# There is an upstairs, yet there are no stairs. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 14, 2017, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-an-upstairs-yet-there-are-no-stairs/791272 "2017-07-14T18:21:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2017, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-an-upstairs-yet-there-are-no-stairs/791272/21 "2017-07-14T22:01:53Z")
> [@John\_Mace](#): > > M. C. Escher, Architect. 😃 Or his partner, Robert A. Heinlein. Seriously, if there are stairs going down to the basement, chances are you’ll find yourself on the second floor. ---
**Author:** ![BobBitchin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7ea924/32.png) [@BobBitchin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobBitchin)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2017, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-an-upstairs-yet-there-are-no-stairs/791272/22 "2017-07-14T22:12:59Z")
Soooooo? What’s the deal OP? Thought experiment Bad dream Real life mystery Did ya take the brown acid at Woodstock?😃 You have an audience good sir.😃 ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2017, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-an-upstairs-yet-there-are-no-stairs/791272/23 "2017-07-14T22:58:18Z")
[Have you](http://cdn2us.denofgeek.com/sites/denofgeekus/files/styles/article_width/public/mcgann1.jpg?itok=SU4MQ0qS) [seen](http://cdn-static.denofgeek.com/sites/denofgeek/files/styles/main_wide/public/who_hurt.jpg?itok=5E_dm0gQ) [any of](http://www.nerdist.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/ce1.jpg) [these](http://images.amcnetworks.com/bbcamerica.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/davidtennant.jpg) [men](http://images.radiotimes.com/namedimage/Matt_Smith_says_a_female_Doctor_Who__could_be_close_.jpg?quality=85&mode=crop&width=620&height=374&404=tv&url=/uploads/images/original/112914.jpg) [lately](http://www.space.ca/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/Doctor-Who.jpg)? ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2017, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-an-upstairs-yet-there-are-no-stairs/791272/24 "2017-07-14T23:25:29Z")
Batpole. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2017, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-an-upstairs-yet-there-are-no-stairs/791272/25 "2017-07-14T23:55:53Z")
> [@Darren\_Garrison](#): > > This reminds me of a scene on some TV show or cartoon or something (or maybe even a comic book?) where a mad scientist had invented a way to go upstairs would stairs–you stand in a certain spot and the second floor comes down to you (with a suitable square opening letting you pass-Buster Keatonesque–safely through the lowering floor.) Only, in the next scene, when the second floor is lifted back up, you can see that all the furniture on the first floor has been pulverized, making the invention somewhat impractical. [Here](http://oma.eu/projects/maison-a-bordeaux) is a real house with a 3x3.5 meter platform that can move from the first floor (living room) to the second (kitchen) to the third (office). [Here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7fLVMyGBFSU) is a YouTube video about the house. ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2017, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-an-upstairs-yet-there-are-no-stairs/791272/26 "2017-07-15T00:08:59Z")
> [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#): > > Anyone remember a TV movie from the '70s called, “Bad Ronald”? What was Kim Hunter thinking? ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2017, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-an-upstairs-yet-there-are-no-stairs/791272/27 "2017-07-15T00:12:30Z")
> [@aceplace57](#): > > I always thought it would be cool to build a sleeping loft only accessable by climbing a rope. > > My childhood treehouse had a similar set up. It wasn’t all that high off the ground. I recall it was about 7 feet off the ground. Rope climbing is great exercise for a 9 year old kid. A few of my friends were able to climb up and hang out. Good times. I picture Les Moore from Funky Winkerbean being made to climb the rope in gym class and freezing when he reaches the top. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2017, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-an-upstairs-yet-there-are-no-stairs/791272/28 "2017-07-15T00:50:44Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > [Here](http://oma.eu/projects/maison-a-bordeaux) is a real house with a 3x3.5 meter platform that can move from the first floor (living room) to the second (kitchen) to the third (office). [Here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7fLVMyGBFSU) is a YouTube video about the house. Wow! That is so Matt Helm/Derek Flint–I want one! However, the first thing I will probably do is fall into the pit while the lift is on the top floor. ---
**Author:** ![alphaboi867](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alphaboi867/32/3898_2.png) [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2017, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-an-upstairs-yet-there-are-no-stairs/791272/29 "2017-07-15T02:25:28Z")
> [@Darren\_Garrison](#): > > This reminds me of a scene on some TV show or cartoon or something (or maybe even a comic book?) where a mad scientist had invented a way to go upstairs would stairs–you stand in a certain spot and the second floor comes down to you (with a suitable square opening letting you pass-Buster Keatonesque–safely through the lowering floor.) Only, in the next scene, when the second floor is lifted back up, you can see that all the furniture on the first floor has been pulverized, making the invention somewhat impractical. > > What am I remembering? I don’t know, but the OP is making me think of that episode of \*\*I Dream of Jeanie \*\* where the Nelsons & the Bellowses went to a conference, but their hotel was overbooked so Jeanie simply blinked a 13th floor onto the hotel. Tony didn’t realize what she did until it was too late, and they had to spend the rest of the episode keeping the Bellowses and the hotel staff from finding out the truth. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2017, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-an-upstairs-yet-there-are-no-stairs/791272/30 "2017-07-15T03:40:10Z")
