# They placed my dad's headstone on the wrong grave & want $775 to move it. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 1, 2011, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966 "2011-06-01T15:34:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/1 "2011-06-01T15:34:04Z")
Yup, that’s what I said. I live in NC, my stepmum lives in MA, and my dad’s grave is in his birthplace, which is a small town in upper NH. Everything is hours and hours away from both of us. The headstone company is blaming the town’s sextant for inaccurately marking the wrong grave. The sextant said he marked the correct grave, the headstone company placed it wrong. Either way - no grieving widow should have to deal with this. ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/2 "2011-06-01T15:44:31Z")
> [@melodyharmonius](#): > > Either way - no grieving widow should have to deal with this. Definitely, but it seems like there are a lot of predatory people in the industries around funerals _because_ most people are vulnerable at such a time. :mad: If this had happened to me, I’d refuse to pay anything extra and I’d go to court over it if I had to. No matter who screwed up, it’s not your fault. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/3 "2011-06-01T15:44:34Z")
Agreed. Too horrid. Is it anywhere near Laconia? How big is the stone? ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/4 "2011-06-01T15:45:22Z")
It sounds like there’s going to be a lot of finger-pointing that gets you nowhere, and I agree that a grieving family shouldn’t have to struggle with that. Are you in a position to be able to afford a lawyer to wrangle with the two sides? I’m sorry that you have to deal with this. ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/5 "2011-06-01T15:51:15Z")
Lawyer up immediately. Find one who is trusted by the family, if you can. When the funeral director for my grandmother’s services tried his best to screw us out of thousands of dollars, we were lucky. My grandmother had been a lifetime member of the community, and had, in fact, babysat the town sheriff. We called him, and he took care of it immediately. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/6 "2011-06-01T15:53:32Z")
Sounds like a story the local newspaper/TV station would enjoy talking about. ---
**Author:** ![Sigmagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/7 "2011-06-01T16:13:17Z")
With the attractive daughter and grieving widow standing forlornly by the misplaced grave marker, holding a photo of dad, bonus points if he’s a veteran, pan to a shot of the grassy, empty, vacant place where the marker should be, double bonus points if you can get a toddler to lay a single flower on the grassy, empty, vacant place where the marker should be . . . That headstone will be moved so fast we’ll hear the sonic boom here in Cleveland. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/8 "2011-06-01T16:28:12Z")
Are they high? File against them in small claims court. Here’s how: [Small Claims Court in New Hampshire](http://www.courts.state.nh.us/district/claims/index.htm). ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/9 "2011-06-01T16:37:20Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Sounds like a story the local newspaper/TV station would enjoy talking about. Absolutely. ---
**Author:** ![Bootis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e8c25b/32.png) [@Bootis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bootis)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/10 "2011-06-01T16:54:59Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > Absolutely. 3rded- It may not be the most ideal thing for a grieving widow to have to deal with the news, but, it it sounds like the perfect kind of consumer protection story for them, and likely would be the quickest, and by far cheapest solution. Once that story hit the news both sides would start the apologies and the bending over backwards to fix the problem. ---
**Author:** ![Al\_Bundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e79b87/32.png) [@Al\_Bundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Al_Bundy)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/11 "2011-06-01T17:04:27Z")
I assume that you contracted the cemetery, not the grave stone people. Your grievance is against the cemetery for non-performance. You really don’t care what happened after that. They can dance all they want, but they are responsible. The problem is your distance and the minimal cost of the service in relation to legal costs. Nevertheless, they placed this marker on someone else’s grave. You should determine who that is and perhaps enlist support from the relatives. Small claims court is another option probably available. For a minimal filing fee you could get started and possibly by mail. There’s a principle here and I’d spend money to cost them money and time. ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/12 "2011-06-01T17:09:20Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > Agreed. Too horrid. Is it anywhere near Laconia? How big is the stone? It’s in North Stratford - about 2 hours north of Laconia. > [@Ogre](#): > > Lawyer up immediately. Find one who is trusted by the family, if you can. > > When the funeral director for my grandmother’s services tried his best to screw us out of thousands of dollars, we were lucky. My grandmother had been a lifetime member of the community, and had, in fact, babysat the town sheriff. We called him, and he took care of it immediately. North Stratford is a very small town - my uncle was the mayor or some such way back when. So we definitely have some calls in place. > [@kayaker](#): > > Sounds like a story the local newspaper/TV station would enjoy talking about. I also have a cousin who writes for the Union Leader - so I will probably do that if necessary. Right now, we are trying to be calm and just let the town sextant/headstone company fight out which one of them is responsible. And you really don’t want to get my stepmum mad. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/13 "2011-06-01T17:22:50Z")
> [@melodyharmonius](#): > > The headstone company is blaming the town’s sextant for inaccurately marking the wrong grave. The sextant said he marked the correct grave, the headstone company placed it wrong. [nitpick] I believe you mean a **sexton**. A _sextant_ is a navigational instrument. [/nitpick] ---
