# There is NO theory of evolution!!!!! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 8, 2007, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-no-theory-of-evolution/425707 "2007-11-08T21:09:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Flander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8c91f0/32.png) [@Flander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flander)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2007, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-no-theory-of-evolution/425707/1 "2007-11-08T21:09:28Z")
I repeat, there is NO theory of evolution… Only a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live. 😃_Gotcha_ ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2007, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-no-theory-of-evolution/425707/2 "2007-11-08T21:19:59Z")
[QUOTE=Flander] I repeat, there is NO theory of evolution… Only a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live. 😃_Gotcha_ [/QUOTE] \ Yeah, Chuck, can we take **Flander** off the list… Thank you Chuck… \ \ ---
**Author:** ![Kuboydal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecb155/32.png) [@Kuboydal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kuboydal)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2007, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-no-theory-of-evolution/425707/3 "2007-11-08T21:33:33Z")
I’d make fun of Chuck for his obvious use of cosmetic surgery and/or botox, but I wanna live. ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2007, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-no-theory-of-evolution/425707/4 "2007-11-08T22:46:38Z")
Did you know that, when Chuck Norris dives into a lake, he doesn’t get wet? The water gets Chuck Norrised. (I like that one.) ---
**Author:** ![Flander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8c91f0/32.png) [@Flander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flander)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2007, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-no-theory-of-evolution/425707/5 "2007-11-08T22:59:28Z")
I just love the fact that it’s a Chuck Norris “fact” that begins with a line that is pure doper bait! ---
**Author:** ![stucco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e56c9b/32.png) [@stucco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stucco)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2007, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-no-theory-of-evolution/425707/6 "2007-11-09T04:18:50Z")
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost. ---
**Author:** ![brewha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@brewha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brewha)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2007, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-no-theory-of-evolution/425707/7 "2007-11-09T04:26:45Z")
I know for a fact that beneath Chuck Norris’ beard lays not a chin, but another fist. ---
**Author:** ![Hung\_Mung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e4f/32.png) [@Hung\_Mung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hung_Mung)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2007, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-no-theory-of-evolution/425707/8 "2007-11-09T04:37:47Z")
Just so you know, Chuck Norris is suing NBC. The suit claims that Law & Order are already the trademarked names for his left and right legs. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2007, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-no-theory-of-evolution/425707/9 "2007-11-09T04:49:11Z")
As a player of World of Warcraft, who’s had to endure DAYS of this in Barrens Chat, may I just note that I hate you with all of my heart, soul, and mind for starting this, **Flander**? ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2007, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-no-theory-of-evolution/425707/10 "2007-11-09T05:19:32Z")
Bruce Campbell\>Chuck Norris # Chuck Norris isn’t unbeatable; he just hasn’t met Bruce. # Bruce Campbell once let Chuck Norris roundhouse kick him in the chin. Chuck Norris shattered every bone in his body. The chin was unharmed. # Bruce Campbell eats Chuck Norris’ chest hair for breakfast. # Chuck Norris sprouted from Bruce Campbell’s chin. # Chuck Norris wants to be Bruce Campbell when he grows up. # Chuck Norris wears a beard because he is jealous of Bruce Cambell’s chin. # When Chuck Norris goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Bruce Campbell. # Bruce Campbell was once bitten by a Werewolf. By next full moon, the Werewolf turned into Chuck Norris. # Bruce Campbell once got in a fight with Chuck Norris. Bruce Campbell just showed Chuck his chainsaw, said “Groovy,” and flushed him down the toilet in bloody chunks. # Bruce Campbell can defeat Chuck Norris merely by saying the word “Groovy.” # Chuck Norris prays to God every night. That god is Bruce Campbell. # Bruce Campbell once put an entire pack of saltines in his mouth, and then whistled “The Star Spangled Banner.” Because Chuck Norris swore it couldn’t be done. [http://www.brucefacts.com](http://www.brucefacts.com) ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2007, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-no-theory-of-evolution/425707/11 "2007-11-09T05:49:07Z")
