# They're called 'f\*ck me' shoes for a reason! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 27, 2009, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theyre-called-f-ck-me-shoes-for-a-reason/504463 "2009-07-27T18:54:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theyre-called-f-ck-me-shoes-for-a-reason/504463/41 "2009-07-27T21:11:30Z")
Well, **Mom-of-Andrew** , I feel for you. If he knows it’s important to you, is he willing to do anything about it? Go to a doctor or something? Lack of sexual interest in a man is a possible symptom of heart disease. At least he’s willing to offer a quickie. I’ve got pretty much the same situation with my wife, except I don’t get quickies even, don’t much ask anymore, and from time to time (including now) she has good reasons for not putting out. But I don’t get any and it sucks big time. ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theyre-called-f-ck-me-shoes-for-a-reason/504463/42 "2009-07-27T21:13:58Z")
> [@Argent\_Towers](#): > > Maybe he wants a woman who’s uninhibited enough to say “fuck” and “hell” instead of “f_ck" and "h_ll”. This makes sense to me. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theyre-called-f-ck-me-shoes-for-a-reason/504463/43 "2009-07-27T21:17:14Z")
If you want to jumpstart things, don’t get a boyfriend. Get a girlfriend. ---
**Author:** ![Mom-of-Andrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8c91f0/32.png) [@Mom-of-Andrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mom-of-Andrew)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theyre-called-f-ck-me-shoes-for-a-reason/504463/44 "2009-07-27T21:28:11Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > And if you usually get offered a quickie, and mind-blowing sessions sometimes, you do not know how. **FUCKING**. lucky. you are. :mad::rolleyes::smack: Allow me to clear up the chronology here. Eight years ago he wouldn’t touch me. Wouldn’t kiss me back. Backed out of a hug. Refused counseling. For six months. I tried increasingly brazen things to get his attention. Then I tried increasingly stupid things. The attempted rape came after the slutty notes in his car but before the affair. Seven and half years ago we went to counseling. For a bit. NOW I get quickies sometimes and the occasional mind blowing sex. Except for Saturday night. So I came to vent. Here. On a message board. In the FREAKIN’ PIT. I do know how lucky I am. I am an intelligent, attractive woman with a secure job, the most wonderful child on the planet, and a good husband who is a wonderful father. He’s always egotistical, but he isn’t always an asshole. I’m also selfish enough to want mind blowing sex from someone who is very good at it. He was gentleman enough to offer me a quickie. I was gracious enough to let him off the hook. \ I feel better now. ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theyre-called-f-ck-me-shoes-for-a-reason/504463/45 "2009-07-27T21:31:55Z")
Oh poor you. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theyre-called-f-ck-me-shoes-for-a-reason/504463/46 "2009-07-27T21:44:49Z")
> [@Mom-of-Andrew](#): > > “If you’ll do all the work” translation: I’m going to lie perfectly still flat on my back and maybe kiss you a couple of times so you’ll leave me alone Wow, he _actually_ said that? Can’t believe you didn’t jump at the offer… Clearly you two are working on different levels. If he’s older, he could be menopausal, he could be depressed, or it could just be ‘how he is’ and ‘how you are.’ For some people that’s a dealbreaker. Others consider a sex life second to other factors. If everything else is on the level, not only should you go out with your friends more often (to flirt – not cheat), you should find some erotica or porn you enjoy (if you haven’t already) and indulge, guilt-free. Not that anything can take the place of being drooled over by your own partner. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theyre-called-f-ck-me-shoes-for-a-reason/504463/47 "2009-07-27T21:59:52Z")
I dunno **Mom-of Andrew** , you’re not very convincing. Doesn’t seem like a sensible thing to do, coming to The Pit, when you get denied once by someone whom you otherwise seem to adore. Sounds like you like sex a lot more than he does. Or at least, you like sex with him a lot more than he does with you. Are you sure you’re both having mind-blowing sex? Or is it possible he reads you as overstating things in an attempt to encourage more. Are you dead certain he doesn’t think you just want his cock? Because after a guy turns 26 that’s suddenly not such a turn-on. Oh…and a “quickie” is not a gentleman’s offer, it’s throwing the dog a bone. Your marriage sounds hosed to me. But then, all we have is what you’ve posted–which sounds like it was posted by someone who knows but is in denial that her marriage is so hosed that even the sex beast is near comatose. I divorced my bride 4 years after she cheated. Meantime I had tried to get over it but the truth is I never did. Doesn’t matter, really, how unavailable I was at the time. What I saw was: times were tough, our relationship was stressed, and she shopped outside the marriage rather than try to solve the problem. Some things are unforgivable, and some things can’t get un-broke. But it sounds to me like someone doesn’t care to feed your sexy ego anymore because you’ve shown that you’re capable of feeding it elsewhere. Of course, I’m probably way off base and my mind probably works nothing like your husband’s. So…Maybe he’s gay? ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theyre-called-f-ck-me-shoes-for-a-reason/504463/48 "2009-07-27T22:01:45Z")
Seriously, I haven’t had any in months because I’ve been too busy working on my doctorate to date much. I really don’t have any sympathy for you. Part of being in a stable, healthy relationship is respecting the other person’s wishes. So he’s not feeling up to getting hot and sweaty enough with you? Deal with it or have an affair or something. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theyre-called-f-ck-me-shoes-for-a-reason/504463/49 "2009-07-27T22:03:37Z")
> [@Bryan\_Ekers](#): > > If you want to jumpstart things, don’t get a boyfriend. > Get a girlfriend. Oh and this one wins the thread. ---
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theyre-called-f-ck-me-shoes-for-a-reason/504463/50 "2009-07-27T22:10:15Z")
