understandably going through therapy. > The revelation caught me completely off guard, since I really don’t know her that well. So I asked her if she filed a police report and she says that her therapist told her not to since they’ll ask prying questions and it might worsen the trauma or some bullshit. My reaction was kind of… Hrm… I wanted to say “wtf tell the fucking police, you got _raped_,” but at the same time I’m not a mental health expert and I really don’t know her well enough to make such strong recommendations. > But is this standard protocol? Discouraging a report? I’m still kind of baffled and tittering on outraged about this situation. Is this shrink a quack? Is she (the rape victim) bullshitting me? > Can any mental healthcare experts or anyone with some knowledge of rape trauma help me out? No clue what goes on in Korea, but generally re relationships when someone you barely know drops a bomb like this, with claimed improbable behavior by professionals thrown in I’d be very wary about believing everything she’s telling you. Actually getting slipped a roofie or similar, and then raped is extraordinarily rare in real life. Drinking to excess and getting taken advantage of, or otherwise regretting your actions later, is far more common. Anything is possible, she could be 100% on the up and up, but I don’t think I’d bet the farm on it. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2011, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/therapist-discouraging-rape-report/602386/27 "2011-11-10T15:43:02Z")
I owe you an apology **Grey Area**. This one hit too close to home and probably brought up a few of my own unresolved issues, and the thing I said to you were misplaced and really uncalled for. I do find your attitude towards women pretty offensive (I don’t really care what your reasons are- you’re good enough to fuck but not good enough to be friends with is never going to sit well with the class of people you are writing off) but that’s neither here nor there. **astro** , as outlined, the behavior by the therapist is not improbable at all. ---
**Author:** ![Grey\_area](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Grey\_area](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grey_area)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2011, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/therapist-discouraging-rape-report/602386/28 "2011-11-10T16:24:46Z")
No worries **even sven**. I still think you’re being a little unfair in assuming that all I’m looking for is sex. As much as I love sex (who doesn’t, right?), it’s not really a priority. What I’m looking for with women is not friendship or sex (exclusively), it’s something more along the lines of “romantic companionship”. A relationship I guess. Kind of churns my stomach to write that. Sounds more smoove than I would like, but hey it’s the truth. I’m not going to lie, I expect sex to be a part of that to some degree, but it’s not the only or the most important factor. So there. Am I still an asshole? ---
**Author:** ![ReticulatingSplines](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e274bd/32.png) [@ReticulatingSplines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReticulatingSplines)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2011, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/therapist-discouraging-rape-report/602386/29 "2011-11-10T17:00:06Z")
> [@Grey\_area](#): > > No worries **even sven**. I still think you’re being a little unfair in assuming that all I’m looking for is sex. As much as I love sex (who doesn’t, right?), it’s not really a priority. What I’m looking for with women is not friendship or sex (exclusively), it’s something more along the lines of “romantic companionship”. A relationship I guess. Kind of churns my stomach to write that. Sounds more smoove than I would like, but hey it’s the truth. I’m not going to lie, I expect sex to be a part of that to some degree, but it’s not the only or the most important factor. > So there. Am I still an asshole? Dude, don’t worry about her. She looks for nothing but sex all the time.This is someone who even [lines up multiple online dates and then uses some of them as “sex dates”](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=14339514&postcount=10) so she can “get [her] fill, and go into [her] serious date with a clear head.” ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2011, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/therapist-discouraging-rape-report/602386/30 "2011-11-10T17:41:51Z")
> [@ReticulatingSplines](#): > > Dude, don’t worry about her. She looks for nothing but sex all the time.This is someone who even [lines up multiple online dates and then uses some of them as “sex dates”](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=14339514&postcount=10) so she can “get [her] fill, and go into [her] serious date with a clear head.” WHOA right there — this is completely inappropriate. If you have a problem with even sven, the Pit is the place to take it. You are not permitted to a) derail threads with extraneous garbage about other posters and b) insult other posters. And this is to everybody: never is this kind of thing allowed, in any SDMB forum besides the the [BBQ Pit](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/forumdisplay.php?f=5). So if you’d like to rake someone over the red-hot coals, do it there. ---
**Author:** ![ReticulatingSplines](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e274bd/32.png) [@ReticulatingSplines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReticulatingSplines)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2011, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/therapist-discouraging-rape-report/602386/31 "2011-11-10T17:53:47Z")
> [@Ellen\_Cherry](#): > > WHOA right there — this is completely inappropriate. If you have a problem with even sven, the Pit is the place to take it. You are not permitted to a) derail threads with extraneous garbage about other posters and b) insult other posters. > > And this is to everybody: never is this kind of thing allowed, in any SDMB forum besides the the [BBQ Pit](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/forumdisplay.php?f=5). So if you’d like to rake someone over the red-hot coals, do it there. Wait a minute - that was not an insult. How is it an insult when all I did was summarize what she said herself? Basically **even sven** attacked **grey area** for wanting to (in her view) use someone for sex. And then I linked to a thread where she admits she…uses people for sex. Where did I attack her? I didn’t assign a value judgment at all, outside of expressing that if he’s going to feel bad for what he thinks, it shouldn’t be because she said anything. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2011, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/therapist-discouraging-rape-report/602386/32 "2011-11-10T18:00:27Z")
