# There is evil in my backyard. It's in a cooler.
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [April 16, 2003, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132 "2003-04-16T18:19:21Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 4
### Author:  [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)
#### Post date: [April 17, 2003, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/61 "2003-04-17T13:57:22Z")
I can’t bear the suspense any longer. What’s the deal here?!
I. MUST. KNOW!!!
---
### Author:  [@nogginhead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nogginhead)
#### Post date: [April 17, 2003, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/62 "2003-04-17T14:09:46Z")
Whatever crawled out, the cooler is toast. It’s got plastic on the inside, and no amount of bleach will get the smell out.
(I once soaked beans in one “overnight” and left them there until the smell started to leaak out. Yech.)
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### Author:  [@Payton\_s\_Servant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Payton_s_Servant)
#### Post date: [April 17, 2003, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/63 "2003-04-17T14:19:02Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Baker \*
> \*\*Remember the film _Cat’s Eye_, a collection of Stephen King short stories? Don’t remember the title of the one short, but it had Hal Holbrook and Adrienned Barbeau. Holbrook was a professor. At the university he taught at some janitors uncovered a long lost box shoved under a stairway for over a hundred years. It was bound with massive chains and locks, and a warning about what was inside that was partially obscured I think. So what do the idiots do? They unbind the box and one guy reaches inside. 'Course he promptly gets pulled the rest of the way inside the box and eaten. \*\*
The movie was **Creepshow** and the short film was called **The Crate**. A decent scare but no shots of Adrienne Barbeau’s massively wonderful knockers.:mad: :mad: :mad: ☹ ☹ ☹
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### Author:  [@Elza\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elza_B)
#### Post date: [April 17, 2003, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/64 "2003-04-17T14:25:11Z")
My cousin is in seminary to be a priest. Would you like me to call him for you?
Unfortunately, he does come from my _dad’s_ side of the family, so more likely than not, he’ll run screaming from the cooler like a little girl if it so much as hops once.
I love my cousin.
Ava
---
### Author:  [@blanx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blanx)
#### Post date: [April 17, 2003, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/65 "2003-04-17T14:26:43Z")
Clearly, we know that opening the cooler **did not go well**.
I, too, am in Michigan, and the temperature dropped like 40 degrees from yesterday to today. We know who to blame.
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### Author:  [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)
#### Post date: [April 17, 2003, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/66 "2003-04-17T14:28:39Z")
Oh, that’s what that was. I noticed the thunder clouds this morning were blood red and the winds howled with the wails of the damned. My cable reception was crappy, too. 🙂
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### Author:  [@Velma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velma)
#### Post date: [April 17, 2003, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/67 "2003-04-17T14:31:46Z")
The suspense continues…
The cooler remains unopened. It will be opened tonight. I must prepare.
As I was leaving this morning, I noticed the garage side door was open. It was closed last night.
I caught a glimpse of one corner of the cooler inside the door.
::shudder::
---
### Author:  [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)
#### Post date: [April 17, 2003, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/68 "2003-04-17T14:47:44Z")
was it… _closer to the door???_
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### Author:  [@AveDementia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AveDementia)
#### Post date: [April 17, 2003, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/69 "2003-04-17T15:09:14Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by cadolphin \*
> \*\*My email is available if you need anything. Best of luck! \*\*
OH MY GOD, HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND!!! WHAT IF THE EVIL IS ALREADY LOOSE??? WHAT IF IT’S READING THIS THREAD AND DECIDES TO EMAIL YOU!!!
wait a minute…
The evil wouldn’t be content to just read this thread… it would have to toy with us… it would register and post RIGHT IN THE VERY THREAD WHERE WE ARE TRYING TO FIGHT IT!!!
wimper
OHSHIT!! EVERYBODY RU978yuh5tgnrgp",l /hjw-o
---
### Author:  [@patchbunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/patchbunny)
#### Post date: [April 17, 2003, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/70 "2003-04-17T15:10:40Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor \*
> \*\*Just _leave_ the dammed thing–on the front doorstep of somebody you don’t like. Ring the doorbell. Run.
>
> Big laffs ensue.
> PS–do not leave your calling card on this visit, unless you are a moron. \*\*
I was gonna suggest mounting a video camera in the living room window, then placing the cooler on the curb with a sign on it that says “Free Cooler!”
Your idea is so much better, though. 😃
–Patch
---
### Author:  [@AveDementia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AveDementia)
#### Post date: [April 17, 2003, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/71 "2003-04-17T15:14:37Z")
I don’t think there’s anything to worry about.
Everything will be fine.
