# There once was a man from Nantucket ...... SDMB Limericks **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 19, 2002, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-once-was-a-man-from-nantucket-sdmb-limericks/143882 "2002-12-19T20:26:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Hamlet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hamlet/32/2818_2.png) [@Hamlet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamlet)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2002, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-once-was-a-man-from-nantucket-sdmb-limericks/143882/1 "2002-12-19T20:26:06Z")
Once **Hamlet** had way too much time And thought it would be funny to rhyme Limerick form it took SDMB was the hook And he hopes it’s less annoying than mimes. Feel free to join in. It’s fun. ---
**Author:** ![Hamlet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hamlet/32/2818_2.png) [@Hamlet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamlet)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2002, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-once-was-a-man-from-nantucket-sdmb-limericks/143882/2 "2002-12-19T20:27:12Z")
There once was a miserable bastard. Von Savant, he greatly surpassed her He a genius you know And he’ll tell you so Of course he’s Cecil, our Perfect Master. ---
**Author:** ![Hamlet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hamlet/32/2818_2.png) [@Hamlet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamlet)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2002, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-once-was-a-man-from-nantucket-sdmb-limericks/143882/3 "2002-12-19T20:28:26Z")
There once was a foreskin that got cut Which made **JDTyler** a nut He ranted and raved But no skin was saved Because he had his head up his butt. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2002, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-once-was-a-man-from-nantucket-sdmb-limericks/143882/4 "2002-12-19T20:29:51Z")
There once was a poster from Kent Who said to **Esprix,** “Get bent.” **’sprix** followed his word and next thing we heard The poster from Kent was spent. [sub]okay, I’m going to hell for that one. Yep, yep, yep.[sub] ---
**Author:** ![roadrunner70](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e19b73/32.png) [@roadrunner70](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roadrunner70)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2002, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-once-was-a-man-from-nantucket-sdmb-limericks/143882/5 "2002-12-19T20:34:40Z")
There once was a poster named **lieu** Who thought everything funny 'bout poo A fart made him giggle Or maybe to wriggle If it came out as lumpy doo-doo ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2002, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-once-was-a-man-from-nantucket-sdmb-limericks/143882/6 "2002-12-19T21:07:34Z")
I’ve got no talent at rhyming Some people think it’s my timing But the ugly truth is It’s my trick wrist And the fact that I forget…what was I talking about? Guess it doesn’t matter a whole lot, anyway, hm? Ah, well, off to look at porno… ---
**Author:** ![Kn\_ckers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/96bed5/32.png) [@Kn\_ckers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kn_ckers)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2002, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-once-was-a-man-from-nantucket-sdmb-limericks/143882/7 "2002-12-19T21:45:20Z")
I was going to start this thread, but I couldn’t figure out how to spell limerick. True story. Anyway, I’m glad someone finally did, because I’d have never gotten around to it! Not SDMB related, but uses Nantucket: There once was a man from Nantucket Who told his employer to suck it. His boss felt harassed, And fired his ass, And now the man lives in a bucket. And one about SDMB: There once was a place called “The Pit,” Where people would rave, rant and spit- Where asshats were chided, And strong views collided, In harsh words or stunning great wit. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2002, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-once-was-a-man-from-nantucket-sdmb-limericks/143882/8 "2002-12-19T22:03:12Z")
There once was a post writ en francais which went unreplied to all day Then somebody said use German instead and then you’ll get replies from **jarbabyj** ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2002, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-once-was-a-man-from-nantucket-sdmb-limericks/143882/9 "2002-12-19T22:06:39Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by **Ethilrist** _ > > There once was a poster from Kent > Who said to **Esprix,** “Get bent.” > **’sprix** followed his word > and next thing we heard > The poster from Kent was spent. There once was a Doper named **Ethilrist** Who fancied himself a gay specialist But, alas, he could not Tell gay bottoms from tops And so learned that **Esprix** ’s not to be messed with! Here endeth the lesson. Esprix ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2002, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-once-was-a-man-from-nantucket-sdmb-limericks/143882/10 "2002-12-19T22:07:35Z")
There once was a man from Peru But this limerick ends at Line Two… There once was a man from Verdun… ---
**Author:** ![broccoli](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a183cd/32.png) [@broccoli](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/broccoli)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2002, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-once-was-a-man-from-nantucket-sdmb-limericks/143882/11 "2002-12-19T22:45:09Z")
warning: dirty and not an origional - but my favorite limerick nonetheless There once was a plumber from Leigh H’was plumbing the maid by the sea Said the maid: “cease your plumbing, I hear someone coming” Said the plumber, still plumbing, “Its me.” :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Eggerhaus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d2c977/32.png) [@Eggerhaus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eggerhaus)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2002, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-once-was-a-man-from-nantucket-sdmb-limericks/143882/12 "2002-12-19T22:58:55Z")