^ **alphaboi** , post #16; it’s a must-see (not the post, the cartoon). NOT THE WED ONE! DON’T EVER PUSH THE WED ONE! ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2017, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-an-upstairs-yet-there-are-no-stairs/791272/31 "2017-07-15T04:08:01Z")
[“Design For Leaving” (1943) full cartoon on DailyMotion](http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x1793b) Stairs, schmairs, c’mere. ---
**Author:** ![blindboyard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blindboyard/32/2833_2.png) [@blindboyard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blindboyard)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2017, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-an-upstairs-yet-there-are-no-stairs/791272/32 "2017-07-15T16:57:03Z")
> [@scr4](#): > > Is it a parking structure? There’s no entrance because there’s no “inside” there. Nobody to accept deliveries. > > I don’t get the fire inspector part though, even parking structures need to comply with fire code… > > My only other thought is maybe it’s a dollhouse, but that doesn’t quite fit either. I don’t think I’ve missed an entrance, but I’m certain I wouldn’t miss one big enough for a car. It’s a normal block of shops in an English town centre. The buildings have three floors, generally a shop on the ground floor and ither flats or back-room activities in the upper floors. One side is a travel agent, the other is a clothes shop. Offices and storage areas upstairs in those premises. > [@CalMeacham](#): > > There’s an old stone building in Newton MA, not far from one place I worked, which had been featured in Ripley’s Believe it or Not because the building had four entrances – one on each side – each of which opened on a different level of the building. > > The building, of course, was set on a hill, so the extreme uphill side opened onto the top floor and the extreme downhill side to the lowest level, while the two sides were at slightly different levels in between. The building is still like that, and houses multiple businesses. There is a local shopping centre which, if you go upstairs, has access to caves. But that is many miles away, this building is just on a flat street. > [@mixdenny](#): > > To whom are these packages addressed? Look 'em up and give them a call. There was only one package, it was addressed to, all-caps, “UPSTAIRS FLAT, 1ST AND 2ND FLOOR”. > [@boffking](#): > > Is there a secret tunnel that leads to the basement? There is a basement, but the only access is in the ground floor, and the hatch is always covered and hence it can’t be opened from underground. It is, however, lavishly equipped with leaking pipes, sometimes-functional lighting and many cobwebs. > [@cochrane](#): > > Could the stairs pull down from the ceiling, like stairs for an attic? The ceiling is covered in those tiles with which commercial buildings normally cover their ceilings. That means I can’t see what’s above them, but it also means you couldn’t really get a ladder through them, then get yourself through them, then return them to a state that doesn’t give away your activities. > [@panache45](#): > > Or his partner, Robert A. Heinlein. > > Seriously, if there are stairs going down to the basement, chances are you’ll find yourself on the second floor. There are stairs going down, but they don’t lead upstairs. Also, they only lead part of the way down. You have to lift up the floor then jump about five feet onto the top step, then go down. > [@BobBitchin](#): > > Soooooo? What’s the deal OP? > > Thought experiment > Bad dream > Real life mystery > Did ya take the brown acid at Woodstock?😃 > > You have an audience good sir.😃 Real life mystery. Probably some innocent explanation. I’m told the place used to be a pub called The Cavalier, and there are certain oddities to the place. The ceiling, for example, comes low enough for very tall people to have to duck as they walk up the shop. Then gets much higher. The floor also slopes noticably upwards. The entire premises are very long and narrow. There is also a certain spot in the cellar where there is a metal apparatus attached to the wall which others have speculated would be appropriate for someone to sit in and have the metal clamp around their neck as some sort of deviant sex game. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2017, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-an-upstairs-yet-there-are-no-stairs/791272/33 "2017-07-15T17:01:11Z")
Based on your additional details, I suspect there is an opening into the adjacent shop, which does have a stairs going up. If not that, I believe that some of these blocks have common attics, so perhaps someone is accessing the second story that way. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2017, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-an-upstairs-yet-there-are-no-stairs/791272/34 "2017-07-15T17:40:43Z")