---
### Author:  [@Cyrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyrin)
#### Post date: [April 17, 2003, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/72 "2003-04-17T15:40:14Z")
Oh no! It’s taken over **Fairblue** ’s body! :eek:
…maybe we can ban evil for using a sock puppet…
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### Author:  [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)
#### Post date: [April 17, 2003, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/73 "2003-04-17T16:06:13Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by drewbert \*
> \*\*Am I the only one thinking of the ending to _Raiders of the Lost Ark_? \*\*
Nope…I mentioned the Igloo of the Covenant somewhere on the first page…
**Velma,** forget the priests, maybe you should get some “Top. Men.” to take it away and hide it in a massive government warehouse where nobody will disturb it.
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### Author:  [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)
#### Post date: [April 17, 2003, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/74 "2003-04-17T17:00:35Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Fairblue \*
> **The evil wouldn’t be content to just read this thread… it would have to toy with us… it would register and post RIGHT IN THE VERY THREAD WHERE WE ARE TRYING TO FIGHT IT!!!**
If there are any lurkers reading this thread who are as yet unregistered but who are teetering on the brink of signing up to participate in this or some other thread\*, **Evil Cooler** or **Cooler of Death** or **Cooler Fhtagn** or **Coolerspawn** or some such variant would make a hella cool username. 'Course, you’d have to put a link in your sig to this thread to explain, and for all we know, the Demonic Fishheads may be thriving on the psychic energy we’re sending their direction, additions to which could result in the ultimate destruction of life as we know it, but that’s a small price to pay for having a cool username.
\*Welcome to the addiction.
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### Author:  [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)
#### Post date: [April 17, 2003, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/75 "2003-04-17T17:07:17Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Velma \*
> \*\*The suspense continues…
> The cooler remains unopened. It will be opened tonight. I must prepare.
>
> As I was leaving this morning, I noticed the garage side door was open. It was closed last night.
>
> I caught a glimpse of one corner of the cooler inside the door.
>
> ::shudder:: \*\*
You waited _another day_?
What is wrong with you, woman?
The thing could have had more spawn in that time!!
Kill it! Kill it now!
(And have **NLH** open it already. The suspense is killing us.)
---
### Author:  [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)
#### Post date: [April 17, 2003, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/76 "2003-04-17T17:21:05Z")
All this afternoon trucks have been racing westwards from Toronto to Michigan bearing an unnamed cargo. The wind keeps shifting. SARS may not be as [contained](http://www.thestar.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestar/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=1035780994507&call_pageid=968332188492&col=968793972154) as we thought.
Clearly, evil is afoot.
The Thing In The Cooler is influencing weather and disease patterns _even through the unopened case_.
.
.
.
.
I have a bad feeling about this.
---
### Author:  [@AveDementia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AveDementia)
#### Post date: [April 17, 2003, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/77 "2003-04-17T17:34:39Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Çyrin \*
> \*\*Oh no! It’s taken over **Fairblue** ’s body! :eek:
>
> …maybe we can ban evil for using a sock puppet… \*\*
Nonsense.
I feel just fine.
I really don’t understand what all the fuss is about.
All this fear and hysteria can’t be good for your taste.
I’ll be sending you an email soon with a special attachment that will make everything clear.
There is really nothing to be afraid of anymore. anymore.
---
### Author:  [@Spiff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiff)
#### Post date: [April 17, 2003, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/78 "2003-04-17T17:53:40Z")
If it’s not too late (Hmmm … we haven’t heard from Velma lately :eek: ), I’d suggest heading down to the local bus station or airport, plopping four quarters into a luggage storage locker and popping the **TCTGE** in there.
Oh, and then “forget” to retrieve it.
You could make the local news!
(Just kidding. Such a move might spark a terror alert and needlessly tie up local emergency services. Plus, they might be able to get fingerprints off of the cooler.)
---
### Author:  [@Velma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velma)
#### Post date: [April 17, 2003, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/79 "2003-04-17T17:54:06Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by ivylass \*
> \*\*You waited _another day_?
>
> What is wrong with you, woman?
>
> The thing could have had more spawn in that time!!
>
> Kill it! Kill it now!
>
> (And have **NLH** open it already. The suspense is killing us.) \*\*
I’m trying to get a digital camera. I’m about to go home now. NLH will be home later tonight. I’m currently thinking we’ll release Evil about 7, 7:30.
I’ll do my best to get pictures up, but if this goes all Blair Witch and ends suddenly, don’t blame me. Someone make a low budget movie out of it.
Those of you in the West MI area, I’d stay inside for a while.
---
### Author:  [@Cooler\_of\_Death](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cooler_of_Death)
#### Post date: [April 17, 2003, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/80 "2003-04-17T18:07:08Z")
Hello, world.
I have been expecting you.
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