# There are no other "guests" here; I am a freak **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 10, 2004, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-no-other-guests-here-i-am-a-freak/249736 "2004-06-10T23:25:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![sofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/35a633/32.png) [@sofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sofia)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2004, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-no-other-guests-here-i-am-a-freak/249736/1 "2004-06-10T23:25:15Z")
Well…I’ve been browsing around this board, looking for the best place to sneak in quietly…someplace where there were other “guests.” I don’t see any. This inspires both wonder (that you are all so dedicated to becoming charter members)…and nausea. How do I know if I’m cool enough to stay? What’s the initiation rite? How fast does a credit card defrost? ---
**Author:** ![Bruce\_Daddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@Bruce\_Daddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bruce_Daddy)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2004, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-no-other-guests-here-i-am-a-freak/249736/2 "2004-06-10T23:40:06Z")
1. You are. 2. It involves a duck, a 1920’s style “Death Ray” and a burning dog. Better not ask. 3. 6 minutes. Go ahead and read the numbers through the ice though, I won’t tell anybody. ---
**Author:** ![IrreverentTone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@IrreverentTone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IrreverentTone)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2004, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-no-other-guests-here-i-am-a-freak/249736/3 "2004-06-10T23:47:32Z")
Welcome! **Bruce\_Daddy** , you weren’t supposed to tell her about the _duck_ yet! ::flips through initiation list:: Ummm. Hmmm. sofia…you’re scheduled for the jello delivery tomorrow, that will be sixty-seven thousand large boxes of assorted flavors, and three small boxes of green. Don’t start boiling water until you receive the call. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2004, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-no-other-guests-here-i-am-a-freak/249736/4 "2004-06-10T23:48:45Z")
Damn! I guess that means I’ll have to bring the goat. AGAIN! ---
**Author:** ![Kaotic\_Newtral](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/71e660/32.png) [@Kaotic\_Newtral](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaotic_Newtral)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2004, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-no-other-guests-here-i-am-a-freak/249736/5 "2004-06-10T23:50:52Z")
> [@Mr. Blue Sky](#): > > Damn! I guess that means I’ll have to bring the goat. > > AGAIN! The goat, the goat! Oh, and don’t forget the prairie dogs and the dart gun! -K ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2004, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-no-other-guests-here-i-am-a-freak/249736/6 "2004-06-10T23:52:22Z")
You forgot to tell her about the 10 pounds of melted chocolate and the velcro jumpsuit. What? 😉 Seriously, **sofia** , this is a great place. C’mon in and have a seat. Would you like a cup of tea? Or maybe a beer? Here, have a brownie! ---
**Author:** ![sofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/35a633/32.png) [@sofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sofia)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2004, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-no-other-guests-here-i-am-a-freak/249736/7 "2004-06-10T23:56:02Z")
um…ok. I don’t know about this…I mean, I’m a consenting adult and all that, but…_green_ jell-o? brownies?! ambrosia…pure and simple. ---
**Author:** ![Kaotic\_Newtral](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/71e660/32.png) [@Kaotic\_Newtral](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaotic_Newtral)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2004, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-no-other-guests-here-i-am-a-freak/249736/8 "2004-06-10T23:57:12Z")
> [@BiblioCat](#): > > Seriously, **sofia** , this is a great place. C’mon in and have a seat. Would you like a cup of tea? Or maybe a beer? > Here, have a brownie! Um, what kind of brownie? I surely never got one! That must be a **New** thing. All we got when I joined was a kick in the teeth and we liked it! ---
**Author:** ![Master\_Wang-Ka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/master_wang-ka/32/3325_2.png) [@Master\_Wang-Ka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Master_Wang-Ka)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2004, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-no-other-guests-here-i-am-a-freak/249736/9 "2004-06-11T00:00:58Z")
…we don’t do the ritual floggings any more? Aw, damn… ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2004, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-no-other-guests-here-i-am-a-freak/249736/10 "2004-06-11T00:01:12Z")
> [@sofia](#): > > um…ok. > > I don’t know about this…I mean, I’m a consenting adult and all that, but…_green_ jell-o? Oh no, no, no. There’s no backing out now! ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2004, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-no-other-guests-here-i-am-a-freak/249736/11 "2004-06-11T00:05:10Z")