> [@Michael\_Ellis](#): > > Part of being in a stable, healthy relationship is respecting the other person’s wishes. So he’s not feeling up to getting hot and sweaty enough with you? Deal with it or have an affair or something. She’s dealing with it by posting her rant on the internet. Also, part of a stable healthy relationship is not settling for less. If she wants hot sweaty amazing sex, she should find someone that can provide this (among other things of course). She should find it after the divorce, of course. Divorce should also only be an option if the OP is the description of an unfixable problem. Something only **MoA** knows the full details about. ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theyre-called-f-ck-me-shoes-for-a-reason/504463/51 "2009-07-27T22:25:04Z")
> [@Covered\_In\_Bees](#): > > She’s dealing with it by posting her rant on the internet. Implicit in this is an acceptance of receiving comment from others. I provided my comment. ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theyre-called-f-ck-me-shoes-for-a-reason/504463/52 "2009-07-27T22:31:00Z")
I can vouch that nothing kills performance like the command “do it right now, buster”. I suspect it may be a case of performance anxiety on his part. Also, have you asked him what he would like you to wear? Sometimes what women think are our turn-ons are anything but. ---
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theyre-called-f-ck-me-shoes-for-a-reason/504463/53 "2009-07-27T22:31:12Z")
Yes of course others can comment on her rant. Just don’t be redundant and tell her to deal with it in the exact thread in which she _is_ dealing with it, or attempting to at least. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theyre-called-f-ck-me-shoes-for-a-reason/504463/54 "2009-07-27T22:34:39Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > Hell, he doesnt have time to mow the lawn either 🙂 No time to munch the rug, no time to mow the lawn. There is a time and a season to every purpose under heaven. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theyre-called-f-ck-me-shoes-for-a-reason/504463/55 "2009-07-27T22:36:02Z")
> [@Covered\_In\_Bees](#): > > Also, part of a stable healthy relationship is **not settling for less**. If she wants hot sweaty amazing sex, she should find someone that can provide this (among other things of course). She should find it after the divorce, of course. Divorce should also only be an option if the OP is the description of an unfixable problem. Something only **MoA** knows the full details about. Bull frackin shit IMO. Yeah, relationships are all about getting EVERYTHING you want when you want it. Sure, if things are REALLY that bad go the divorce route. Just remember, it can often being a case of outa the frying pan into the fire… Yeah, divorced men and women with exes and kids get laid ALL the time :rolleyes: If this IS serious and not just blowing off steam all sorts of therapy and coping mechanisms are called for. Divorcing because better things will come along? IMO thats MORE of a fairy tale than the pefect marriage in the first place. ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theyre-called-f-ck-me-shoes-for-a-reason/504463/56 "2009-07-27T22:37:46Z")
> [@mswas](#): > > Funny, I don’t think that would even get you banned in Eve. In one of the wars I was in someone was saying nasty shit about the daughters of one of the dudes in my alliance and I don’t think he even got banned for that. You can say whatever you want in private or guild chat, but Blizz does not look kindly on offensive language in general. ---
**Author:** ![Hero\_From\_Sector\_7G](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/65b543/32.png) [@Hero\_From\_Sector\_7G](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hero_From_Sector_7G)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theyre-called-f-ck-me-shoes-for-a-reason/504463/57 "2009-07-27T22:39:14Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Consider making yourself rare. Get dressed up and go out with the girls. Have your own fun without him. Stop offering yourself so freely. > > Just a thought. As a man in a healthy relationship of five years I second this. We have regular sex, but nothing turns me off faster than her declaring it to be sex time. Even worse is when I know sex is expected later in the day. I honestly can’t explain it. I think part of sex, for me, is the chase and spontaneity. I don’t ever want sex to be considered part of my responsibility in the same way taking out the garbage is. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theyre-called-f-ck-me-shoes-for-a-reason/504463/58 "2009-07-27T22:39:42Z")
**Mom-of-Andrew** , when I first opened this thread, I was contemplating ways to portray his behavior in a better light; i.e., he’d gotten used to being hands-off because of your illness, or he doesn’t speak the language of shoes, etc. But this thread has convinced me otherwise: He’s rejecting you, consistently. And he’s not talking about why. This lack of communication seems like a problem broader than just sex. I’m sorry about your situation. It sounds lonely. Have you talked to him more generally about feeling disconnected from him (and not just with regard to sex)? I can’t recall from upthread; are you getting some counseling, if only by yourself? ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theyre-called-f-ck-me-shoes-for-a-reason/504463/59 "2009-07-27T22:41:01Z")
> [@Covered\_In\_Bees](#): > > Yes of course others can comment on her rant. Just don’t be redundant and tell her to deal with it in the exact thread in which she _is_ dealing with it, or attempting to at least. See, I was actually trying to come on to her. Chicks dig assholes, right? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2009, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theyre-called-f-ck-me-shoes-for-a-reason/504463/60 "2009-07-27T22:46:16Z")
> [@Michael\_Ellis](#): > > See, I was actually trying to come on to her. Chicks dig assholes, right? 😃 Ohhhh. Well damn it man, shoulda just pulled me aside and filled me in. That way I wouldn’t be inadvertantly cock blocking you. My bad. Proceed good sir\*. \*Calling you good sir isn’t going to hurt your chances is it? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theyre-called-f-ck-me-shoes-for-a-reason/504463.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theyre-called-f-ck-me-shoes-for-a-reason/504463.md?page=4)