# These are a few of my favorite lies!

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/these-are-a-few-of-my-favorite-lies/497147>\
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion\
**Created:** [May 21, 2009, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/these-are-a-few-of-my-favorite-lies/497147 "2009-05-21T06:18:44Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 1\
**Page:** 3

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![StarsApart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecc23a/32.png) [@StarsApart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StarsApart)\
**Post date:** [May 23, 2009, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/these-are-a-few-of-my-favorite-lies/497147/41 "2009-05-23T23:39:13Z")

</div>

> [@KneadToKnow](#):
>
> “I know those books weren’t overdue because I know for a fact they were returned the day before they were due, because I remember perfectly clearly driving here that day, and coming in here and putting them right here on this counter. In fact, you were sitting here that day, and I even remember saying hello to you when I dropped those books off and telling you they were due tomorrow.”
> 
> (They were due on a Monday. We’re closed on Sundays.)

Why is it in libraries that the lies are so elaborate? People who claim they returned books a certain date always know every tiny detail of everything that happened up till they dropped their items in the slot. If I remembered things to that detail the rest of my knowledge would leak out of my ears for lack of space.

My favorites are:

“I couldn’t have checked that out. I was in prison!” Later amended to “I went to prison and asked my family member/friend to return them but I guess they didn’t.” I have gotten this multiple times. It always begins and ends the same way.

“I KNOW I returned them. I’m very organized.” Said by the woman with a purse overflowing with receipts and assorted items, and her grubby children running wild behind her.

“I shouldn’t be charged this overdue fee because you have a sign that says movies are due in three weeks, not one week.” I asked him to show me the sign. He did. It says movies are due in one week and has been up for a decade. It’s covered in dust. He says we must have changed it.

“She’s my daughter.” Said by the 20-year-old who wanted to sign up the 12-year-old girl next to him for a card. I said, “So you were eight when you fathered her?” He said yes. He said he would bring in her birth certificate. I’m still waiting.

[Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/these-are-a-few-of-my-favorite-lies/497147.md?page=2)