# There's a spider on your bed, but no tissue. You have a $5 bill, though. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 2, 2014, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616 "2014-08-02T01:44:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/41 "2014-08-02T18:22:27Z")
My mother instilled her spider attitude in me. As I was waking up one morning, I heard, “There’s a spider in the bathtub! So, if you go to take a shower, chase it out of the tub so it doesn’t drown.” One time I saw a centipede on the wall. Translucent grey quinquireme worm just sitting there. Kind of creeped me out, I tried to harass it, it was gone very suddenly. Good thing, too, because those things eat bugs as well. ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/42 "2014-08-02T18:45:36Z")
> [@susan](#): > > I don’t kill spiders. I carry it outside in a yogurt container or cup, or if it’s little and not poisonous, just flick it off the bed. Word! ---
**Author:** ![Dale\_Sams](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/779978/32.png) [@Dale\_Sams](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dale_Sams)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/43 "2014-08-02T19:38:56Z")
Why am I going to bed with a $5 bill? Am I the world’s cheapest prostitute? ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/44 "2014-08-02T19:51:36Z")
> [@AnaMen](#): > > […] I will never understand the near-universal “spider-terror.” […] I will never understand licorice. I figure it’s something innate, or at least something that predates choice. Spiders, at least, sometimes have the potential of causing serious harm. And I have spider terror. I’d use the $5. Being viscerally anxious about my own bed is not worth $5. We get female dark fishing spiders around here – I measured one with a 97 mm leg span a couple years ago. Do I need to warm up to the idea of coexisting with that? Not for $5, I don’t. ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/45 "2014-08-02T20:00:55Z")
Charlotte! ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/46 "2014-08-02T20:46:43Z")
Some spider ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/47 "2014-08-02T20:48:25Z")
> [@AnaMen](#): > > . . . I will never understand the near-universal “spider-terror.” . . . It isn’t amenable to understanding; for many of us, it’s a true “phobia.” It isn’t rational, and we’re well aware of that. It doesn’t matter that it’s irrational. The thinking part of the brain turns off and pure hellish animal terror wells up from the cesspools of the id. > [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Where’s the option for “shriek uncontrollably”? That’s part of our First Amendment rights! > [@eschereal](#): > > . . . One time I saw a centipede on the wall. Translucent grey quinquireme worm . . . Beautiful! Best use of language I’ve read in many days! Also… “shriek uncontrollably.” ---
**Author:** ![bibliophage](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bibliophage/32/7615_2.png) [@bibliophage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bibliophage)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/48 "2014-08-03T00:17:30Z")
I don’t waste $5 bills, and I don’t waste spiders. I’ll trick it into crawling onto my hand and then escort it outside. ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/49 "2014-08-03T01:02:54Z")
Grab an empty glass, invert it over the spider, slip the $5 bill under the glass, trapping the spider, flip the glass over, and release the trapped spider outside where it can eat some annoying insects ---
**Author:** ![drm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e57/32.png) [@drm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drm)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/50 "2014-08-03T01:09:55Z")
I kinda like spiders. I wouldn’t kill it, although I did select the middle option for some reason. What I’d try to do is move it. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/51 "2014-08-03T01:32:07Z")
I’d probably just use my hand, unless I could get a tissue in the other room. Cuz yuck, spider guts. (I’m the spider squisher in the house. Spiders don’t bother me. Snakes, on the other hand…) > [@AnaMen](#): > > I I will never understand the near-universal “spider-terror.” [Arachnophobia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arachnophobia) [Phobia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phobia) ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/52 "2014-08-03T03:07:47Z")
> [@Napier](#): > > I will never understand licorice. I figure it’s something innate, or at least something that predates choice. Spiders, at least, sometimes have the potential of causing serious harm. > > And I have spider terror. I’d use the $5. Being viscerally anxious about my own bed is not worth $5. > > We get female dark fishing spiders around here – I measured one with a 97 mm leg span a couple years ago. Do I need to warm up to the idea of coexisting with that? Not for $5, I don’t. Being afraid of poisonous spiders at least makes some sense, but the vast majority of spiders do NOT have the potential to cause harm, unless someone hurts themselves in their mad rush to get away. Why fail to make such an important distinction? ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/53 "2014-08-03T03:21:13Z")
I would grab it and fling it across the room, not intending to kill but to move it. ---
**Author:** ![MrsTime](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@MrsTime](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrsTime)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/54 "2014-08-03T03:31:16Z")
Squish it with the 5er, then wipe the 5 dollar bill off and spend it as soon as possible. ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/55 "2014-08-03T03:37:49Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > I would grab it and fling it across the room, not intending to kill but to move it. See, **AnaMen**? People fail to make important distinctions all the time. 🐞 OMG! A fucken SPIDER!!! ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/56 "2014-08-03T04:17:17Z")
Why do you have a picture of an insect in an arachnid thread? ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/57 "2014-08-03T04:18:35Z")
Not you, specifically **6 Things** , but it’s one of my pet peeves when people mix them up. ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/58 "2014-08-03T05:00:26Z")
Ah, because **outlierrn** …I failed to make an important distinction. You know, the one **AnaMen** mentioned. In #52. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 8:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/59 "2014-08-03T08:56:32Z")
If it’s so scary to me that I can’t bring myself to simply brush it off onto the floor, I’m going to go online to see how nice of a house five dollars will get me. ---
**Author:** ![gracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8e7dd6/32.png) [@gracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gracer)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 10:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/60 "2014-08-03T10:24:19Z")
I have very polite spiders. They usually evacuate the bed when I explain it is, in fact, _my_ bed. I specify that I would like them to sit quietly in a corner of the room to eat the mosquitos. They try, quite valiantly. I can tell because of the cobwebs. But there are still mosquitos. So I’ll use the $5 to buy bigger, hungrier spiders from the Spider Shop. If we had a rude spider I might be forced to encourage her with a small flick of the hand. But not too threateningly, lest she lose her appetite. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616.md?page=4)