# They placed my dad's headstone on the wrong grave & want $775 to move it. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 1, 2011, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966 "2011-06-01T15:34:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![gregorio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/fbc32d/32.png) [@gregorio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gregorio)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/21 "2011-06-01T18:18:14Z")
Here’s a cynical take on it; how do you know? Are you taking the cemetery’s word for it? Has someone you trust actually seen the headstone on the wrong grave? Sounds like this could be a real easy way to pocket $775 with little risk of someone checking up on them. ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/22 "2011-06-01T18:20:13Z")
> [@gregorio](#): > > Here’s a cynical take on it; how do you know? Are you taking the cemetery’s word for it? Has someone you trust actually seen the headstone on the wrong grave? Sounds like this could be a real easy way to pocket $775 with little risk of someone checking up on them. My stepmum called my uncle to let him know they had placed the headstone (my uncle lives in town with his wife). ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/23 "2011-06-01T18:38:18Z")
I assume you paid to have the headstone put in the proper place in the first place - you’ve paid for your service. Any problems that occurred after that are distinctly Not Your Problem, and that would be my final communication to the people that I paid to put the headstone in place. Jeeze, that’s like UPS calling me and telling me that they have to charge me again because they delivered to the wrong address - too bad for you. Do your job right the first time. I can just hear Judge Judy’s take on this - it would be very similar to mine. 🙂 Here’s hoping your family can get this straightened out, and I agree that this is about the last thing your stepmom needs right now. ---
**Author:** ![nonacetone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nonacetone/32/2819_2.png) [@nonacetone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nonacetone)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/24 "2011-06-01T19:07:39Z")
You have my condolences for you loss, **melodyharmonius**. You probably need to talk to the cemetery about this. I buried my grandma and my mom within less than a year of each other. They were both buried at the same cemetery. When I had to go to the cemetery to make the final arrangements for each, they made sure of the burial sites for each one. They even had me go to the site with them, and tell them that, yes, this is the burial site. They had paperwork showing that the sites were purchased long ago, and the locations of the sites, but they wanted to be sure that it was all correct. They did this both times. I also had to sign a paper, both times, agreeing that the sites were the correct ones. Did they not do that with you, or your stepmom? I know all cemeteries work differently, but this is something that I’ve dealt with in the past, with other cemeteries in my area. They all wanted to be sure the burial sites were correct, and there was paperwork to sign saying so. ---
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/25 "2011-06-01T20:31:05Z")
> [@melodyharmonius](#): > > I am so sorry to hear about the foundation being misplaced. My people went specifically to get BZ to locate it for us. I am not sure how it went afoul for him. BUT in all fairness I see this happen at least 2-5 times a year where the sextant fouls up. This is BZ’s first time. > > All that said…One of my people is on the way home & he is stopping to ask BZ about the location it needs to be moved to. According to my office you are covering that as well with a call to BZ. > > Here is the tough part…who pays for this to be redone as there are 3 steps to the process: > > 1. Disassembly of the stone, remove the current foundation, fill in/seed etc-$275.00 > 2. Dig new one & pour the concrete- $325.00 > 3. Return & reassemble $175.00 > > Total- $775.00 > > They have tentatively put this project on the Friday PM list so we can get you taken care of asap. My response would be: Friday would be fine. The financial details of correcting this mistake are between you and the cemetery. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/26 "2011-06-01T22:00:41Z")
> [@melodyharmonius](#): > > Everything is hours and hours away from both of us. First, sorry for the problem with your Dad’s headstone. The comment above, is why I do not want to be buried, but cremated and my ashes spread over some of my favorite places. With todays societies of families spread out further and further, very few people go and visit graves on a regular basis. I don’t want my grave to sit there with a headstone, that people only visit every few years or so, if even that often. ---
**Author:** ![lisiate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f05b48/32.png) [@lisiate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lisiate)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/27 "2011-06-01T22:15:03Z")
There’s no way you should pay. Their figures seem absurdly high too - $325 to dig a hole and pour a cubic metre of concrete (at most)? ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/28 "2011-06-01T22:57:56Z")
So sorry this is happening **melody**! I dunno who should cough up the $775, but it SAH wouldn’t be me! ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2011, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/29 "2011-06-02T00:06:35Z")
Geez louise, that company has some stones to drop this on you now. Seriously though, that sucks. In no way should you pay! ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2011, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/30 "2011-06-02T00:40:45Z")
What? Seriously, I’d go over there right now and give him a piece of my mind if I were in the neighborhood. (Me, not you.) But you should duke it out with the person you paid, and yes, use your contacts if you can. It isn’t often that I get indignant over the things that happen to strangers, but that is just BS. xo ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2011, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/31 "2011-06-02T00:45:47Z")
It isn’t your mistake, so it isn’t your bill. What an awful thing to deal with at a time like this. ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2011, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/32 "2011-06-02T03:22:07Z")
