# They're called 'f\*ck me' shoes for a reason! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 27, 2009, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theyre-called-f-ck-me-shoes-for-a-reason/504463 "2009-07-27T18:54:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Mom-of-Andrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8c91f0/32.png) [@Mom-of-Andrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mom-of-Andrew)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2009, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theyre-called-f-ck-me-shoes-for-a-reason/504463/141 "2009-07-28T19:55:27Z")
[QUOTE=bup **MoA** , when’s the last time your husband initiated sex?[/QUOTE] About a month ago. At 4:15am. My alarm goes off at 6am. I am not a morning person. IIRC, it was my turn to tell him it was gonna be a quickie. He was okay with that. Once the ball got rolling, it was a bit more than a quickie–and that was also his idea. I didn’t reach Nirvana, but I had a hell of a time on the climb. I know a lot of this stems from his ego and me not sticking up for myself. I know a big problem at the moment is that he’s having issues at work. I also know I’ve got to get my butt back into therapy. I’m also trying to stay on the supportive side of the line (and keep from crossing over into nagging) when I suggest therapy for him, too. ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2009, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theyre-called-f-ck-me-shoes-for-a-reason/504463/142 "2009-07-28T20:04:17Z")
> [@Hero\_From\_Sector\_7G](#): > > Have you _read_ a romance novel? Have you? The sex passages require narration to set the mood. The emotions and actions of the characters are described in great detail in order to create the right emotional state for arousal. Now let’s compare that to porn. Naked women posed. period. No discussion about her’s (or your) emotional state. No set up narrative. Just a picture. If it’s video its naked womea having sex. If any talk occurs at all its closer to my “pie afterwords” description than any romance novel. > [@](#): > > Fist bump for you too - bro. You sure you have enough testosterone in you to complete the task? ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2009, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theyre-called-f-ck-me-shoes-for-a-reason/504463/143 "2009-07-28T20:27:15Z")
> [@bup](#): > > **Hero** , you clearly don’t have kids. **Foreplay before kids:** Candle light, wine, soft music, a massage, kisses, nibbles, touching… **Foreplay after kids** “Quick, the baby is asleep” ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2009, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theyre-called-f-ck-me-shoes-for-a-reason/504463/144 "2009-07-28T20:28:23Z")
> [@Mom-of-Andrew](#): > > About a month ago. At 4:15am. My alarm goes off at 6am. I am not a morning person. > > . Wait a minute. You are complaining on one hand about not getting enough. Then the next minute, the timing aint so hot. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2009, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theyre-called-f-ck-me-shoes-for-a-reason/504463/145 "2009-07-28T20:30:03Z")
They always say marriages take a lot of work, but I don’t think it is the kind of work that you are engaging in, **Mom-of-Andrew**. The kind of work you and your husband are engaging in is the kind you do when you are trying to force something to work that just doesn’t fit. Just my opinion, and just based on what you’ve posted here, of course. ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2009, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theyre-called-f-ck-me-shoes-for-a-reason/504463/146 "2009-07-28T20:32:16Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > Wait a minute. > > You are complaining on one hand about not getting enough. Then the next minute, the timing aint so hot. You might try reading the second paragraph of that post. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2009, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theyre-called-f-ck-me-shoes-for-a-reason/504463/147 "2009-07-28T20:44:50Z")
> [@Rick](#): > > **Foreplay before kids:** Candle light, wine, soft music, a massage, kisses, nibbles, touching… > **Foreplay after kids** “Quick, the baby is asleep” Heck, sex with the baby sleeping in the next room was easy. It’s the teenagers who are up doing homework that go :dubious: when Mom and Dad say, “9pm, bedtime everyone!” We’ve taken to morning romps because well, teenagers can do nothing as well as sleeping in. ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2009, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theyre-called-f-ck-me-shoes-for-a-reason/504463/148 "2009-07-28T20:49:09Z")
> [@Rick](#): > > **Foreplay before kids:** Candle light, wine, soft music, a massage, kisses, nibbles, touching… > **Foreplay after kids** “Quick, the baby is asleep” Ha, yeah. Nothing like thinking you have the little ones set up in front of the TV with their favorite show, sneak off into the bedroom, lock the door, get busy, and right in the middle of things, a 3 year old is pounding on the door “Mom, Dad, I gotta go potty!” ☹ ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2009, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theyre-called-f-ck-me-shoes-for-a-reason/504463/149 "2009-07-28T20:50:01Z")
