# There are three major events you don't want to be absent for in your child's life. What are they? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 4, 2016, 8:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-three-major-events-you-dont-want-to-be-absent-for-in-your-childs-life-what-are-they/753861 "2016-05-04T08:10:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2016, 8:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-three-major-events-you-dont-want-to-be-absent-for-in-your-childs-life-what-are-they/753861/1 "2016-05-04T08:10:15Z")
Just asking for opinions. I’ll come back and give mine in a bit. I’m curious as to how many people will list the same three as me. ---
**Author:** ![Claverhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/13edae/32.png) [@Claverhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Claverhouse)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2016, 8:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-three-major-events-you-dont-want-to-be-absent-for-in-your-childs-life-what-are-they/753861/2 "2016-05-04T08:26:34Z")
Wouldn’t that depend on the sex of the parent ? There is no necessity whatsoever for a father to be present at the birth, but most mothers wouldn’t miss it for the world. Schooling varies too much around the word for anything of that to be universal; so I guess that leaves weddings, if any ? ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2016, 8:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-three-major-events-you-dont-want-to-be-absent-for-in-your-childs-life-what-are-they/753861/3 "2016-05-04T08:49:16Z")
You know, I thought “gee the birth is kind of obvious” and then realized no, it’s not. Because if I’d had a child by adoption, it would have been my child all the same and I wouldn’t have been present for the birth. The “big things” I can think of tend to be optional. You know: graduating college, winning that Chemistry Nobel I didn’t, being chosen to crew the first interstellar ship, etc. So if small things are allowed, - first time they saw the sea - first time they plop down on their ass aaaaaand… there’s no padding! - and that moment when you find yourself having an adult relationship with someone whose diapers you used to change ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2016, 10:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-three-major-events-you-dont-want-to-be-absent-for-in-your-childs-life-what-are-they/753861/4 "2016-05-04T10:15:09Z")
> [@Claverhouse](#): > > Wouldn’t that depend on the sex of the parent ? There is no necessity whatsoever for a father to be present at the birth, but most mothers wouldn’t miss it for the world. Ever, or starting now? If it’s ever, then I don’t really have any choice but to say “his birth,” so I really only get two. Can we make this “Besides birth,” so that all the women who are biological parents get three choices as well? 1. His bar mitzvah 2. His first time traveling to another country (I’d add “when he’s old enough to understand what’s happening to him,” but we’re past that point already); if he hasn’t already had the opportunity, I’m going to take him right after high school. Even if his first trip is with a school group and I don’t go with him, I will not miss it, in the sense that I want to see all his pictures, and hear all his stories when he gets back. 3. The birth of his first child. Again, I do not want to be in the delivery room. I just want to be there for him. I want to write him a nice check so he can take time off work and not worry about bills, I want to visit and talk to him about it, and see him hold his child. ---
**Author:** ![Novelty\_Bobble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Novelty\_Bobble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Novelty_Bobble)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2016, 11:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-three-major-events-you-dont-want-to-be-absent-for-in-your-childs-life-what-are-they/753861/5 "2016-05-04T11:02:34Z")
I don’t think any of the major events are “musts” Mine may choose to get married halfway round the world in a personal ceremony, absolutely their choice. I definitely don’t need to be there at grandchild births. I love my own family deeply but they were all hundreds of miles away when my kids were born and I’m glad they were. No, the only definite thing not to miss is the event that your _child_ does not want you to miss. They need to live their lives for them, not me. The best thing I can do is make my presence _always_ an option but only _ever_ an option. If they need me, I’ll be there but they never need to worry about it being an obligation. ---
**Author:** ![MrAvg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/74df32/32.png) [@MrAvg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrAvg)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2016, 11:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-three-major-events-you-dont-want-to-be-absent-for-in-your-childs-life-what-are-they/753861/6 "2016-05-04T11:48:50Z")
For me it was for their births was a must. Most everything else is a wish, graduation from HS to college, events like sports, and things they really liked and we’re proud of, the other must, is being there for them when ever they need me without any judgements. ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2016, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-three-major-events-you-dont-want-to-be-absent-for-in-your-childs-life-what-are-they/753861/7 "2016-05-04T11:59:00Z")
My opinion is that the number of such events is not three, so there is a false premise to the question. As someone alluded to above, each child is a unique individual with his own needs, and it is not for the parent to decide what those needs will be. So recognizing that fact is one thing the parent “should be there” for. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2016, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-three-major-events-you-dont-want-to-be-absent-for-in-your-childs-life-what-are-they/753861/8 "2016-05-04T12:22:03Z")
1. Right after the first time they face ridicule/bullying from their peers. 2. Right after their first crushing defeat, at something they usually excell at! 3. Through their firstlove heartbreak. (These are just off the top of my head. But I believe it’s not the momentous occasions that matter the very most. It’s the daily bread bits that carry real weight, in my opinion!) ---