> [@Kaotic Newtral](#): > > Um, what kind of brownie? I surely never got one! That must be a **New** thing. All we got when I joined was a kick in the teeth and we liked it! Beer and brownies are for the _special_ guests. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![sofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/35a633/32.png) [@sofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sofia)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2004, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-no-other-guests-here-i-am-a-freak/249736/12 "2004-06-11T00:05:53Z")
\*_bad newt…naughty newt_ \* what about the spankings? (good gravy, did i say that out loud?) ---
**Author:** ![Kaotic\_Newtral](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/71e660/32.png) [@Kaotic\_Newtral](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaotic_Newtral)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2004, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-no-other-guests-here-i-am-a-freak/249736/13 "2004-06-11T00:12:04Z")
> [@BiblioCat](#): > > Beer and brownies are for the _special_ guests. 😃 Ah! The _special_ guests! Gotcha! I forgot about the ritual! C’mon in sofia! Have a brownie! ---
**Author:** ![Suburban\_Plankton](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suburban_plankton/32/219_2.png) [@Suburban\_Plankton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Suburban_Plankton)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2004, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-no-other-guests-here-i-am-a-freak/249736/14 "2004-06-11T00:17:00Z")
> [@Kaotic Newtral](#): > > All we got when I joined was a kick in the teeth and we liked it! You had teeth? Luxury! We only had our _gums_ to get kicked in! And we were thankful! ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2004, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-no-other-guests-here-i-am-a-freak/249736/15 "2004-06-11T00:33:07Z")
> [@Suburban Plankton](#): > > You had teeth? Luxury! We only had our _gums_ to get kicked in! And we were thankful! Ya buncha pampered wusses. We had to kick our own gums in! ---
**Author:** ![Kaotic\_Newtral](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/71e660/32.png) [@Kaotic\_Newtral](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaotic_Newtral)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2004, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-no-other-guests-here-i-am-a-freak/249736/16 "2004-06-11T00:34:31Z")
> [@Mr. Blue Sky](#): > > Ya buncha pampered wusses. > > We had to kick our own gums in! We didn’t even have feet! We had to wobble ourselves to the curb and dive at it! We liked it too! ---
**Author:** ![sofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/35a633/32.png) [@sofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sofia)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2004, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-no-other-guests-here-i-am-a-freak/249736/17 "2004-06-11T00:51:13Z")
so…some of you have…let’s see…no feet and no teeth…or have had them knocked in (if you’re _lucky_… …I’m beginning to understand the whole jell-o and brownies thing… ---
**Author:** ![Kaotic\_Newtral](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/71e660/32.png) [@Kaotic\_Newtral](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaotic_Newtral)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2004, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-no-other-guests-here-i-am-a-freak/249736/18 "2004-06-11T01:07:00Z")
> [@sofia](#): > > so…some of you have…let’s see…no feet and no teeth…or have had them knocked in (if you’re _lucky_… > > …I’m beginning to understand the whole jell-o and brownies thing… 'tis the only thing some of can eat now! But it’s worth it! ---
**Author:** ![sofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/35a633/32.png) [@sofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sofia)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2004, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-no-other-guests-here-i-am-a-freak/249736/19 "2004-06-11T01:11:21Z")
well…it certainly sounds…cozy. 🙂 btw, k… where does one hang one’s…_(must resist…must resist…)_ …cloak of elvenkind? 😛 oh…i’m so sorry…so sorry… somebody, quick, kick my teeth in… ---
**Author:** ![pervert](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbe5ce/32.png) [@pervert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pervert)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2004, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-no-other-guests-here-i-am-a-freak/249736/20 "2004-06-11T01:18:25Z")
Feel not distressed. Cloaks of all kinds are welcome on our pegs. Most of them are multi purpose. \ > [@](#): > > We didn’t even have feet! We had to wobble ourselves to the curb and dive at it! We liked it too! Curbs! I suppose the were made of concrete and everything! Wuss! We had to break out own jaws by bashing our skulls against our own genitals. And we enjoyed every minute. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-no-other-guests-here-i-am-a-freak/249736.md?page=2)