# There was something different in my letterbox...advice please. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 19, 2004, 10:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-was-something-different-in-my-letterbox-advice-please/275636 "2004-11-19T10:04:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![AngelicGemma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/439d5e/32.png) [@AngelicGemma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelicGemma)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-was-something-different-in-my-letterbox-advice-please/275636/21 "2004-11-19T12:27:09Z")
> [@calm kiwi](#): > > I’m feeling I may get brave and ring tomorrow…I think. Yay! Keep us informed. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![calm\_kiwi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc348/32.png) [@calm\_kiwi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/calm_kiwi)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-was-something-different-in-my-letterbox-advice-please/275636/22 "2004-11-19T12:30:02Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#): > > I think this is cool in a kinda strange way. > > Meet for coffee somewhere. It will be scary as hell until you get over the " HI…ummm…so…whatyourname?..blah blah blah" after that, you can talk about the weather, sports and bollocks 🙂 > > All you have to lose from this is, what, fifteen -twenty minutes. If you don’t go you will always wonder who and what and all those pesky little details. > Besides, YOU.MUST.GO. So that you can post \* every sordid detail here\*, right down to what kind of axe he carries and what color is his van that he lives in a van down by the river. 😛 > > If you end up getting hacked to death in a bloody mess, I will send you some genuine maple syrup. how is that for an incentive. Maple syrup is always worth spilled blood! Believe me if I ring my "admirer/stalker/axe murderer tomorrow there WILL be updates. > [@](#): > > Happy Almost Birthday. Mine is the 27th. Whooooo for 1966 It was the best month and a mighty fine vintage. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-was-something-different-in-my-letterbox-advice-please/275636/23 "2004-11-19T12:36:41Z")
Chiming in a bit late – yes, call him, and yes, public place. If nothing else, it will complete the story. And who knows? He may be a nice guy. ---
**Author:** ![calm\_kiwi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc348/32.png) [@calm\_kiwi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/calm_kiwi)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-was-something-different-in-my-letterbox-advice-please/275636/24 "2004-11-19T12:38:05Z")
> [@AngelicGemma](#): > > Yay! > > Keep us informed. 🙂 Oh I will. Will you promise to search the coastline for my bod though? Thank you all though. I’m back to smiling cheesily now. It was quite the moment reading the letter. I still think that because he knows where I live and there is a nosey elderly neighbour that here may be good, but I am seeing the sense in what you say. I have a secret admirer! WooooHoooooooo. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Rock\_n\_Roach](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Rock\_n\_Roach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rock_n_Roach)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-was-something-different-in-my-letterbox-advice-please/275636/25 "2004-11-19T12:49:30Z")
> [@calm kiwi](#): > > As for meeting him in public, while this seems sensible it was in MY letter box…so he knows where I live. IF I ring him I was thinking about asking him to come here so I’m not stuck somewhere with someone I don’t know from adam. Bad idea? You know absolutely nothing about this guy and you’re going to let him in your home because he knows where you live and because you don’t want to hurt his feelings??!!?? That is frigging CRAZY. Please don’t do that. Should you decide to meet him, I strongly suggest a public place. Also, I wouldn’t get in his car with him - just for a free taxi to where you’d be going. That’s crazier. Meet him, get to know him a little then invite him over sometime. He may be a wonderful person but please err on the side of caution. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-was-something-different-in-my-letterbox-advice-please/275636/26 "2004-11-19T13:00:36Z")
> [@calm kiwi](#): > > Oh I will. Will you promise to search the coastline for my bod though? I’m probably closest to the west coast, so that gives me a head-start. God, I shouldn’t joke about that, given recent events. Anyway, let us know how it went. And remember: PUBLIC PLACE. ---
