# There's a spider on your bed, but no tissue. You have a $5 bill, though. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 2, 2014, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616 "2014-08-02T01:44:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/21 "2014-08-02T05:00:40Z")
**Not my Proudest Moment** I once found myself hung over, hazy and staggering down a dirt street in a Paraguayan backwater with a case of the HydroShits. I fumbled into a bar and found the shit-box. Collapsed on the toilet and blew serious mud. It was then that I noticed there was no paper. There was a trash can under the sink, but the sink was leaking and it was full of water. No wall paper… nothing to finish the job. I was so disgusted with the state of affairs that I grabbed my wallet and took out a handful of the local currency and _tidied up._ Didn’t flush it. Stuck it to the wall. 30 years later, I often wonder what the next guy who walked in there thought. ---
**Author:** ![Claverhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/13edae/32.png) [@Claverhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Claverhouse)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/22 "2014-08-02T05:05:37Z")
Catch it between two hands and move it outside. It’s just a spider, f’crying out loud. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 8:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/23 "2014-08-02T08:08:12Z")
Blow it off the bed or shake the blanket until it falls off. I don’t normally bother with spiders unless they are crawling either on me or on the wall in front of me. ---
**Author:** ![Bozuit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/edb3f5/32.png) [@Bozuit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bozuit)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 9:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/24 "2014-08-02T09:38:28Z")
Pick spider up with hands/glass as convenient. Put outside. Put $5 bill with all my other “maybe I’ll find a use for it one day” crap. Have [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmQYICF7ExU) in my head for the rest of the day. ---
**Author:** ![vontsira](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/51bf81/32.png) [@vontsira](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vontsira)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 9:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/25 "2014-08-02T09:45:17Z")
A clear case for the humane arachnophobe’s friend, the Spider Catcher – [www.spidercatcher.net/](http://www.spidercatcher.net/) Everybody wins ! ---
**Author:** ![chiroptera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@chiroptera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chiroptera)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 9:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/26 "2014-08-02T09:50:38Z")
> [@Claverhouse](#): > > Catch it between two hands and move it outside. > It’s just a spider, f’crying out loud. Yeah this. Or flick it off the bed. ---
**Author:** ![njtt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecd19e/32.png) [@njtt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/njtt)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/27 "2014-08-02T12:50:09Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > I don’t kill spiders. There’s some oddball Eastern European superstition where killing spiders is bad luck and, even though I’m not superstitious, I like following some quirky traditions, so I don’t kill spiders. If there is a god, and it turns out to be a spider, I’m in luck. I don’t know about that. Some spiders eat the ones who love them most. As to the poll, it does not contain my answer. Unless the spider is a black widow, or something comparable (which I won’t be where I live) I feel no need to either kill it or expel it from the house. If it is right where I am just about to lie down, I would find some way to flick or shake it off the bed. Otherwise, nothing. I am not going to kill it later, either. On the whole, I regard it as a good thing to have a few spiders about the place. They keep the nastier bugs down. ---
**Author:** ![MoonMoon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moonmoon/32/2959_2.png) [@MoonMoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MoonMoon)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/28 "2014-08-02T13:27:59Z")
I’m not afraid of spiders or clowns, which makes me one of the bravest people in the world, I’m pretty sure. ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/29 "2014-08-02T13:33:02Z")
Reported… (for being an incomplete poll) Where’s the “Let it bite me, it might be radioactive & give me superpowers option?” ---
**Author:** ![scr4](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/59ef9b/32.png) [@scr4](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scr4)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/30 "2014-08-02T14:21:07Z")
> [@Bozuit](#): > > Pick spider up with hands/glass as convenient. Put outside. Why move it outside? I fit wants to live in our house and eat bugs, that’s perfectly fine with us. (Unless it’s a Black Widow, those get squashed.) ---
**Author:** ![The\_Great\_Unwashed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_great_unwashed/32/4791_2.png) [@The\_Great\_Unwashed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Great_Unwashed)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/31 "2014-08-02T14:36:18Z")
> [@MoonMoon](#): > > I’m not afraid of spiders or clowns, which makes me one of the bravest people in the world, I’m pretty sure. Oh, yeah, and what about [“Clown Spiders”](http://www.thefeaturedcreature.com/2013/02/this-clown-spider-looks-exactly-like-steven-kings-it-warning-freaky.html)? Anyway, unless you have some reason to believe a spider is of the poisonous nasty kind, squishing it is naff, and the hideous spider clown will get you (deservedly so) in your dreams. ---
**Author:** ![bobot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bobot/32/21622_2.png) [@bobot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobot)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/32 "2014-08-02T14:40:20Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > Whaddaya gonna do, tough guy? Slide the bill under the spider, and then carry it outside; leaving only the spider outside, not the money. ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/33 "2014-08-02T14:54:07Z")
The spider can have the bed-I’ll sleep on the couch. (No biggie, the couch is closer to the AC unit and it’s been pretty hot this week) ---
**Author:** ![Bozuit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/edb3f5/32.png) [@Bozuit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bozuit)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/34 "2014-08-02T15:01:47Z")
> [@scr4](#): > > Why move it outside? I fit wants to live in our house and eat bugs, that’s perfectly fine with us. (Unless it’s a Black Widow, those get squashed.) I suppose it depends on the type of spider, and where I find it. Firstly, there are often arachnophobes around me. For their sake, and for the spiders’, it’s best to separate them. Secondly, I have a slightly unreasonable aversion to the idea of accidentally killing things. If I have guests, I need to be able to trust them to not leave themselves in suicidal locations. The more reasonable side to this is that I don’t want to deal with squashed arthropods. I recently found a big spider squashed in a door, and a crane fly attempting to assimilate itself into my then-occupied sock. Thirdly, I don’t mind spiders, but I still want to interact with them on my own terms. “Surprises” aren’t that much fun. I once put my bare foot into a shoe that had, apparently, already been claimed by a large spider. Lastly, I don’t really want cobwebs around. If it’s the kind of spider that lives quietly in a hole, I’ll be less bothered (and they’re harder to catch, anyway). ---
**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/35 "2014-08-02T16:00:55Z")
I’ve either got my shoe or slipper on, and I’d administer what Uncle Cecil once referred to as a “swift shot to the exoskeleton.” ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/36 "2014-08-02T16:07:16Z")
If it was really big, I’d take it outside, otherwise I’d either brush it away or do nothing. If it was likely poisonous, I’d trap it in a jar so it wouldn’t bite my pet, then decide what to do with it at my leisure after making a positive ID. I will never understand the near-universal “spider-terror.” If it was a clown, I’d probably squash it so it didn’t scare guests. ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Mapp](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miss_mapp/32/369_2.png) [@Miss\_Mapp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Mapp)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/37 "2014-08-02T16:21:46Z")
Brush it off the sheets or chase it over the edge of the bed with my fingers or whatever book I happen to be reading at bedtime. Spiders do not bother me and I’d be more worried about crushing the poor little thing in my sleep than it biting me (brown recluses and black widows excepted). ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/38 "2014-08-02T17:08:23Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > **Not my Proudest Moment** > > \< _story_ \> You just wanted to literally threadshit, right? ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/39 "2014-08-02T17:11:15Z")
Where’s the option for “shriek uncontrollably”? ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/40 "2014-08-02T17:18:52Z")
If I’m about to go to bed right that moment, then brush or shake it off onto the floor or wall. Otherwise, it’s minding its business, and I’ll mind mine. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616.md?page=3)