> [@ivylass](#): > > Heck, sex with the baby sleeping in the next room was easy. It’s the teenagers who are up doing homework that go :dubious: when Mom and Dad say, “9pm, bedtime everyone!” We’ve taken to morning romps because well, teenagers can do nothing as well as sleeping in. How about with the kids fully awake and in the next room and you have the bedroom door open? Never underestimate the power of video games. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2009, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theyre-called-f-ck-me-shoes-for-a-reason/504463/150 "2009-07-28T20:50:21Z")
> [@Rick](#): > > You might try reading the second paragraph of that post. I did Mr Snark. Be more specific in the snark please. ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2009, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theyre-called-f-ck-me-shoes-for-a-reason/504463/151 "2009-07-28T21:05:23Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > I did Mr Snark. Be more specific in the snark please. Well shit it’s pretty obvious. She wasn’t complaining about the timing. She was giving an example of how she is willing to participate when hubby has “needs” which is in contrast to him totally shutting down when she has them. Timing really wasn’t the point, but I can understand why you would request a road map if that’s what you came away with after reading her post. I don’t mean to answer for **Rick** but I thought I could. While I’m not a genuine Mr. Snark, I have played him on TV. ---
**Author:** ![Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/bc8723/32.png) [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unauthorized_Cinnamon)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2009, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theyre-called-f-ck-me-shoes-for-a-reason/504463/152 "2009-07-28T21:09:10Z")
> [@FoieGrasIsEvil](#): > > Ha, yeah. Nothing like thinking you have the little ones set up in front of the TV with their favorite show, sneak off into the bedroom, lock the door, get busy, and right in the middle of things, a 3 year old is pounding on the door “Mom, Dad, I gotta go potty!” > > ☹ How about when you’re having a rare spontaneous moment on top of the covers, with all the lights blazing, and your six year old walks in while your husband is going down on you? :o (Her response - “I see that you guys are . . . all naked. It’s OK, I won’t tell anyone.”) Seriously, kids complicate your sex life. I think a lot of couples shift into no sex mode during the hormone swings and lack of sleep of the first couple years. It’s difficult to return to “horny teenager mode” after that. **Mom-of-Andrew** , I want to say I really admire you taking your son’s well-being into account. Plenty of people in this thread seem to disagree, but I think that spending some time in a less-than-ideal sexual pairing so you can maintain all the good things about the marriage, including a stable home and dad in the kids’ life, can be a very fair trade off. Not fun, but maybe worth it. But best would be to pursue the issue in your own head and with your husband - maybe make that therapy single and couples, and excavate your sex life. It can happen, and you’d have the best of both worlds. ---
**Author:** ![Hero\_From\_Sector\_7G](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/65b543/32.png) [@Hero\_From\_Sector\_7G](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hero_From_Sector_7G)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2009, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theyre-called-f-ck-me-shoes-for-a-reason/504463/153 "2009-07-28T21:23:45Z")
> [@bup](#): > > I’m not saying that men are horny all the time. I’m saying that if you love your partner, and you’re their only outlet for actual sex, you make the fucking effort sometimes. If you never do, there’s a problem, and it’s not how the person who wants sex is asking for it. I think we are in complete agreement on this issue. I just offered my own perspective on what I thought was a bad sex-engaging strategy. > [@BubbaDog](#): > > Have you? The sex passages require narration to set the mood. The emotions and actions of the characters are described in great detail in order to create the right emotional state for arousal. > > Now let’s compare that to porn. Naked women posed. period. No discussion about her’s (or your) emotional state. No set up narrative. Just a picture. I see no way in which this is relevant to the general _amount_ of sex each gender desires. But thanks for the porn vs. romance novel summary, you sure are good at taking nuanced genres and summarizing them in the most stereotypical way. It would suck if you did the same thing to people’s posts on the internet. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2009, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theyre-called-f-ck-me-shoes-for-a-reason/504463/154 "2009-07-28T21:33:09Z")
