# There's a new Jack Chick tract, and boy is it a doozy! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 5, 2001, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-new-jack-chick-tract-and-boy-is-it-a-doozy/91495 "2001-11-05T00:23:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2001, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-new-jack-chick-tract-and-boy-is-it-a-doozy/91495/121 "2001-11-07T00:15:11Z")
Jimmy Carter is a Southern Baptist-although he and Rosalyn have split from the church-around the time there was that big bruhaha over women submitting to their husbands-Carter said he’d never be able to believe that. 😃 For what it’s worth, I believe God is EVERYTHING and EVERYWHERE, so I think everything is a part of God-we are God and God is Us. ---
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2001, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-new-jack-chick-tract-and-boy-is-it-a-doozy/91495/122 "2001-11-07T00:22:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by bluethree \* > \*\*Isn’t the trinity primarily a _Catholic_ belief? \*\* No. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2001, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-new-jack-chick-tract-and-boy-is-it-a-doozy/91495/123 "2001-11-07T00:24:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Guinastasia \* > \*\*For what it’s worth, I believe God is EVERYTHING and EVERYWHERE, so I think everything is a part of God-we are God and God is Us. \*\* Great. Way to fuck with my head. I hope I can get rid of this thought before I get the urge to masturbate again. God is my porn DVD! God is my TV on which the porn is playing! God is the chair on which my naked ass sits as I do this! I may never get an erection again. ---
**Author:** ![Lucki\_Chaarms](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9de0a6/32.png) [@Lucki\_Chaarms](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucki_Chaarms)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2001, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-new-jack-chick-tract-and-boy-is-it-a-doozy/91495/124 "2001-11-07T00:28:58Z")
Someone mentioned Jack’s take on the 9/11 attacks, and here it is: > [@](#): > > _Originally Posted By Some Guy With A Bible Up His Ass_ > \*\*Dear Ones in Christ, > We at Chick Publications are praying for the families who have suffered loss of life in the great tragedy that has effected our land. Our lives, our country, and our world will never be the same. In the midst of these perilous times, we as Christians must be stedfast in our purpose to go into all the world and preach the gospel (Mark 16:15). > > But here is a word of caution…politicians are trying to hold this whole mess together by creating some kind of all encompassing, universal “god”, composed of all kinds of “gods”, that doesn’t offend anybody including the Muslim god “Allah”. The Bible says there is only one true God, who did have a Son, and that Son, the Lord Jesus Christ, is the answer for the needs of every human being. Our God is a jealous God and will share His glory with no other. > > Let’s be about our Father’s business and pray for our President, our leaders, our military, our families, our friends, and yes, even our enemies. > > Beloved, examine the “god” of the terrorists, his name is “Allah”. We must be active in the work that Jesus has called us to do, and that is presenting Jesus to a world that otherwise has no hope. > > Your brother in Christ > > Jack Chick > \*\* LC ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2001, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-new-jack-chick-tract-and-boy-is-it-a-doozy/91495/125 "2001-11-07T00:31:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Crunchy Frog \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Guinastasia \* > > \*\*For what it’s worth, I believe God is EVERYTHING and EVERYWHERE, so I think everything is a part of God-we are God and God is Us. \*\* > > Great. Way to fuck with my head. I hope I can get rid of this thought before I get the urge to masturbate again. > > God is my porn DVD! > God is my TV on which the porn is playing! > God is the chair on which my naked ass sits as I do this! > > I may never get an erection again. \*\* Damn, that’s a sexy god… ehehehe…you said ‘erection’… ---
**Author:** ![capacitor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e47774/32.png) [@capacitor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capacitor)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2001, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-new-jack-chick-tract-and-boy-is-it-a-doozy/91495/126 "2001-11-07T00:31:23Z")
So, gobear, Yahweh and Allah are “toys” meant to be put away? And you accuse us faithful of being intolerant??? ---
**Author:** ![Lucki\_Chaarms](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9de0a6/32.png) [@Lucki\_Chaarms](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucki_Chaarms)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2001, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-new-jack-chick-tract-and-boy-is-it-a-doozy/91495/127 "2001-11-07T00:33:53Z")
Err, forgot my comment. Hey Chick! Suck it, OK? We have enough fucking problems without you declaring some fucked up Holy War. People that are so weak-minded as to be converted by your tracts clearly should not be exposed to your hate-mongering bullshit! Listen to yourself! You sound like fucking Osama Bin Chick, declaring that this is the time for Christians to destroy the Muslim threat, and crush Allah forever. Fuck you. I mean it, **FUCK YOU**. I hope you get raped by a syphilitic unwashed biker with a three-foot cock. That is all. LC ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2001, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-new-jack-chick-tract-and-boy-is-it-a-doozy/91495/128 "2001-11-07T00:36:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Crunchy Frog \* > \*\* Great. Way to fuck with my head. I hope I can get rid of this thought before I get the urge to masturbate again. > > God is my porn DVD! > God is my TV on which the porn is playing! > God is the chair on which my naked ass sits as I do this! > > I may never get an erection again. \*\* Actually, there’s a pretty easy way around this. See, by **Guin** ’s definition, God is also your erection. And applying the principle of commutativity, _Your erection is God_! Convince the ladies of this, and you’ll never _have_ to masturbate again. