# There are plenty of fish in the sea -- but sometimes it doesn't feel like it **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 29, 2010, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-plenty-of-fish-in-the-sea-but-sometimes-it-doesnt-feel-like-it/548475 "2010-07-29T16:58:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2010, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-plenty-of-fish-in-the-sea-but-sometimes-it-doesnt-feel-like-it/548475/21 "2010-07-29T20:16:49Z")
Broken down, there are essentially two kinds of women in the world: the ones I don’t want, and the one’s I can’t have. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2010, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-plenty-of-fish-in-the-sea-but-sometimes-it-doesnt-feel-like-it/548475/22 "2010-07-29T20:20:17Z")
I think I’m going to have tattooed on my forehead. ---
**Author:** ![Khaki\_Campbell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9de053/32.png) [@Khaki\_Campbell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khaki_Campbell)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2010, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-plenty-of-fish-in-the-sea-but-sometimes-it-doesnt-feel-like-it/548475/23 "2010-07-29T20:21:30Z")
> [@Mississippienne](#): > > One of my friends blew my mind and gave me a lot of comfort when I was feeling down after being dumped last year when she said, “Look at it this way: if nothing else, you got a free meal out of him, and he got nothing from you.” And you wonder why you can’t find good, reliable men, if you go only for morons stupid enough to invite you at the restaurant hoping for some nookie afterwards. “Get a free meal out of him”. It sounds so fucking gross and exploitative. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2010, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-plenty-of-fish-in-the-sea-but-sometimes-it-doesnt-feel-like-it/548475/24 "2010-07-29T20:22:45Z")
Ah, the Dope. Where you’re guaranteed to find _someone_ determined to twist your words in the most negative way possible. ---
**Author:** ![Khaki\_Campbell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9de053/32.png) [@Khaki\_Campbell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khaki_Campbell)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2010, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-plenty-of-fish-in-the-sea-but-sometimes-it-doesnt-feel-like-it/548475/25 "2010-07-29T20:25:34Z")
Well it’s not my fault if Rican women seem desperate enough to scrounge a free meal out of a gullible man who thinks with the little head. ---
**Author:** ![Neidhart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Neidhart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neidhart)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2010, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-plenty-of-fish-in-the-sea-but-sometimes-it-doesnt-feel-like-it/548475/26 "2010-07-29T20:33:12Z")
Yes; never mind dating, I’ve come to the conclusion that I wasn’t meant to even have friends. Every time I meet someone I might like to hang out with, even being as charming as I can be and putting my best face forward, she’s always “too busy” to spend any time with me. I threw in the towel last year. It’s for the best, I think; I’m asocial by nature, happiest when alone. Even when I drink I have no impulse to talk to strangers. I like to go to bed at 9:30 and wake up at 4:30, and I don’t really care for dogs or kids; all together, that’s a showstopper for 99.9% of the women out there. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2010, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-plenty-of-fish-in-the-sea-but-sometimes-it-doesnt-feel-like-it/548475/27 "2010-07-29T20:35:32Z")
[How do you feel about short guys?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=572729) ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2010, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-plenty-of-fish-in-the-sea-but-sometimes-it-doesnt-feel-like-it/548475/28 "2010-07-29T21:45:33Z")
I keep saying that we need a hook-up forum. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2010, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-plenty-of-fish-in-the-sea-but-sometimes-it-doesnt-feel-like-it/548475/29 "2010-07-29T21:45:47Z")
Well, I had a girlfriend last year. For the first time in 14 years. Met her online. And it lasted a month or two. It was good while it lasted. But it ended. We broke up in a bus shelter in Newmarket. I guess I’m just not cut out for this kind of thing. And, of course, now that I’m in my mid-forties, the chances of my meeting someone have gone down exponentially. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2010, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-plenty-of-fish-in-the-sea-but-sometimes-it-doesnt-feel-like-it/548475/30 "2010-07-29T21:48:29Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > I keep saying that we need a hook-up forum. Call it “How _You_ Doin’?” ---
**Author:** ![ThirdOne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@ThirdOne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThirdOne)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2010, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-plenty-of-fish-in-the-sea-but-sometimes-it-doesnt-feel-like-it/548475/31 "2010-07-29T22:01:04Z")
I have nothing to offer 😃 I’ve been divorced many years longer than I was married. I used to think I _had_ to find someone! Now in my mid-50’s I am perfectly content to be solo. My mother would be horrified, but I like answering to no one. I can come and go as I please, do what I want, when I want. Eat what/when I want. Were I to meet the “perfect” match for me, fine, but I’m fine on my own. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2010, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-plenty-of-fish-in-the-sea-but-sometimes-it-doesnt-feel-like-it/548475/32 "2010-07-29T22:02:36Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > I keep saying that we need a hook-up forum. Terrific, another place for me to strike out in. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2010, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-plenty-of-fish-in-the-sea-but-sometimes-it-doesnt-feel-like-it/548475/33 "2010-07-29T22:04:01Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > I keep saying that we need a hook-up forum. and perhaps finally I could be in a relationship where my SO isn’t allowed to call me a troll! ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2010, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-plenty-of-fish-in-the-sea-but-sometimes-it-doesnt-feel-like-it/548475/34 "2010-07-29T22:10:00Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > I keep saying that we need a hook-up forum. We have to wait for Ed Zotti to write a book about dating first, then we might be able to have one. ---
