# There is evil in my backyard. It's in a cooler.
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [April 16, 2003, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132 "2003-04-16T18:19:21Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 10
### Author:  [@cornflakes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cornflakes)
#### Post date: [April 21, 2003, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/181 "2003-04-21T03:19:15Z")
STINK BAIT!
In the name of your husband, keep this stuff! It’s great for catching catfish. Judging by the pictures, there should be a couple of them crawling up your driveway by now…
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### Author:  [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)
#### Post date: [April 21, 2003, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/182 "2003-04-21T03:29:36Z")
:eek: You let it _out?_ What’d you do that for? You’re not supposed to help it!
I would’ve at least put a blank videotape on top of the cooler and see if any images showed up on it. I’m imagining scenes of spinning thermoses, a box full of severed six-pack yokes, that sort of thing.
It’s disturbing that everybody so glibly assumes that NLH was just not listening. I think it’s far more plausible that he was listening, but found himself compelled by dark forces to leave the cooler alone until the dark ritual could be completed.
On the other hand, maybe it’s for the best. All the Unspeakable Evil that I’ve ever read about takes centuries to gestate. Maybe after only a year, it was only able to grow into Pettiness or Envy or even Good Intentions.
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### Author:  [@Marlitharn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marlitharn)
#### Post date: [April 21, 2003, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/183 "2003-04-21T05:34:12Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Satisfying Andy Licious \*
> **Your chance for the role also depends on your feelings toward having your skull explode.**
I am SOOO cool with that!
> [@](#):
>
> **We’ve replaced Marlitharn’s crystals with Folger’s coffee crystals. Lets see what the Evil does.**
Evil seems jittery. Let’s try Sanka next time.
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### Author:  [@Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satisfying_Andy_Licious)
#### Post date: [April 21, 2003, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/184 "2003-04-21T05:42:19Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by JonScribe \*
> \*\*People, people! I think we’re forgetting something here, something crucial:
>
> Product placement!
>
> Let’s see if we can get Coleman and Thermos into a bidding war. \*\*
Great idea!
Plus if we can get Francis Ford Coppola to direct, it would be a Coleman / Francis movie.
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### Author:  [@Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satisfying_Andy_Licious)
#### Post date: [April 21, 2003, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/185 "2003-04-21T05:43:46Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Persephone \*
> \*\*I am SO okay with this. Do I get to heave my bosoms, too? And scream? 😃 \*\*
Oh, yes! Oh, yes!
Oh YesYesYesYesYesYesYesYes!
And then we’ll film a movie.
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### Author:  [@Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satisfying_Andy_Licious)
#### Post date: [April 21, 2003, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/186 "2003-04-21T05:45:27Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by ivylass \*
> \*\*Don’t we need a Perky Cub Reporter who Keeps Hearing Strange Reports of Lights in the Sky and Strange Noises in the Woods but Keeps Getting the Run-Around from the Law?
> \*\*
Sounds good. You’ve got the part.
Now go out and get eight inches on Jennifer Lopez.
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### Author:  [@Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satisfying_Andy_Licious)
#### Post date: [April 21, 2003, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/187 "2003-04-21T05:47:23Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Quantum Butterfly \*
> \*\*Ooh! How about the Beautiful, Brainy yet Absent-Minded Lab Assistant Who Gets Eaten, Allowing The Scientist To Barely Escape With His/Her Life?
>
> I can do brainy and absent-minded really well. And I’m a natural blonde!
>
> Umm… the eaten part will just be special effects, riiiiight? \*\*
Why of course. I give you my word.
heh heh heh.
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### Author:  [@Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satisfying_Andy_Licious)
#### Post date: [April 21, 2003, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/188 "2003-04-21T05:51:24Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Eve \*
> \*\*Can I be the crazed lady in the diner who grabs **Velma** by the collar and screams, “_You_ brought it–you brought the cooler! You’re _evil!_” \*\*
You got it, **Eve.**
But it’s pronounced _eeeeevil! Eeeeevil!_
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### Author:  [@Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satisfying_Andy_Licious)
#### Post date: [April 21, 2003, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/189 "2003-04-21T05:56:25Z")
## Originally posted by Satisfying Andy Licious Your chance for the role also depends on your feelings toward having your skull explode.
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Marlitharn \*
> **I am SOOO cool with that!**
All right, **Marlitharn,** you’re in!
Let’s get ready for your big scene. I’ll summon the medics … uh, I meant _makeup._ I’ll summon the _makeup_ people.