**Author:** ![calm\_kiwi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc348/32.png) [@calm\_kiwi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/calm_kiwi)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-was-something-different-in-my-letterbox-advice-please/275636/27 "2004-11-19T13:08:41Z")
Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez! Other then the safety police…what do I do?? I am apparently older. I am a flaming big wuss. I am thinking this bloke needs glasses. I get the safety messages…but if you were a wuss, a single wuss. Would you ring or not? ---
**Author:** ![Genghis\_Bob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/45deac/32.png) [@Genghis\_Bob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Genghis_Bob)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-was-something-different-in-my-letterbox-advice-please/275636/28 "2004-11-19T13:12:33Z")
Enough already about this letter-writing guy. What we all \*really \* wanna know is . . . **did you get your mug**? And since I’m here . . . call him. Public place. Taxi. Play it safe until you’re really sure about him. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-was-something-different-in-my-letterbox-advice-please/275636/29 "2004-11-19T13:27:46Z")
You could always use your **Doper Mug** to defend your honor from the Axe Murderer. That would be cool. ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-was-something-different-in-my-letterbox-advice-please/275636/30 "2004-11-19T13:43:01Z")
Do you have a low key friend you could take on your meeting? If you like him, give her a signal to excuse herself. If not, then you have a witness and an exit strategy. Good luck, I hope it all works out and is the beginning of a funny story you both tell your friends years from now! ---
**Author:** ![calm\_kiwi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc348/32.png) [@calm\_kiwi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/calm_kiwi)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-was-something-different-in-my-letterbox-advice-please/275636/31 "2004-11-19T13:45:02Z")
You are sooooooo right! Doper mug defence! Alas I am mugless as yet…The postie has a long way to swim! I hate to be the first to point out that I am older then he claims to be…but I did claim it first and then I claimed it again. I’m sorry I turned 38 this week and am feeling ANCIENT. I know my safety awarness says otherwise but I feel old and daring…Ok that may be old and Be Safe.! I feel bad being older then the axe muderer! Isn’t that BAD. I feel worse that I am older and less “lovely” then I feel worried about the safe stuff. You people are far too sensible! Thanks for that 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-was-something-different-in-my-letterbox-advice-please/275636/32 "2004-11-19T13:50:58Z")
**Calm Kiwi** , you are as lovely as you feel. And beauty is in the eye of your beholder. Stop putting yourself down. As for the age difference, if it were turned the other way around you wouldn’t even mention it. I know plenty of people where the woman is even older than the man and they work out great. (I won’t even mention Demi Moore!) Stop putting yourself down, you’re not fooling us! ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-was-something-different-in-my-letterbox-advice-please/275636/33 "2004-11-19T13:51:15Z")
Older schmolder. Four years is nothing, as established by scientifically exacting polls here at the SDMB. Go for it. hmm… diced kiwi with maple syrup… I’ve never tried that… don’t tell him about it, though… ---
**Author:** ![TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tellmei_mnotcrazy/32/3419_2.png) [@TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TellMeI_mNotCrazy)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-was-something-different-in-my-letterbox-advice-please/275636/34 "2004-11-19T14:00:15Z")
I think it’s sweet, but I can be a romantic at times. If you decide to meet him, as has been said already - make it a public place. Give his name and phone number, as well as the meeting place location/time, to a trusted friend or family member. The guy already knows where you live, so it’s my opinion that there’s no added risk in going out with the guy somewhere public. I’d recommend a few phone calls beforehand, just to feel him out. Obviously he’s not going to say “Hey, by the way, I’m a deranged maniac who is going to make you miserable,” but you can often get vibes - good or bad - off a person. ---
**Author:** ![Genghis\_Bob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/45deac/32.png) [@Genghis\_Bob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Genghis_Bob)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-was-something-different-in-my-letterbox-advice-please/275636/35 "2004-11-19T14:23:02Z")
Hey, if you do meet with this guy. . . and things go well . . . really well. . . will you name your first-born after us? ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-was-something-different-in-my-letterbox-advice-please/275636/36 "2004-11-19T14:35:11Z")