**Author:** ![Steophan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steophan/32/9595_2.png) [@Steophan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steophan)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2010, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-plenty-of-fish-in-the-sea-but-sometimes-it-doesnt-feel-like-it/548475/35 "2010-07-29T22:21:03Z")
I too feel your pain, I’ve been single for a good few years. My problem is I don’t like the thought of actively looking for a partner, and online dating, with it’s similarity to job applications, positively repulses me, to the extent that crushing loneliness is preferable. It’s not so much that I don’t ever meet people, just that I’m much to passive/apathetic to do much about it. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-plenty-of-fish-in-the-sea-but-sometimes-it-doesnt-feel-like-it/548475/36 "2010-07-30T00:30:44Z")
> [@Mississippienne](#): > > My youth and whatever attractiveness I have will fade soon enough. If the picture you submitted to the Doper photo gallery is representative, you’ve got a good way to go before you run out of youth _or_ attractiveness. ---
**Author:** ![anu-la1979](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/47e85d/32.png) [@anu-la1979](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anu-la1979)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-plenty-of-fish-in-the-sea-but-sometimes-it-doesnt-feel-like-it/548475/37 "2010-07-30T01:25:10Z")
You know, after my last traumatic breakup, I just decided that I was living for me. It’s not that I’m opposed to the idea of a relationship but I do get to do a lot of things that can be harder to do when you’re partnered up, especially as the female instigator. As an example, I obsessively studied to get into a really great business school, quit my job, moved across the country, am moving halfway back, plan to spend my externship some place like Rwanda and recruit for banking. I might even take the New York bar on a lark. These things are honestly pretty difficult to do as a woman with a partner. As it is, a lot of the Indian guys I dated didn’t like the fact that I was out-earning them so I ended up having to date a bunch of psycho-aggressive investment bankers and consultants through the years because as nutty as they were, they usually didn’t care that I was doing well financially (or that I had “too much education”) because they were doing better than I was. Nine out of ten of my partnered classmates are men who are dragging their wives along for the ride. I’m not so certain that any guy I’ve dated in the past would have been supportive of me doing any of these things (except my last ex and he was terrible for other reasons). It’s usually not how things work-so I get to do things that I would have just wished for but have put aside because I had “family obligations” or because I needed to pacify someone’s ego. Not saying all guys are like this-my brother-in-law moved so my sister could get her medical degree. But I find they are far and few in between. So I mean, I could sit around and mope and worry about dying alone (don’t we all, though?), crushing loneliness and not having a bayyyyyyybeeee in my uterus, but I choose to fill my life with other things like pursuing a more interesting career that takes up (all) my time, working towards greater financial success, travel, academic challenges, new hobbies and taking care of the family I do have. I’m meeting way more people as a result of all this “my life is what I make of it” re-evaluation. And I’m not saying that I hope to meet _someone_, but that I have more casual friends and events to go to now than I did when I was just locked in this “everyone says I should be married by nowwwwwwww!” circle of self-hate. Just a thought. ---
**Author:** ![dmatsch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3be4f8/32.png) [@dmatsch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dmatsch)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-plenty-of-fish-in-the-sea-but-sometimes-it-doesnt-feel-like-it/548475/38 "2010-07-30T02:05:30Z")
> [@Mississippienne](#): > > “Look at it this way: if nothing else, you got a free meal out of him, and he got nothing from you.” It may sound crazy, but sometimes thinking about the things I DID get out of go-nowhere relationships is the only thing that makes me feel better. That’s disgusting behavior on your part. Shame to you. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-plenty-of-fish-in-the-sea-but-sometimes-it-doesnt-feel-like-it/548475/39 "2010-07-30T02:12:33Z")
> [@Slithy\_Tove](#): > > > [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > > > I keep saying that we need a hook-up forum. > > and perhaps finally I could be in a relationship where my SO isn’t allowed to call me a troll! What, you’re from the lower half of Michigan? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2010, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-plenty-of-fish-in-the-sea-but-sometimes-it-doesnt-feel-like-it/548475/40 "2010-07-30T02:21:52Z")
> [@dmatsch](#): > > > [@Mississippienne](#): > > > > “Look at it this way: if nothing else, you got a free meal out of him, and he got nothing from you.” It may sound crazy, but sometimes thinking about the things I DID get out of go-nowhere relationships is the only thing that makes me feel better. > > That’s disgusting behavior on your part. Shame to you. Why don’t you and **Khaki** go off somewhere and rub your two brain cells together? Who knows, you might get a spark. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-plenty-of-fish-in-the-sea-but-sometimes-it-doesnt-feel-like-it/548475.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-plenty-of-fish-in-the-sea-but-sometimes-it-doesnt-feel-like-it/548475.md?page=3)