I find that a nice wingtip shoe works well on spiders. 
Demo, you are the In Vino Veritas Poster Stud; you are funnier and make more sense when totally blasted than many do stone-cold sober.
I salute you for your peaceful coexistence w/ Pierre. But whatever “investigating” means, keep in mind that spiders bite, the bites hurt like hell and if Pierre is quivering now, “he” won’t like close examination of his private parts. (BTW, the hunching is spider “threat gesture”.)
A friend in FL had a huge, honking spider that lived in their enclosed porch. Being FL, they were prone to "palmetto bugs (aka roaches) the size of chihauhuas. They kept this godawful huge spider around to eat the bugs. I guess it was a useful symbiotic relationship, but that hulking sucker was huge; it could eat a Buick and spit out the bumpers.
Okay, enough stalling…I am irrationally terrified of spiders. Yes, I know it’s stupid. I’ve gotten to the point that I won’t kill a spider unless it’s in the bedroom. And that’s because I’m bite-prone. Honestly, I’ll be a bitten mess when no ones else has a nibble. And even mosquito bites swell up to several inches across. Spider bites swell nearly to the size of ping-pong ball, hurt, burn and last for several weeks.
Yes, spiders are infinitely preferable to poison sprays. But they aren’t my friends. One gets to slinking around my person, its compound eyes hungrily assessing my bloodstream
and the sucker is swiftly stomped into goo. And the nightmarish things are sneaky.
As Annie Dillard so aptly put it, “Birds gotta fly, fish gotta swim but bugs just keep doing one revolting thing after another.”
Veb
Veb, that’s one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me. I’m almost ready to go kill Pierre in your honor! Almost. ::sniff sniff::
Thanks, and back at ya, Demo.
Don’t sacrifice Pierre for me. Though he lives in the bathroom, right?
Can Pierre swim?
Worried for Demo’s backside,
Veb
Maybe he’s a tub-antula?
On which hand have the spiders bitten you? Is it such a large number that it would impress us that you can count to it?
Smash that eight-legged bastard into the mush he belongs to be!!!
Obviously some of you aren’t as prone to being bitten as the rest of us. If there’s a skeeter within a mile, he’ll find me, bite me, I’ll swell up, and itch for 3 weeks straight. Same goes for the damned spiders, except those bites are a bit worse as far as swelling and scabbing goes.
-Sam
You people just don’t understand spiders…
For the record, I remember having spider bites on three occasions. It was four or five bites each time.
I’m quite sure they took far less blood than the Red Cross does. And they performed a service for me in return.
Cookies and juice don’t count.
Anybody wanna see my brown-recluse-bite scar?
I dunno about the rest of the group, Myron, but I don’t want to see anything of yours that’s brown and reclusive.
I can’t believe you didn’t introduce me to Pierre on Saturday night, Dem. Are you ashamed to have him meet your human friends?
Hah kidding. But I did see a very small spider in that guest bathroom of yours…
HEY myron, got a wolf spider bite on my temple. 
Yep, that was Pierre all right! I hope you were nice to him! 
I hope Pierre hangs out high in the bathroom, otherwise Nathan will find him very interesting indeed.
Noooooooo! He lives on the floor! If your pet eats my pet, there’s gonna be hell to pay!
I’m concerned at the amount of negativity poor Pierre is being subjected to here. As a result I’m starting a fund to address the issue. Donations to the Appreciate Arachnoids In Demo’s Bathroom fund can be forwarded.
Upon receipt of your donation you will receive a pamphlet on the application of spiders to both chaos theory and Heisenberg’s Principle of Uncertainty.
T-Shirts will be available if demand warrants it.
You are only being lulled into pasivity Demo. He’ll get you sooner or later. They are like that, viscious little things that they are. As far as I know, spiders are the only species in which all it’s members are poisonous. With a family history like that, it can’t be trusted.
El Guapo, I don’t think so. I can read people (and spiders) pretty well, and Pierre seems genuinely interested in my welfare! He’s killing ants right and left and keeping my toesies safe from ant bites while I, err, well you know.
Update: It looks like Pierre is here to stay. He is currently constructing a web between the wall, the water valve to the toilet and the bowl brush holder. I just hope he doesn’t use the actual brush as an anchor for his web or else I will have to go buy a new one!
Demo, you are a prince among men, a true humanitarian and a total loon.
::shuddering, remembering assorted webs in outhouses::
Y’see, your toes are safe from ants–like ants really want them–while you’re sitting in a peculiarly exposed and vulnerable position, in immediate proximity to a lifeform sporting fangs, venom and a taste for blood.
Demo…After Bite; it comes in a white tube w/ orange lettering; looks like an oversized pen. Even has a little clip you can attach to your nerd pack or lab coat.
It smells ammoniac, and stings at first, but it’s the best stuff around to numb the heat and itch of a bite.
::shielding eyes::
Veb
Yeah, but not human blood. Unless…
Hey Demo, you might want to break out the magnifying glass and check Pierre for an itsy-bitsy cape and widow’s peak.