# There is evil in my backyard. It's in a cooler.
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [April 16, 2003, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132 "2003-04-16T18:19:21Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 6
### Author:  [@Cooler\_of\_Death](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cooler_of_Death)
#### Post date: [April 17, 2003, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/101 "2003-04-17T23:51:31Z")
The hour draws near. My glory will be known. Prepare.
---
### Author:  [@rocking\_chair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rocking_chair)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2003, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/102 "2003-04-18T00:00:25Z")
nigh, the hour draws nigh…
CODE PUCE!!!
(puce is closest to puke.)
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### Author:  [@FaerieBeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FaerieBeth)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2003, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/103 "2003-04-18T00:06:36Z")
_watches in horror as Velma prepares to break the final seal on the Dark One’s prison_
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### Author:  [@T.Slothrop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/T.Slothrop)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2003, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/104 "2003-04-18T00:17:05Z")
The code color is maroon, as in “don’t open the cooler ya maroon.”
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### Author:  [@MysteryFellow63427](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysteryFellow63427)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2003, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/105 "2003-04-18T00:32:54Z")
Is the opening of this cooler going to be anything like the opening of the fridge in Ghostbusters?
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### Author:  [@Tsubaki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tsubaki)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2003, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/106 "2003-04-18T00:37:22Z")
Demonic Fishheads…BAND NAME!
**Velma** , I think you may have THE weapon of mass destruction. Ask Georgie to Fed-Ex it to Kimmy boy in N.Korea, will you?
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### Author:  [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2003, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/107 "2003-04-18T00:52:36Z")
[helium inhalation] fish heads fish heads rolie polie fish heads. Fish heads fish heads eat them up yummmmm.[/hi]
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### Author:  [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2003, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/108 "2003-04-18T00:54:15Z")
Well, 19:00 passed, and I was safely underground, on the subway. Hurtling _eastwards_, you understand. Eventually I got off at Spadina and grabbed the streetcar to go south to the library. I glanced at the sky. True, it was cold and windy, and there were few people around (well, ‘few’ for Chinatown, which meant that I could actually find space to breathe on the streetcar).
But I saw no strange cloud formations in the southeastern sky, in the direction of Michigan. No newly-created mutants roamed the streets, although there were two men fighting in the intersection south of Spadina Avenue and Cecil Street. No strange electromagnetic phenomena fizzed off the conductive surfaces of the streetcar. No Words of Doom were blazoned across the sky; no screams of damnation and despair filled the air.
Clearly, something has Failed to Happen.
I look at the most recent posts, and see that they’re timestamped as late as 20:37 EDT. The last post from **Velma** was a disturbing number of hours ago.
_What has happened?_
Has The Evil had its way with **Velma** and her unfortunate husband? Has it gone underground, spreading insidiously through aquifer and soil, confounding those who expected Hollywood special effects? Will gelatinous tentacles sprout unexpectedly from the ground, pulling joggers and toy poodles to their doom?
Am I in trouble now because I live in a semi-basement apartment?
---
### Author:  [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2003, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/109 "2003-04-18T01:28:45Z")
She opened it and discovered some sort of time dilation device. It’s all relative to her, she doesn’t realize that one of our seconds equals 10 of her minutes. The only thing that could possibly tip her off would be the SDMB loading incredibly slowly.
:smack:
Looks like she won’t notice.
---
### Author:  [@Davebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davebear)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2003, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/110 "2003-04-18T01:33:47Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Emperor Penguin \*
> \*\*They’ll be walking into a bar…
>
> [sub](Sorry, That was almost unspeakably lame, and probably I’ll be the only one who actually got a chuckle out of it, but dangit, it had to be said!)[/sub] \*\*
Nope. I loved it! 😃
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### Author:  [@Cooler\_of\_Death](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cooler_of_Death)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2003, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/111 "2003-04-18T02:14:52Z")
The Cooler of Death is not impressed. I was expecting… more. Perhaps I will return later when the world is ready.
Those of you who have sworn your loyalty, you will know when that time comes. Should it be tomorrow, or in another thousand years, I will return. You shall be remembered, and you will be rewarded. To the rest, I bid you farewell.
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### Author:  [@Velma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velma)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2003, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/112 "2003-04-18T02:15:15Z")
Well. It’s all over. The cooler is open, The Evil is out and all over our lawn. The dog drank some.
I can’t really say for sure what it contained. It was a greenish, blackish liquid, with some floating cheezy crackers that were suprisingly intact. That’s some crazy preservatives Kraft has going on, there.
NLH drained it out, and then the smell came, and we retreated into the house.
If you reeeaaaallllly want to see for yourselves, look [here](http://photos.yahoo.com/bc/ljoy77/lst?.dir=/Evil). But don’t say I didn’t warn you.
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### Author:  [@MysteryFellow63427](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysteryFellow63427)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2003, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/113 "2003-04-18T02:23:20Z")
Is that a BOOT in there?
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### Author:  [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2003, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/114 "2003-04-18T02:26:37Z")
I see no fish. Were there no fish?
Dear god, if they found that in the Iraqi desert, they would assume that they found their growth medium.
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### Author:  [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2003, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/115 "2003-04-18T02:28:19Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Velma \*
> \*\*Well. It’s all over. The cooler is open, The Evil is out and all over our lawn. The dog drank some. \*\*
Best. Four sentances. Ever.
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### Author:  [@Dana27](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dana27)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2003, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/116 "2003-04-18T02:29:48Z")
I, for one, was hoping for a living fish. However evil is just as good I suppose. Well let us know when the walls start bleeding.
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### Author:  [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2003, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/117 "2003-04-18T02:30:30Z")
Give us the details we couldn’t see (Sorry hon, you got nuthin on Ansel Adams) Was there a nice grey film on the surface of the water? Was the odor sweet? Pungent? Spicy? Did it smell like black olives? To the right and slightly above the beer bottles on photo number three is an unidentifiable grey mass. What was that? Is it alive? Did you taste it? Did you name it?
So many questions. Don’t keep us hanging!
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### Author:  [@Velma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velma)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2003, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/118 "2003-04-18T02:41:09Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by NurseCarmen \*
> \*\*Give us the details we couldn’t see (Sorry hon, you got nuthin on Ansel Adams) Was there a nice grey film on the surface of the water? Was the odor sweet? Pungent? Spicy? Did it smell like black olives? To the right and slightly above the beer bottles on photo number three is an unidentifiable grey mass. What was that? Is it alive? Did you taste it? Did you name it?
>
> So many questions. Don’t keep us hanging! \*\*
The unidentifiable grey mass is…unidentifiable. That is why the photo is titled “I don’t know what this is.” I don’t know if it is alive, but it was pulsating, a little. Hey, it’s not like I was going in for a closer look there.
The water smelled like…evil. Really, we only got a whiff and we ran. Think of moldy macaroni and cheese and tuna and then set it in the sun for a year, with a wet sock.
Ansel Adams never had to work under these conditions.
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### Author:  [@Payton\_s\_Servant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Payton_s_Servant)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2003, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/119 "2003-04-18T02:48:06Z")
Excellent lighting on the first two pictures!! Very ominous and spooky.
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### Author:  [@DanWPsl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DanWPsl)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2003, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-evil-in-my-backyard-its-in-a-cooler/169132/120 "2003-04-18T03:44:10Z")
Your Link is Down! I wanna see the evil! I wanna see the evil!
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