**Author:** ![MoonMoon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moonmoon/32/2959_2.png) [@MoonMoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MoonMoon)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2016, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-three-major-events-you-dont-want-to-be-absent-for-in-your-childs-life-what-are-they/753861/9 "2016-05-04T12:47:40Z")
> [@Novelty\_Bobble](#): > > I don’t think any of the major events are “musts” > > Mine may choose to get married halfway round the world in a personal ceremony, absolutely their choice. I definitely don’t need to be there at grandchild births. I love my own family deeply but they were all hundreds of miles away when my kids were born and I’m glad they were. > > No, the only definite thing not to miss is the event that your _child_ does not want you to miss. > They need to live their lives for them, not me. The best thing I can do is make my presence _always_ an option but only _ever_ an option. If they need me, I’ll be there but they never need to worry about it being an obligation. Yes. This is perfectly said. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2016, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-three-major-events-you-dont-want-to-be-absent-for-in-your-childs-life-what-are-they/753861/10 "2016-05-04T12:52:42Z")
The day they graduate from school The day they get a job The day they move out the house. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2016, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-three-major-events-you-dont-want-to-be-absent-for-in-your-childs-life-what-are-they/753861/11 "2016-05-04T13:16:48Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > 1. Right after the first time they face ridicule/bullying from their peers. > > 2. Right after their first crushing defeat, at something they usually excell at! > > 3. Through their firstlove heartbreak. > > (These are just off the top of my head. But I believe it’s not the momentous occasions that matter the very most. It’s the daily bread bits that carry real weight, in my opinion!) > [@TriPolar](#): > > The day they graduate from school > The day they get a job > The day they move out the house. These were the types of responses I was expecting. I didn’t realize the question would evoke such existential responses. But that’s a pleasant surprise though, as I’ve enjoyed all the responses so far. For me, I was thinking: Birth Graduation 1st Marriage. (assuming that’s the route he wishes to go. I would never push or advocate such a thing on him.) ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2016, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-three-major-events-you-dont-want-to-be-absent-for-in-your-childs-life-what-are-they/753861/12 "2016-05-04T13:32:07Z")
Being there to witness him miss that big shot in the final HS game that screws up the rest of his life The first time he loses his virginity Giving him a ride the first time he has to report to prison ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2016, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-three-major-events-you-dont-want-to-be-absent-for-in-your-childs-life-what-are-they/753861/13 "2016-05-04T13:35:06Z")
I think you should have better defined what you meant. The three most important things to be present for, for the parent (ie, means most to them!) or for the child, (most significant for them!) Being present for the birth would be very meaningful for the parent but have little significance for the child, for example. ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_T-Cups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sir\_T-Cups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_T-Cups)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2016, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-three-major-events-you-dont-want-to-be-absent-for-in-your-childs-life-what-are-they/753861/14 "2016-05-04T13:35:42Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > The first time he loses his virginity You call that sex?!? I’ve seen better humping on a camel! Quit trying to make looooove to her and do her! Like we practiced! One! Two! One! Two! In! Out! In! Out! ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2016, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-three-major-events-you-dont-want-to-be-absent-for-in-your-childs-life-what-are-they/753861/15 "2016-05-04T14:04:05Z")
> [@Claverhouse](#): > > Wouldn’t that depend on the sex of the parent ? There is no necessity whatsoever for a father to be present at the birth, but most mothers wouldn’t miss it for the world. Were you adopted or something?😕 > [@Sir\_T-Cups](#): > > You call that sex?!? I’ve seen better humping on a camel! Quit trying to make looooove to her and do her! > > Like we practiced! > > One! Two! One! Two! In! Out! In! Out! Don’t make it weird. You’re just supposed to sit there quietly in the shadows. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2016, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-three-major-events-you-dont-want-to-be-absent-for-in-your-childs-life-what-are-they/753861/16 "2016-05-04T14:07:31Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > The first time he loses his virginity … soooo… dare I ask for the logistical and morphological details of how exactly is he supposed to lose it more than once? ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2016, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-three-major-events-you-dont-want-to-be-absent-for-in-your-childs-life-what-are-they/753861/17 "2016-05-04T14:13:53Z")
1. Birth. 2. Awards/Graduations. 3. The time they bring that ‘one’ date home. “No, Dad. This one is important to me. This one is different. I Really need you to focus & pay attention. Please? This is REALLY important to me…” ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2016, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-three-major-events-you-dont-want-to-be-absent-for-in-your-childs-life-what-are-they/753861/18 "2016-05-04T14:32:28Z")
Birth Marriage 150th Birthday ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2016, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-three-major-events-you-dont-want-to-be-absent-for-in-your-childs-life-what-are-they/753861/19 "2016-05-04T21:30:11Z")
Conception Sentencing Death ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2016, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-three-major-events-you-dont-want-to-be-absent-for-in-your-childs-life-what-are-they/753861/20 "2016-05-04T21:56:56Z")
Birth, baptism, confirmation. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-are-three-major-events-you-dont-want-to-be-absent-for-in-your-childs-life-what-are-they/753861.md?page=2)