# They promised the moon, delivered a crescent. What do? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 5, 2015, 11:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-promised-the-moon-delivered-a-crescent-what-do/709026 "2015-01-05T11:19:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2015, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-promised-the-moon-delivered-a-crescent-what-do/709026/21 "2015-01-05T17:26:02Z")
> [@zut](#): > > Wait - so 1) your uncle gave you $1000, no strings attached. 2) Then he promised another $507, but didn’t deliver. 3) But that was a promise you didn’t “fully expect to be fulfilled” anyway. > > So everything played out as you expected, and you’re $1000 richer. Where’s the problem here? > > ETA: And how would paying your uncle back help this situation? He still can say he gave you money; it’s just that you can then say you gave it back. So… you win something something? I guess? Right. He was generous, you are ahead of the game, just thank him warmly next time you see him. Dont write him a check, tho. Find something he really likes and get it for him… Home-baked cookies, a Cuban cigar, something. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2015, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-promised-the-moon-delivered-a-crescent-what-do/709026/22 "2015-01-05T18:04:28Z")
On first reading, I assumed it was a loan, but ok, its a gift, so… Suck it up and scrape together the remaining 500 yourself. Dont hint, badger or cajole for the rest. If he starts to use the thousand as leverage at some future point, and this becomes intolerable, pay it back and then you’re even, hopefully. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2015, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-promised-the-moon-delivered-a-crescent-what-do/709026/23 "2015-01-05T20:14:59Z")
I think it’s perfectly reasonable to be annoyed when someone says they will do something for you and they don’t do it. I don’t care who it is or how much they’ve already done. It’s reasonable to be annoyed. The more you changed your behavior in expectation they would do the thing they said they would do, the more annoying it is. And if they pawn you off with excuses which you later learn to be lies, that’s also annoying. I wouldn’t engage with him further on the issue because that just leads to more opportunity to be annoyed. But I would make a mental note next to his name that while I will accept a gift from so-and-so (as long as it was and remains a gift), I will not rely on his promises because his promises are not reliable. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2015, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-promised-the-moon-delivered-a-crescent-what-do/709026/24 "2015-01-05T22:00:31Z")
> [@mattwan](#): > > 1. How do you describe the situation between yourself and your uncle at this point? . . . I’d put it all completely behind me. He gave me a gift, and I’m grateful. I hope someday I can do him a favor. If he calls me some day with a flat tire, I will go and change it for him. (But I would have done that for him even without the gift!) > [@](#): > > 1. Assuming there is some sort of commitment, can you ever say, "Hey Unc, remember that $507 you said you were going to give me? . . . I would never presume there was a commitment. Even if he put it in terms of a personal commitment…that’s his affair, not mine. There’s no contract here. (If it were contractual – “I’ll give you $1500 if you re-shingle my roof” – then I’d take him to court. But a gift is purely voluntary. > [@](#): > > 1. What do you do when, inevitably, Unc starts lording his generosity over you? . . . I’d ask him not to. “Now, Unc, you know I’m very grateful for your gift. It got me out of a tough spot. Thank you for it. But it bothers me when you bring it up every time we talk. Are you asking me to repay you in some way? I will, if that’s what you want. Have I shown insufficient gratitude: I swear, I am extremely thankful to you for it. Can I take you to dinner some time? Wanna just sit and watch Football on TV this Sunday? Tell me what you want.” > [@](#): > > 1. Kind of a tie-in to 3: You really are grateful! And you express that gratitude both to Uncle and to the rest of your family. But, even though you don’t (or try not to) let it show, that gratitude is tempered a little bit by the $507. Which is maybe crazy . . . I see how one could, psychologically, feel that some kind of “entitlement” wasn’t fulfilled. But I’d fight against that mind-set, and emphasize how thankful I am for what I did receive. Ultimately, I came out way ahead, and I’m really happy with that. Slightly off topic, but I also endorse the “Pay it Forward” mind-set. Some day, I’ll make a point of helping out someone else who is in need, and that would be my Uncle’s gift still doing good in the world. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-promised-the-moon-delivered-a-crescent-what-do/709026/25 "2015-01-06T23:34:35Z")
