# They placed my dad's headstone on the wrong grave & want $775 to move it. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 1, 2011, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966 "2011-06-01T15:34:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2011, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/41 "2011-06-04T16:47:00Z")
> [@BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](#): > > How’d your stepmom realize it was the wrong grave? > [@melodyharmonius](#): > > Of course, when she asked them whether the other plot might have an urn in it, he seemed rather dumbfounded and said, “Well, I don’t know - that’s a good point.” Basically - their records said that my dad’s urn was buried “by the hydrangeas” and failed to note that there are 2 hydrangea bushes in the cemetary. This is a very old cemetary and the town is an old mill town - so many of the graves have small or minimal markings. And it’s not a huge cemetary - it’s more like the size you might see behind an old church. But my dad’s family is clearly marked. > > My stepmum’s name is also on the headstone - since she and my dad have side by side plots. So y’know -you would think they would use that as a backup cross-checking device. I would think that there’s a family plot over here, and dad’s headstone is over there. ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2011, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/42 "2011-06-04T19:01:40Z")
> [@melodyharmonius](#): > > I spoke with my stepmom tonight on the way home and would like to clarify. I thought that my aunt and uncle were the ones who discovered the mistake. It was actually my stepmum. She had made the 200+ mile trip up there to see the tombstone and lay some flowers on the grave. > > She’s not worried about paying the bill because that’s just not going to happen. It’s not our fault and we aren’t going to pay. She was just disgusted that he would bring that up in his first email to her after her several obviously distraught conversations with the main office. > > I got this follow up email from her after talking to the town sexton’s office: > > Of course, when she asked them whether the other plot might have an urn in it, he seemed rather dumbfounded and said, “Well, I don’t know - that’s a good point.” Basically - their records said that my dad’s urn was buried “by the hydrangeas” and failed to note that there are 2 hydrangea bushes in the cemetary. This is a very old cemetary and the town is an old mill town - so many of the graves have small or minimal markings. And it’s not a huge cemetary - it’s more like the size you might see behind an old church. But my dad’s family is clearly marked. > > My stepmum’s name is also on the headstone - since she and my dad have side by side plots. So y’know -you would think they would use that as a backup cross-checking device. > > But there I go thinking again! > > The plan now, as she said, is for her to have to drive the 200+ miles (400+ round trip of course) to oversee the moving of the headstone. She wants to make sure to take pictures before and after the move it, just in case there is any additional damage to the headstone. It sounds like based on this response with the company trying to locate the urn underground and everything that they aren’t really sure who is buried where! ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2011, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/43 "2011-06-05T03:41:01Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Sounds like a story the local newspaper/TV station would enjoy talking about. Yes, it really does. Especially considering that there isn’t much to talk about in NH. There is only news stations in NH (WNDS hasn’t done news since 2007): [WMUR](http://www.wmur.com/index.html) They’ve done plenty of human-interest type stories - recent ones include a disabled kid’s special bike being stolen and fundraising jars for someone with some disease being swiped - and would probably take an interest in something like this as well \*\*if \*\*they actually try to stick you with the bill. ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2011, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/44 "2011-06-06T13:52:56Z")
Well, to make matters worse, it appears my uncle has stuck his nose in to things and caused things to get worse. He lives across the street (kinda) from the cemetary and when he saw the sextants over there trying to determine where the urn was - he stopped them from digging. I love my uncle, but seeing as it is not his plot and not his husband, he really doesn’t have the authority on anything. But being a small town - they listened to him and not the out-of-town widow. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2011, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/45 "2011-06-06T14:41:30Z")
Of course they listened to him, he offered them the path of less work, and tranferral of blame. Ugh! Don’t these people have a metal detector? Craziness. Honestly, local press should resolve this fairly quickly. ---
**Author:** ![Sparky812](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb9ed0/32.png) [@Sparky812](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sparky812)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2011, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/46 "2011-06-08T14:50:57Z")
update? ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2011, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/47 "2011-06-28T12:51:39Z")
