# There's a turtle in my front yard **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 25, 2011, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-turtle-in-my-front-yard/590272 "2011-07-25T15:19:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-turtle-in-my-front-yard/590272/61 "2011-07-27T17:09:53Z")
> [@Athena](#): > > I went to put something in the mailbox this morning, and came back to [this](https://picasaweb.google.com/Gnomzilla/2011?authkey=Gv1sRgCNjvmrzW9972ZQ#5633308375574883026) in my front yard. > > A couple more views: > > [The other side](https://picasaweb.google.com/Gnomzilla/2011?authkey=Gv1sRgCNjvmrzW9972ZQ#5633308393072356130) > > [Not quite so close](https://picasaweb.google.com/Gnomzilla/2011?authkey=Gv1sRgCNjvmrzW9972ZQ#5633308361568874834) I hope you don’t mind that I went ahead and looked at the other photos in that album. You’ve got quite a sausagefest going on. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Athena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/35a633/32.png) [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-turtle-in-my-front-yard/590272/62 "2011-07-27T18:18:01Z")
> [@Tom\_Tildrum](#): > > I hope you don’t mind that I went ahead and looked at the other photos in that album. You’ve got quite a sausagefest going on. 😃 And that’s why that turtle ought to have thought about just what yard she was invading. I’ve heard turtle soup is delicious, and I’d be willing to give turtle sausages a try 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-turtle-in-my-front-yard/590272/63 "2011-07-27T19:43:58Z")
I have a creek on my property, and female snappers will hike pretty far from a flood zone in order to lay eggs. They can be foul-tempered and extremely fast. See this YouTube video of a quick snapper: [SUPER FAST TURTLE - YouTube](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hyUmGHdK9e8) ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-turtle-in-my-front-yard/590272/64 "2011-07-27T19:47:55Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > Holy s\*%T that’s big, even for a snapping turtle! > > All of you guys saying they’re not dangerous - are you nuts!? As a kid at camp some counselors found one on the roadside; they prodded at it with a meter stick - it snapped and broke it in half! If that’s not scary, I dunno what is. > > I’d try and get it the hell outta the yard…how, I have no clue. They prodded it! They’re not dangerous if you just leave them alone. They are notoriously cranky but honestly don’t care two whits about you if you just don’t bother them. ---
**Author:** ![chiroptera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@chiroptera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chiroptera)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-turtle-in-my-front-yard/590272/65 "2011-07-27T21:27:33Z")
If you read all the responses, there’s several ideas…agitate with a stick, when it clamps on, pull it out of harm’s way. Or let it grab a stick, pull it onto a towel or something, then drag it on the towel (which is what I did a few weeks ago with a very large snapper in myn yard.) Smaller snappers can be picked up by the rear part of the shell and simply carried. They are really quite non-confrontational and only get aggressive - understandably so - when threatened by a creature 10 times their size. > [@lindsaybluth](#): > > I’d try and get it the hell outta the yard…how, I have no clue. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-turtle-in-my-front-yard/590272/66 "2011-07-27T21:53:11Z")
You reach down and you flip the turtle over on its back, **Athena**. The turtle lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can’t. Not without your help. But you’re not helping. Why is that, **Athena**? ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-turtle-in-my-front-yard/590272/67 "2011-07-27T21:54:26Z")
> [@Inigo\_Montoya](#): > > You reach down and you flip the turtle over on its back, **Athena**. The turtle lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can’t. Not without your help. But you’re not helping. Why is that, **Athena**? What’s a turtle? ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-turtle-in-my-front-yard/590272/68 "2011-07-27T21:55:12Z")
> [@Inigo\_Montoya](#): > > You reach down and you flip the turtle over on its back, **Athena**. The turtle lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can’t. Not without your help. But you’re not helping. Why is that, **Athena**? You’re [late to the party](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=14065538&postcount=50). ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-turtle-in-my-front-yard/590272/69 "2011-07-27T22:04:12Z")
> [@Morgyn](#): > > You’re [late to the party](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=14065538&postcount=50). Curses. Thought I’d read all the way through. I am ashamed. ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-turtle-in-my-front-yard/590272/70 "2011-07-27T22:14:15Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > See this YouTube video of a quick snapper: [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hyUmGHdK9e8](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hyUmGHdK9e8) That’s hilarious, it’s like, "Well. I. was. just . going. to. sit. here. a. while. but. I. see. you’re. getting. closer. so. I. guess. I. should. leavrerightnowgottagobye! ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-turtle-in-my-front-yard/590272/71 "2011-07-27T22:23:57Z")