There once was a woman from Spork Who used to eat shit with a fork, Her son cried, “You goon! You eat shit with a spoon! It’s pork that you eat with a fork!” There once was a man from Moline Who invented a f\*\*\*ing machine. Both concave and convex, it could serve either sex, but, oh, what a bastard to clean. There once was a woman of Glors Whose body was covered in sores. The dogs in the street would lick the green meat that hung in festoons from her drawers. There was a gay priest from New Delhi, had the Lord’s Prayer tattooed on his belly. By the time that a brahmin read down to the Amen he’d blown both salvation and Kelly. …I got a million of 'em, a million. ---
**Author:** ![Hamlet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hamlet/32/2818_2.png) [@Hamlet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamlet)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2002, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-once-was-a-man-from-nantucket-sdmb-limericks/143882/13 "2002-12-19T22:59:14Z")
His powers far exceed those of Mod His feet do not deign to touch sod He’s wise and he’s cunning He keeps the board running Three cheers for **Jerry the Tech God** ---
**Author:** ![Hamlet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hamlet/32/2818_2.png) [@Hamlet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamlet)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2002, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-once-was-a-man-from-nantucket-sdmb-limericks/143882/14 "2002-12-19T23:03:09Z")
There once was a man for all season His posts were intelligent and pleasin’ He backed up with cites. Rarely got into fights. **TomnDeb** is our voice of reason. ---
**Author:** ![TVGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/82dd89/32.png) [@TVGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVGuy)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2002, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-once-was-a-man-from-nantucket-sdmb-limericks/143882/15 "2002-12-19T23:15:40Z")
Called **TVGuy** , news is my quest This work doesn’t bring lots of rest But on Straight Dope I find Many more of my kind Enlightened, ready to DopeFest! (OK, OK, I’m VERY fatigued today…) ---
**Author:** ![Jake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f475e1/32.png) [@Jake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jake)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2002, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-once-was-a-man-from-nantucket-sdmb-limericks/143882/16 "2002-12-19T23:20:16Z")
Hamlet, Jerry TG needed that! Here’s one from Issac Asimov: “There was a young woman named Robbie Who would wait in a theater lobby To catch all those guys Who had unzippered flies. Oh, well, it’s an int’resting hobby” 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![IThinkNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ce73a5/32.png) [@IThinkNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IThinkNot)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2002, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-once-was-a-man-from-nantucket-sdmb-limericks/143882/17 "2002-12-20T01:12:38Z")
Hey, I have another naive question— how does the actual honest-to-God “there once was a man from Nantucket…” go? I have been asking around and I cannot find how it goes!! Or maybe it’s just one of those limericks that has no ending----you know, all you are supposed to ever know is the first line, spawning said naive speculation? ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Pebs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Johnny\_Pebs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Pebs)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2002, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-once-was-a-man-from-nantucket-sdmb-limericks/143882/18 "2002-12-20T01:21:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by IThinkNot \* > \*\*Hey, I have another naive question— > > how does the actual honest-to-God “there once was a man from Nantucket…” go? I have been asking around and I cannot find how it goes!! > \*\* There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose dick was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin, as he wiped off his chin, “If my ear were a c\*\*\*, I would f\*\*\* it!” ---
**Author:** ![sailor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@sailor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sailor)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2002, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-once-was-a-man-from-nantucket-sdmb-limericks/143882/19 "2002-12-20T01:28:05Z")
\>\> how does the actual honest-to-God “there once was a man from Nantucket…” go? The master speaks: [http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a2\_183.html](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a2_183.html) ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2002, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-once-was-a-man-from-nantucket-sdmb-limericks/143882/20 "2002-12-20T02:49:44Z")
Let’s all go to SDMB There’s something for everyone, you’ll see IMHO is lite In the Pit we can fight Then discuss gods and guns in GD The Cafe has more arty fare While MPSIMS’s for stuff we must share Then we’ll head to GQ And learn something new As we fight ignorance everywhere It helps if you say MPSIMS as ‘mip-sims’. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-once-was-a-man-from-nantucket-sdmb-limericks/143882.md?page=2)