I spoke with my stepmom tonight on the way home and would like to clarify. I thought that my aunt and uncle were the ones who discovered the mistake. It was actually my stepmum. She had made the 200+ mile trip up there to see the tombstone and lay some flowers on the grave. She’s not worried about paying the bill because that’s just not going to happen. It’s not our fault and we aren’t going to pay. She was just disgusted that he would bring that up in his first email to her after her several obviously distraught conversations with the main office. I got this follow up email from her after talking to the town sexton’s office: > [@](#): > > They ‘don’t have good records’ according to BZ. They are trying to find the urn by probing both sites. They have to confirm my assertion that they have the wrong spot. Cemetery people will call headstone people for a density checking device. I told BZ that I want to be notified prior to the moving of the stone. I plan on going back up there for that. More to come, I’m sure. Of course, when she asked them whether the other plot might have an urn in it, he seemed rather dumbfounded and said, “Well, I don’t know - that’s a good point.” Basically - their records said that my dad’s urn was buried “by the hydrangeas” and failed to note that there are 2 hydrangea bushes in the cemetary. This is a very old cemetary and the town is an old mill town - so many of the graves have small or minimal markings. And it’s not a huge cemetary - it’s more like the size you might see behind an old church. But my dad’s family is clearly marked. My stepmum’s name is also on the headstone - since she and my dad have side by side plots. So y’know -you would think they would use that as a backup cross-checking device. But there I go thinking again! The plan now, as she said, is for her to have to drive the 200+ miles (400+ round trip of course) to oversee the moving of the headstone. She wants to make sure to take pictures before and after the move it, just in case there is any additional damage to the headstone. ---
**Author:** ![Kozmik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8dc957/32.png) [@Kozmik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kozmik)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2011, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/33 "2011-06-02T04:07:20Z")
> [@Bootis](#): > > 3rded- > It may not be the most ideal thing for a grieving widow to have to deal with the news, but, it it sounds like the perfect kind of consumer protection story for them, and likely would be the quickest, and by far cheapest solution. Once that story hit the news both sides would start the apologies and the bending over backwards to fix the problem. 4thed- Best [lead](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lead_paragraph) ever!! ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2011, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/34 "2011-06-02T04:14:43Z")
Oh I’d be billing all related expenses to them. Don’t you know a lawyer, friend of the family perhaps? Someone willing to fire off a letter notifying them that they are about to be sued for some outrageous amount, including the traveling costs, plus large for pain, suffering and non performance of contracted work. Wouldn’t hurt to allude to the widow being hospitalized for the distress of this situation. It should be included that you have been in touch not just with local media but with (largest nearby city) network station and are preparing for an interview within 24hrs. Last paragraph should say we send you this letter as a courtesy, to permit you to make this right, no expense to widow, compensation for expenses incurred, only. Tell them it represents the single compromise you’re willing to make and, it’s a one time offer which will evaporate in 24hrs. If it’s not resolved to the widow’s satisfaction within 24 hrs, you look forward to seeing them in court. One letter from a lawyer, on letterhead, and it will be resolved within 24 hrs I predict, have the letter hand delivered and signed for. Don’t take any calls, you or Mom, for the whole day and let them sweat a bit. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2011, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/35 "2011-06-02T04:18:43Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Sounds like a story the local newspaper/TV station would enjoy talking about. This. Lawyers cost money, angry consumers are free. ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2011, 8:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/36 "2011-06-02T08:14:15Z")
> [@LurkerInNJ](#): > > My response would be: > > Friday would be fine. The financial details of correcting this mistake are between you and the cemetery. This would be my response as well. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2011, 9:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/37 "2011-06-02T09:57:15Z")
I’m so ornery that I’d tell them to leave it where it was then. But I expected a new one to be carved and placed on the correct grave because that is what I paid for. Their choice. ---
**Author:** ![Martiju](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e8c25b/32.png) [@Martiju](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martiju)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2011, 10:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/38 "2011-06-02T10:31:33Z")
> [@EvilTOJ](#): > > This would be my response as well. It’s this - clearly. Don’t get involved further than that (although it sounds like it’s too late really). The only other thing I’d add is that you expect written confirmation that it’s been done by xx June 2011. Don’t even make a threat at this point, keep your powder dry. After the deadline has passed you can then follow up with a ‘where’s my confirmation letter…btw the papers are keen to follow this up’… You really shouldn’t have to deal with this right now. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2011, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/39 "2011-06-04T01:07:27Z")
> [@PunditLisa](#): > > I’m so ornery that I’d tell them to leave it where it was then. But I expected a new one to be carved and placed on the correct grave because that is what I paid for. > > Their choice. I think this response is best. You paid them for a service. Service wasn’t performed. Get your refund. And, bill them for losing the headstone. Best wishes, hh ---
**Author:** ![BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2011, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/40 "2011-06-04T05:13:26Z")
How’d your stepmom realize it was the wrong grave? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966.md?page=3)