# There are no other "guests" here; I am a freak **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 10, 2004, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-no-other-guests-here-i-am-a-freak/249736 "2004-06-10T23:25:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Ruby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@Ruby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruby)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2004, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-no-other-guests-here-i-am-a-freak/249736/21 "2004-06-11T01:25:14Z")
Welcome aboard, **sophia**. Witty…check Smartass…check Likes beer and chocolate…check Enjoys self-flaggelation on concrete genitals…check Looks to me like you’ll fit right in. Say goodbye to that $14.95… ---
**Author:** ![Kaotic\_Newtral](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/71e660/32.png) [@Kaotic\_Newtral](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaotic_Newtral)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2004, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-no-other-guests-here-i-am-a-freak/249736/22 "2004-06-11T01:29:16Z")
> [@Ruby](#): > > Welcome aboard, **sophia**. > > Witty…check > Smartass…check > Likes beer and chocolate…check > Enjoys self-flaggelation on concrete genitals…check > > Looks to me like you’ll fit right in. Say goodbye to that $14.95… Oooh! And knows D&D to a point. Fetch the goats, dart guns and brownies for the ceremony! -K (It was fetch you crude bastids!) 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Kaotic\_Newtral](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/71e660/32.png) [@Kaotic\_Newtral](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaotic_Newtral)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2004, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-no-other-guests-here-i-am-a-freak/249736/23 "2004-06-11T01:30:53Z")
> [@pervert](#): > > Feel not distressed. Cloaks of all kinds are welcome on our pegs. Most of them are multi purpose. \ > > Curbs! I suppose the were made of concrete and everything! Wuss! We had to break out own jaws by bashing our skulls against our own genitals. And we enjoyed every minute. Well now…that’s a hard-on! sorry -K ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2004, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-no-other-guests-here-i-am-a-freak/249736/24 "2004-06-11T01:38:50Z")
> [@Mr. Blue Sky](#): > > Oh no, no, no. There’s no backing out now! And backing out will bring an initiation that will make your eyes bulge! (Literally, not metaphorically). ---
**Author:** ![sofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/35a633/32.png) [@sofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sofia)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2004, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-no-other-guests-here-i-am-a-freak/249736/25 "2004-06-11T02:37:27Z")
thanks, ruby. 🙂 i’m thinking that if you haven’t run me off yet (which sounds pretty difficult for some of you…no feet and busy with your _bidness_…how do you type?)…i guess i’m going to start boiling the water and defrosting the credit card… …hey! where _is_ the credit card? ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2004, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-no-other-guests-here-i-am-a-freak/249736/26 "2004-06-11T02:44:45Z")
> [@sofia](#): > > …how do you type?)… You do **NOT** want to know! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Kaotic\_Newtral](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/71e660/32.png) [@Kaotic\_Newtral](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaotic_Newtral)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2004, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-no-other-guests-here-i-am-a-freak/249736/27 "2004-06-11T02:44:46Z")
> [@sofia](#): > > thanks, ruby. 🙂 > > i’m thinking that if you haven’t run me off yet (which sounds pretty difficult for some of you…no feet and busy with your _bidness_…how do you type?)…i guess i’m going to start boiling the water and defrosting the credit card… > > …hey! where _is_ the credit card? [gollum]In it’s pocketses?[/gollum] ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2004, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-no-other-guests-here-i-am-a-freak/249736/28 "2004-06-11T02:47:14Z")
Ooop…sorry. Didn’t know it was yours. I mean, yeah, it has your name on it and all, but…errr…anyway, I found it for you. You’re welcome! Oh, and it seems to be pretty well defrosted now. I’ll be off now…gotta go toss my pants in the dryer. No, really! Ya sick-minded bastages! I just did some laundry! ---
**Author:** ![sofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/35a633/32.png) [@sofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sofia)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2004, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-no-other-guests-here-i-am-a-freak/249736/29 "2004-06-11T02:49:35Z")
blue…you are a bad man. k, nope. i think the bagginses took it. (forget the dwarven gold, now i know how he paid for that bitchin’ pad) ---
**Author:** ![AngelicGemma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/439d5e/32.png) [@AngelicGemma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelicGemma)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2004, 10:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-no-other-guests-here-i-am-a-freak/249736/30 "2004-06-11T10:14:27Z")
> [@sofia](#): > > \*_bad newt…naughty newt_ \* > > what about the spankings? And after that… Well, all the Monty Python fans know. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![xash](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/c6cbf5/32.png) [@xash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xash)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2004, 10:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-no-other-guests-here-i-am-a-freak/249736/31 "2004-06-11T10:36:21Z")
