# There is no virtue in singlehood. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 12, 2005, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-no-virtue-in-singlehood/321164 "2005-09-12T00:26:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2005, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-no-virtue-in-singlehood/321164/121 "2005-09-19T03:09:51Z")
Man, I feel like this is an episode of \*Starved[/]. “It’s NOT OK!!” **Misnomer** , how I wish it were all that simple. You do make a compelling argument. Thank You, in some weird way. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2005, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-no-virtue-in-singlehood/321164/122 "2005-09-19T03:13:40Z")
> [@featherlou](#): > > **QuickSilver** , honestly, what do you want in your heart of hearts? Having given it some thought (with the help of this thread and everyone who has contributed), I’m going to get out there again. It feels like the right thing to do and ultimately what I want. Wish me luck. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2005, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-no-virtue-in-singlehood/321164/123 "2005-09-19T03:23:02Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > But, you’ve just changed the context of our conversation: are you not getting dates because of your dating history, or are you not getting dates because you’re fat, balding, on meds, and living at home? > > > [@devilsknew](#): > > > > I am not bitter that women reject me. > > :dubious: I do not think that word means what you think it means. Man, you guys and your tests. Q1: d. all of the above. Q2: I am not harshly reproachful. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2005, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-no-virtue-in-singlehood/321164/124 "2005-09-19T03:46:04Z")
> [@devilsknew](#): > > Thank You, in some weird way. You’re welcome, in an even weirder way. 😉 > [@QuickSilver](#): > > Wish me luck. 🙂 Meet me at happy hour on Thursday and you’ll get lucky, bay-bee. 😃 Not with _me_, of course, but some of the women at this place we go to look kinda easy… But seriously: good luck. And let us know how that Wednesday date goes! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2005, 7:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-no-virtue-in-singlehood/321164/125 "2005-09-19T07:15:33Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > 😕 > > That was a bit harsh. Nah, it was about par for the course. I give it a C+, with points off for lack of originality, but then, the complaint he was critiquing was standard issue COTS[sup]\*[/sup] as well. It’s a common enough problem that everybody has a bit of sage advice on the subject, and none of it seems to make a difference when the young lady in question suggests that I slink back under the rock I came from, and at any rate, I wasn’t attempting sympathy but rather attempting to illustrate that a simple willingness to abandon one’s self to the winds of passion and “…love with all the stops pulled out,” isn’t sufficient of itself; it also requires that you have some measure of experience and the indeterminate quality that people describe as chemistry. You can throw yourself at the ground and try to miss it, but unless you’ve wings or a really extra-ordinary gastrointestinal problem, the odds are that it’s going to hurt when you fail to miss it. There’s something a little mystical about love and romance, I suppose, and it takes not only a willing suspension of disbelief but a certain unalloyed vim, a sparkle or flame or some other form of emotional pyrotechnics that isn’t subject to synthesis. And it certainly doesn’t help when you’re ten runs behind in the bottom of the seventh inning, either. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, our hero **Quicksilver** continues to valiantly [strike]tilt at windmills[/strike]slay dragons and search for his lovely and virtuous Dulcinea. We wish him good luck, and goodnight. Stranger [sup]\*[/sup]Commerical Of The Shelf ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2005, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-no-virtue-in-singlehood/321164/126 "2005-09-19T15:44:32Z")
Maybe if you talk like this around gals, that might be part of your problem. 🙂 Best of luck, **QuickSilver**. Don’t give up hope - just take a breather and get back in the game. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2005, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-no-virtue-in-singlehood/321164/127 "2005-09-19T20:47:47Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > You’re welcome, in an even weirder way. 😉 > > Meet me at happy hour on Thursday and you’ll get lucky, bay-bee. 😃 Not with _me_, of course, but some of the women at this place we go to look kinda easy… Hmmm… That’s a good point… Maybe I \*should \* start with someone easy… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2005, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-no-virtue-in-singlehood/321164/128 "2005-09-19T21:18:01Z")
I have good ideas every now and then. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2005, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-no-virtue-in-singlehood/321164/129 "2005-09-21T00:11:32Z")
> [@Stranger On A Train](#): > > Nah, it was about par for the course. I give it a C+, with points off for lack of originality, but then, the complaint he was critiquing was standard issue COTS[sup]\*[/sup] as well. > > It’s a common enough problem that everybody has a bit of sage advice on the subject, and none of it seems to make a difference when the young lady in question suggests that I slink back under the rock I came from, and at any rate, I wasn’t attempting sympathy but rather attempting to illustrate that a simple willingness to abandon one’s self to the winds of passion and “…love with all the stops pulled out,” isn’t sufficient of itself; it also requires that you have some measure of experience and the indeterminate quality that people describe as chemistry. You can throw yourself at the ground and try to miss it, but unless you’ve wings or a really extra-ordinary gastrointestinal problem, the odds are that it’s going to hurt when you fail to miss it. > > There’s something a little mystical about love and romance, I suppose, and it takes not only a willing suspension of disbelief but a certain unalloyed vim, a sparkle or flame or some other form of emotional pyrotechnics that isn’t subject to synthesis. And it certainly doesn’t help when you’re ten runs behind in the bottom of the seventh inning, either. > > Meanwhile, back at the ranch, our hero **Quicksilver** continues to valiantly [strike]tilt at windmills[/strike]slay dragons and search for his lovely and virtuous Dulcinea. We wish him good luck, and goodnight. > > Stranger > > [sup]\*[/sup]Commerical Of The Shelf Chemistry, Schmemmistry!! Romantic gone-bys-- Sweet Pussy memories! People are looking for the Holy Grail of Romantic Love and clouding their vision because of it. But really we’re looking for memes. Defining our superstitions of Love. Everything it can or can’t be. And if it _can’t be_ something then by definition it’s not love. ---