From my limited experience, anyone that you hardly know or don’t even know that wants to meet you out of the blue for coffee or dinner has only one thing on their mind: **Amway** :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-was-something-different-in-my-letterbox-advice-please/275636/37 "2004-11-19T14:46:07Z")
> [@calm kiwi](#): > > I’m sorry I turned 38 this week and am feeling ANCIENT. Oh _pthbbbbbtt…!_ 38 isn’t even _close_ to ancient. You simply must ring this bloke, or You.Will.Go.Mad.From.Wondering.What.Might.Have.Been. And we’ll all go mad from disappointment and frustration. So there - You now have responsibility for your own mental health, and the mental health (such as it is) of 'Dopers everywhere riding on that call… ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-was-something-different-in-my-letterbox-advice-please/275636/38 "2004-11-19T14:49:00Z")
A long time ago, back in my early twenties, I tried this approach with a girl. She did not consent to go out with me as she had a boyfriend at the time. We did talk on the phone and I think she was interested but… So do it. At least talk to him so you know who he is and then be sure to record that info in a place the police will find it when they go through your stuff. I say talk to him on the phone. If he seems ok, agree to meet in a public place in the afternoon and you get to bring a guest. At least have someone there watching to make sure he doesn’t throw you in a car and drive off. But, go for it, is my basic response. ---
**Author:** ![Jurph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/50afbb/32.png) [@Jurph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jurph)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-was-something-different-in-my-letterbox-advice-please/275636/39 "2004-11-19T14:49:06Z")
Hmmm… **Genghis error Roach Ujest Middle Shibb0 Gemma twick tom deb Orzabal Dextrin Jurph Kiwi-Stalker** , of the New Zealand Kiwi-Stalkers (not the Connecticut ones, dahling). I don’t think that’ll fit on the birth certificate. A quick comment on your gentleman admirer: the note in the mailbox is sweet, but it tells you that he is terrified of rejection. If you decide to meet him and get an impression of strong confidence from him in person, then realize (and be ready to admit to yourself) that something doesn’t add up. I say you call him, propose lunch and coffee in a public place, and see what he says. For the first date, avoid a night-time date or one that ends near either of your homes. Be _very_ honest with him about your trepidation in accepting his offer, share your shyness with him, and maybe even have a laugh about how awful it is that everyone automatically thinks “serial killer” when this sort of thing happens. If he replies “Oh yeah - I mean, really, only one in every three thousand, seven hundred and twelve people are _actual_ sociopaths, and only one in thirteen of those have violent instincts” then holler “CHECK PLEASE.” Don’t mistake the excitement of meeting someone new who fancies you for a “spark”. Oh, and bring plenty of conversational gambits – questions that aren’t just yes or no – so that if he clams up or drops the ball, you can ease him back into being comfortable. When you call him back, he’ll want to know your name (he probably looked at your mail to get your name, but is waiting for you to tell him). Expect that when he arrives on the date he may know all sorts of details about the history of your name that might do not know. “Linda” is Spanish for “pretty”, “Melissa” comes from the Latin “Melis” for “honey”, and so on. You’re a smart and comely lass! I say go for it, but keep your head on your shoulders and thank him politely for compliments and flattery. Oh, and if you have a good time, or if he seems nice, make a second date for dinner with another couple – your friend and her beau, perhaps, or your friend and someone she’s asked out for the occasion. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-was-something-different-in-my-letterbox-advice-please/275636/40 "2004-11-19T14:50:00Z")
> [@TellMeI'mNotCrazy](#): > > I"Hey, by the way, I’m a \*\*deranged maniac \*\* who is going to make you miserable," Is there any other kind of maniac? Ranged Maniac? Warm, caring, loving Maniac? Stable Accountant Maniac? Nah. **Deranged Maniac’s** are really the only kind out there. And, would be an excellent user/band name.! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-was-something-different-in-my-letterbox-advice-please/275636.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/there-was-something-different-in-my-letterbox-advice-please/275636.md?page=3)