# Ther's a difference between "helpful and generous sibling" and "controlling nutjob," Sis. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 20, 2015, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thers-a-difference-between-helpful-and-generous-sibling-and-controlling-nutjob-sis/725706 "2015-07-20T17:30:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Athena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/35a633/32.png) [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2015, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thers-a-difference-between-helpful-and-generous-sibling-and-controlling-nutjob-sis/725706/21 "2015-07-20T23:26:53Z")
That would have annoyed me to high hell. Unfortunately, it’s really easy to screw up if you start doing favors while babysitting/housesitting. Reminds me of something that happened several years back. We’d left town and had a friend and her boyfriend stay at our house while we were gone. We told them that the sink in the guest bathroom dripped, and not to worry about it. The boyfriend, however, decided he couldn’t stand the thought of us paying for all that dripping water, and went ahead and turned off the water supply to the sink via the water shut-off thing in the cabinet under the sink. Problem was, the reason it was dripping is that we knew the shut-off valve ALSO leaked. We were going to get that fixed, but hadn’t yet; we’d left the sink itself dripping because at least then the drip went down the drain. So we came home to the cabinet under the sink soaked. Only thing that really saved us is that there was a small bowl there that caught a lot of the water. Kicker: we have well water. It cost us absolutely nothing to have that sink dripping. Moral of the story: don’t try to help out by fucking with people’s homes unless you are 100% sure it’s OK. And even then, don’t do it. Just do the job you were hired to do. ---
**Author:** ![Seanette](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/seanette/32/9139_2.png) [@Seanette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seanette)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2015, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thers-a-difference-between-helpful-and-generous-sibling-and-controlling-nutjob-sis/725706/22 "2015-07-20T23:30:23Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > The babysitting money has already been paid, and anyway is going to Lisel the Magnificent. We _hope_ the money is going to the person it was intended for, instead of being diverted by CopterMommy. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2015, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thers-a-difference-between-helpful-and-generous-sibling-and-controlling-nutjob-sis/725706/23 "2015-07-21T00:34:15Z")
> [@dracoi](#): > > It might be a little extreme to call this person a “controlling nutjob.” no, it isn’t. there are way too many people who think they know what’s best for everybody, and have no problem sticking their asses into other peoples’ business. ---
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2015, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thers-a-difference-between-helpful-and-generous-sibling-and-controlling-nutjob-sis/725706/24 "2015-07-21T14:03:18Z")
I’m more interested in the ‘banned from two barbecue joints’ part. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2015, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thers-a-difference-between-helpful-and-generous-sibling-and-controlling-nutjob-sis/725706/25 "2015-07-21T14:10:55Z")
What she did was preposterously inappropriate but she has no idea she did anything wrong. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/22080_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2015, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thers-a-difference-between-helpful-and-generous-sibling-and-controlling-nutjob-sis/725706/26 "2015-07-21T14:21:30Z")
Right up there with my one BIL, the computer guy. He knows how your desktop needs to be arranged, he knows what color scheme you need to have, he knows what shortcuts have to be displayed and in what order, he knows what browser you need to use and what your homepage needs to be. So when he comes to visit, computers are kept turned off. ---
**Author:** ![Lacunae\_Matata](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lacunae\_Matata](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lacunae_Matata)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2015, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thers-a-difference-between-helpful-and-generous-sibling-and-controlling-nutjob-sis/725706/27 "2015-07-21T15:36:32Z")
Oh, gads - even my mother wouldn’t go that far, and believe me, she’s a controlling nutjob! We solve the issue by (a) never leaving her unattended in our home, and (b) changing the subject (sometimes tactfully,) whenever Ma starts with what we ought to be doing re: childrearing, home management, money management, voting, healthcare decisions, religion, careers, nutrition, et cetera. But when the damage is already done? Eh, I grouse to the husband, or my best friend, or random internet strangers. Ma isn’t going to change, and there’s no real point in trying to convince her that she isn’t the Wisest Person on Earth. ---
**Author:** ![Hopeful\_Crow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/da6949/32.png) [@Hopeful\_Crow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hopeful_Crow)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2015, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thers-a-difference-between-helpful-and-generous-sibling-and-controlling-nutjob-sis/725706/28 "2015-07-21T16:17:42Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > As some of you know, I married with three kids: a three-year-old daughter and twin twenty-month-old sons… > > …And finally, there was a television in my daughters’ rooms: not ordinarily the case. The one in the boys’ room was new; the one in my daughter’s room: the one Juanita gave her when she was about 12 months, which we’d never put up and had been sitting in the master bedroom closet for since then. This is what floors me. Why, in the name of all that is holy, do toddlers need their own televisions? Let them grow up and become independent so they can buy them themselves.\* But, yeah, the rest is bad, too. Has she always been like this? \*This comes from someone who grew up in the era where families only had a single television per home, and gul dern it, we _liked_ it that way! ---
**Author:** ![Honey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honey/32/5074_2.png) [@Honey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Honey)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2015, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thers-a-difference-between-helpful-and-generous-sibling-and-controlling-nutjob-sis/725706/29 "2015-07-21T16:36:57Z")
What the hell is she doing poking around in your bedroom closet? That’s the thing that would piss me off the most. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2015, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thers-a-difference-between-helpful-and-generous-sibling-and-controlling-nutjob-sis/725706/30 "2015-07-21T16:44:46Z")