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2001, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-new-jack-chick-tract-and-boy-is-it-a-doozy/91495/129 "2001-11-07T00:46:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by manhattan \* > \*\*See, by **Guin** ’s definition, God is also your erection. And applying the principle of commutativity, _Your erection is God_! \*\* I may have to rewrite the sig line to get this bit in there. ---
**Author:** ![Lucki\_Chaarms](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9de0a6/32.png) [@Lucki\_Chaarms](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucki_Chaarms)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2001, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-new-jack-chick-tract-and-boy-is-it-a-doozy/91495/130 "2001-11-07T00:59:26Z")
The Jack Chick people answered my letter! Oh my Gods, this kicks so much ass! I can’t wait I can’t wait I can’t wait. I’m way more excited about the release of this tract than say, the Harry Potter movie. > [@](#): > > Dear Matt, > > Thank you for contacting us! > > Mr. Chick is working on a tract dealing with the subject of Wicca, but > it > won’t be available until next year. > > You may also be interested to learn more about the so-called > “nature-worshipping religion” of Wicca. Please see: > [http://www.chick.com/catalog/books/0179.asp](http://www.chick.com/catalog/books/0179.asp). > > Thank you for the privilege of serving you as you share Jesus’ love > with > others. May the Lord bless you! > > In Christ, > > Sherry > Customer Service > Chick Publications, Inc. Doesn’t that kick ass?? Yes, it does. Therre will be a WICCA TRACT! **Mr. Chick** is working on it right now! Next year, baby! Oh yeah. I CALL DIBS ON STARTING THAT THREAD, UNDERSTAND? LC ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2001, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-new-jack-chick-tract-and-boy-is-it-a-doozy/91495/131 "2001-11-07T01:31:38Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by gobear \* \*\* > [@](#): > > I already said that there are exceptions, but my thesis still stands that religion breeds intolerance.\*\* And religion can also bring about tolerance and an increase in rights. The anti-slavery movement has been largely a religious movement, the idea of a representative government where the people have basic rights and the king isn’t above the law was introduced into England by Calvinists, the Christian socialist and Catholic worker movements advocated social welfare programs for the poor and the development of workplace safety laws, the Catholic church was instrumental in fighting Communism in Poland, the spread of Islam through Arabia virtually put an end to infanticide, etc. But, actually, both your comment that “religion breeds intolerance” and mine that “religion can bring about tolerance” are wrong. People are tolerant or intolerant, decent or not decent, and they use religion as their support for either their existing decency or cruelty. During the 1980s, when the AIDS epidemic started, the two Republicans who were strongest advocates for AIDS funding, AIDS education, and not taking away the civil rights of people with AIDS were Dr. C. Everett Koop, a born again fundamentalist who, before he became surgeon general, was active in the anti-abortion movement, and Sen. Orrin Hatch, a conservative Mormon from Utah. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2001, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-new-jack-chick-tract-and-boy-is-it-a-doozy/91495/132 "2001-11-07T01:55:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tranquilis \* > \*\*Look **Gobear** , I’m not looking to start a GD here, I’d just like you to be more careful. There are plenty 'o hate-filled extremists out there. You’ve got plenty 'o reason to fear and loathe them. But by naming groups that _include more than just the hate-filled extremists_, you’re doing your cause a disservice. Like by pissing off people who would otherwise agree with your points. > \*\* Just out of curiosity, how many hate-filled extremists have to be in any particular group before we can write off the entire group? As a percentage of the whole? ---
**Author:** ![Some\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Some\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Some_Guy)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2001, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-new-jack-chick-tract-and-boy-is-it-a-doozy/91495/133 "2001-11-07T02:32:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lucki Chaarms \* > > > [@](#): > > > > _Originally Posted By Some Guy With A Bible Up His Ass:_ Okay, be honest: who sent you the pictures? 