**Author:** ![Gozu\_Tashoya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7993a0/32.png) [@Gozu\_Tashoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gozu_Tashoya)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2005, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-no-virtue-in-singlehood/321164/130 "2005-09-21T01:28:58Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > I have good ideas every now and then. 🙂 Ideas are all fine and good, but what’s the address of this bar with the easy-looking women? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2005, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-no-virtue-in-singlehood/321164/131 "2005-09-21T01:35:40Z")
> [@devilsknew](#): > > Chemistry, Schmemmistry!! > Romantic gone-bys-- Sweet Pussy memories! People are looking for the Holy Grail of Romantic Love and clouding their vision because of it. > But really we’re looking for memes. Defining our superstitions of Love. Everything it can or can’t be. And if it _can’t be_ something then by definition it’s not love. Maybe I’m a complete idiot, but I don’t understand this. ---
**Author:** ![Campion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4491bb/32.png) [@Campion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Campion)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2005, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-no-virtue-in-singlehood/321164/132 "2005-09-21T03:31:11Z")
> [@Harimad-sol](#): > > Maybe I’m a complete idiot, but I don’t understand this. Yeah, me either. But the more I read it, the more it seems like poetry. Like, if I just read it _one more time_, I’ll get it. I think the point is that love is a cultural invention, and we’re bombarded with the expectations of what love _is_. We elevate the notion of love, and then look for our idealized notion of love, only to be disappointed when we don’t find it, or when what we find doesn’t match the expectation. I like **devilsknew** ’s poetry better than any explanation, though. It’s kinda beatnik. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2005, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-no-virtue-in-singlehood/321164/133 "2005-09-21T03:58:08Z")
> [@KKBattousai](#): > > Ideas are all fine and good, but what’s the address of this bar with the easy-looking women? 😉 11920 Democracy Drive. Thursday, 5pm. Past performance is no guarantee of future results. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2005, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-no-virtue-in-singlehood/321164/134 "2005-09-21T04:19:43Z")
> [@Campion](#): > > Yeah, me either. But the more I read it, the more it seems like poetry. Like, if I just read it _one more time_, I’ll get it. I think the point is that love is a cultural invention, and we’re bombarded with the expectations of what love _is_. We elevate the notion of love, and then look for our idealized notion of love, only to be disappointed when we don’t find it, or when what we find doesn’t match the expectation. > > I like **devilsknew** ’s poetry better than any explanation, though. It’s kinda beatnik. Maybe. So maybe what we need, instead of love, is more chocolate or a nice long walk. I’ll take my endorphins and such any way that I can get them for now. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2005, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-no-virtue-in-singlehood/321164/135 "2005-09-22T18:59:57Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > Wait until next week when I post a thread about my upcoming date on Wednesday. A young woman from my former job asked me out recently for a drink. 😛 And . . . ? It’s Thursday; inquiring minds want to know! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-no-virtue-in-singlehood/321164/136 "2005-09-23T00:04:12Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > And . . . ? > > It’s Thursday; inquiring minds want to know! 🙂 Short story?.. Rescheduled for _next_ Wednesday. Things came up and that’s the earliest either of us could make it. But it’s still on… and thank you for your interest. 🙂 I may have a story about this coming weekend though… work in progress… stay tuned… 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-no-virtue-in-singlehood/321164/137 "2005-09-23T02:25:34Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > thank you for your interest. 🙂 Hey, I have to live vicariously through _someone_ … may as well be you. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-no-virtue-in-singlehood/321164/138 "2005-09-23T14:14:29Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > Hey, I have to live vicariously through _someone_ … may as well be you. 😉 Hmmmm… let’s see… 1. I’m going through the last stages of a divorce. It’s not a knock down drag out fight but it’s unpleasant and emotionally draining. 2. My ex wife wants me to be her friend but has yet to admit fault or appologize. 3. I’ve recently lost my job and even though I didn’t like some things about it, it was a soft place to land and I needed a safe haven for a little while. 4. I lost my job because of petty, backstabbing, provincial and just plain mean handful of people who had their claws out for me since week one. 5. I did my job well and right but my integrity is still being trashed by rumours having nothing to do with my professional performance or workplace conduct. 6. I’m back on the dating circuit because my one year relationship with my girlfriend ended for very practical and adult reasons. But it still ended… 7. Dating sucks because of the same frustrating, intrusive interrogation process that everyone has to go through and I don’t know if I have the energy for it. 8. I’m alone a lot and I don’t have any real close friends or family in the area. 9. I hate DC metro, always have, but can’t leave because of my kids. 10. I’m stressed financially because I kids I support but no current source of income. Still want to live through me? Are you sure? :dubious: 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2005, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-no-virtue-in-singlehood/321164/139 "2005-09-23T16:46:09Z")
Whoa, that’s a lot of negative thinking there, big fellow. After you’re done having a nice wallow, I have an assignment for you, should you choose to accept it - take every negative thing you’ve written on that list, and turn it into a positive statement. My point here is not to turn you into a Pollyanna; just that life is 5% what happens to us and 95% what we think about it. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2005, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-no-virtue-in-singlehood/321164/140 "2005-09-24T01:14:24Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > Still want to live through me? Are you sure? :dubious: Only the _date_ part, Job. 😛 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-no-virtue-in-singlehood/321164.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-is-no-virtue-in-singlehood/321164.md?page=8)