> [@blindboyard](#): > > Upstairs is there. I can see it from the outside of the building. But inside, there are no stairs. There is no lift. There is no entrance to the upstairs from within the building or from without, from front or back, from the properties on either side. > > Deliveries intended for there have to go back, for there is no access. The fire inspector sent to check the place had to give up and go. > > Yet there are footsteps up there, occasionally. The rental income from those two floors should be at least some hundreds of pounds per month, perhaps a thousand or more. Link to Google Earth Street View, please? ---
**Author:** ![Aspidistra](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspidistra/32/3894_2.png) [@Aspidistra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspidistra)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2017, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-an-upstairs-yet-there-are-no-stairs/791272/35 "2017-07-16T15:17:18Z")
> [@blindboyard](#): > > It’s a normal block of shops in an English town centre. The buildings have three floors, generally a shop on the ground floor and ither flats or back-room activities in the upper floors. One side is a travel agent, the other is a clothes shop. Offices and storage areas upstairs in those premises. Have you asked them if either has had a wall knocked out on their second floor to access the neighbor’s? ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2017, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-an-upstairs-yet-there-are-no-stairs/791272/36 "2017-07-16T21:29:29Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > [Have you](http://cdn2us.denofgeek.com/sites/denofgeekus/files/styles/article_width/public/mcgann1.jpg?itok=SU4MQ0qS) [seen](http://cdn-static.denofgeek.com/sites/denofgeek/files/styles/main_wide/public/who_hurt.jpg?itok=5E_dm0gQ) [any of](http://www.nerdist.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/ce1.jpg) [these](http://images.amcnetworks.com/bbcamerica.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/davidtennant.jpg) [men](http://images.radiotimes.com/namedimage/Matt_Smith_says_a_female_Doctor_Who__could_be_close_.jpg?quality=85&mode=crop&width=620&height=374&404=tv&url=/uploads/images/original/112914.jpg) [lately](http://www.space.ca/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/Doctor-Who.jpg)? I guess I have to append this. [Or this woman?](https://pmctvline2.files.wordpress.com/2017/07/jodie-whittaker-doctor-who.jpg?w=620) ---
**Author:** ![KatTP](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9dc877/32.png) [@KatTP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KatTP)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2017, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-an-upstairs-yet-there-are-no-stairs/791272/37 "2017-07-16T21:46:50Z")
> [@blindboyard](#): > > I don’t think I’ve missed an entrance, but I’m certain I wouldn’t miss one big enough for a car. > > It’s a normal block of shops in an English town centre. The buildings have three floors, generally a shop on the ground floor and ither flats or back-room activities in the upper floors. One side is a travel agent, the other is a clothes shop. Offices and storage areas upstairs in those premises. > > There is a local shopping centre which, if you go upstairs, has access to caves. But that is many miles away, this building is just on a flat street. > > There was only one package, it was addressed to, all-caps, “UPSTAIRS FLAT, 1ST AND 2ND FLOOR”. > > There is a basement, but the only access is in the ground floor, and the hatch is always covered and hence it can’t be opened from underground. It is, however, lavishly equipped with leaking pipes, sometimes-functional lighting and many cobwebs. > > The ceiling is covered in those tiles with which commercial buildings normally cover their ceilings. That means I can’t see what’s above them, but it also means you couldn’t really get a ladder through them, then get yourself through them, then return them to a state that doesn’t give away your activities. > > There are stairs going down, but they don’t lead upstairs. Also, they only lead part of the way down. You have to lift up the floor then jump about five feet onto the top step, then go down. > > Real life mystery. Probably some innocent explanation. > > I’m told the place used to be a pub called The Cavalier, and there are certain oddities to the place. The ceiling, for example, comes low enough for very tall people to have to duck as they walk up the shop. Then gets much higher. The floor also slopes noticably upwards. The entire premises are very long and narrow. There is also a certain spot in the cellar where there is a metal apparatus attached to the wall which others have speculated would be appropriate for someone to sit in and have the metal clamp around their neck as some sort of deviant sex game. The shopping center with the caves. Isn’t that in Birmingham? I seem to remember seeing signs for it. ---
**Author:** ![Claude\_Remains](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/898d66/32.png) [@Claude\_Remains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Claude_Remains)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2017, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-an-upstairs-yet-there-are-no-stairs/791272/38 "2017-07-17T01:28:41Z")
this entire thread makes me think of Bill Hader. Stefon. [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/A94ktjmgZvM/maxresdefault.jpg "The Best of SNL's Stefon") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A94ktjmgZvM) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-an-upstairs-yet-there-are-no-stairs/791272.md?page=1)