> [@Grey\_area](#): > > Am I still an asshole? I don’t think you’re an asshole, but I’m probably not going to be comfortable with your statements. Picture if I said “it seems to me that the majority of Asian/Caucasian friendships I see tend to be lopsided with either the the Asian wanting to do business with the Caucasian, or the the Caucasian with the Asian, the latter being more common. Both parties are often aware of this unspoken dynamic to some degree. With Asian/Caucasian friendships, friendly affection, admiration, love etc and business dealings etc. often get blurred which is more of a headache than it’s worth in my opinion. So no, it’s not that I think that Asians are without value other than as business partners. I’m sure there many fun, intelligent, fascinating, wonderful Asians out there worth their weight in salt (hell I’ve known quite a few as acquaintances), but due to human nature, can there truly be a non-business Asian/Caucasian friendship? Maybe so, but I’m skeptical.” Wouldn’t you be the least bit offended that I might be willing to start a company with you, but wouldn’t be willing to go out to dinner with you if it wasn’t about business? Wouldn’t you prefer to be judged and valued as an individual human being, rather than as some huge and diverse class full of people you may or may not have anything in common with? ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2011, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/therapist-discouraging-rape-report/602386/33 "2011-11-10T20:35:09Z")
> [@ReticulatingSplines](#): > > Wait a minute - that was not an insult. How is it an insult when all I did was summarize what she said herself? Basically **even sven** attacked **grey area** for wanting to (in her view) use someone for sex. And then I linked to a thread where she admits she…uses people for sex. Where did I attack her? I didn’t assign a value judgment at all, outside of expressing that if he’s going to feel bad for what he thinks, it shouldn’t be because she said anything. You are not called upon to analyze the credibility of other posters and then dismiss their contributions, which you did in a sneering fashion. That’s insulting. Don’t do it again. ---
**Author:** ![Grey\_area](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Grey\_area](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grey_area)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2011, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/therapist-discouraging-rape-report/602386/34 "2011-11-13T06:40:30Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > I don’t think you’re an asshole, but I’m probably not going to be comfortable with your statements. > > Picture if I said “it seems to me that the majority of Asian/Caucasian friendships I see tend to be lopsided with either the the Asian wanting to do business with the Caucasian, or the the Caucasian with the Asian, the latter being more common. Both parties are often aware of this unspoken dynamic to some degree. With Asian/Caucasian friendships, friendly affection, admiration, love etc and business dealings etc. often get blurred which is more of a headache than it’s worth in my opinion. So no, it’s not that I think that Asians are without value other than as business partners. I’m sure there many fun, intelligent, fascinating, wonderful Asians out there worth their weight in salt (hell I’ve known quite a few as acquaintances), but due to human nature, can there truly be a non-business Asian/Caucasian friendship? Maybe so, but I’m skeptical.” > > Wouldn’t you be the least bit offended that I might be willing to start a company with you, but wouldn’t be willing to go out to dinner with you if it wasn’t about business? Wouldn’t you prefer to be judged and valued as an individual human being, rather than as some huge and diverse class full of people you may or may not have anything in common with? Again, the relationship between different racial groups and the sexes are too different to make too many useful comparisons, beyond rather forced sounding analogies like the one above. You’re making a business relationship the equivalent of a romantic relationship, which doesn’t work because the former implies a less personal relationship than a friendship, while the latter implies a _more_ personal relationship vs friendship. I think you’re missing the point a bit. I’m not making some sort of judgement call about women. It’s more about the dynamic between men and women. There’s bound to be _some_ romantic/sexual attraction from at least one end (if from both ends, then it aint gonna be a friendship for long), which in my opinion doesn’t make for the healthiest of friendships because it creates opportunities for one party to take advantage. Among other problems. If you really want to make an equivalent situation it would be a woman saying the exact same thing I did, and according to some schools of feminist thought men = women in all relevant aspects so it works rather well. My sex is being “written off” for friendship and quite frankly I don’t have a problem. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2011, 8:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/therapist-discouraging-rape-report/602386/35 "2011-11-13T08:00:12Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > … I do find your attitude towards women pretty offensive (I don’t really care what your reasons are- you’re good enough to fuck but not good enough to be friends with is never going to sit well with the class of people you are writing off) but that’s neither here nor there. … To be fair, I don’t think that was the intent of what the OP meant. I would translate it to, “I don’t want to be just friends with someone I’m attracted to and am interested in sex with.” It certainly doesn’t include people he can have sex AND be friends with. I could be wrong, because it was pretty vaguely stated, but that’s how my guy sense interpreted it, and it is a very common thing with guys. It is a very frustrating thing for a guy to be an attractive woman’s non-sexual friend. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2011, 8:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/therapist-discouraging-rape-report/602386/36 "2011-11-13T08:06:19Z")
Oops, I see by the OPs last post that my interpretation was wrong. The OP feels that there MUST be some sexual attraction from one side or the other, and apparently frustrating that that attraction is bad, and therefor a friendship is bad without an outlet for the sexual tension. So I’m back on your page, even sven. The OP’s attitude is sexist and offensive. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2011, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/therapist-discouraging-rape-report/602386/37 "2011-11-13T16:12:42Z")
