# There's a spider on your bed, but no tissue. You have a $5 bill, though. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 2, 2014, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616 "2014-08-02T01:44:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/1 "2014-08-02T01:44:01Z")
Whaddaya gonna do, tough guy? ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/2 "2014-08-02T01:58:57Z")
I’ll find him later. (I wanted to vote, “Squish him with the fiver, and then wash it.” But that’s arguing with the premise of the poll.) No way in billy fucking hell I’m going near that eight legged devil of the apocalypse with my fingers. I’ll stick 'em in boiling water first. ---
**Author:** ![chacoguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/50afbb/32.png) [@chacoguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chacoguy)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/3 "2014-08-02T02:02:44Z")
Squish him with the bill, then spend it with the messy side down. ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/4 "2014-08-02T02:07:04Z")
find your wallet and put the money in it. when you get back the spider will be gone or at least on the spouse’s side of the bed. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/5 "2014-08-02T02:13:57Z")
Where’s the ‘other’ choice? 🙂 I’d scoop the spider up with the bill, then fling it (the spider only) out the window. If something gets a little squished, no problem; our bills are now made of plastic, so they just wash off anyways… ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/6 "2014-08-02T02:18:46Z")
I don’t kill spiders. There’s some oddball Eastern European superstition where killing spiders is bad luck and, even though I’m not superstitious, I like following some quirky traditions, so I don’t kill spiders. If there is a god, and it turns out to be a spider, I’m in luck. ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/7 "2014-08-02T02:19:04Z")
Urgently reassess my pricing policy. ---
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/8 "2014-08-02T02:59:04Z")
It’s his bed now. I’ll be on the couch. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/9 "2014-08-02T03:16:46Z")
I don’t intentionally kill spiders either, unless a hysterical person demands I do. ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/10 "2014-08-02T04:00:59Z")
I don’t kill spiders. I carry it outside in a yogurt container or cup, or if it’s little and not poisonous, just flick it off the bed. ---
**Author:** ![Rhiannon8404](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhiannon8404/32/17929_2.png) [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/11 "2014-08-02T04:09:08Z")
I would probably just flick the sheet or blanket and fling the little guy across the room. I’m not really worried about spiders unless they are poisonous. ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/12 "2014-08-02T04:16:46Z")
Let him hold onto the fiver and shake him off outside. Live and let live. Besides, he eats flies. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/13 "2014-08-02T04:19:16Z")
Choke myself to death by swallowing the bill. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/14 "2014-08-02T04:20:10Z")
I’ll go find the penalty jar. The spider will spend time in it until I get round to putting it outside. If it’s a ‘daddy long-legs’, I’ll just catch it and take it out. ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/15 "2014-08-02T04:21:01Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > Choke myself to death by swallowing the bill. Yeah, but that doesn’t do anything about the spider. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/16 "2014-08-02T04:36:39Z")
Use the $5 bill…to pay my wife to kill it. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/17 "2014-08-02T04:40:51Z")
I wouldn’t mind picking it up with my fingers unless it were a brown recluse. I used to live in a region where giant spiders were common. ---
**Author:** ![Octarine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/22d042/32.png) [@Octarine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Octarine)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/18 "2014-08-02T04:43:28Z")
I’d like to say squish it with my fingers, but I’d probably jump off the bed in a fit of terror, spend 5 minutes staring at it and contemplating whether all life is precious or if I’m morally allowed to kill it, decide I’m not, wander around the room another 5 minutes trying to find an empty water glass and piece of paper, approach spider like it’s a lion, catch it, freak out, and throw said glass out the window. I’m not proud. ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_Hey\_Paula](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hey\_Hey\_Paula](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_Hey_Paula)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/19 "2014-08-02T04:44:01Z")
Use the $5 bill, to buy more treats for the cats to reward them for doing their job of dealing with crawly things! Here, kitty kitty! ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/20 "2014-08-02T04:59:04Z")
Squish it. But I’d really call my dog over who’d go nuts over it and gobble the poor thing up. She finds tiny bugs on the ceilings and comes to get us to swat them down for her to eat. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616.md?page=2)