Who the hell throws away old towels? They are the ones that actually absorb water. New ones just move it around. ---
**Author:** ![Honey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honey/32/5074_2.png) [@Honey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Honey)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2015, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thers-a-difference-between-helpful-and-generous-sibling-and-controlling-nutjob-sis/725706/31 "2015-07-21T17:15:36Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > Who the hell throws away old towels? They are the ones that actually absorb water. New ones just move it around. That’s exactly right. My daughter calls them broken. “Mom, these new towels are broken!” ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2015, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thers-a-difference-between-helpful-and-generous-sibling-and-controlling-nutjob-sis/725706/32 "2015-07-21T17:16:16Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > What she did was preposterously inappropriate but she has no idea she did anything wrong. Bullshit. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2015, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thers-a-difference-between-helpful-and-generous-sibling-and-controlling-nutjob-sis/725706/33 "2015-07-21T17:21:44Z")
> [@Honey](#): > > That’s exactly right. My daughter calls them broken. “Mom, these new towels are broken!” 🙂 You can have my 30 year old towels when you pry them from dead DRY hands. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2015, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thers-a-difference-between-helpful-and-generous-sibling-and-controlling-nutjob-sis/725706/34 "2015-07-21T17:53:19Z")
> [@Sarabellum1976](#): > > I’m reminded of one of my very first babysitting jobs, at about age 13 or 14. Once I had the two little boys to bed, instead of watching TV as directed by the parents, I decided to clean up their kitchen. I washed all the dishes and put them away, reorganized all the jumbled Tupperware so that the lids and containers all matched. I cleaned up a spill inside the refrigerator and wiped down all the shelves. I was just giving the kitchen floor a quick damp-mopping when they arrived home. I want you to come and babysit for me, and my kids are in their twenties. As to the OP, if anyone re-arranges anything in my kitchen, they better do a stellar job of hiding the sharp knives, so I don’t find them before you enter the witness protection program. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![jayrey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/47e85d/32.png) [@jayrey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayrey)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2015, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thers-a-difference-between-helpful-and-generous-sibling-and-controlling-nutjob-sis/725706/35 "2015-07-21T18:07:44Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Nah. She’s got lines she won’t cross. Really? Sounds to me like she doesn’t mind crossing any old line she likes, since she’s perfectly happy to throw out your possessions and rearrange your pantry. I agree with **Miller** : Juanita will probably buy Liesl something J thinks L “needs” with the money and not have a second thought about it. After all, she clearly knows better than anyone else what y’all need. I’d be happy to smack her several times with the clue stick. She royally deserves it. ---
**Author:** ![dracoi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@dracoi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dracoi)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2015, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thers-a-difference-between-helpful-and-generous-sibling-and-controlling-nutjob-sis/725706/36 "2015-07-21T18:36:49Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > no, it isn’t. there are way too many people who think they know what’s best for everybody, and have no problem sticking their asses into other peoples’ business. Yeah, maybe I’m too generous in interpreting this. See, this is where my perceptions are skewed by my family’s total dysfunction. On the scale of “a typical Christmas with dracoi’s family” this merely sounds like it could be a well-intentioned but misguided attempt to be helpful. ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2015, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thers-a-difference-between-helpful-and-generous-sibling-and-controlling-nutjob-sis/725706/37 "2015-07-21T18:44:20Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > She was exposed to a corrupting influence as a small child and I don’t think want her out robbing banks. Concern for her well-being, or don’t want the competition? ---
**Author:** ![SeniorCitizen007](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8baadc/32.png) [@SeniorCitizen007](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeniorCitizen007)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2015, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thers-a-difference-between-helpful-and-generous-sibling-and-controlling-nutjob-sis/725706/38 "2015-07-21T19:03:04Z")
A friend of mine employed a wonderfully efficient live-in carer for her elderly mother (who wanted to live in her own home). ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Cad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saint_cad/32/18907_2.png) [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2015, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thers-a-difference-between-helpful-and-generous-sibling-and-controlling-nutjob-sis/725706/39 "2015-07-21T19:23:56Z")
I can do the OP one better although it happened to a friend and not me. Friend’s baby-daddy’s mother goes over to their house when she is not around. Goes around the house grabbing friend’s stuff at random: baby clothes she was going to give to friends, collectable lunchbox from the 80’s, etc. and decide to have a garage sale. Friend pulls up and sees her stuff on her lawn being sold, grabs her stuff that’s left and tells the old lady to leave. Friend finds out that mama made $50 on her stuff. Baby-daddy tells friend that mama is keeping the money because she did all the work. ---
**Author:** ![Lowdown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c57346/32.png) [@Lowdown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lowdown)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2015, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thers-a-difference-between-helpful-and-generous-sibling-and-controlling-nutjob-sis/725706/40 "2015-07-21T20:09:49Z")
I need to start working “hosebeast” back into my vocabulary. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thers-a-difference-between-helpful-and-generous-sibling-and-controlling-nutjob-sis/725706.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thers-a-difference-between-helpful-and-generous-sibling-and-controlling-nutjob-sis/725706.md?page=3)