> [@Jenaroph](#): > > That’s hilarious, it’s like, "Well. I. was. just . going. to. sit. here. a. while. but. I. see. you’re. getting. closer. so. I. guess. I. should. leavrerightnowgottagobye! Ha ha ha you’re my new best friend, because I gave that turtle dialog, too. \ NSFW (language) talking animals on YouTube [![](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/QrkmdHX9JHA/hqdefault.jpg?sqp=-oaymwEmCOADEOgC8quKqQMa8AEB-AG-AoAC8AGKAgwIABABGBMgYSh_MA8=&rs=AOn4CLBhmKVu3fEq7tFvUwpaDArQxdgk6w "Fuck Planet Earth") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QrkmdHX9JHA) [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/-ssXJtzFOjA/hqdefault.jpg "ANIMAL CRACKERS (The Best of BBC One's Walk On The Wild Side) [Shamrock Edit] (HQ)") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ssXJtzFOjA) [http://www.youtube.com/user/klaatu42?blend=1&ob=5](http://www.youtube.com/user/klaatu42?blend=1&ob=5) \ ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2011, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-turtle-in-my-front-yard/590272/72 "2011-07-28T03:27:41Z")
> [@Athena](#): > > Black bear (!) My parents’ home is set next to a small park that has deer and other wildlife. I wandered outside their house one summer because cops kept going up and down the driveway. When I stepped outside to ask, they casually informed me someone had reported the mama bear in our yard. Who’d managed to either 1) go up a quarter mile paved road and into the front of the driveway or 2) get around the 6’ tall fence. I’m still pissed they didn’t scream at me when I waltzed out of the house nonchalantly to see what was up. > [@Anaamika](#): > > They prodded it! They’re not dangerous if you just leave them alone. They are notoriously cranky but honestly don’t care two whits about you if you just don’t bother them. Well it WAS in the road and they’d nearly hit it. Obviously you leave it alone if it’s…elsewhere. ---
**Author:** ![piepiepie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e47774/32.png) [@piepiepie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/piepiepie)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2011, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-turtle-in-my-front-yard/590272/73 "2011-07-28T04:24:00Z")
I was bitten by a snapping turtle when I was younger. It was a small one though. I despise turtles, so naturally my school’s mascot is a terrapin. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Excellent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2011, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-turtle-in-my-front-yard/590272/74 "2011-07-28T14:51:53Z")
> [@Ludovic](#): > > What’s a turtle? You’ve seen a tortoise, right? Same thing. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Excellent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2011, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-turtle-in-my-front-yard/590272/75 "2011-07-28T14:52:54Z")
> [@Inigo\_Montoya](#): > > Curses. Thought I’d read all the way through. I am ashamed. No worries 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Inthewater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Inthewater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inthewater)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2011, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-turtle-in-my-front-yard/590272/76 "2011-07-28T15:29:38Z")
> [@Backwater\_Under\_Duck](#): > > I had to go searching, but, from 2003, Master Wang-Ka’s [most eloquent discourse on the nature of snapping turtles](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=200002&highlight=SNAPPING+TURTLE). Oh dear lord that was amazing, it’s the random linked stories that people pull out that make this the best message board in the known universe. Found this link [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=151130&highlight=fart](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=151130&highlight=fart) reading that one, and nearly howled out in laughter from my desk. Amazing stuff. Oh, awesome turtle too. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2011, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-turtle-in-my-front-yard/590272/77 "2011-07-28T16:12:40Z")
> [@Ludovic](#): > > What’s a turtle? Shut the fuck up! Now… Leonardo, he’s a spiritual brother, y’know, down with the shell and all that good shit. Then this cracker, Shredder, gets his hands on some metal claws and the boy decides he’s gonna run fuckin’ New York; gets a whole Foot Clan together. And they go and bust up Leonardo’s hood, the Sewer. Now what the fuck do you call that? ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2011, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-turtle-in-my-front-yard/590272/78 "2011-07-28T16:37:40Z")
Don’t bother him, he’s in the middle of a big race! ---
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2011, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-turtle-in-my-front-yard/590272/79 "2011-07-28T17:49:12Z")
Be glad they aren’t in your backyard. 😉 [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/_sMFN69l_ZY/hqdefault.jpg "Giant Tortoises having fun") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_sMFN69l_ZY) ---
**Author:** ![notfrommensa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f14d63/32.png) [@notfrommensa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/notfrommensa)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2011, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-turtle-in-my-front-yard/590272/80 "2011-07-28T18:07:21Z")
I don’t think anyone has posted [soft-core Turtle porn](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eMevDIpZrA). The ol boy is giving it to her good. Similar to the link above. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-a-turtle-in-my-front-yard/590272.md?page=3)