> [@sofia](#): > > Well…I’ve been browsing around this board, looking for the best place to sneak in quietly…someplace where there were other “guests.” > > I don’t see any. Guests were crushed in the recent violent coup attempt. Some are still being shred to pieces by our hampsters. You’re next, **sofia**. Guards! Get her!: > **[Guests only thread](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=247056)** > > ok I’ve been giving this whole subscription business some thought and I’ve decided that the only way we’re going to get into this club is by some kind of covert assault. I tried blagging my way in and I think I was doing ok but that damn word... ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2004, 11:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-no-other-guests-here-i-am-a-freak/249736/32 "2004-06-11T11:02:23Z")
> [@sofia](#): > > where does one hang one’s…_(must resist…must resist…)_ …cloak of elvenkind? 😛 [Locutus]I am Locutus, of Borg. Resistance is futile.[/Locutus] ---
**Author:** ![Genghis\_Bob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/45deac/32.png) [@Genghis\_Bob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Genghis_Bob)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2004, 12:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-no-other-guests-here-i-am-a-freak/249736/33 "2004-06-11T12:26:07Z")
> [@pervert](#): > > . . . We had to break out own jaws by bashing our skulls against our own genitals. And we enjoyed every minute. . . . you had _ **genitals** _? Kids these days. . . spoiled, every one of 'em. ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2004, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-no-other-guests-here-i-am-a-freak/249736/34 "2004-06-11T13:01:20Z")
> [@Kaotic Newtral](#): > > Oooh! And knows D&D to a point. Fetch the goats, dart guns and brownies for the ceremony! Oops. There was a small accident involving the goat and the dart gun. We’ll have to go with the yearling lamb and the _arrow of sleighing_. Welcome **sofia**! Glad you could join us. Did you bring pie? ---
**Author:** ![sofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/35a633/32.png) [@sofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sofia)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2004, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-no-other-guests-here-i-am-a-freak/249736/35 "2004-06-11T13:24:33Z")
was i supposed to bring pie? give me a couple hours and i’ll have some jell-o for you… i feel some twisted, macabre obligation to take a tally on what i’ve learned thus far about being a doper… no teeth no feet dart gun at ready arrow of slaying (optional) “Death Ray” burning dog goat lamb (optional) duck prairie dogs velcro jumpsuit melted chocolate brownies beer tea handy wipes 2nd and 3rd edition players handbook random Tolkien and Star Trek trivia no genitals? man…i was totally with you guys up to that point. ---
**Author:** ![yellowval](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/919ad9/32.png) [@yellowval](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowval)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2004, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-no-other-guests-here-i-am-a-freak/249736/36 "2004-06-11T13:28:44Z")
Ahem, it still says “Guest” under your name. What gives? Also, that’s “1920s-style Death Ray.” And yes, bring pie. Don’t worry, you’ll learn quickly. Welcome! ---
**Author:** ![Genghis\_Bob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/45deac/32.png) [@Genghis\_Bob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Genghis_Bob)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2004, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-no-other-guests-here-i-am-a-freak/249736/37 "2004-06-11T13:34:26Z")
> [@yellowval](#): > > . . . that’s “1920s-style Death Ray.” Right - that’s very important. The earlier-model Death Rays had a design flaw which had the unfortunate effect of frying the genitals of anyone who . . . hey. . . WAIT A MINUTE! ---
**Author:** ![sofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/35a633/32.png) [@sofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sofia)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2004, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-no-other-guests-here-i-am-a-freak/249736/38 "2004-06-11T13:36:03Z")
i’ll have mr. sofia pick up the pie on his way home with the credit card… thanks for the welcome 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2004, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-no-other-guests-here-i-am-a-freak/249736/39 "2004-06-11T14:08:19Z")
> [@sofia](#): > > i feel some twisted, macabre obligation to take a tally on what i’ve learned thus far about being a doper… > > … > arrow of slaying (optional) And here’s your very first [nitpick] That’s an arrow of sleighing. It’s about as useful as a _backscratcher +2_. [/nitpick] > [@](#): > > … > random Tolkien and Star Trek trivia And any other nerd- and geek-oriented trivia you enjoy. What’s your trivia preference, **sofia**? ---
**Author:** ![sofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/35a633/32.png) [@sofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sofia)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2004, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-no-other-guests-here-i-am-a-freak/249736/40 "2004-06-11T14:19:58Z")
preference? pointless movie and song quotes. i’m afraid that in my old age i’ll forget how to speak original sentences and just lapse into endless quoting… _sorry about the sleighing…in good faith i’ll hand over my sword of hawkeye pierce-ing_ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-no-other-guests-here-i-am-a-freak/249736.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-no-other-guests-here-i-am-a-freak/249736.md?page=3)