# "There's Something About Mary" nitpick **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 11, 2014, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-something-about-mary-nitpick/692878 "2014-07-11T18:28:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2014, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-something-about-mary-nitpick/692878/1 "2014-07-11T18:28:12Z")
OK, so young Ted gets his junk caught in a zipper. Why does that require an emergency-response team? Get a pair of scissors, cut the zipper across at the bottom, the zipper comes open. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2014, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-something-about-mary-nitpick/692878/2 "2014-07-11T18:28:48Z")
Because that would not be nearly as funny. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2014, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-something-about-mary-nitpick/692878/3 "2014-07-11T18:34:54Z")
The bigger question is how the hell the zipper made it all the way to the top? It caught three sections of scrotum, including an entire ball, yet still managed to get all the way to the top. Sorry, no. ---
**Author:** ![Baron\_Greenback](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baron_greenback/32/48_2.png) [@Baron\_Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baron_Greenback)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2014, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-something-about-mary-nitpick/692878/4 "2014-07-11T19:21:56Z")
My cousin caught his foreskin in a jeans zipper. It was so mangled in the works of the moveable zippy bit that circumcision was the best option. Fuck knows how he managed that to be honest. ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2014, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-something-about-mary-nitpick/692878/5 "2014-07-11T19:35:57Z")
While we’re at it, when’s the last time you saw a guy named “Idon’tknow” on a baseball team? And when have you ever met a kid with the last Fuckerfaster? And how could Cheech and Chong get high from smoking dog poop? Everybody knows jokes are MUCH funnier when they’re totally logical and realistic. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2014, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-something-about-mary-nitpick/692878/6 "2014-07-11T19:57:25Z")
Franks and beans! ---
**Author:** ![JSexton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/96bed5/32.png) [@JSexton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JSexton)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2014, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-something-about-mary-nitpick/692878/7 "2014-07-11T20:01:07Z")
> [@astorian](#): > > While we’re at it, when’s the last time you saw a guy named “Idon’tknow” on a baseball team? > > And when have you ever met a kid with the last Fuckerfaster? > > And how could Cheech and Chong get high from smoking dog poop? > > Everybody knows jokes are MUCH funnier when they’re totally logical and realistic. Are we to believe that the doctor actually got a temperature reading from his pen? ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2014, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-something-about-mary-nitpick/692878/8 "2014-07-11T20:48:01Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > Franks and beans! Fun Fact: The “[Franks and Beans](http://www.hotflick.net/flicks/1998_There_s_Something_About_Mary/big/fhd998SAM_W__Earl_Brown_002.jpg)” guy (the big challenged kid) was played by W. Earl Brown - the same guy that played [Dan Dority](http://www.steveersinghaus.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/dority.jpg) on Deadwood. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2014, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-something-about-mary-nitpick/692878/9 "2014-07-11T20:58:46Z")
> [@astorian](#): > > While we’re at it, when’s the last time you saw a guy named “Idon’tknow” on a baseball team? > > And when have you ever met a kid with the last Fuckerfaster? > > And how could Cheech and Chong get high from smoking dog poop? > > Everybody knows jokes are MUCH funnier when they’re totally logical and realistic. Those weren’t from a movie supposedly set in real life. Cheech and Chong are the only ones even close. I really do think breaking suspension of disbelief can hurt a joke. Only the best jokes can overcome it. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2014, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-something-about-mary-nitpick/692878/10 "2014-07-11T21:12:58Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > OK, so young Ted gets his junk caught in a zipper. Why does that require an emergency-response team? Get a pair of scissors, cut the zipper across at the bottom, the zipper comes open. All of that is explained right there in the movie. The movie is set in a smallish town in Rhode Island (Cumberland which is a real place not far from me) where not much happens. Ted screams when Mary’s mother sprays his crotch with disinfectant (she is a dental hygienist so she knows just what to do). A neighbor hears the scream and calls 911 saying that a woman is being attached. A policeman responds to check it out and he is so amused at the scene that he calls all of his friend’s to come check it out personally. The policeman then tries to fix the situation himself by jerking the zipper down really hard. This just results in ripping the skin and causing a ‘bleeder’. They call the ambulance to deal with with now much more serious injury. No one can figure out how he got they zipper to the top in the scene and they point that out as well. Incidentally, on the way to the ambulance, the paramedics drop Ted onto the pavement. That wasn’t in the script. They really did drop Ben Stiller by accident while filming it and decided to leave it in the movie. \*\*\*Cutting the zipper wasn’t a realistic option. Ted was wearing a rented tux and about to leave on the biggest date of his life with Mary. ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2014, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-something-about-mary-nitpick/692878/11 "2014-07-11T21:13:38Z")