---
### Author:  [@Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satisfying_Andy_Licious)
#### Post date: [April 21, 2003, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/190 "2003-04-21T06:02:23Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by rjk \*
> **Can I be the Grouchy Cynical Neighbour who starts out saying “Go ahead and get eaten! You all deserve it!” but ends up saving a smal child (or maybe a puppy) at the cost of his own life?**
Sounds good, **rjk.** But you need to have some Dark Secret or Terrible Flaw so that your death could be a form of redemption.
> [@](#):
>
> \*\*(And I’ll vote for **Zyada** as **Dancer at Club**. But no need for auditions, or I’ll leave you all to get eaten!) \*\*
If you could read my mind, my face would so be getting slapped.
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### Author:  [@Ficer67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ficer67)
#### Post date: [April 21, 2003, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/191 "2003-04-21T06:20:47Z")
no more posts from velma after she opened the cooler. Guess it got her. Suppose she was wearing a red shirt like they used to do in Star Trek?
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### Author:  [@Velma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velma)
#### Post date: [April 21, 2003, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/192 "2003-04-21T13:35:44Z")
No, I made it through the weekend. I’m not sure about the lawn, we’ll see if anything grows there again. Maybe Evil will be a good fertilizer.
I see we are going to be making a movie now, so I need to get in shape.
I don’t do gratuitous nude scenes, ok? They have to be artistic and integral to the plot.
Also, I need my own trailer and a massage every day, and fresh flowers replaced daily…
:: calls my agent ::
By the way, this thread made NLH register, as **Shaggy** , so you have all been warned. He’s here, not listening to all of you now.
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### Author:  [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)
#### Post date: [April 21, 2003, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/193 "2003-04-21T14:25:45Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Satisfying Andy Licious \*
> \*\*Sounds good. You’ve got the part.
> Now go out and get eight inches on Jennifer Lopez. \*\*
Um, eight inches of _what_? Did she steal something from Ben Affleck?
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### Author:  [@Velma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velma)
#### Post date: [April 21, 2003, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/194 "2003-04-21T14:49:24Z")
update on the dog:
She is actually acting a little strangely - a little more restless than usual. Also, she did throw up something liquid on Saturday. It’s hard to tell if she’s different though, because she was always a little bit evil to begin with.
Do you think if I call the vet and tell her my dog drank Evil she will want her to come in?
This only goes to show my dog will consume anything. I have yet to find something she will not eat, although she did toy with that spider for quite a while before eating it yesterday. A bit more sadistic than her usual bug-eating.
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### Author:  [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)
#### Post date: [April 21, 2003, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/195 "2003-04-21T16:50:26Z")
Okay, who do we get to play the **Dog That Ate the Evil**? Will the Jack Russell terrier on _Frasier_ do, or are we looking for more of a German Shepard type?
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### Author:  [@Mars\_Chronos\_etc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mars_Chronos_etc)
#### Post date: [April 21, 2003, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/196 "2003-04-21T17:05:41Z")
I want to be Man In Diner #3. The fame intriuges me.
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### Author:  [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)
#### Post date: [April 21, 2003, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/197 "2003-04-21T17:19:33Z")
When you actually Do open the cooler, something tells me its going to sound a lot like [this.](http://new.wavlist.com/movies/224/dh-moreguys.wav)
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### Author:  [@JungleLove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JungleLove)
#### Post date: [April 21, 2003, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/198 "2003-04-21T17:50:24Z")
I vote for the terrier from _Frasier_.
Ooohhh, I want to be one of the Evil Cooler Protesters camped in the front of Velma’s house, shouting, “Not in My Backyard! Ship it out!”
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### Author:  [@Velma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velma)
#### Post date: [April 21, 2003, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/199 "2003-04-21T18:53:40Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by ivylass \*
> \*\*Okay, who do we get to play the **Dog That Ate the Evil**? Will the Jack Russell terrier on _Frasier_ do, or are we looking for more of a German Shepard type? \*\*
She’s definitely more of a shepherd type. Anyway, I don’t know if we could afford to get the terrier from _Frasier_. What’s our budget for this movie?
The dog angle seems to be a good premise for the sequel. Just when you thought it was over…
:closeup on dog, who has shifty eyes:
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### Author:  [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)
#### Post date: [April 21, 2003, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/200 "2003-04-21T19:09:56Z")
I’ll be the guy that poo-poos the first three drafts of the script, calling for massive re-writes after the third try, and setting the production of the film back by 14 months.
As far as poo-pooing goes, I am definitely your man.
Happy
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