> [@](#): > > Yeah, Chuck, can we take Flander off the list… > > Thank you Chuck… Chuck Norris doesn’t take people off his list. He kicks them off. ---
**Author:** ![Dystinct](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecae2f/32.png) [@Dystinct](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dystinct)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2007, 7:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-no-theory-of-evolution/425707/12 "2007-11-09T07:18:50Z")
[QUOTE=cochrane] Bruce Campbell\>Chuck Norris # Chuck Norris isn’t unbeatable; he just hasn’t met Bruce. # Bruce Campbell once let Chuck Norris roundhouse kick him in the chin. Chuck Norris shattered every bone in his body. The chin was unharmed. # Bruce Campbell eats Chuck Norris’ chest hair for breakfast. # Chuck Norris sprouted from Bruce Campbell’s chin. # Chuck Norris wants to be Bruce Campbell when he grows up. # Chuck Norris wears a beard because he is jealous of Bruce Cambell’s chin. # When Chuck Norris goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Bruce Campbell. # Bruce Campbell was once bitten by a Werewolf. By next full moon, the Werewolf turned into Chuck Norris. # Bruce Campbell once got in a fight with Chuck Norris. Bruce Campbell just showed Chuck his chainsaw, said “Groovy,” and flushed him down the toilet in bloody chunks. # Bruce Campbell can defeat Chuck Norris merely by saying the word “Groovy.” # Chuck Norris prays to God every night. That god is Bruce Campbell. # Bruce Campbell once put an entire pack of saltines in his mouth, and then whistled “The Star Spangled Banner.” Because Chuck Norris swore it couldn’t be done. [http://www.brucefacts.com](http://www.brucefacts.com) [/QUOTE] Now this is just lame. ---
**Author:** ![Rich\_Mann](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ce73a5/32.png) [@Rich\_Mann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rich_Mann)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2007, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-no-theory-of-evolution/425707/13 "2007-11-09T07:42:51Z")
When he was 8 years old, Chuck Norris had a paper route. There were no survivors. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2007, 7:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-no-theory-of-evolution/425707/14 "2007-11-09T07:55:37Z")
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before anyone could tell him there was a stripper in it. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2007, 9:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-no-theory-of-evolution/425707/15 "2007-11-09T09:46:50Z")
[QUOTE=Dystinct] Now this is just lame. [/QUOTE] Cite? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![nd\_n8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/439d5e/32.png) [@nd\_n8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nd_n8)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2007, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-no-theory-of-evolution/425707/16 "2007-11-09T11:44:55Z")
[QUOTE=cochrane] …# Bruce Campbell eats Chuck Norris’ chest hair for breakfast… [/QUOTE] Bruce Campbell eats hair for breakfast? Dude, that’s just nasty. ---
**Author:** ![Kuboydal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecb155/32.png) [@Kuboydal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kuboydal)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2007, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-no-theory-of-evolution/425707/17 "2007-11-09T14:18:27Z")
[QUOTE=nd\_n8] that’s just nasty. [/QUOTE] Sometimes nasty is what one wants for breakfast. ---
**Author:** ![BlackKnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eb8c5e/32.png) [@BlackKnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlackKnight)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2007, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-no-theory-of-evolution/425707/18 "2007-11-09T14:49:24Z")
I’ve long thought that we members of the SDMB should start a “True Facts about Cecil Adams” website. Like, “Cecil Adams can know both the velocity and position of a particle with perfect accuracy.” Only, y’know, funny ones. ---
**Author:** ![Who\_me\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/958977/32.png) [@Who\_me\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Who_me_1)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2007, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-no-theory-of-evolution/425707/19 "2007-11-09T14:54:43Z")
There’s only one thing lamer than Chuck Norris facts… and that’s Chuck himself. ---
**Author:** ![wolfstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d6d6ee/32.png) [@wolfstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfstu)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2007, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-no-theory-of-evolution/425707/20 "2007-11-09T15:08:55Z")
[QUOTE=BlackKnight] “Cecil Adams can know both the velocity and position of a particle with perfect accuracy.” [/QUOTE] _Can_? More like: “Cecil Adams knows the position AND the velocity of every particle with perfect accuracy.” 😉 And he’s not fooled by the wave-particle duality, either. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-no-theory-of-evolution/425707.md?page=2)