**Author:** ![Sparky812](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb9ed0/32.png) [@Sparky812](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sparky812)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/14 "2011-06-01T17:23:19Z")
Sorry for your loss. As other posters have recommended, call all the local media, explain your situation, and someone will take the story, and pursue it for you. Public outrage is a great bargaining chip. Call the local politicians and/or their opposition. Political pressure can help a ton as well. Also, call the local authorities and report that the grave marker company and cemetery is trying to extort money out of you to correct their own mistake. They will open up a police report and investigate. ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/15 "2011-06-01T17:25:53Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > [nitpick] > I believe you mean a **sexton**. A _sextant_ is a navigational instrument. > [/nitpick] Perhaps I do - I was taking it directly from the headstone dude’s email: > [@](#): > > I am so sorry to hear about the foundation being misplaced. My people went specifically to get BZ to locate it for us. I am not sure how it went afoul for him. BUT in all fairness I see this happen at least 2-5 times a year where the sextant fouls up. This is BZ’s first time. > > All that said…One of my people is on the way home & he is stopping to ask BZ about the location it needs to be moved to. According to my office you are covering that as well with a call to BZ. > > Here is the tough part…who pays for this to be redone as there are 3 steps to the process: > > 1. Disassembly of the stone, remove the current foundation, fill in/seed etc-$275.00 > 2. Dig new one & pour the concrete- $325.00 > 3. Return & reassemble $175.00 > > Total- $775.00 > > They have tentatively put this project on the Friday PM list so we can get you taken care of asap. It could be that sextant refers to the urn/coffin navigational device. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/16 "2011-06-01T17:33:40Z")
I think my reply to “Here is the tough part…who pays for this to be redone as there are 3 steps to the process:” would be something along the lines of " I’ll leave who’s going to pay up to you guys to hash out since I wasn’t the one to put the headstone in the wrong place or tell you where to put it. Either way, hopefully we can get it moved in the next few days. Thanks. Of course, you’ll have to be careful that you don’t imply that you are including yourself as one of the people that may be paying for it. I’d try to word it in such a way that you paying for it wasn’t even something that crossed your mind. ETA, I’ve never buried anyone before, but do you get a detailed bill from the funeral home/cemetery? In all the bills you get, did anything you receive say anything about placing the headstone? That’s the person I’d be going after. You paid them for the headstone, they’re responsible. There’s no reason you should have to pay twice for it. ---
**Author:** ![Azeotrope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/0ea827/32.png) [@Azeotrope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Azeotrope)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/17 "2011-06-01T17:35:08Z")
Maybe it’s a sexton with a broken sextant, and that’s how he wound up at the wrong grave. I’m very sorry you’re having to put up with this nonsense, **melodyharmonious.** Talk about the kind of BS you do not need on top of a major loss. ---
**Author:** ![Peremensoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/18 "2011-06-01T17:41:56Z")
> [@Al\_Bundy](#): > > I assume that you contracted the cemetery, not the grave stone people. Your grievance is against the cemetery for non-performance. You really don’t care what happened after that. > [@Joey\_P](#): > > Of course, you’ll have to be careful that you don’t imply that you are including yourself as one of the people that may be paying for it. I’d try to word it in such a way that you paying for it wasn’t even something that crossed your mind. **melodyharmonius** has already been in touch with the headstone company directly, which carries the implication that they are working for her independently. If she or stepmum did indeed make separate arrangements with the two parties, the headstone company really isn’t answerable to the cemetery in the same way as if they were a subcontractor. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/19 "2011-06-01T17:42:13Z")
Also, is this the only thing you’ve gotten from them regarding the payment? If that’s it I certainly wouldn’t have inferred from they were expecting you to pay for it. It just sounds like he’s frustrated and it came through in the letter. He was just trying to let you know this isn’t something that can be fixed by some high school kid with a pickup truck. If that’s all you’ve received, I would just hold off on doing anything. OTOH, if there’s been other emails or he’s vocalized to you that he’s expecting you to pay for it, that’s different. I would just flat out tell them “I already paid you once and _I_ wasn’t the one who put it in the wrong place. You can take care of moving it” [But it was the other guy’s fault] “Then make him pay, either way, it still wasn’t my fault, I need you to get her headstone put where it belongs and you guys can figure out who’s paying who later and leave me out of it” ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/20 "2011-06-01T17:53:13Z")
This was a copy of the email my stepmum got. It’s one in a series of emails that have been going back and forth as well as phone calls with the office. I get your point that perhaps he’s venting his frustation about the situation. Perhaps he is - but not very professionally. As someone in the business, he should be aware of the problems and work through them, not inflict his frustration on someone who hopefully has to deal with this only a handful of times in their lives. I’m just frustrated for my stepmum. And would hate to have to drive 20 hours to go beat some tail. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966.md?page=2)