> [@olivesmarch4th](#): > > Over-disclosure is pretty common for people who have PTSD. […] Over-disclosure is not evidence that the person is deluded. To be clear, the part that stretched _my_ credulity was that a person would be advised by a therapist to be quiet about a rape, not that they would subsequently speak about it to a stranger. I was particularly dubious as there is a suggestion that the person was in therapy as a consequence of the rape. “Last week I was drugged and raped - I’ve been seeing a therapist about it, and they said I shouldn’t go to the police, because that would only worsen the trauma.” For me, this seemed dubious because it put the responsibility for the decision not to report on her therapist’s advice, while the circumstance of her going through the process of getting into therapy before filing a police report itself demonstrates an existing disinclination to report. Of course, this is before it was made clear that we’re talking about something that was supposed to have occurred in Korea, and I have no idea how things generally are there. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2011, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/therapist-discouraging-rape-report/602386/38 "2011-11-13T23:27:31Z")
> [@Grey\_area](#): > > Again, the relationship between different racial groups and the sexes are too different to make too many useful comparisons, beyond rather forced sounding analogies like the one above. > You’re making a business relationship the equivalent of a romantic relationship, which doesn’t work because the former implies a less personal relationship than a friendship, while the latter implies a _more_ personal relationship vs friendship. > I think you’re missing the point a bit. I’m not making some sort of judgement call about women. It’s more about the dynamic between men and women. There’s bound to be _some_ romantic/sexual attraction from at least one end (if from both ends, then it aint gonna be a friendship for long), which in my opinion doesn’t make for the healthiest of friendships because it creates opportunities for one party to take advantage. Among other problems. > If you really want to make an equivalent situation it would be a woman saying the exact same thing I did, and according to some schools of feminist thought men = women in all relevant aspects so it works rather well. My sex is being “written off” for friendship and quite frankly I don’t have a problem. I know that what you are saying makes sense to you, but it really is very far out there and relies on some pretty bizarre ideas of gender. Most people do not automatically experience sexual tension with every single person of the opposite sex, and when it is there, most people can handle some low-level sexual tension without their heads exploding. Obviously it’s going to be a problem if you are BFF with a woman you have a huge crush on, but most people can handle grabbing lunch with, say, their married co-worker, even if they do think she has a wicked cute smile. I imagine that some of this is cultural. I think American culture in general doesn’t separate the sexes as much as other cultures, and doesn’t put as much value on maintaining “mystique” between the genders, so there is just less sexual tension in general. ---
**Author:** ![gracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8e7dd6/32.png) [@gracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gracer)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2011, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/therapist-discouraging-rape-report/602386/39 "2011-11-14T00:09:04Z")
I’m sorry about the situation & and the fact that you are upset over it. In response to the OP, I would say that being “gullible” in this situation is preferable to not believing this woman. If you believe her and invest, what did you lose if it turns out she was lying? I always think that someone sad enough to tell a lie like that deserves some help anyway. You may at some point want to stop investing in such a person & start getting them more professional help, but the damage would surely be minimal. If you choose not to help because you don’t believe her story, and it turns out to be true… how would you feel about that? Looking at it from that perspective, I think it’s easy to decide what to do regardless of how likely it is to discuss such things candidly or the likelihood of the Korean therapist’s advice. I would like to comment that I am personally deeply offended that you would not want to be friends with women. So offended I would not want to be friends with you. Because I judge people individually, on the way they behave. Also consider how irrational your statement is with regards to the vast spectrum of gender and sexuality. Would you be friends with homosexual men? With lesbian women? How about transgendered people? How about heterosexual women who produce lots of testosterone? How about your sister? How about a woman you don’t consider attractive, and who doesn’t consider you attractive? ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2011, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/therapist-discouraging-rape-report/602386/40 "2011-11-14T03:58:38Z")
> [@gracer](#): > > I’m sorry about the situation & and the fact that you are upset over it. In response to the OP, I would say that being “gullible” in this situation is preferable to not believing this woman. If you believe her and invest, what did you lose if it turns out she was lying? On the off chance this is a manufactured tale, IMO being involved with people who tell wild stories for kicks or attention is potentially quite hazardous as they are effectively professional liars and may craft some nonsense about you if you displease them, and their relationships often tend to be using and manipulative. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/therapist-discouraging-rape-report/602386.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/therapist-discouraging-rape-report/602386.md?page=3)