> [@BubbaDog](#): > > Well shit it’s pretty obvious. She wasn’t complaining about the timing. She was giving an example of how she is willing to participate when hubby has “needs” which is in contrast to him totally shutting down when she has them. > > Timing really wasn’t the point, but I can understand why you would request a road map if that’s what you came away with after reading her post. > > I don’t mean to answer for **Rick** but I thought I could. While I’m not a genuine Mr. Snark, I have played him on TV. Perhaps, but that sounds like the old mentallity of being pissed because it was a win win situation. If it wasnt worth it to her to do the nasty that morning, then yeah, she can be pissed. She can also be pissed that he won’t do **that** for her ( **that** apparently being “forced” into sex out of a sense of obligation and having the misfortune to actually enjoy it). See, I actually did read for comprehension. Complain he doesnt do it for you when its not covenient for you (remember he can use the same arguement). Complain you don’t get it enough. Don’t complain he did it and you enjoyed it to (especially when the complaint isnt you get it enough). You can’t have your cock and eat it to. BTW, how was the hotel uncle snark? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![runcible\_spoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9fc29f/32.png) [@runcible\_spoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/runcible_spoon)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2009, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theyre-called-f-ck-me-shoes-for-a-reason/504463/155 "2009-07-28T21:40:09Z")
> [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > I think maybe we’re talking past each other on this subject. Women are talking about pinching butts/licking necks/squeezing crotches at a time when having sex isn’t feasible for whatever reason, and offering some action when it is feasible. Guys seem to be talking about someone just turning to you in the middle of a conversation about replacing the water heater and saying, “Hey, you wanna do it after dinner? I got a free half hour.” I’d agree the latter is a definite turn-off. But the former? Really? And guys say women make no damn sense. Actually, I think the former might be worse - more time to think about the inevitable ‘I want sex’ moment. I, for one, tend to agonize about conversations that are going to be unpleasant, and turning someone I care about down is right at the top of that list. So totally not sexy. > [@Hero\_From\_Sector\_7G](#): > > Would a woman go from cold to fuck beast just because her husband put on nice clothes, slapped her laptop lid shut, and said “IT IS FUCK TIME!!!” You know, I have to admit, if there was a Russian accent involved, that might get _me_ going. I may have to buy my girlfriend a Genghis Khan outfit… ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2009, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theyre-called-f-ck-me-shoes-for-a-reason/504463/156 "2009-07-28T21:44:34Z")
> [@Hero\_From\_Sector\_7G](#): > > I see no way in which this is relevant to the general _amount_ of sex each gender desires. But thanks for the porn vs. romance novel summary, you sure are good at taking nuanced genres and summarizing them in the most stereotypical way. It would suck if you did the same thing to people’s posts on the internet. Sorry, I was actually addressing a statement some self-righteous moron said in [post 120](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=11386076&postcount=120) of this thread. > [@](#): > > Men and women aren’t all that different from each other in terms of what gets them aroused Please accept my apologies for confusing you two. ---
**Author:** ![Hero\_From\_Sector\_7G](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/65b543/32.png) [@Hero\_From\_Sector\_7G](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hero_From_Sector_7G)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2009, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theyre-called-f-ck-me-shoes-for-a-reason/504463/157 "2009-07-28T22:12:46Z")
My statement isn’t controversial unless you subscribe to some bizarre sexist perspective of gender interactions. Men and women certainly express their desires differently, but they are two sides of the same coin. Men and women need context to sex, and men and women enjoy visual stimulation. ---
**Author:** ![conurepete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a88e57/32.png) [@conurepete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/conurepete)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2009, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theyre-called-f-ck-me-shoes-for-a-reason/504463/158 "2009-07-28T22:21:48Z")
Originally Posted by Hero From Sector 7G Would a woman go from cold to fuck beast just because her husband put on nice clothes, slapped her laptop lid shut, and said “IT IS FUCK TIME!!!” um… sure What’s not sexy about that? ---
**Author:** ![Hero\_From\_Sector\_7G](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/65b543/32.png) [@Hero\_From\_Sector\_7G](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hero_From_Sector_7G)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2009, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theyre-called-f-ck-me-shoes-for-a-reason/504463/159 "2009-07-28T22:27:28Z")
> [@conurepete](#): > > What’s not sexy about that? Thanks for proving my point to **Bubba** =) ---
**Author:** ![Hero\_From\_Sector\_7G](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/65b543/32.png) [@Hero\_From\_Sector\_7G](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hero_From_Sector_7G)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2009, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theyre-called-f-ck-me-shoes-for-a-reason/504463/160 "2009-07-28T22:31:19Z")
> [@Hero\_From\_Sector\_7G](#): > > Men and women need context to sex, and men and women enjoy visual stimulation. …any given man or woman may need more or less of each, but one cannot use gender to predict their needs. (I don’t know how I lost that when posting) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theyre-called-f-ck-me-shoes-for-a-reason/504463.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/theyre-called-f-ck-me-shoes-for-a-reason/504463.md?page=9)