> [@](#): > > Say you took your car in for repairs, and in the course of fixing the known problem your mechanic found a serious issue that needs to be dealt with ASAP, with an estimated additional cost of $1500. Your car had serious issues that had to be dealt with ASAP. You could afford it, but it was going to “hurt” you financially. As it turns out, instead of being out $1500, through the goodness of your Uncle’s heart and hard work, you’re only out $500. Awesome! Seriously, if you haven’t already, I think you should write him a very nice, humble thank you note expressing gratitude for his overwhelming, and completely unexpected, generosity. > [@](#): > > (Charitable reading time again: I’m not looking for an excuse to feel resentment here, although it’s easy to read it that way. Your entire OP reeks of resentment, from “wealthy Uncle” to “diamond-studded dog collar” to the catty “whispers” that you overheard yet conveniently ignored, to the fear that your Uncle is now going to use this money to somehow “lord” over you. Judge Judy always tells people not to lend money because somehow the lender ends up being the bad guy. Your Uncle didn’t even ask for any money back, and yet you’ve turned him into a bad guy. Shame on you. > [@](#): > > 1. Assuming there is some sort of commitment, can you ever say, “Hey Unc, remember that $507 you said you were going to give me? What’s up with that?” Would it be acceptable–if crass!–to even mention it after, say, six months? Or is it something you let go immediately as soon as he postpones it the first time? Yes, it would be crass. He’s been extremely generous with you. > [@](#): > > 1. What do you do when, inevitably, Unc starts lording his generosity over you? I don’t know what that means. And, if this truly is your perception, why in the world would you have cashed that check, let alone call him after the final invoice was in? > [@](#): > > Is this an overly entitled feeling or is it acceptable to be annoyed that the reality fell short of the promise? If this were your parents, I might feel differently. But it’s not. He’s your Uncle. He owes you squat. Yes, he technically and legally, he broke a promise. However, his lapse is greatly overshadowed by his overwhelming generosity towards a nephew who obviously doesn’t respect him. ---
**Author:** ![StJoan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@StJoan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StJoan)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2015, 11:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-promised-the-moon-delivered-a-crescent-what-do/709026/26 "2015-01-08T11:18:39Z")
Your uncle owes you nothing. You owe him USD 1000, although he probably does not expect to get it back. Be grateful for the help you got, save up the $1000, and give back to him, with a note of thanks. That little demonstration of financial responsibility will go a l-o-o-o-ng way towards establishing a healthy relationship with your “absent minded” relative. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2015, 11:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-promised-the-moon-delivered-a-crescent-what-do/709026/27 "2015-01-08T11:47:27Z")
I’m with the others - just be grateful for the grand you did get. Send over a nice thank-you gift to show you’re grateful as well as just saying so. The $507 is not a big deal. ---
**Author:** ![Tzigone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/839c29/32.png) [@Tzigone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tzigone)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2015, 11:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-promised-the-moon-delivered-a-crescent-what-do/709026/28 "2015-01-08T11:56:38Z")
> [@StJoan](#): > > Your uncle owes you nothing. You owe him USD 1000, although he probably does not expect to get it back. Be grateful for the help you got, save up the $1000, and give back to him, with a note of thanks. That little demonstration of financial responsibility will go a l-o-o-o-ng way towards establishing a healthy relationship with your “absent minded” relative. I’d say he legally owes nothing, but if he said he’s pay it and he didn’t, then he morally does owe something. I think people are obligated to do what they say they’ll do, as a general rule. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2015, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-promised-the-moon-delivered-a-crescent-what-do/709026/29 "2015-01-08T14:38:01Z")
Ahem. > [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Taking the facts in the OP as written, Uncle is probably legally obligated to pony up the remainder of the money under a promissory estoppel theory. That said, I agree that you should probably just accept that you got a $1k gift and be happy. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2015, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-promised-the-moon-delivered-a-crescent-what-do/709026/30 "2015-01-10T03:20:28Z")
Receiving money as a gift is sometimes quite complex. From a common sense perspective you are not simply looking a gift horse in the mouth, you are ordering dental X-Rays. Not another word should ever come out of your mouth reminding him about the remaining $ 500. People often tend to over promise in situations where someone is in need and emotions are heightened. He gave you 1000 free and clear tax free dollars toward your debt. You need to get over this lingering resentful feeling he has not fully delivered. He helped you out when you were in need. Fretting over the fact that he could do more for you if he didn’t spend it foolishly is ramping entitlement up to 11. If you have not already done so you should send him a simple but heartfelt gift, possibly something home made, to let him know how much the gift was appreciated. Something tangible not just a “thank you”. ---
**Author:** ![Tread](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Tread](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tread)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2015, 8:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-promised-the-moon-delivered-a-crescent-what-do/709026/31 "2015-01-10T08:38:36Z")
> [@buddha\_david](#): > > Look at the bright side, at least your hypothetical uncle isn’t parading his generosity around like he’s Mother Theresa, while in fact the money’s _actually_ coming out of your own inheritance or college fund. :mad: 😕 coming out of your own inheritance ?? 😕 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/they-promised-the-moon-delivered-a-crescent-what-do/709026.md?page=1)