😛 To get back to the original point of this thread, I’ll just say that, like some others here, I wasn’t too impressed with Jackie boy’s latest offering. It’s entirely missing the truly bizarre logic of Dark Dungeons or [The Death Cookie](http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0074/0074_01.asp), though it does at least feature an appearance by The Christian Who Looks the Same in Every Tract, here playing the role of “Uncle Bob”. Here’s hoping that the Wiccan tract is a bit funnier. > [@](#): > > Your brother in Christ Seriously: who gave you the pictures? ---
**Author:** ![Katisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bcef8e/32.png) [@Katisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katisha)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2001, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-new-jack-chick-tract-and-boy-is-it-a-doozy/91495/134 "2001-11-07T03:01:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Some Guy \* > **It’s entirely missing the truly bizarre logic of Dark Dungeons or [The Death Cookie](http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0074/0074_01.asp)** Mmmmmm…sacrilicious… ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2001, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-new-jack-chick-tract-and-boy-is-it-a-doozy/91495/135 "2001-11-07T03:39:31Z")
One of my favorite lines is when the teacher states that she is a “history teacher. We deal only in facts.” Then a few panels later, when Uncle Bob tells her that the Egyptians were _very_ religious, but that God shot down their gods and showed them how powerless they were, she says “I didn’t know that.” Huh? She’s a history teacher, and the Plague Story is _news_ to her? Hellooooooo! They made a _cartoon_ about this one a couple of years ago, lady! _Prince of Egypt,_ remember? Almost as historically inaccurate as Uncle Bob, but _much_ more well-drawn. And this– > [@](#): > > As to the tract, did anyone else notice that in the early panels, when she is still an evil intolerant secularist, that Ms. Crawford looks distinctively oriental? And that as she sees the light she becomes more and more occidental? Yeah. What is up with that, anyway? Seems like I’ve seen that before in some of these things. Now I’ll just have to go read some more. For research. [sub]HAW! HAW! HAW![/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Spanky\_The\_Dolphin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@Spanky\_The\_Dolphin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spanky_The_Dolphin)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2001, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-new-jack-chick-tract-and-boy-is-it-a-doozy/91495/136 "2001-11-07T03:55:48Z")
I read the “Death Cookie” one. God dammit, that really pissed me off. What the Hell is it about Roman Catholics that make Fundies hate them so much? The fact that they were first? That they’re more popular? Less creepy? What is it? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2001, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-new-jack-chick-tract-and-boy-is-it-a-doozy/91495/137 "2001-11-07T03:59:18Z")
It’s that whole Protestant Reformation thing. I have my beefs with the Vatican, but they’re not THAT bad. According to Dr. Brett, the reason Christianity turned ugly was the Romans adopting it as their official religion. When they were on the bottom, it was this nice, peaceful, social justice religion. Then they got rich and turned into a bunch of assholes. Makes sense to me. ---
**Author:** ![delphica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9a140/32.png) [@delphica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/delphica)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2001, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-new-jack-chick-tract-and-boy-is-it-a-doozy/91495/138 "2001-11-07T04:05:19Z")
Sneaky evolving dinosaur pictures in the background of the classroom: +10 Little Tim does martyr act (about to be kicked out of school, also possibly a soon-to-be orphan, allowing for mysterious entrance of “Uncle Bob”): +5 History teacher has never heard of Egypt: +5 Tim cites movie as proof of 10 Commandments: +20 Really wonky picture of Egyptians: +10 Slams catholics for good works without actually mentioning catholics: +5 Picture of history teacher either kneeling or looking for lost contact lens under the coffee table: +5 Newly converted history teacher is _still_ flunking Tim (I guess Tim gets to be a martyr after all!): +25 Miss Crawford converted too easily, not enough hellfire: -5 No one says HAW HAW HAW: -20 Total for It’s the Law: 60 (Out of a possible 100, I guess, I’m making this up as I go along. It’s good, but not his best effort.) ---
**Author:** ![Lucki\_Chaarms](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9de0a6/32.png) [@Lucki\_Chaarms](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucki_Chaarms)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2001, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-new-jack-chick-tract-and-boy-is-it-a-doozy/91495/139 "2001-11-07T04:12:29Z")
**delphica** , let this post act as your official invitation card to my Chicka Does Wicca thread, scheduled for next year, it seems. I am ashamed for being so excited, but damn! I corresponded with Chick’s people! They wrote and told me when the Wicca tract was due! Oh man, I wonder if they give release dates, so I can start the thread like 3 days early and we can have predictions and stuff Giddily Yours, LC ---
**Author:** ![Spanky\_The\_Dolphin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@Spanky\_The\_Dolphin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spanky_The_Dolphin)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2001, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-new-jack-chick-tract-and-boy-is-it-a-doozy/91495/140 "2001-11-07T04:32:14Z")
Hey, delphica, don’t forget the picture of Christ on the cross. That counts for something. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-new-jack-chick-tract-and-boy-is-it-a-doozy/91495.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-new-jack-chick-tract-and-boy-is-it-a-doozy/91495.md?page=8)