> [@Sparky812](#): > > update? So - they can’t find my father’s urn. They’ve dug up 2 graves so far, they are about to dig up a third, only there’s pretty sure there is a coffin in it - they just don’t know who it is . . . ---
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2011, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/48 "2011-06-28T13:58:29Z")
> [@melodyharmonius](#): > > So - they can’t find my father’s urn. They’ve dug up 2 graves so far, they are about to dig up a third, only there’s pretty sure there is a coffin in it - they just don’t know who it is . . . This has all the makings of a bad horror movie - my condolences to you and yours and I hope you get it straightened out. ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2011, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/49 "2011-06-28T14:04:34Z")
> [@simster](#): > > This has all the makings of a bad horror movie - my condolences to you and yours and I hope you get it straightened out. Thank you - this has really gone to the edge. My stepmum is near hysterical, convinced someone maybe stole my dad’s urn or something - because why else would they not be able to find it? It was bad enough when there was tension between my mom and my stepmum, my brothers and I. But now it’s starting to involve cousins and other family. I just want it to be over for all our sakes. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2011, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/50 "2011-06-28T14:29:37Z")
> [@melodyharmonius](#): > > Thank you - this has really gone to the edge. My stepmum is near hysterical, convinced someone maybe stole my dad’s urn or something - because why else would they not be able to find it? > > It was bad enough when there was tension between my mom and my stepmum, my brothers and I. But now it’s starting to involve cousins and other family. What a complete nightmare this is turning out to be. I hope you haven’t paid them a penny. Honestly, have you spoken to a lawyer? Mishandling of a body is generally recognized as a source of compensable emotional distress. I’m sure you just want this to be over but it seems like they can’t find their ass with both hands. Maybe the prospect of paying around $100,000 - $500,000 for their fuckup would sharpen their wits. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2011, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/51 "2011-06-28T14:34:17Z")
I wonder if this is one of those “tip of the iceberg” cases where many more are missing/misplaced… Chicago had one of those not too long ago and I think they still haven’t sorted out what happened to numerous bodies. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2011, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/52 "2011-06-28T15:06:59Z")
A “LOST” ad placed in the local paper would be interesting… ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2011, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/53 "2011-06-28T15:43:09Z")
Several people have quit their jobs/been let go already as a result of this. Lawyers have been retained and new legislation has been drafted to prevent this from happening moving forward. Unfortunately, this is a very small town with some very ingrained mindsets. Officials don’t understand why talking to my uncle and letting him decide things about my dad’s & stepmum’s graves is not okay. We’ve had to make it clear that although we both love my uncle very much and he’s a very good person, he is not his brother’s keeper and does not have the legal right to decide what happens to the land my stepmum owns (aka, the cemetary plot.) It’s just gotten very convoluted very fast and I want it to end. I have very few people left on my dad’s side that I can count as family - and I don’t want to lose them in a he said/she said/they said situation. ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2011, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/54 "2011-07-14T05:04:55Z")
Similar news article: [Sisters sue cemetery over grave mix-up.](http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/World/2011/07/13/18413266.html) > [@](#): > > NEW YORK - American sisters Evelyn and Hortense Edwards spent two decades visiting what they thought was their mother’s grave only to discover it contained the remains of a stranger. > > Now, the sisters are seeking $25 million in damages from the Rosehill Cemetery in Linden, New Jersey, for emotional distress caused when they learned that their mother, Beatrice Williams, had been buried in the wrong plot. ---
**Author:** ![CoffinMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b9bd4f/32.png) [@CoffinMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CoffinMan)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2011, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966/55 "2011-07-15T20:42:30Z")
Speaking as a funeral director this is a serious error on the part of the cemetery and the marker company. Keep a written log detailing all that has occurred - include names of those you spoke with and dates. Avoid mentioning lawsuits until you contact a lawyer and have the attorney mention the lawsuit if she decides to go that way. Refuse to pay any additional funds! Is this a private cemetery or a municipally owned cemetery, btw? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-placed-my-dads-headstone-on-the-wrong-grave-want-775-to-move-it/583966.md?page=2)