# There's a spider on your bed, but no tissue. You have a $5 bill, though. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 2, 2014, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616 "2014-08-02T01:44:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![dba\_Fred](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c37758/32.png) [@dba\_Fred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dba_Fred)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 11:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/61 "2014-08-03T11:23:01Z")
> [@Dale\_Sams](#): > > Why am I going to bed with a $5 bill? Am I the world’s cheapest prostitute? Are you a Little Ceasar’s HOT-N-READY® Prostitute, $5, available for pickup only? Could be worse if you have to give change from from the $5, or if it’s _TwoFer Tuesday_, ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/62 "2014-08-03T13:15:00Z")
> [@AnaMen](#): > > Being afraid of poisonous spiders at least makes some sense, but the vast majority of spiders do NOT have the potential to cause harm, unless someone hurts themselves in their mad rush to get away. Why fail to make such an important distinction? Because I’m not a taxonomist? ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/63 "2014-08-03T13:44:28Z")
Hey, we’ve got a deal. I don’t hang out up in the corners of the ceiling, and spiders don’t hang out in my bed. Sucker’s getting squished, unless it’s bigger than the $5, in which case the “shrieking uncontrollably” option comes into play. ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/64 "2014-08-03T14:04:19Z")
> [@Napier](#): > > Because I’m not a taxonomist? You don’t have to learn how to identify every spider, just the poisonous ones that are in your area. I’d be bothered frequent incidents of terror and seek to reduce this unpleasant sensation as much as possible, but maybe some people actually enjoy the rush of needless panic. Kind of like a roller coaster that could pop up any time? ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/65 "2014-08-03T15:03:24Z")
With the new polymer money in Canada, I’d say use the bill and then rinse it off. ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/66 "2014-08-03T15:24:41Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > Hey, we’ve got a deal. I don’t hang out up in the corners of the ceiling, and spiders don’t hang out in my bed. Sucker’s getting squished, unless it’s bigger than the $5, in which case the “shrieking uncontrollably” option comes into play. That reminds me of an illustration in an Esperanto book I have: Under the dictionary entry for \* surprizi \*, the Esperanto word for “to surprise,” it shows a house fly the size of a cocker spaniel approaching a kid with a word - balloon reading, “Mi surprizos la knabon,” or “I will surprise the boy.” The kid sees this and screams his head off! ---
**Author:** ![Boogly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Boogly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boogly)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2014, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616/67 "2014-08-03T16:31:05Z")
If I’m in my own bed I would assume I have my legs, arms and lungs. Watch me screech and go 4-year old karate expert on the thing. If I have a $5 bill I might papercut the spider but I won’t plan on it. I’m ashamed that this 2 year old would probably do better than me… [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/BeHnRCuF0Y4/hqdefault.jpg "2 Year old Karate Expert (Hilarious)") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BeHnRCuF0Y4) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-spider-on-your-bed-but-no-tissue-you-have-a-5-bill-though/694616.md?page=3)