ERT didn’t respond until he was already freed from the zipper thanks to the kind officer who was responding to a neighbor’s call of a lady’s scream. Once freed he started bleeding “WE GOT A BLEEDER!” and the ERT came to assist. “He was masturbating!” ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2014, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-something-about-mary-nitpick/692878/12 "2014-07-11T21:46:11Z")
> [@GrandWino](#): > > Fun Fact: The “[Franks and Beans](http://www.hotflick.net/flicks/1998_There_s_Something_About_Mary/big/fhd998SAM_W__Earl_Brown_002.jpg)” guy (the big challenged kid) was played by W. Earl Brown - the same guy that played [Dan Dority](http://www.steveersinghaus.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/dority.jpg) on Deadwood. He also played Meat Loaf in a 2000 VH1 [biopic](http://m.imdb.com/title/tt0242956/). ---
**Author:** ![Tamerlane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tamerlane/32/7602_2.png) [@Tamerlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tamerlane)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2014, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-something-about-mary-nitpick/692878/13 "2014-07-11T23:18:07Z")
> [@GrandWino](#): > > Fun Fact: The “[Franks and Beans](http://www.hotflick.net/flicks/1998_There_s_Something_About_Mary/big/fhd998SAM_W__Earl_Brown_002.jpg)” guy (the big challenged kid) was played by W. Earl Brown - the same guy that played [Dan Dority](http://www.steveersinghaus.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/dority.jpg) on Deadwood. Whoa. That’a slight mindfuck. I was just the other day showing somebody the epic Dority/Captain Turner street fight on YouTube. ---
**Author:** ![Apocalypso](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@Apocalypso](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apocalypso)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2014, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-something-about-mary-nitpick/692878/14 "2014-07-11T23:40:19Z")
What I’ve always wondered is how Mary and her mom could see him from another room. The house would have to have been U-shaped. I moved furniture in my younger days and was all over the east coast and have never seen a layout like that. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2014, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-something-about-mary-nitpick/692878/15 "2014-07-12T00:16:33Z")
> [@Apocalypso](#): > > What I’ve always wondered is how Mary and her mom could see him from another room. The house would have to have been U-shaped. I moved furniture in my younger days and was all over the east coast and have never seen a layout like that. That wasn’t Mary and her mom he saw from the bathroom window - it was the neighbors. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2014, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-something-about-mary-nitpick/692878/16 "2014-07-12T00:25:02Z")
And hey, can you really defibrillate a dog with 115 VAC? ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2014, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-something-about-mary-nitpick/692878/17 "2014-07-12T05:04:50Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > And hey, can you really defibrillate a dog with 115 VAC? Of course you can. I have done it many times. It’s like you’re dreamin’ about Gorgonzola cheese when it’s clearly Brie time, baby. Step into my office. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2014, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-something-about-mary-nitpick/692878/18 "2014-07-12T05:09:52Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > That wasn’t Mary and her mom he saw from the bathroom window - it was the neighbors. No, it was Mary and her mom. He was actually looking at a pair of birds on a tree branch but the window with Mary and her mom was beyond it. They assumed he was staring at them (Mary was in her underwear) and he was sufficiently flustered and embarrassed that he pulled his zipper up too hastily and… well… franks and beans. ---
**Author:** ![Hail\_Ants](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/dc4da7/32.png) [@Hail\_Ants](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hail_Ants)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2014, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-something-about-mary-nitpick/692878/19 "2014-07-13T03:30:37Z")
For those of you who first grew up on HBO in the mid to late 70s you may remember that this gag was first done in the comedy film _Mother, Juggs and Speed_. Raquel Welch is trying to prove she can be an EMT (well, just ambulance driver back then) so when they get to a call with a fat guy with his dick stuck in his zipper she tries to turn & run, but Bill Cosby insists she handle the situation. Haven’t seen that movie in ages but I remember it being an above average comedy/drama, not just 70s schlock… ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2014, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-something-about-mary-nitpick/692878/20 "2014-07-13T15:18:13Z")
> [@Tamerlane](#): > > Whoa. That’a slight mindfuck. I was just the other day showing somebody the epic Dority/Captain Turner street fight on YouTube. Turner must have touched his ears. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theres-something-about-mary-nitpick/692878.md?page=2)